Tithing & SSA: Our Offering

You're probably already asking what tithing has to do with same-sex attraction.  I love relating SSA to seemingly unrelated topics, because then it grabs others' attention and forces them to think outside the box a bit.  To rule out a few things, however, let me just start with the first point.  We all know that paying tithing requires faith, not money, because faith is what makes it happen.  Because faith is such a broad term and because I am saving such a discussion about faith and SSA for later, I am focusing on other areas in which tithing is correlated.  In addition, tithing commonly refers back to perfect obedience.   I legitimately laugh at this, because perfect obedience and same-sex attraction certainly do not mix.  Moving on, then, let's press forward into the actual topics at hand.

To start, think to yourself how many times you've heard the net income vs. gross income debate about paying tithing in the Church.  The Church, though it has not come out with some formal declaration about tithing, has surprisingly provided some amazing clarifications about how we pay tithing.  Elder John A.Widtsoe once remarked, "...Tithing means one-tenth of a person’s income, interest, or increase. The merchant should pay tithing upon the net income of his business, the farmer upon the net income of his farming operations; the wage earner or salaried man upon the wage or salary earned by him. Out of the remaining nine-tenths he pays his current expenses … etc... Tithing should be given upon the basis of our full earned income."  Based on this statement of an apostle, I feel it appropriate to say that we should pay on our net income.  Brigham Young also said, "...all there is on this earth that we have in our possession is the Lord's and he requires one-tenth of this for the building up of His Kingdom."  The key phrase is "in our possession".  So, we ought to pay on our net income.  Now, what link is there between this and SSA?

You see, some people choose to pay gross income and in so doing will often sacrifice more than God is actually requiring of us.  Now you can understand why I had to establish my position with the prophets and apostles first- I can't say what God thinks unless it has been revealed.  Anyhow, getting back to the principle- how often do SSA members think they have to give more to God than is required of them?  For example, some members believe that it's an absolute requirement of God for them to get married in this life.  Not true.  God expects us to put forward our best efforts in that regard, and for some, that goes as far as making friends with the opposite sex.  As a result, members with SSA then take that knowledge into the afterlife where their SSA is resolved.  How about with repressing the attractions themselves?  Did God ever require of us that we should just push those emotions deep down, to let them fester away?  Hardly.  In fact, it is my personal opinion that God is opposed to such behavior because it fosters an unstable, volatile internal environment.  This, in turn, could potentially lead to acting out in sinful behavior.  I believe God is a proponent of expressing those emotions healthily or simply entertaining them with plaintive regard until they leave.  Never could I imagine my Heavenly Father expecting me to be passive or passive-aggressive with my feelings, regardless of their potential to lead to sin or not. 

Members with SSA make other sacrifices, too, and the list is more extensive than I have time to write about.  But I think it best if I cover some of the more common and unhealthy kinds.  For instance, some men deprive themselves of physical affection and healthy male friendships.  This may be a result of fear for their spiritual welfare, paranoia about increasing SSA feelings, etc.  Personally, I have discovered in my life and observed in those around me that if kept within proper spiritual and emotional boundaries, healthy touch and friendships actually serve as a healing, stabilizing catalyst in the journey with these attractions.  The former First Presidency (with President Hinckley) counseled, "Good friendships can and should be formed at every age", and this is true.  Friends create a marvelous connection by which we can draw closer to God, feel His love, bask in the joy of life, and more.  Friendship is a gift from God.  Physical affection, too, is something that Christ exemplified His entire life, particularly with John the Beloved and His other apostles.  And two of His beloved sons, David and Jonathan, enjoyed a very beautiful, sacred friendship in which they were physically affectionate as well.  Please, brothers and sisters, do not sacrifice beauty for ashes in the journey of SSA.  I know that God is willing to take our ashes and transform them into spiritual diamonds for all to see.

The other insight I have gained from tithing comes from us all paying different amounts of tithing.  The incomes of a single working mother vs. a CEO in the Church are going to be vastly different, but neither is greater in the Lord's eyes.  What matters to Him is how the gift is given, not how large the gift is.  As the scriptures say, "God loveth a cheerful giver."  Now, how about us?  Do we judge ourselves by "how much" we can offer up before the altar of the Lord, how well we're doing, the amount of progress with repentance we're making, and so on?  Or do we judge ourselves by how our heart is changing day to day, the motives that push us to serve and love our Savior and our fellow brothers and sisters, and more?  God is not so much interested in how much we give, although He is glad we have much to contribute, I'm sure.  Rather, I believe with all my heart that if we offer up what we can in our journey, doing what we can to draw nearer to the Lord, He will receive our offering with joy and a blessing upon our heads.  We can give so much from day to day...and sometimes what we can give will differ on a day-to-day basis.  But thank goodness the same God who said we would be judged according to our works also said that we should only think about today.  One day at a time, we can make today a heavenly day- and give God our offering. 

Cultural Mormonism and Being Gay

Part of me really questioned writing this post, because I'm certain it will annoy some people.  Then the other side of me pushed back, for I know that regardless of what I write, it cannot possibly please everyone.  I write for personal expression & insight, selfless service, and to strengthen my conversion to Christ-not for popularity.  Naturally, I love reaching a large audience-but I would rather touch a few individuals on a personal level than gain a generic, watered-down audience.  That being said, let's discuss cultural Mormonism and how sometimes affects Latter-Day Saints when a gay Latter-Day Saint is in their midst.  What I will say about others' negative behavior, as a sort of disclaimer here, is not always true- in fact, many times it is not.  However, for the benefit of both parties, I want to lay down what I have observed as a Latter-Day Saint.

To start, what is "cultural Mormonism"?  It is the social culture in the Church that is sometimes mistaken for doctrine and unfortunately will often promote un-Christlike behaviors such as gossiping, unrighteous judging, excluding eccentric individuals, and so on.  To say the least, it is not something I ever recommend embracing, because much of it drives away the Spirit.  And when you mix gay people into the picture... well, it turns into something that is downright ugly sometimes.  Now, don't get me wrong here.  My intent is to provide a positive, uplifting experience by writing this.  I have seen many members treat gay individuals with great respect, love, acceptance, and compassion.  Today, though, it's time to expose cultural Mormonism for what it really is, and encourage gay Latter-Day Saints in their faithfulness.

To begin, I noted that cultural Mormonism is sometimes mistaken for doctrine.  Some examples include:  Young LDS men and women should be married by their mid to late twenties, caffeine violates the Word of Wisdom, words of General Authorities are always the word of God, expressing frustration or negativity towards someone in church (even if it's assertive) is bad, and so forth.  Not a single one of these is true, because they are all contingent on opinion-including the words of General Authorities, meaning that an opinion of a General Authority does not constitute doctrine (D&C 68:4).  This can be spiritually detrimental for gay LDS individuals, because how do they feel if people are constantly pressuring them to get married and have children if that's not what they desire, or if members are pushing them to date?  Is it sinful or even erroneous for an individual to not desire marriage and family or a dating life, due to their sexuality?  Some members certainly seem to act like it- but nobody in authority, including the Savior, has condemned this.  Indeed, Elder Hales once remarked in a CES fireside that those who do not get married in this life at no fault of their own will have a chance for marriage in eternity.  And the Strength of Youth pamphlet comments that some people date because they have no desire to do so, confirming that this is normal and okay.  Some wonderful Latter-Day Saints I know of didn't get married until their late thirties, or still haven't married in their forties, and I know several individuals who are still dating into their thirties.  Celestial dating and marriage happen on the Lord's time; earthly dating and marriage in mortals' time. 

What of the General Authorities' words always being doctrine?  That is hardly true, although I am a firm believer that their words are almost always doctrine.  The reason that they cannot always speak doctrine is because they are imperfect, as President Uchtdorf recently stated in General Conference.  And sometimes, being human, they also sometimes give opinions that are not sufficiently backed up by scripture.  President Harold B. Lee once stated that if we are to discern whether their words are opinion or not, we are to look to the scriptures.  If the scriptures back the General Authority's words, then they are the word of God.  Sometimes, however, a well-intentioned General Authority could give an opinion about same-sex attraction that isn't doctrinally sound-for example, that same-sex attraction is meant to be overcome through the Atonement of Christ in every case.  They also might say other opinions, like it is an active choice, that it comes from parental influence, etc.  But none of these statements can be backed by the scriptures-indeed, the scriptures will contradict each one if you search thoroughly enough.  I would strongly recommend handling anything you regard as "doctrine" with tact, love, compassion, and open-mindedness around gay LDS individuals, because you might have an opinion rather than some doctrine.   And from personal experience, I can tell you the last thing a member with same-sex attraction wants or needs is something more to increase the challenge of enduring faithfully and joyously in their journey.

What about cultural Mormonism sometimes promoting the un-Christlike behavior I mentioned?  How does that come about?  What I have often observed is that younger members, and sometimes older ones, will stay in their own personal cliques.  Anything new and strange threatens the comfort and security of those cliques, and so people reject or otherwise persecute individuals for fear of change & eccentricity, and because of pride.  It also could potentially arise from fear of what others may think of them if they chose to befriend someone different, and from personal insecurities, low self-esteem, narrow-mindedness, and countless other sources.  The key question is, though, is it edifying-that is, does it draw other children of God closer to their Heavenly Father?  In this month's CES fireside, Elder Ballard supported this path of edifying others with same-sex attraction, telling us that regardless of their lifestyle, we should treat them with love and respect.  In the true gospel of Jesus Christ, which is the real reason we attend church (versus cultural Mormonism), we believe in loving others even as we love ourselves.  Whatever we do to others, we do the Savior.  If I were to meet the Savior, I would want Him to look upon me with love and confidence because I chose to speak well of His children and judge them righteously.  That is what I hope we all strive to live by-the loving spirit in the gospel of Jesus Christ.

