Imagine you are part of a gathering of loved ones and/or friends, disconnected and oblivious to the love and emotional connections around you. People stop to compliment the nice shirt you're wearing, even talk with you and tell you how wonderful it is to hear about the professional, spiritual, emotional, and other accomplishments you're achieving. Yet, something in your heart (or head) tells you that you cannot relate, that you are not "able" to make friends there, or whatever other nonsense that you can think of that would prevent you from socializing. I would call this either Satan's whisperings, trouble with depression or another mental illness, or perhaps just a lack of desire to be around such individuals. It seems as though I have often played the part of that individual, only to realize it doesn't serve me and to turn back. How often I have believed myself to be alone, but really would have experienced companionship had I opened my eyes!
So many good people around me show me love, compassion, friendship, brotherhood, and more, and yet because they did not speak my love language, I have mistakenly thought I could not understand them at all. Does it take perfect understanding (or any at all, I might add) to know that people are communicating love in a foreign language? Hands that serve, gifts passing from hand to hand, smiles, laughter, hugs, hand-holding, people sitting together and talking- are these all not witnesses of love? As I have pondered over the nature of love for the past couple of months, I have come to realize how much I, Spencer Stevens, am loved by those surrounding me. What is my point? You, my Reader, are loved!!! You may feel alone, you may feel abandoned, betrayed, lost, hurt, or whatever, but I promise you have love in your life if you will open your spiritual eyes and ears to see and hear the beautiful symphony of love around you. If a symphony is playing, and I want to know who is playing what, even deafness couldn't stop me from pointing out who is playing what instrument. Similarly, it is the same with love languages. Different people speak different love languages, but merely by virtue of observing them, you can easily know and feel of their meaningful existence!
In addition, even if you are the most hated, rejected, and isolated individual in the whole world, you are NEVER alone. If you tune in through the Spirit and reach out, the inseparability of God's love will immediately reach into your soul in return and start healing your heart. A heart can only receive love once it first gives it. We love Him because He first loved us, John the Beloved taught, and that includes loving others-because whatever we do unto others, we do unto Him. It is all the same. Loving others is no different than loving God. Therefore, as I have discovered, when we freely give our love with zero expectations of others-including reciprocation-something miraculous happens. People begin opening up, putting down their walls, and loving us in return. But here's the trick- it is never coerced and never put up on a scoreboard. It never has "strings attached". Love is everything Paul described it as... something beautiful, glorious, and celestial. Remember that Heavenly Father and the Savior love you with deep, unwavering, and inseparable love. The journey to opening your eyes permanently to love around you may prove difficult, but as you take it, you'll discover at first you may feel alone, but eventually come to see and feel how much you're loved and surrounded by friendship, family, acquaintences, and companionship. Love all of you!
8.20.2014
8.03.2014
Love is Divine
When people say, "love is divine", they usually mean that love is completely blissful and you feel as though you spend every waking moment until death with your lover. It reaches deep into your soul and creates a sense of wanting to sacrifice for the other person, and binds you to them in emotional, mental, and physical ways. While all of this is true, and it tends to be how we think of love, I recently heard a statement by Elder Holland that summarizes the central and most significant part of true love. When I was attending the Ogden temple open house, he said in the film preceding the tour, "There is something eternal in the statement, 'Neither is the man without the woman, nor the woman without the man, in the Lord'. That is more than good sociology; it is theology, and it is doctrine." The scriptures speak of the love of God being the highest and purest of all the forms of love we experience as mortals, such as when Paul wrote his famous discourse on charity in 1st Corinthians. As such, since we seek to exemplify Jesus in all things, we ought to reflect that same love in the love we profess to possess in our relationships. Love is divine, meaning that true love comes from God and can only exist in pure, wholesome circumstances.
