I find it interesting and refreshing that the scriptures have stirred so many of my blog posts, but not altogether surprising. You see, we share a sort of love affair-so I cannot exactly say that no product would come out of our daily entanglements with each other. As I was pondering a scripture from the Sermon on the Mount, a principle related to SSA came to my mind, and so I felt prompted to share it on my blog. The scripture states, "Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof." (Matthew 6:34) In essence, tomorrow is an independent entity that we are not supposed to overly concern ourselves with. Now, of course this means we can set goals, plan, and so forth-however, the Savior counseled against preoccupation with tomorrow.
As I have observed my own life journey with same-sex attraction, I have realized that many of the questions I had concerning did not center on today. Rather, they centered on tomorrow, next week, or some other vaguely distant date. I wish to discuss some of what I feel are the more common concerns in the SSA community that involve days beyond today. The first I believe is relationships, whether simply of romance or marriage itself. When I first started acknowledging my feelings of being attracted to men, I realized that this could potentially affect my chances for marriage. It bothered me, knowing that perhaps I would not have my own children-but at the same time, being young and full of sex hormones, I did not care. It crossed my mind that maybe I could just find a boyfriend or get married to another guy, and have sexual gratification without the "bother" of children. However, through sacred revelation from the Lord and the conviction of the Spirit, I came to understand that I wanted and needed to have children. Christ saw the good within me, and wanted His spirit children to have a righteous earthly father. And so with great difficulty, I abandoned the idea of same-sex relationships and any ideas of sexual gratification, which also required a great deal of repentance on my part. That part of my journey is now largely behind me, though naturally temptation still has its enticing power.
Another concern of mine I had for the future centered in my sexual relationship with my future wife. What if I could get married, I asked myself, and could not either fulfill her desires and/or mine? Perhaps this is a tad personal to the reader, but I think it's necessary for me to share, because many of us in the SSA community have this concern. Though sex is never the focus of a celestial marriage, it certainly comprises a decent part of it. Healthy marriages cannot exist without a steady sexual energy in them. And so I worried about my ability to maintain sexual desire for her, and to express it meaningfully, intentionally, and intimately. Because I love my Heavenly Father and know I can trust Him with anything, I pleaded with Him in prayer to know if things would work out, because I wanted more than anything to be a good husband in every area. If I couldn't make this aspect of marriage work, I knew I would turn to an alternate lifestyle and break my future wife's heart. With my pleading came the answer that as I drew close to her mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, that physical desire would grow in time; I just had to exercise faith and patience. And because I believe that my Heavenly Father knows all things, my mind rested from its concern and this also faded.
My concern of having enough male support,which entailed physical affection and quality time, also was resolved through initiative on my part and divine intervention. I saw this same resolution as well in other areas, such as when I wanted acceptance when I told people of my struggle with SSA and received it, or when I expressed desires in prayer for a romantic relationship and received that, too. The point of all this? God knows of our needs and our desires, and He does not forsake us; therefore, we should always remember to think about our SSA from day to day-not in terms of some distant day. As John the Beloved once said, "And whatsoever we ask, we receive of him, because we keep his commandments, and do those things that are pleasing in his sight." (1st John 3:22) If we are doing what is right with pure intentions, striving to be better than we were yesterday, I am confident that Heavenly Father hears our prayers and answers them with a cheerful and loving heart. Today is your day to focus on what you can do to deepen that relationship with Him, thereby opening up the blessings of revelation and personal desires.