My dear brothers and sisters, I want to end with a beautifully insightful quote written by Brad Wilcox.  He wrote, "Some Latter-day Saints go through all the right motions without feeling any of the emotions. They settle for rule following instead of religion, for obedience and sacrifice instead of consecration, for testimony instead of conversion, and for cultural Mormonism instead of the soul-transforming fullness of the gospel of Jesus Christ.  It is time for a little zeal with our knowledge."  Isn't today the best day to start really living our religion, consecrating our efforts, working towards conversion, and embracing the 'soul-transforming fullness of the gospel of Jesus Christ'?  At the very heart of this gospel is the pure love of Christ, because the center of all we believe, teach, and live for is the beautiful, sacred Atonement.  How then, could we ever consider ourselves His followers unless we choose His teachings over the opinions of men, and start loving all of God's children equally?  Everyone is a child of God, and God loves them all equally.  Surely, then, following Him means we must do the same.  I hope and pray we all will.  Let's start loving everyone, because that is what the gospel of Jesus Christ is all about.  I love you all...have a beautiful day.

Self-Positivity; Children of Light

Oftentimes in my past, whenever I would make a mistake or sin, I would beat myself up mercilessly with negative self-talk, self-hating, and other horrible methods.  When people say we're our own worst critics, they're right-and I took it up to the next level.  My closest friends can attest to this.  There came a time, however, when all of this changed.  You see, I cope with Bipolar Disorder and Asperger's Syndrome, neither of which have very pleasant side effects when you mix them together, and mingle them with socialization.  Though I have learned that people, by nature, tend to tolerate differences and extend lots of compassion, they still have their limits when it comes to mental illness.  And after several years of dealing with people rejecting me or, at best, politely retreating from me because of my struggles with mental, I grew weary of it.  My level of joy had crashed and burned to zero because I thought my self-worth and self-confidence depended to some degree on the opinions of others.  How wrong I was!  After thinking it through, and having to be reminded a few times that others don't define me, I finally started implementing that truth into my life.  Others did not define me then and do not now, because it is my divine identity as a son of God that defines me.  What gives me true joy is the relationship that I enjoy with God the Father and my Savior, Jesus Christ as a result of being a son of God. 

I cannot fully express to you the power that this handed to me once I completely and totally understood with my heart-not just with my head-that I was a beloved son of God, and that was the only place from which I could derive true joy.  God had lifted a weight from my soul, and I started laughing and smiling like I had not done in years.  The fear, shame, doubt, pessimism, and other negativity that had bogged me down from others dissipated, replaced with a reassuring conviction that through Christ, I could continue finding happiness in everyday life.  It also started to change how I viewed my journey with same-sex attraction.  You see, people were only too eager and excited to point out which direction I should take with it.  Some suggested having "fun" with it, and going out to pursue a sexually oriented lifestyle.  Others advised that I should be "true to myself", settle down with another man, and maybe raise some adopted or surrogate children.  And still others argued that I should leave the Church altogether, because of its standards, doctrine, behavior in the public sector, and other supposedly justifiable reasons.  So many voices were clamoring tell me how to live my life, just as they do to all of us whenever we undertake to accomplish something great.  I can testify, however, that because I knew who I truly was in God's eyes, those voices became whispers, and whispers became silence.  His voice, the voice of my Shepherd, became the one voice I listened to.

In your journey, it would not be surprising to look over its contents and discover someone or something opposed to the path you are taking.  However fierce, however subtle, those influences exist for every Church member who walks through life having SSA.  I have witnessed the difference in those who fix their eyes on the Savior, listening to His voice and remembering what defines them and gives them joy.  They stay on the path proscribed and revealed by the apostles and prophets of God, they humbly listen to and follow the Spirit's direction, and the will of God supersedes their earthly and spiritual desires.  People who allow themselves to give heed to those pointing and mocking in the great and spacious building fall away, as Nephi saw in the vision of the tree of life (1st Nephi 8:34).  Each day, I know we can choose to listen to Christ's words about us and for us.  What He declares about us is that we are His, and that He loves us no matter what.  Christ has said that we are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, and able to triumph over Satan through the Atonement's infinite power.  What He speaks for us are the commandments, the beautiful words given through ancient and modern-day scripture-including the words of His servants.  Whatever our circumstances-past, present, or future, I know that we can always follow those words because God will always make a way for us to do so if we step forward with faith.  It is always possible.

Furthermore, in this often challenging and even grueling journey, I have seen it is absolutely essential that I embrace and focus on my strengths, spiritual gifts, and talents.  God has given me those for a reason, one of which is to overcome my weaknesses.  Because I regard SSA as a weakness, in the sense of giving me a greater inclination to and capacity for lust, I focus on incorporating as many of my good characteristics into it as possible.  Amazingly, I have seen those positive personal aspects transform areas of my SSA into assets that bless both my life and others' lives.  In contrast, however, when I choose to center my focus on what I am not doing right, or what I'm not good at, my spirituality and devotion to God decline dramatically.  This happens because I am not centering my thoughts on what I want or what I have, but rather the lack of goodness in my life.  A mindset of self-positivity, or encouraging myself to be more optimistic, creates a closer relationship to God and has greatly empowered me to live the gospel of Christ when it's been most difficult.  The times I've slipped have been the times of self-negativity-when I focused on my lack of good works I was accomplishing.

Brothers and sisters, listen to the Spirit and let Him guide you towards the redemptive power of loving yourself as a child of God.  I promise you, it is worth your effort and you will see a beautiful difference with time.  Your joy does not ever, ever, ever have to depend on someone else-not in the least degree.  You can choose every single day to look in the mirror and love what you see, regardless of the sins you've committed or the foolish mistakes you've made.  We are all children of light, capable of dreaming bigger and better things than the humdrum of daily life.  Drawing upon the wisdom of Joseph Campbell, I urge you to follow your bliss in Christ.  What do you love doing that is wholesome?  Which pure and good person do you love being with?  Seek after those passions and people, following the gospel's teachings, and I know that your journey with SSA will be that much sweeter.  Have a beautiful day!

Abundant SSA Life in Christ

At this time of Easter, a traditional post would focus on the power the resurrection has in direct correlation to same-sex attraction.  We all know that because SSA is a weakness of sorts, though providing much strength if nourished properly, the resurrection will remove it in the afterlife and we will become whole.  All the tears, heartache, pain, and so on that is associated with it will disappear at that point.  All of us who have a sure witness of the Savior's atoning sacrifice know this with certainty.  As such, I wish to point our discussion in a different direction so we can dig a bit deeper into this particular aspect of the Savior's Atonement.  It is a good time to delve into both the letter and the spirit of this particular doctrine. 

What do the simplest parts of the letter say?  We know that through the resurrection of Christ, a restoration of both body and spirit will be brought about, which references our aforementioned closed topic.  However, it also brings about a restoration of our works done in the flesh, charity for charity, faith for faith, and hope for hope.  Those of us who belong to the restored gospel understand that these principles extend far beyond knowledge or even daily activity.  They become part of who we are.  But the question, naturally, is how do they relate to same-sex attraction and the resurrection?

This is where we start delving into the spirit of the resurrection.  You see, because these principles become who we are as disciples of Christ, naturally they must be processes in daily living.  First, we have charity.  For every time that we exercise patience, kindness, happiness at others' triumphs & successes, humility, or any other characteristic of charity, that will reflect on our character in the resurrection.  And naturally, the challenge of same-sex attraction will require charity in several circumstances.  Consider a few of the more common ones, such as those who unrighteously judge, criticize, shun, or even misunderstand those in the Church (or outside it, for that matter) who live with SSA.  Anyone can respond back with catty remarks or contentious words, but it takes true grace as a disciple of Christ to respond with His pure love-even charity.  And as we read in the Book of Mormon, "it shall be restored to him according to his deeds" (Alma 42:27).  I would rather be the individual who can be restored unto love in this life and the next, because I drew upon the grace of God to be loving. 

Next, we can look at faith.  In order to live certain principles of the gospel, such as the Law of Chastity or proper dating and courtship, it requires faith in the words of the prophets and apostles, as well as the words of our Savior Himself.  We have to receive their words "not as the word of men, but as it is in truth, the word of God, which effectually worketh also in you that believe" (1 Thessalonians 2:13).  Why?  Because, as the scripture states, it works effectively when we do-it yields fruit.  Faith is also required when relationships do not work out, other SSA friends betray/hurt us, arguments rise against faithful living amid same-sex attraction, and when other demons of life fight against us, like mental illness and addiction.  But, in reference to faith, I have faith that none of us would be called unto this battle unless we would walk away as stronger warriors of light.  The Lord was wise in His choices of who would bear this burden, because He knew that through Him, that burden could become a blessing and a strength to those around us.  Do we want to be restored unto self-confidence and faith in Christ now and for eternity, or is it ultimately desirable to give in or give up (if only temporarily) to chance at having doubts forever? 