Elder Holland has also written other things on love. In the BYU talk, "How Do I Love Thee?", he stated that it is not the when, why, why not, where, but the how that matters in true love. As I contemplate this, it becomes clear to me that Elder Holland was most definitely listening to the Spirit when he told us this, because the Savior so often condemned the Pharisees and the Sadducees for doing good works for the wrong reasons. He once even went as far to tell them that they "omit the weightier matters of the law", clarifying that they were leaving out charity from their works. Without pure and undefiled love, the things we do and the people we engage in relationships with do not matter and often become detrimental. Thus, the "how" also matters in love because not only must our intentions remain pure, but our feelings as well while expressing that love. When we speak of same-sex attraction, sometimes we refer to same-sex couples (whether romantic or married, it can be either) as "being in love". I would firmly state that because all love is divine, this is impossible. We cannot feel something divine and holy in impure circumstances, regardless of how strictly we may observe the Law of Chastity, if we desire to spend all our time with someone, or if we make countless sacrifices for the same-sex individual whom we profess "true love" for. Generally speaking, all arguments against my convictions of truth here center around thoughts and emotions. However, some may feel that actions in contradiction to the Law of Chastity are also justifiable.
Brothers and sisters, Christ made the Law of Chastity very, very plain since ancient times and has since. Sexual relations, unless otherwise revealed by practices of polygamy, are strictly for one man and one woman. Since the days of Adam, prophets, apostles, and priesthood leaders of every kind have warned against violating this law. We are bought with a price, and our bodies are the temples of God. As Paul said, if we are sanctified by the Spirit and are dwelling in Christ by that same Spirit, our bodies are then temples. If we defile ourselves as temples of God, then the Lord will destroy us if we do not repent. There is no gray area when it comes to this law. Either we are living it or we aren't. Either we are abstaining from same-sex relations outside of heterosexual marriage or we are not. Sensuality and sex are not part of God's plan before marriage, period. The scriptures are plain as word can be on this matter, and I believe that most, if not all, reading this, are wise enough to believe and follow after them. Enough said on that matter, then.
Moving forward, why else is love divine? The example of our first parents, Adam and Eve, demonstrates a beautiful, sacred love story. If we step back and look at that part of the scriptures, where everything began, it would make sense for God to follow the natural order of things. Before He married them in the garden of Eden and commanded them to bring forth children, surely He must have allowed them to pass through the natural order of mortal romance. It would not make sense for God to merely marry them, then command them to have children. That would be contrary to God's nature of love, because such a scenario would bypass the feelings that lead to sex, the necessary gateway for childbearing. Where is the scriptural evidence, then? A wonderful quote from a BYU speech entitled, "Love and Marriage" by Theodore M. Burton states this:
"When Adam saw Eve, that glorious being who had been sealed to him as his wife, he was filled with love for her, for she had been taken symbolically from his rib next to his heart. She was not taken from his head to stand over him, nor from his breast to go before him, nor from his back to walk three paces behind him, nor from his foot to be trodden upon. She was taken symbolically from his side—close to his heart to stand by him as a noble companion.
As his heart filled with love for her, he said: 'This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man' (Genesis 2:23). What Adam meant by these words can be paraphrased thusly: 'I love her with all my heart. She is as important to me as life itself. She is as vital to me as my own flesh and bone. I treasure her as I do my own body—as much as my own life. Without her life would be meaningless. I love her!' " If our first parents experience true, romantic love as God designed it, why then should anything have changed? It has not- for celestial marriage is not merely the pronouncement of an eternal sealing between a man and a woman. It is the entire process to get there and stay on that path to exaltation, being central to the Plan of Salvation, and is therefore "ordained of God" (see The Family: A Proclamation to the World).
That leads me to my final point of why love is divine, summarized perfectly by Marvin J. Ashton when he declared:
"True love is a process. True love requires personal action. Love must be continuing to be real. Love takes time. Too often expediency, infatuation, stimulation, persuasion, or lust are mistaken for love. How hollow, how empty if our love is no deeper than the arousal of momentary feeling or the expression in words of what is no more lasting than the time it takes to speak them!
