Lessons From the Olive Tree- Part 1 of 2

Some of my readers may wonder how these blog posts come about, because I somehow manage to write new ones a couple times each month.  Though I have countless different influences, such as loved ones, scriptures, music, spiritual pondering, and more, the Spirit always is the medium by which blog ideas come to my attention.  Today, it brought some ideas to my mind as I studied the allegory of the olive tree, found in Jacob 5.  And I most certainly hope that these miscellaneous spiritual thoughts will aid at least a few of you in your journey towards the light as you or someone you know copes with same-sex attraction.  I have personally found them to be highly enlightening to my mind and spirit.

To begin, then, one particular set of verses (Jacob 5: 64-68) caught my attention, which is where I have drawn each little principle from. To begin, there is a three-step process given to the servants of God before the "trees" (us) can begin to receive the grafting, which means cutting away part of one tree and uniting it with another tree. Back to the three-step process.  First, digging.  What does digging around trees do?  It forms a circular, sunken area around the trees, enabling them to best soak up the nourishment of water and manure.  Next, pruning cuts back the branches so that when they grow again, they bring forth the best quality of fruit.  And finally, spreading manure at the base of the tree provides additional nourishment to sustain the tree and accelerate its growth.  Let's explore those, then. 

In same-sex attraction, I have observed that we sometimes bury our feelings about it beneath the surface- shame, guilt, embarrassment, anger, fear, doubt, and so on.  Those emotions tend to fester there, until they become like an excruciatingly painful infection that is much too difficult to ignore.  Some people keep them mostly there, letting just enough out in radical spurts to irregularly regulate the pressure.  Others remain silent, suffering in their isolation and wondering when the pain will ever end.  And still others open up intermittently, sometimes finding relief but nothing sufficiently healing.  Certainly, of course, other scenarios exist, but these are the most common I have observed.  How does "digging" come in?  With a spade of openness, honesty, trust, faith, optimism, love, and wisdom, I believe the surface can be broken up.  And in its place, we can form a circular pattern of support, one that runs deep in the ground of our hearts.  This enables us to best receive the nourishment of love that is surely waiting for every SSA individual. 

Naturally, life is not always brimming over with loving support, helping hands, and acceptance.  Indeed, sometimes we will find in our attractions that much less help than we need or perhaps no help at all is being given.  It may surprise you, then, that the symbol of the second step of "pruning" plays the most important part.  You see, the others relate to nourishment.  But without being cut back, a tree cannot realize its full potential.  Similarly, God sends us opposition in many forms (or simply allows it to happen) because He understands that unless we endure that opposition with faithfulness, we cannot realize our eternal potential as sons and daughters of God.  Opposition is essential to our salvation and exaltation.  Through the pruning of friendships & relationships falling apart, rejection from family, unrighteous judgment, gossip, self-doubt, struggles with chastity, heartache for marriage and family, and denying ourselves of ungodly desires, we emerge having our best qualities growing back or developing more quickly.  In short, we find sanctification.  

Continuing on, then, the final step is additional nourishment.  It may interest you, though, to know that spreading manure is most definitely not a one-time event.  Throughout the life of the tree, the one taking care of it regularly gives it that extra amount of nourishment to accelerate its growth.  When coping with SSA in gospel-centered ways, we must discover personal ways to maintain our overall faithfulness to the Lord, particularly in larger affairs such as chastity.  As for how you may do so, I would suggest pondering it over in your mind, weighing out the many paths of righteousness before you.  Study the scriptures and other authoritative sources in the Church, and discern through the Spirit those which would best serve you.  Then pray, and wait upon the Lord's timing and His ways to answer.  I promise you will find your path to keep going.  For now, I wish to end...but I have more principles to discuss from this allegory in a few weeks' time.  Until then, I wish you well and express my gratitude for you reading my blog post. 

Today Is Your Day

I find it interesting and refreshing that the scriptures have stirred so many of my blog posts, but not altogether surprising.  You see, we share a sort of love affair-so I cannot exactly say that no product would come out of our daily entanglements with each other.  As I was pondering a scripture from the Sermon on the Mount, a principle related to SSA came to my mind, and so I felt prompted to share it on my blog.  The scripture states, "Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof." (Matthew 6:34)  In essence, tomorrow is an independent entity that we are not supposed to overly concern ourselves with.  Now, of course this means we can set goals, plan, and so forth-however, the Savior counseled against preoccupation with tomorrow. 

As I have observed my own life journey with same-sex attraction, I have realized that many of the questions I had concerning did not center on today.  Rather, they centered on tomorrow, next week, or some other vaguely distant date.  I wish to discuss some of what I feel are the more common concerns in the SSA community that involve days beyond today.  The first I believe is relationships, whether simply of romance or marriage itself.  When I first started acknowledging my feelings of being attracted to men, I realized that this could potentially affect my chances for marriage.  It bothered me, knowing that perhaps I would not have my own children-but at the same time, being young and full of sex hormones, I did not care.  It crossed my mind that maybe I could just find a boyfriend or get married to another guy, and have sexual gratification without the "bother" of children.  However, through sacred revelation from the Lord and the conviction of the Spirit, I came to understand that I wanted and needed to have children.  Christ saw the good within me, and wanted His spirit children to have a righteous earthly father.  And so with great difficulty, I abandoned the idea of same-sex relationships and any ideas of sexual gratification, which also required a great deal of repentance on my part.  That part of my journey is now largely behind me, though naturally temptation still has its enticing power. 

Another concern of mine I had for the future centered in my sexual relationship with my future wife.  What if I could get married, I asked myself, and could not either fulfill her desires and/or mine?  Perhaps this is a tad personal to the reader, but I think it's necessary for me to share, because many of us in the SSA community have this concern.  Though sex is never the focus of a celestial marriage, it certainly comprises a decent part of it.  Healthy marriages cannot exist without a steady sexual energy in them.  And so I worried about my ability to maintain sexual desire for her, and to express it meaningfully, intentionally, and intimately.  Because I love my Heavenly Father and know I can trust Him with anything, I pleaded with Him in prayer to know if things would work out, because I wanted more than anything to be a good husband in every area.  If I couldn't make this aspect of marriage work, I knew I would turn to an alternate lifestyle and break my future wife's heart.  With my pleading came the answer that as I drew close to her mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, that physical desire would grow in time; I just had to exercise faith and patience.  And because I believe that my Heavenly Father knows all things, my mind rested from its concern and this also faded. 

My concern of having enough male support,which entailed physical affection and quality time, also was resolved through initiative on my part and divine intervention.  I saw this same resolution as well in other areas, such as when I wanted acceptance when I told people of my struggle with SSA and received it, or when I expressed desires in prayer for a romantic relationship and received that, too.  The point of all this?  God knows of our needs and our desires, and He does not forsake us; therefore, we should always remember to think about our SSA from day to day-not in terms of some distant day.  As John the Beloved once said, "And whatsoever we ask, we receive of him, because we keep his commandments, and do those things that are pleasing in his sight." (1st John 3:22)  If we are doing what is right with pure intentions, striving to be better than we were yesterday, I am confident that Heavenly Father hears our prayers and answers them with a cheerful and loving heart.  Today is your day to focus on what you can do to deepen that relationship with Him, thereby opening up the blessings of revelation and personal desires.