Finally, the spirit of hope.  We cannot have hope, unless we have faith.  It is impossible, because faith kindles the fire of hope.  Indeed, so powerful is that flame that Paul taught, "for we are saved by hope: but hope that is seen is not hope: for what a man seeth, why doth he yet hope for?" (Romans 8:24)  In our darkest hours with same-sex attraction, hope is what saves us from our grief, distress, loneliness, depression, and worse.  We have the ability to overcome because of the brightness of hope that the resurrection of Jesus Christ brings.  Hope for potential marriage and family, hope for righteous friends, hope for emotional and spiritual support, hope for laughter, hope for all good things is what sustains us.  And it is my prayer that as we are in this Easter season, we can ponder on the sacrifice of our Savior, because He is the reason why we can have a "perfect brightness of hope" (2nd Nephi 31:20), pressing forward and enduring to the end to have eternal life with Him and the Father.  The resurrection of Jesus Christ is so much more than overcoming SSA in the next life- it is about living with it in the here and now with perfect joy and optimism.  And I have love, faith, and hope in my heart enough that I can testify this is true.  I hope you all have a wonderful Easter! 

Lessons From the Olive Tree-Part 2 of 2

Returning to the allegory of the olive tree, one can look at the verses and exchange the word "good" for "strength", and "evil" for "weakness" to gain some insights from them.  At first, it says, "..and if it be so that these last grafts shall grow, and bring forth the natural fruit, then shall ye prepare the way for them, that they may grow" (v. 64)  The grafts it speaks of can represent whatever we bring into our lives in order to live faithfully with same-sex attraction.  As that happens, the natural order of life will settle in and the spiritual, social, professional, and other areas of life will occur as God intended them to.  One will experience personal purity, temple worthiness, power in the priesthood, virtue in the Relief Society, healthy male/female friendships and physical affection, advances in career, etc.  For Church members who incorporate these things into their lives, it serves them to continue in that pathway so that other good things can come as well. 

When good works and circumstances begin rooting themselves into your life, this counsel applies:  "...as they begin to grow ye shall clear away the branches which bring forth bitter fruit, according to the strength of the (strength) and the size thereof; and ye shall not clear away the (weakness) thereof all at once, lest the roots thereof should be too strong for the graft, and the graft thereof shall perish."  Any areas of life which bring forth bitter, or strongly distasteful, results from same-sex attraction must be cleared out.  This could include forgiving someone, removing issues with codependency, healing from heartache, and so on.  However, as these verses indicate, one should not "clear away the (weakness) all at once".  This is because SSA deeply roots itself in the entire being of those who cope with it.  If someone with SSA tried to remove it all at once, the result would be disastrous because any progress would die out.  The proper way to go about it is thus:  "...wherefore ye shall clear away the (weakness) according as the (strength) shall grow, that the root and the top may be equal in strength, until the good shall overcome the (weakness), and the (weakness) be hewn down and cast into the fire." (v.65)  In other words, as your strength in good works and circumstances grows in relation to your SSA, clear it out in the sense that it does not control you or define who you are.

Next, delving into the following verse, we can glean useful principles as well:  "And the branches of the natural tree will I graft in again into the natural tree; And the branches of the natural tree will I graft into the natural branches of the tree; and thus will I bring them together again, that they shall bring forth the natural fruit, and they shall be one."  Christ is the one who is bringing in these good things through His grace, tender mercies, compassion, and perfect love.  Earlier, He stated that "it grieveth me that I should lose the trees of my vineyard", which is also the reason He gave for counseling us to let our strength grow in direct relation to our weakness.  From these two short statements, it becomes clear how intimately involved He is in the process of coming unto Him with such a difficult trial.  He loves us very personally and deeply and as such, I believe that His healing for us is equally such.  And whether that healing actually removes the SSA or simply gives us strength and perspective to endure it with joy into the next life, that is up to Him.  Our job, I believe, is to accept His will and keep moving forward in righteousness.  

As it continues, it states that natural branches will be grafted into natural branches.  To me, this alludes to human intimacy, and, depending on the individual, marriage and family.  Now, it does not necessarily refer to marriage and family, because it is not always God's will for everyone to get married in this life.  God will give everyone at chance at it, however, it is clear from the teachings of the prophets and apostles that it can occur in either this life or the next.  It is not essential to the Plan of Salvation for marriage to occur here, because it is binding as much in heaven as it is on earth, and also because it still satisfies the nature of God (mercy and justice) either way.  That being said, I believe that many individuals with SSA will enjoy very close, deep friendships and meaningful familial relationships, even ones that would mirror those described in scripture-like David and Jonathan, for instance.  Such individuals probably will not get married until later or not at all. As those connections form and intertwine with each other, though, natural branches are grafted into natural branches because the natural order from another person's life is mixing with that of an individual with SSA, thus making his/her life more natural.  This verse could also refer to people who find another person to marry and have a family with, which is self-explanatory in how natural branches are grafted into natural branches.  To summarize, such a grafting occurs because a different, more "traditional" sort of natural order is being instituted in that person's life.  

I testify to all my readers that God understands that we are indeed like trees, growing into the virtues that He desires us to.  Weaknesses, although not as undesirable as sins, still require a process for us to go through in order to open up the paths to nourishment and keep them that way.  And as we do so, we fulfill the promise given in Ether 12:27:  "...my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them."  I know that our SSA can become an asset to us at the very least, and if it is God's will, He can remove it for us.  How marvelous and comforting it is to know that God allows us to have weaknesses so that they can become strengths, and glorify Him in so doing.  As we approach General Conference weekend, I pray that we may seek wisdom from God as to how we may become "trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He might be glorified."  Keep reading, my friends!!!

Lessons From the Olive Tree- Part 1 of 2

Some of my readers may wonder how these blog posts come about, because I somehow manage to write new ones a couple times each month.  Though I have countless different influences, such as loved ones, scriptures, music, spiritual pondering, and more, the Spirit always is the medium by which blog ideas come to my attention.  Today, it brought some ideas to my mind as I studied the allegory of the olive tree, found in Jacob 5.  And I most certainly hope that these miscellaneous spiritual thoughts will aid at least a few of you in your journey towards the light as you or someone you know copes with same-sex attraction.  I have personally found them to be highly enlightening to my mind and spirit.

To begin, then, one particular set of verses (Jacob 5: 64-68) caught my attention, which is where I have drawn each little principle from. To begin, there is a three-step process given to the servants of God before the "trees" (us) can begin to receive the grafting, which means cutting away part of one tree and uniting it with another tree. Back to the three-step process.  First, digging.  What does digging around trees do?  It forms a circular, sunken area around the trees, enabling them to best soak up the nourishment of water and manure.  Next, pruning cuts back the branches so that when they grow again, they bring forth the best quality of fruit.  And finally, spreading manure at the base of the tree provides additional nourishment to sustain the tree and accelerate its growth.  Let's explore those, then. 

In same-sex attraction, I have observed that we sometimes bury our feelings about it beneath the surface- shame, guilt, embarrassment, anger, fear, doubt, and so on.  Those emotions tend to fester there, until they become like an excruciatingly painful infection that is much too difficult to ignore.  Some people keep them mostly there, letting just enough out in radical spurts to irregularly regulate the pressure.  Others remain silent, suffering in their isolation and wondering when the pain will ever end.  And still others open up intermittently, sometimes finding relief but nothing sufficiently healing.  Certainly, of course, other scenarios exist, but these are the most common I have observed.  How does "digging" come in?  With a spade of openness, honesty, trust, faith, optimism, love, and wisdom, I believe the surface can be broken up.  And in its place, we can form a circular pattern of support, one that runs deep in the ground of our hearts.  This enables us to best receive the nourishment of love that is surely waiting for every SSA individual. 

Naturally, life is not always brimming over with loving support, helping hands, and acceptance.  Indeed, sometimes we will find in our attractions that much less help than we need or perhaps no help at all is being given.  It may surprise you, then, that the symbol of the second step of "pruning" plays the most important part.  You see, the others relate to nourishment.  But without being cut back, a tree cannot realize its full potential.  Similarly, God sends us opposition in many forms (or simply allows it to happen) because He understands that unless we endure that opposition with faithfulness, we cannot realize our eternal potential as sons and daughters of God.  Opposition is essential to our salvation and exaltation.  Through the pruning of friendships & relationships falling apart, rejection from family, unrighteous judgment, gossip, self-doubt, struggles with chastity, heartache for marriage and family, and denying ourselves of ungodly desires, we emerge having our best qualities growing back or developing more quickly.  In short, we find sanctification.  

Continuing on, then, the final step is additional nourishment.  It may interest you, though, to know that spreading manure is most definitely not a one-time event.  Throughout the life of the tree, the one taking care of it regularly gives it that extra amount of nourishment to accelerate its growth.  When coping with SSA in gospel-centered ways, we must discover personal ways to maintain our overall faithfulness to the Lord, particularly in larger affairs such as chastity.  As for how you may do so, I would suggest pondering it over in your mind, weighing out the many paths of righteousness before you.  Study the scriptures and other authoritative sources in the Church, and discern through the Spirit those which would best serve you.  Then pray, and wait upon the Lord's timing and His ways to answer.  I promise you will find your path to keep going.  For now, I wish to end...but I have more principles to discuss from this allegory in a few weeks' time.  Until then, I wish you well and express my gratitude for you reading my blog post. 

Today Is Your Day

I find it interesting and refreshing that the scriptures have stirred so many of my blog posts, but not altogether surprising.  You see, we share a sort of love affair-so I cannot exactly say that no product would come out of our daily entanglements with each other.  As I was pondering a scripture from the Sermon on the Mount, a principle related to SSA came to my mind, and so I felt prompted to share it on my blog.  The scripture states, "Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof." (Matthew 6:34)  In essence, tomorrow is an independent entity that we are not supposed to overly concern ourselves with.  Now, of course this means we can set goals, plan, and so forth-however, the Savior counseled against preoccupation with tomorrow. 

As I have observed my own life journey with same-sex attraction, I have realized that many of the questions I had concerning did not center on today.  Rather, they centered on tomorrow, next week, or some other vaguely distant date.  I wish to discuss some of what I feel are the more common concerns in the SSA community that involve days beyond today.  The first I believe is relationships, whether simply of romance or marriage itself.  When I first started acknowledging my feelings of being attracted to men, I realized that this could potentially affect my chances for marriage.  It bothered me, knowing that perhaps I would not have my own children-but at the same time, being young and full of sex hormones, I did not care.  It crossed my mind that maybe I could just find a boyfriend or get married to another guy, and have sexual gratification without the "bother" of children.  However, through sacred revelation from the Lord and the conviction of the Spirit, I came to understand that I wanted and needed to have children.  Christ saw the good within me, and wanted His spirit children to have a righteous earthly father.  And so with great difficulty, I abandoned the idea of same-sex relationships and any ideas of sexual gratification, which also required a great deal of repentance on my part.  That part of my journey is now largely behind me, though naturally temptation still has its enticing power. 

Another concern of mine I had for the future centered in my sexual relationship with my future wife.  What if I could get married, I asked myself, and could not either fulfill her desires and/or mine?  Perhaps this is a tad personal to the reader, but I think it's necessary for me to share, because many of us in the SSA community have this concern.  Though sex is never the focus of a celestial marriage, it certainly comprises a decent part of it.  Healthy marriages cannot exist without a steady sexual energy in them.  And so I worried about my ability to maintain sexual desire for her, and to express it meaningfully, intentionally, and intimately.  Because I love my Heavenly Father and know I can trust Him with anything, I pleaded with Him in prayer to know if things would work out, because I wanted more than anything to be a good husband in every area.  If I couldn't make this aspect of marriage work, I knew I would turn to an alternate lifestyle and break my future wife's heart.  With my pleading came the answer that as I drew close to her mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, that physical desire would grow in time; I just had to exercise faith and patience.  And because I believe that my Heavenly Father knows all things, my mind rested from its concern and this also faded. 

My concern of having enough male support,which entailed physical affection and quality time, also was resolved through initiative on my part and divine intervention.  I saw this same resolution as well in other areas, such as when I wanted acceptance when I told people of my struggle with SSA and received it, or when I expressed desires in prayer for a romantic relationship and received that, too.  The point of all this?  God knows of our needs and our desires, and He does not forsake us; therefore, we should always remember to think about our SSA from day to day-not in terms of some distant day.  As John the Beloved once said, "And whatsoever we ask, we receive of him, because we keep his commandments, and do those things that are pleasing in his sight." (1st John 3:22)  If we are doing what is right with pure intentions, striving to be better than we were yesterday, I am confident that Heavenly Father hears our prayers and answers them with a cheerful and loving heart.  Today is your day to focus on what you can do to deepen that relationship with Him, thereby opening up the blessings of revelation and personal desires.  

Strength From An Unexpected Place

Some time ago, I was studying the scriptures and came across a passage I must have read a hundred times.  However, this time a meaning from it struck me so meaningfully and deeply that I have not easily forgotten it.  It remains embedded in my spirit, for me to reflect on again and again.  You see, I had been struggling with what I believe many of us struggle with- a desire to attain to some ridiculous standard of perfection or golden excellence.  Due to my human nature, though, I was failing quite miserably and felt quite miserable to be honest.  The clouds were lifting, though, as I considered the following scripture:

"And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me." (2nd Corinthians 12:9)

I love this scripture because the Lord revealed that His strength is made perfect in our weakness, which means two things.  The first is that when we rely on His grace in humble submission and unwavering faith, His power rests upon us and we are able to endure to the end.  That is the primary message that I would always take away from it when I read it before.  But as I studied the scripture this time around, I realized the second truth.  It teaches that our weaknesses are necessary for Christ to perfectly and beautifully demonstrate how His Atonement strengthens us in our mortal journey here.  In the words of C.S. Lewis, "Man does not exist for his own sake. 'Thou hast created all things, and for thy pleasure they are and were created.' We were made not primarily that we may love God (though we were made for that too) but that God may love us, that we may become objects in which the divine love may rest 'well pleased' "

To me, what this means is that God has given us weaknesses that we may be humble, not necessarily as groveling creatures, but rather as moldable sons and daughters of God who are willing to pass through the refiner's fine to release our impurities.  We are indeed His children, whom He guides, speaks to, expends His power upon, and more.  God is so involved in our daily lives that I think we scarcely realize to what extent He is engaged sometimes.  I am reminded of the scripture that states, "He doeth not anything save it be for the benefit of the world; for he loveth the world, even that he layeth down his own life that he may draw all men unto him." (2nd Nephi 26:24)  To me, a proper interpretation of this scripture speaks not only of the Atonement, but also that Christ lays down His life on our behalf every single day of His eternal existence.  He does not do anything except it is for our personal benefit, and this because He loves us so much.  God is not satisfied with our current state of things until we have reached our infinite potential, touching the celestial pinnacle of our purpose in eternity.  And here, I believe as my personal opinion that God does not rest even a little with His children until they safely arrive in the Church, and then He is off again, to maintain a defense against the wiles and devices of the devil.

How, then, does this apply to same-sex attraction?  In my opinion, same-sex attraction is a weakness, but not in the sense of a person having something that needs to be fixed.  Rather, it is more like the person who has a strong pull towards food, alcohol, sex, drugs, etc.  They have a weakness for such things, and it something to be coped with- not necessarily fixed.  Anyhow, if we are assuming that SSA is a weakness, then we can also safely assume that Christ has given it to us in order to beautifully demonstrate the strength His Atonement provides.  Also, we can most definitely see that the SSA is there to manifest the glory of His Atoning sacrifice, that others might see our good works and glorify our Father in Heaven.  Regarding my personal desires to be "perfect" or strive towards some golden excellence standard, they dissipated as I realized that Christ wanted to show everyone how He was working through me in grace, love, and compassion.  I was a work of art that He wanted everyone to see, and as the Master Artist, He took great care to beautify my heart, soul, and mind in every way possible.  How amazing, I thought, as I studied.

Same-sex attraction might not ever leave in this life, and it might not even fade, but this I do know-that "all things work together for the good of them that love God, who are called according to His purpose."  And from what I can see from my own life, I have been able to inspire, serve, and bless many individuals who cope with SSA while striving to live LDS standards of chastity, dating, friendship, and so on.  It is never easy.  But if I can bring Church members closer to Christ and show them that selfish sexual gratification, disgracing marriage and family, and a lack of virtue are NOT the only way, then I have accomplished my purpose.  Every member of the Church touched by SSA in some way has a purpose, and all things will work together for their good as well.  But they all must remember that weaknesses of any kind in the journey of SSA are gifts from Jesus Christ, to be changed into personal strengths that will, in turn, strengthen others.  We are here to show that it is possible to hold up marriage and family as God intended, to preserve chastity, date wholesomely, form friendships honorably, and live decently as citizens of society.  And I know that my weaknesses are gifts from God, to rely on His Son, Jesus Christ, that His power may rest upon me. I know I can be an influence for virtue and light in this world, and I testify all of you can as well. 

I "Need" (?) Male Affection

Often enough, everyone witnesses mutual male affection in all its beauty and intimacy.  Though some might classify that sort of love as "gay", I believe it ignorant and false to assume so.  Why?  Because some straight men like physical touch with other close male friends, and sometimes even just men in general.  It happens to be the way they speak love through their love language.  That is their personality makeup.  In addition, history will show (in more decent, civilized times of society) that males in Western civilization-particularly America-expressed their love often through physical touch.  And not only did they express their love through physical touch, sometimes that touch included "taboo" things by today's terms, such as kissing on the cheek, holding hands, and giving longer hugs.  Furthermore, according to reliable research with cited resources, I have discovered that men in America and other places did not receive accusations of homosexuality or anything similar to it when doing even more extreme things such as living together, sleeping in the same places, and spending tremendous amounts of time together.  If anything happened between them sexually, then people called them homosexual.  Hence, it is ignorant and false to call men gay when they love being physically affectionate with other men, because it has been perfectly natural in the past.  All that we can conclude, really, is that someone down the line decided to decry such things as "homosexual" because they wanted to sexualize the totally non-sexual behavior of another. 

That being said, then, I wish to delve into a subject that has somewhat annoyed but also amused me for some time regarding the gay community both in and out of the Church.  You see, men who identify with homosexuality to any degree persistently insist they "need" male affection.  I am rather inclined to believe that this is not a "need" to have male affection, but instead someone needing to be needed.  Let me explain.  When someone needs to be needed (and we all know the sort), they feel they cannot live without the love they crave.  And when they do receive it, they only want more and more afterward.  It becomes a vicious cycle of "need".  I must ask my readers to consider if this is really healthy for those in the gay community who engage in this behavior; whether they are LDS or not doesn't matter.  Needing to be needed is detrimental to the journey toward peace for me as a gay individual because it pushed people away by draining them, made them feel badly about their social skills, and made them feel uncomfortable.  In addition, demanding tasks of people has had a way of creating resentment and a prejudice towards me, who demanded said tasks.  Along the journey toward peace with homosexuality, I believe it is better to want male affection in healthy ways as described above. 

I find that developing friendship with an intent for male affection later leads to better places, because one can control himself better, follow the Spirit's guidance more easily, and find positive fulfillment when the affection happens.  In addition, it can lead to healthier feelings regarding a guy's standing with his homosexuality, because he can feel more supported, accepted, and at ease among both straight and gay men alike.  Having a network of men to be affectionate with in healthy, non-sexual ways provides friendship, which is valuable for a particularly good reason identified by C.S. Lewis.  He stated that friendship is unique from the other loves in the sense that civilization can survive without it, yet it is a mercy from God that we all enjoy to better civilization and make it more joyful.  Continuing on, he said that friendship is something that does not really interact with other forms of love that much-it is very much a stand-alone sort of love.  These both are valuable concepts for gay men because oftentimes, those struggling with their sexual orientation and religion or in other ways can find hope in knowing that friendship will provide them with a merciful joy outside of their pain.  It stands alone when it is not needed, or indeed even wanted.  It comes when gay individuals can reach out and see the same truth as another, and/or share the interests that person does.  Thus, the answer is not to need or even want male affection-rather, it is to seek out common interests and truth with other men.  This will lead into friendship, and friendship will lead to affection-which, of course, is a mark of true masculinity.

New Beginnings and Hopes

With the New Year comes a new spirit of freedom, self-acceptance, and self-confidence on my part.  I have opened up and let the world know of my struggles with same-sex attraction and my intent to live the standards of the Church.  As my blog clearly has indicated, my views on same-sex attraction, though loving towards all of God's children, will never compromise His standards.  Indeed, I have done my best (though certainly been less than perfect) to communicate that hope shines for anyone in any situation, regardless of whether they are living the way Christ would have them live or not.  I must say, however, that my blog may have appeared forceful, critical, or perhaps unkind to some individuals.  But I have not ever intended my words to speak anything but charity and truth.  From what the apostles and prophets have taught, tolerance is balanced with absolute truth-including that of compassion, acceptance, pure love, humility, and other very important virtues.  To my readers, I sincerely hope to improve in these areas and others as I communicate my personal testimony and views on the gospel.  Nothing I say has any permanent authority, because I hold no stewardship in that regard.  However, I will say that the words of prophets, apostles, and scriptural sources does hold that authority, and I do my best to back up my tolerance with the absolute truth that Saints are required to have when exercising that two-sided virtue (see "Truth and Tolerance by Elder Dallin H. Oaks) of tolerance. Moving on...

Although I have often pondered on the concept of change and being converted to Christ, I have not really examined it much through the lens of SSA until this point in time.  As I have thought again and again about why members of the Church with SSA struggle in their definition of who they are and where they are going, the answer astounded me.  Indeed, I saw the point so clearly and the problem was resolved so quickly that I frankly almost returned to it in doubt.  But I recovered myself soon after gaining that answer, and realized that it is something we have all been taught from a very, very young age.  Regardless of the behavior of church leaders, family members, friends, coworkers, or whoever, I would venture to say that a very large percentage of us have been taught from a very moldable age.  This principle is the definition of all we have been, are, and can become-our divine identity.  Each of us is a literal spirit son or daughter of God, with infinite potential.  When you read these words, do they resound with your spirit and stir your righteous desires and aspirations?  Or do they simply just sit here as a meaningless combination of letters?  I would urge you, if you cannot feel the love of God and your personal worth & potential when you read that statement regarding your divine identity, I have a request for you.  Please, go ponder, study, and then pray about whether God loves you, if you are indeed His child, and if that is something meaningful to Him and for you.  I know that if you will do this with honest intent and a humble heart, your Savior will wrap you in His arms of love, in a personalized way for you, and He will witness truth to your heart. 

My brothers and sisters, though we may struggle with issues of gay marriage, same-sex dating, coming out to people, loneliness, doctrines of the Church concerning marriage, chastity, and family, or anything else-I bear my testimony that I know what defines us is our worth and potential as God's beloved sons and daughters.  This trial, though part of us, is NOT us in our entirety!  We are amazing!!!  And as we move forward, remembering the Lord's words in Ether 12:27, we can be confident that weaknesses can be turned into strengths.  In other words, this can become an asset, while yet remaining as a temptation at times.  My addictions are healing and turning into spiritual assets as I bring people unto Christ with compassion, acceptance, and charity.  And so have my mental illnesses.  Any weaknesses or human faltering as a result of the fall of Adam can be turned into a strength through Christ.  I have seen so many SSA members utilize this and turn into an instrument of compassion, healing, charity, patience, brotherhood and sisterhood, courage, faith, hope, and so much more. 

As Paul stated in Romans 8:15-18, "For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father. The Spirit itself  beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God: And if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified together. For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us."  The pains of this life are nothing compared to being a joint-heir with Jesus Christ.  We have access to His grace through the Atonement, and the best part is, it is based on His love-so it is free!  The principles and ordinances of the gospel are there not to save nor exalt us, but rather to change us into a being like Jesus Christ, so that we may be able to joyfully and comfortably dwell within His presence after this life.  It is also to bless us with our righteous desires and needs in this life.  Rely on the knowledge that you are a son or daughter of the living God, and able to be a joint-heir with Jesus Christ by virtue of that truth.  Find strength, comfort, and divine assistance through the Atonement of Christ-it is there by calling upon the Lord in prayer.  I know this.  I pray we may all know it, in our own way and in our own due time.  I love all of you.  More posts ahead for this abundant, rich, blessed, and marvelous year!  :)

Civility, Morality, and Homosexuality

Although I could post continually on places like Facebook, Twitter, or other social media websites, I think that I could offer far more information by simply putting out my beliefs and opinions concerning the various pathways one can take with gay marriage.  Previously, I discussed why it is positive for us to embrace celestial marriage, because it leads to exaltation, and I also attempted to discuss at length how we might accomplish that.  Now, I think that, in light of the recent legalization of gay marriage in Utah, that it is time for me to discuss why we must shun, fight against, and utterly turn away from even the idea of gay marriage-let alone embracing its wickedness.  For some, you will be expecting me to bash on the gay community, to outline every reason why they are sinners before God, and to condemn their mortal existence in hellfire.  You can find such hideous, hateful writings elsewhere, because my writings never will never contain such intent.  It would be equally, if not more wicked of me to condemn and hate those who are (in my view) transgressing the laws of God when I do the same myself.  I condemn behavior-not individuals.  Moving forward, then...

Because traditional families are the central unit to the success of society, as demonstrated by historical evidence, learned men in the modern-day fields of social sciences, and presently developing American civilization, they must be protected.  The traditional family of one man and one woman is under attack today, whether intentionally or unintentionally.  The grace and goodness of a virtuous woman in the home is mocked, undermined, and minimized in its majestic significance, and the strong, firm, and practical guidance of a man is downplayed and scorned in its essential function.  By design, whether of nature or by God (depending on your beliefs), women are naturally nurturing and strive for that which is morally pure.  Men, on another plane, are naturally the ones to preside, provide, and protect.  Is that not true in every society we have seen,where men and women follow the natural course of nature?  Even in completely pagan or relatively atheistic societies, such as the Romans or the Greeks, clearly the roles of men and women remained strong.  And as those civilizations drew to a close in all their earthly glory (particularly the Roman empire), open homosexuality ran rampant. 

Is it any wonder or coincidence that in the more organized, educated, and morally upright phases of civilizations, natural practices have been followed, and then in the more degenerate, ignorant phases, unnatural practices such as homosexuality have then followed?  Concerning what the social sciences have said about the necessity for traditional families in society, I need not expound very much.  Suffice it to say that families do not function as well in the natural, intended way when homosexual marriages are practiced and children are brought forth.  If Nature or God had intended for men and men (or women and women) to be able to biologically reproduce, then it seems only logical that our anatomy would be vastly different. But it isn't.  In my view, it also seems that the experience of both motherhood and fatherhood is robbed from all people who engage in homosexual relationships and marriages, as well as from their children.  Not only is this unfair to the adults, because they miss out on having the joyous life experience of creating biological children, but also because the children are imposed into an environment that is unnatural and does not naturally exist from the start.  When I say "natural", I mean as things would be without the interference of mankind or any other influence.  Natural courses provide optimum results. In the most prosperous, civilized, and peaceful societies, homosexuality did not exist in abundance.  Here in our society, people everywhere, it seems, run rampant with the banner of their sexuality, decrying any kind of "unconstitutional", "hateful", or "unequal" treatment.  But really, gay marriage is a detriment to the well-being and peace of society, and it will destroy it if fully embraced everywhere. This is why:

Gay marriage popularizes a highly diseased, emotionally unstable, and sexualized culture that, in combination, will kill off individuals through AIDS, drugs, alcohol abuse, suicide, and other unsavory methods that I care not to discuss.  It also opens the window for people to act even more entitled in an already overly entitled society called America.  Why?  Because gay marriage weighs heavily with a bias of concern towards adults-not children, who are the future of America and the keystone to our success, but rather people who are concerned about their personal emotional and sexual affairs.  How selfish!  The audacity absolutely shocks me beyond belief.  In addition, gay marriage rips apart the sanctity of traditional marriage through its popularizing because, in addition to marriage already being a throwaway ceremony, now it is something that anyone can throw away.  It also advertises the lesser forms of love such as sex and intimate friendship as actual true love, which confuses people into thinking that somehow love is lust and lust is love.  That promotes more unbridled sexuality, which influences people into other sexual perversions.  People say, "Oh well you don't know what happens behind closed doors."  I do when it is 2am and two people are attractive, alone together, and are with each other in a relationship-marriage or otherwise.  Sexual behavior, private or open, is implied to other people by the very fact that they are in a marriage.  That is the gateway to sexual expression for a great deal of individuals-so when they see people engaging in sexuality that is unbridled, unnatural, and unproductive in bringing forth children, they assume that the same sexuality in other contexts is okay.  Examples can change people-for the worse or the better.  And when people are openly gay and supporting marriage between themselves, that oversteps moral boundaries and thus is to be fought against and prevented. 

I could go on and on about why gay marriage destroys the functioning of American society in its well-being and peace.  I could cite endless references and argue until I am blue in the face, supporting my position about this.  But again, I am not here to say why others are wrong.  I am here to state why I disapprove and fully reject the motives behind legalizing gay marriage, and the actual decision to legalize gay marriage. I really hope that we all understand why it has become necessary to make a stand for what is morally right within the bounds of civility.  Marriage is not a strictly religious or spiritual affair-it has been, is, and always will be an issue of morality at its deepest levels.  And I believe in upholding morality, especially when it affects society at large. I do not care if people think that the civil government is overstepping its bounds when it gets involved with gay marriage. When matters of morality overstep their bounds into matters of civility, the government has every right to protect what is morally just, pure, and righteous.

And regardless of whether marriage is an institution or invention of man or not, the government regulates other affairs of morality too for the same reason-we all desire protection from that which disturbs our peace and well-being as Americans. Thieves, prostitutes, rapists, murderers, sexual perverts, abusers, and those who commit lesser crimes are all punished under civil laws. Marriage, which affects the peace and well-being of society at large, is no different. People state, "Well, I have the right to freely act in this country. It's a free country!" You're a @#!*% fool if you think this country is absolutely free. People are restricted in their actions all the time when their actions potentially can affect or do affect others in detrimental and even destructive ways. When all earthly things pass away before the burning glory of the Second Coming of Jesus Christ, however, and only the eternal can and will stand, the whole earth shall know what love truly is-and what binds it together between two human beings. Chemical romances, infatuations, lust, passions, and everything else that flees away with time is not eternally binding. Friendship between two members of the same sex, though running deep and emotionally intimate, is not eternally binding. True love that binds people together is eternal, and the power that binds one man and one woman for eternity will only ever be found in the walls of the temples of God. And that will remain the same, forever and ever.  Love you all!!!

Exaltation's Pathway

I understood that sooner or later, the topic of dating and marriage would come up in relation to same-sex attraction.  Like many of my SSA friends, however, I have chosen to ignore that topic as long as possible in serious and even informal discussion.  But I have realized that the time has finally arrived for this discussion to take place in its entirety, and for me to explain doctrinally why dating and marriage are both part of the Plan of Happiness, which is designed for the purpose of us returning to our Savior and our Heavenly Father, and becoming gods and goddesses.  The Atonement makes it possible, because it is their work and glory to bring to pass both our immortality and eternal life (Moses 1:39).  Moving on, then...

An oft-quoted scripture in Romans 8 states that the Spirit itself bears witness that we are children of God, and because we are children, we are heirs of God and joint-heirs with Christ.  In other words, because we are the children of our Heavenly Father and covered by the atoning blood of Christ, we have the potential and choice to become as God is, regardless of sexual orientation.  We are defined solely by our divine identity, because that is what we came into this life with and what we will go out of it with.  President Kimball and President Packer have both taught we are not "born that way", and the reason President Kimball gave is because it would contradict the doctrine that we are created after the image of God, meaning that we are created in His likeness, not just physically but in every aspect.  Whatever the cause of same-sex attraction, it surely is not that (see my post, "Born That Way?" for more details).  I speak of all this concerning our identity because this is what the scriptures and the servants of the Lord have taught from the beginning, and because when we start seeking after the goal of exaltation, we must begin with an understanding of who we are in truth and purity. 

The pathway towards exaltation then begins with us developing and later encouraging attractions towards the opposite sex, whether that is sexual or not.  A healthy, celestial marriage naturally will include sex, but this does not have to be attained through physical attraction.  Worldly philosophy will tell you it does, and cultural Mormonism might.  However, I see the gospel of Christ as a place where people grow to love each other as a process.  This process, known as dating, starts out casual and moves into the second phase of steady courtship.  After this, it leads into marriage.  From dating to courtship to marriage, all of us are engaged in that process for the purpose of becoming as our Heavenly Father is.  Consider these quotes on the proscribed and proper pathway to exaltation, from a gospel-oriented perspective: 

"There may be some who won’t be married. May I say to you, the most important thing you have to remember is to stay on the high ground and make sure that you are worthy, because we are told that there will be many blessings in the eternities to come that will be rightfully yours. So do not get that discouraged. The most important thing is to stay worthy and true and on the spiritual high ground." (Elder Robert D. Hales, CES Firesides, "Seek and Attain the Spiritually High Ground in Life")

"Do you want capability, safety, and security in dating and romance, in married life and eternity? Be a true disciple of Jesus. Be a genuine, committed, word-and-deed Latter-day Saint. Believe that your faith has everything to do with your romance, because it does. You separate dating from discipleship at your peril. Jesus Christ, the Light of the World, is the only lamp by which you can successfully see the path of love and happiness. How should I love thee? As He does, for that way ‘never faileth.' " (Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, “How Do I Love Thee?” New Era, Oct. 2003)

Discipleship is directly related to dating, which is a part of the process of celestial marriage.  For those who are not meant to be married in this life, we are not to be discouraged but rather to live on the spiritually high ground, to remember that faith has everything to do with romance and dating with discipleship.  The same goes for those who are meant to be married in this life- keep high standards.  If we are to seek out the Lord, we cannot pursue dating, romance, chemical attraction, infatuation, passion, lust, or anything else like it with someone of the same sex.  It taints the process of true, celestial love, which can only exist between a man and a woman, and damages the potential of marriage later.  If a man was preparing for the Melchizedek Priesthood, he would have been honoring his Aaronic Priesthood in his youth and striving to obtain his Duty to God award.  If a woman were preparing to be a member of the Relief Society, she would be honoring her virtue as a daughter of God and striving to obtain her Young Women's medallion. 

I encourage all SSA members of the Church to remember that God leads us along in the light of truth, clarity, understanding, revelation, and purpose, which directly matches the principles and doctrines of the gospel as taught by the scriptures and the modern-day prophets and apostles of the Lord.  We are led by revelation and pure doctrine, not by confusion.  God is not the author of confusion, but of peace, as Paul taught.  I believe it impure, blasphemous, and heretical to propose that male or female members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints can keep their covenants while also dating members of the same sex.  Speaking specifically to the men, all of us can fulfill those needs and desires through other pure methods, such as deep male friendship, single fathering, service, magnifying callings, honoring priesthood, volunteering time in the community, spending time with brothers in the gospel, doing home teaching, and more.  We can.  And I know that as we do, we will find much greater joy than any alternate pathways, and we will be traveling on the pathway to exaltation.  More to come soon... thank you for reading! 

Great SSA Expectations

A famous writer named Og Mandino once penned the famous words, "Love without any thought of reward, and your life will never be the same again."  As I have recently pondered on these words due to the words of a wise friend, I have recalled that my life has been much happier when I loved purely for the joy of it.  Indeed, when recalling the most prominent teachings of the Savior and His apostles concerning charity, a few insights have come to my mind regarding this virtue that I desire to share.  Bear in mind that although I express my opinions, nobody need accept them as gospel truth.  I fully and firmly believe them to be such, because of scriptural support-both in the standard works and in the words of modern prophets and apostles.  Moving forward then, let's explore the relationships between SSA, charity, and our personal expectations as disciples of Christ and/or as decent human beings. 

As I have thought about that quote, another from Christ came into my mind from the scriptures.  In Luke 6:31-35, we read, "And as ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise. For if ye love them which love you, what thank have ye? for sinners also love those that love them. And if ye do good to them which do good to you, what thank have ye? for sinners also do even the same.
And if ye lend to them of whom ye hope to receive, what thank have ye? for sinners also lend to sinners, to receive as much again. But love ye your enemies, and do good, and lend, hoping for nothing again; and your reward shall be great, and ye shall be the children of the Highest: for he is kind unto the unthankful and to the evil."  In this Christ clearly stated that not the Saints, but rather the sinners decide to love, do good to, and lend to those that do the same for them.  But as His converted children, we love, do good, and lend to everyone, hoping for nothing again. Wow. What a concept-to give selflessly without any thought of reward, as our first quote stated.  But it is also interesting to note that in so doing, we shall have blessings of a great reward and of being converted to Christ.  When Christ prophesied that "because iniquity shall abound, the love of men shall wax cold", I am certain He was partially including preset expectations in relationships- which He knew would be everywhere. 

When I speak of "preset expectations", I define those not as moral standards or personality traits one searches for in another, whether in a pursuit of romance or friendship or any other association. Rather, I say that such preset expectations are the laundry list, however small or big, of actions a person must fulfill in your eyes to meet the qualifications of being a friend in any degree, whether that is an okay, decent, good, or best friend.  The length of the list you have or the degree of friendship you apply it to is irrelevant, as is the type of psychological relationship.  What is relevant are those "qualifications" a person must meet to enjoy your friendship, support, or other social interactions.  Now, of course, once we start hitting lines of morality, religion, etc. then I understand if you deny someone your time because of those reasons.  For example, I do not spend my time in the company of people who go to the bar, the casino, and so forth.  But if I deny them my presence in part or entirely because of that list I've got, then this is when I must step back and re-evaluate my position as a disciple of Christ or even if I am a nonbeliever, as a decent human being with a conscience. 

Now, what does this have anything to do with SSA?  Among the SSA community, I have often observed a pattern of behavior where people (including myself) have stated a need for time or other forms of love from others, without giving any thought to what they can do to love others as well.  Or, on a better level, they state what someone can do for them and then add in what they hope to do for the other person.  Is that the order in which charity proceeds, though?  Paul both stated that charity "seeketh not her own" (1st Corinthians 13:5) and that "...he which soweth sparingly shall also reap sparingly, and he that soweth bountifully shall also reap bountifully." (2nd Corinthians 9:6)  This means that when I have charity, I do not seek a reward or do it with even the thought of it in mind.  In addition, when Paul wrote that the one who sows bountifully shall also reap bountifully, he wrote it in that order for a reason.  The spirit of giving and gratitude freely and abundantly flows outward to those around it; the spirit of selfishness and pride hoards everything and keeps it inside.  Thus, if one reaps before he or she sows, it demonstrates not only an attitude of wanting something for nothing, but also of entitlement and of prideful self-centeredness.  On the other hand, the true disciple of Christ and/or decent individual understands that selfless giving for the joy of it- without expectation or the resultant fruit of entitlement-is essential to true charity.  The genuine love of God does not seek after blessings first.  It seeks to give those blessings and then welcome any that come, while being "kind to the unthankful and the evil", even as He is.  I think it wise to remember the words of Elder Neal A. Maxwell concerning love and reciprocity, when it comes to SSA:  "And if we love and there is no reciprocity for our love, we worship him who taught us and showed us love that is unconditional, for we must love even when there is no reciprocity."  Love is unconditional-simple.

Individuals who deal with SSA also seem to get caught up in melodrama and emotional upheavals concerning what other SSA individuals have done in their interactions with them.  That is not the way, I do not think.  When we deal with SSA, it should be with an attitude of cultivating the pure love of Christ, because we are each defined by our divine identity under Him.  Each of us is a spirit child of our Heavenly Father, created in His image and blessed with the ability to follow after His Son using our agency.  And each of us, in the Church, has taken upon us the name of Christ and covenanted to "mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort, and to stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places that ye may be in..." (Mosiah 18:6).  That is best accomplished in a spirit of humility, gratitude for what we receive, and willingness to only love for the joy of it, so that others may feel our spirits radiating the pure love of Jesus Christ.  My personal quote on all this is to love for the joy of it, and your life will never be the same again.  Love will abound, friends will come, your temporal life will flourish, and your spiritual life will be blessed.  I love all of you. Thank you for reading. 

Friendship's Charity

Though I have neglected my blog somewhat lately, I have not ceased for lengthy periods of time to consider my next topic.  As I have suffered through untold adversity for the past two months due to the careless, unkind, and often cruel actions of purported "friends" who profess to carry the name of Christ, a myriad of topics has crossed my mind.  I have considered forgiveness, the power of being wrong, speaking truth vs. speaking gossip, hypocrisy and faithfulness, and more.  However, were I to discourse on any such topics, I believe that I would not really be digging at the root of the whole problem.  Rather, I'd be cutting away at the branches and hoping the rest would simply reveal itself with it.  Since that logic altogether does not make sense, then, I have decided that I must expound on charity-and not in the contexts I have previously.  Instead, I have chosen to expand that generic topic into a specific musing of sorts, that of genuine charity in friendship.  And although I deal with SSA (same-sex attraction), I am choosing not to tie it into this particular blog post.  To those readers who are SSA, however, I will say this:  Look for the application of this to your SSA, and you will find it. 

To start things, I currently sing in a choir at the Ogden Institute called the Choralaires.  Every now and then, we sing in a couple wards and it is called Choralaire Sunday.  Although we do sing most of the meeting, we also assign speakers to invite the Spirit.  Today, a person said the following quote by Marvin J. Ashton, an apostle in that time: 

"The world is filled with too many of us who are inclined to indicate our love with an announcement or declaration. True love is a process. True love requires personal action. Love must be continuing to be real. Love takes time. Too often expediency, infatuation, stimulation, persuasion, or lust are mistaken for love. How hollow, how empty if our love is no deeper than the arousal of momentary feeling or the expression in words of what is no more lasting than the time it takes to speak them. A group of college students recently indicated to me their least favorite expression to come from us as the older set is, 'If there is ever anything I can do to help you, please let me know.' They, as do others, much prefer actions over conversation."

It appears then that true love is first, a process. That means that love cannot and will not be a one-time expression of any kind, no matter how sincere, eloquent, extravagant, or bold it is.  True (meaning genuine and sincere, not referring to romance) love is something, as he explains in another part of the quote, that takes time.  Expressing words of kindness, compassion, comfort, etc. during a friend's trials is fine and good-but what about when that friend asked you to be physically there for them at a pressing, inconvenient, or otherwise "bothersome" time, say, at their home?  I find that we all are more than capable of making time for what matters most to us.  It is really a matter of whether we are willing to make the effort, put our trust in God, and ask Him to make time for us when it seems like we cannot alone.  Indeed, I think it is often foolish for us to assume that we can create such time. 

Second, love requires personal action.  John the Beloved taught that God is love, and as the perfect embodiment of love, He set the example of always doing something that either created or perfected love around Him- whether it was healing the sick and afflicted, comforting the sorrowful, strengthening the weak, visiting with those that were rejected and different, and so on.  As His disciples, we follow in His footsteps with a hope that someday, we can achieve something near to who He is.  Obedience in the gospel transforms us into a mirror reflection of Christ. The point, though is to look into that mirror as often as possible, so that we can remember who we are.  Act-do not be acted upon when it comes to love in friendship. 

Third, love in friendship, must be continuing to be real.  As the scripture in Proverbs says, "A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity." (Proverbs 17:17)  Fair-weather friends, people who express love when it is easy, scheduled in, or convenient, are missing a key component to their love.  I believe Paul expressed it best when he stated that charity "seeketh not her own"(1st Cor. 13:15).  I believe what Elder Ashton meant here, from studying the context of the words, is simply that we must always be genuinely there for people in charitable, selfless service, as far as wisdom permits.  In addition, I would interpret this to speak of honesty and healthy balance.  I cannot rely on friendship for happiness, but I certainly can expect that it flourishes and grows as I do my part and the other person does his/hers.  And concerning honesty, I hardly need to explain that friends are open and assertive with one another.  If something is annoying, hurtful, burdensome, and whatever else, there's a responsibility there to speak up about it.  Friendship, amid all the types of true love, is always real. 

And fourth, love takes time. Not only does this refer to the generic process of loving others and building up that friendship, it also speaks of literal time.  Spending time with a friend, whether in good times or bad, communicates a personalized and meaningful sense of attention.  In an age of technology, social media, and texting, people have digitalized love.  And in all reality, that is why the love of men is waxing cold, once such mediums of communication become overly indulged in.  They have a marvelous place in our world-but there comes a point at which one really needs to evaluate their usage of such communication.  Love certainly grows more meaningful, deep, intelligent, and connected when people love in person and express their thoughts over the phone, to include voice tone, inflection, volume, and so forth.  I firmly believe that you get what you give in love and life-including time. 

In conclusion, I would like to end with this quote by Neal A. Maxwell:  "the only door out of the dungeon of self is the love of one's neighbor. How proud we ought to be, in a quiet way, that we are members of the church of the most selfless being who ever lived."  I hope we all can ponder, in a few silent moments today, how we can express charity more meaningfully and genuinely in our friendships. 

Cleanliness-But What Kind? (Part 2 of 2)

Some people might read the title, and say, "Duh! Only one type of cleanliness exists, Spencer." But fortunately, dear reader, you and I have discovered together that more than one type actually does exist.  I have already covered emotional and spiritual cleanliness, which leaves physical and mental left to explore and uncover in detail. As you read, try to think of how this may apply to SSA.  If you have not yet found an application for yourself, that is perfectly fine.  I will describe a few ways these various types of cleanliness have applied to me and my SSA, personally. I will say this much, however- I have chosen to cover these four areas for a very specific reason, amid other peripheral reasons.  Continuing on, then...

Physical cleanliness comes first because it remains as one of the most stigmatized measuring sticks of mankind's worth, status, and potential in life.  Let us start delving into this from a logical viewpoint.  How on earth do health & beauty products, clothing, or consistent hygienic habits define a person as to where they have been (worth), where they are (status), or where they are headed (potential)?  Understandably, the average human judges by the outward appearance, which most certainly includes physical cleanliness. This, in turn, could influence one's perception of worth, status, and/or potential.  It could even go so far as, with shallow individuals, leading one to judge so harshly as to temporarily prevent a person from progressing in life's goals, as by denying employment, speaking and acting harshly or abusively, and so forth. Without even pulling spirituality or religion into this viewpoint however, I am already confused as to how an external influence could indefinitely define an individual.  It seems to me that the immortalized names of history also came from people who derived their self-worth on foundations of virtue and morality, rather than foundations of looks and appearance.  And, moving into the spiritual side of this, our Savior's name is by far the greatest among such immortalized names, literally and figuratively speaking.

Now, when the Savior spoke in the scriptures regarding this, I am certain you, dear reader, have familiarized yourself with the next couple of scripture stories I am going to share.  In 1st Samuel chapter 16, the prophet Samuel came to Bethelem to make one of the sons of Jesse (the father of David) the Lord's anointed.  Jesse brought out every one of his sons, except David, making seven of them.  As they started, Samuel looked at the eldest and basically said, "Oh, this must be him".  But then the Lord spoke the wise and oft-quoted truth, "Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart." (1st Samuel 16:7).  What, then, does this teach?  Well, since the Lord also rebuked the Pharisees, telling them that outwardly they were "beautiful unto men, but inwardly full of dead men's bones and all manner of uncleanliness", I think I have an idea.  When I choose to judge another based on how he looks, smells, or otherwise appears to me, I have immediately made not only an unrighteous, but a harsh and unwarranted judgment at that.  The Lord looks upon the heart not only as an example to us, but also because He is the only one who perfectly knows the story of every child of God.  We can gain sufficient knowledge to judge righteously, this is true.  Yet, I wonder how often I judge without regarding each of the seven principles of righteous judgment, as taught by Elder Oaks (see "Judge Not and Judging, www.lds.org)  Such righteous judgments are more rare than I think I am willing to admit sometimes.  All of us, myself included, should take the time to get to know a person, rather than simply looking at a person and either disqualifying them or qualifying them for friendship, romance, or any other sort of connection or relationship. 

Moving on, mental cleanliness to me does mean a few different things.  It does include a sort of spiritual element, because we must watch our thoughts, to keep them clean through prayer, physical exercise (yes, your thoughts are affected by the biochemical state of your body), scripture study, and all that jazz.  However, were I to elaborate on that, I think I would cover something a tad cliché.  Simply put, watching your thoughts by keeping your body and spirit active through exertion and faith creates that thought control.  Enough said.  Another element of mental cleanliness is taking time out for your mind to relax and rejuvenate.  God has designed our brains with physiological and psychological mechanisms that empower our minds to be refreshed-but only if we choose the activities and lifestyle that will allow it.  In the half hour to hour that you "could be studying", "could be doing homework", or "could be doing a work project", or whatever, you could also be relaxing and subsequently improving your body's capacity to do more in less time.  Research and professional medical opinions will most definitely back me up on this.  Take care of you, and your body will follow.  In addition, I believe that within the madness of busy schedules, degree-seeking, and-dare I say it-romance, one must learn to find serenity on the go.  Breathing techniques, positive affirmations, utilizing the imagination, and other coping skills create a tidy mentality in which one can more perfectly function with efficiency.  Learn to chill on the go-trust me, it helps.  And finally, as I have written in more detail in another blog post, simplifying your life in whatever way works for you also cleans out the mind and organizes it wonderfully.  Simplicity gives a sense of confidence and poise that it seems like not much else can.  To me, that is one reason why I love the gospel of Jesus Christ, as taught by the Church.  It gives us a simple, yet profound way to follow God.

SSA fits into physical cleanliness because I often think stereotypes are associated with whom we associate in the SSA community.  Rather than judging by a person's heart, sometimes I think we fall into the trap of viewing a person based on how nice their clothes are, how nice their face is, the type of cologne/perfume they wear, etc. And going even further, sometimes the physical appearance overall (such as weight, height, eye color, and so on) plays the primary role in how we associate with others in the SSA community, rather than what the person's character is like-after we get to know him or her.  Really, I believe that judging in such shortsighted ways robs us of valuable friendships, emotional intimacy with our brothers and sisters in Christ, and could even potentially delay fulfilling and meaningful marriage by creating habits of shallow judging.  In the future, if one does get married, it could create issues with the other individual because you have been conditioned to believe that physical attractiveness is much bigger than it really is, in the grand, eternal scheme of things.  All will be physically and aesthetically appealing in eternity-but for now, we must find true and individual beauty.  

In terms of mental cleanliness and SSA, it clears up problems with potential sin, because my mind is the stage of where darkness or light can act.  When I fill my mind with virtue and light on a continual basis, addiction and vice have no lasting effects upon me- provided I repent and strengthens my conversion to Jesus Christ.  It also creates personal relaxation, which provides direction, comfort, and clarity in a world so filled with confusion and darkness.  And it also gives me tools to cope with personal affliction, such as my mental illnesses.  Adversity and opposition, rather than worsening my SSA, become assets to it as I clear out the clutter and simplify life because it increases confidence and preparedness for the unexpected.  It also builds faith and trust in the Lord's timing, power, revelation (both general and personal), comfort, and all else He accomplishes in my life, because a mind opened up to light is a mind filled with enlightenment and illumination.  When I choose to look forward, into the past, or to stay within the present, I can remain at peace, because I see through spiritual eyes and I know the Lord has been there.  It is my prayer for each of us that we can strive for cleanliness in every area, because as mentioned earlier, I wrote about all of them for a specific purpose-that being a mindset of overall wellness.  When we speak of wellness, we mean a state of homeostasis, in which the body is able to return to a state of healthy normality.  Through cultivating overall cleanliness, our heart, spirit, mind, and body will find a state of balance, full of resilience and elasticity. And that will help each of us at least a little in our individual journeys towards peace with same-sex attraction. 

Cleanliness-But What Kind? (Part 1 of 2)

Oftentimes, I have observed in my life a desire and even a prolonged need to have my SSA ordered in a certain way, to make sure that every little thing is properly in place and every little corner is safely tucked away, out of sight and out of mind.  Yes, I mean that I repressed and even ignored those feelings of attraction at times.  I have learned that in my moments of greatest distress, the Savior is my Friend, Healer, and one who orders my life the way it is supposed to be.  I may not desire it, but I know it happens in the best way possible, for in surrendering my will to the will of God I have discovered that He knows better than I.

Same-sex attraction, however, has an unusual pull in my life towards a desire for orderly thoughts, behavior, feelings, and so on at all times.  But as I have moved forward with acceptance, compassion, and patience towards others and myself, I have learned that life does not necessarily go how my thoughts organize it, but rather as God's thoughts organize it through my actions, as I submit to Him.  However, I must say that cleanliness, however small, seems to bring a certain amount of peace to those who struggle with SSA because it is something we can control.  I have merely observed this; some people do not feel this way.  By personal experience and viewing that of others, I have seen it quite frequently, however.  The first question I see then is which kind of cleanliness takes highest priority (or should)?  From my point of view, several types of cleanliness exist, including emotional, spiritual, mental, and physical.  Each plays their own individual role in having SSA, and I feel it necessary to address them in a two-part post.  For now, let's address the first two.

"Emotional cleanliness" may seem like an odd term, but if you think about it the phrase starts to make sense.  When a person, in opposite view, does not balance out their emotions, the organization of their life falls apart to some degree.  Many people with SSA deal with mental illness, codependency, weaknesses of melodramatic, clingy, and needy behavior, and more.  These reflect that disorganization and sometimes pure chaos that comes as emotional balance decreases.  As such, I have often found that taking time for myself centers me in the moment, and alleviates my stress, anxiety, or other negative feelings I have.  In addition, being simplistic while planning out life also maintains healthy levels of self-confidence, productivity, and love in my life.  It just makes life easier, in my opinion.  Also, I strongly believe in the power of writing and expressing gratitude in every situation, no matter how difficult.  If you find gratitude in hard situations, they come out of disguise and you see the Lord reaching down from heaven and blessing you through something difficult.  Increasing gratitude more and more daily attracts more blessings into my life, I have seen.  If you desire emotional cleanliness, I would recommend harnessing the power of gratitude. 

Spiritual cleanliness, though something often taught about in church, is not really taught from the viewpoint of SSA.  One has to interpret it through the Spirit to obtain that blessing, which is fine.  I would like to simply lay it down, though.  Though it comes at great personal sacrifice, I refrain from immoral, unclean, and otherwise impure activities, thoughts, feelings, speech, and so on.  This includes seeking out same-sex relationships through courtship/dating, being in a same-sex relationship, acting out sexually in any form, passionate kissing, and indeed anything that includes even the slightest traces of lust.  As I have done this, I have discovered far more true, lasting joy than when I have pursued the world's path of immoral and unrighteous behavior.  If you wish to be spiritually clean, then I urge you to follow the words of the prophets and apostles.  They speak for our Heavenly Father.  Remember that above all, you are a child of God and spiritual cleanliness will bring blessings, even if they are not apparent yet.  Blessings result from obedience because they change us into somebody more celestial in nature.  More to come soon...