We must at regular and appropriate intervals speak and reassure others of our love and the long time it takes to prove it by our actions. Real love does take time. The Great Shepherd had the same thoughts in mind when he taught, “If ye love me, keep my commandments” (John 14:15; italics added) and “If ye love me feed my sheep” (John 21:16; italics added). Love demands action if it is to be continuing. Love is a process. Love is not a declaration. Love is not an announcement. Love is not a passing fancy. Love is not an expediency. Love is not a convenience. “If ye love me, keep my commandments” and “If ye love me feed my sheep” are God-given proclamations that should remind us we can often best show our love..."
I testify that true love is divine, and that because of this, we must be wise to discern between what is love, and what is merely infatuation, chemical romance (which is merely that rush of feelings when you romantically get to know someone amazing), close friendship, and so forth. Since true love is divine, it also includes the purity of the Spirit at all times, and cannot include violations of God's commandments throughout its process. What I mean, to clarify, is that we cannot claim to be "in love" with someone while violating the Law of Chastity, or when we are acting in ways that contradict the counsel of the General Authorities. What they speak is more than just good advice- it is the will of God for us (D&C 68:5-6). There are so many reasons why true love is always pure and wholesome, but it is up to us to stay within those bounds of purity and wholesomeness. If we do not, I can testify that it will lead to spiritual destruction and misery. I have been there and I know that justifying things contrary to God's commandments to fulfill personal passions and/or desires ultimately leads to spiritual despair. Joy comes from pursuing a close relationship to Jesus Christ, and being true to the ultimate divine love- His love. I testify of the truth of this, with all my heart and soul. Until next time, brothers and sisters...
Elder Holland has also written other things on love. In the BYU talk, "How Do I Love Thee?", he stated that it is not the when, why, why not, where, but the how that matters in true love. As I contemplate this, it becomes clear to me that Elder Holland was most definitely listening to the Spirit when he told us this, because the Savior so often condemned the Pharisees and the Sadducees for doing good works for the wrong reasons. He once even went as far to tell them that they "omit the weightier matters of the law", clarifying that they were leaving out charity from their works. Without pure and undefiled love, the things we do and the people we engage in relationships with do not matter and often become detrimental. Thus, the "how" also matters in love because not only must our intentions remain pure, but our feelings as well while expressing that love. When we speak of same-sex attraction, sometimes we refer to same-sex couples (whether romantic or married, it can be either) as "being in love". I would firmly state that because all love is divine, this is impossible. We cannot feel something divine and holy in impure circumstances, regardless of how strictly we may observe the Law of Chastity, if we desire to spend all our time with someone, or if we make countless sacrifices for the same-sex individual whom we profess "true love" for. Generally speaking, all arguments against my convictions of truth here center around thoughts and emotions. However, some may feel that actions in contradiction to the Law of Chastity are also justifiable.
Brothers and sisters, Christ made the Law of Chastity very, very plain since ancient times and has since. Sexual relations, unless otherwise revealed by practices of polygamy, are strictly for one man and one woman. Since the days of Adam, prophets, apostles, and priesthood leaders of every kind have warned against violating this law. We are bought with a price, and our bodies are the temples of God. As Paul said, if we are sanctified by the Spirit and are dwelling in Christ by that same Spirit, our bodies are then temples. If we defile ourselves as temples of God, then the Lord will destroy us if we do not repent. There is no gray area when it comes to this law. Either we are living it or we aren't. Either we are abstaining from same-sex relations outside of heterosexual marriage or we are not. Sensuality and sex are not part of God's plan before marriage, period. The scriptures are plain as word can be on this matter, and I believe that most, if not all, reading this, are wise enough to believe and follow after them. Enough said on that matter, then.
Moving forward, why else is love divine? The example of our first parents, Adam and Eve, demonstrates a beautiful, sacred love story. If we step back and look at that part of the scriptures, where everything began, it would make sense for God to follow the natural order of things. Before He married them in the garden of Eden and commanded them to bring forth children, surely He must have allowed them to pass through the natural order of mortal romance. It would not make sense for God to merely marry them, then command them to have children. That would be contrary to God's nature of love, because such a scenario would bypass the feelings that lead to sex, the necessary gateway for childbearing. Where is the scriptural evidence, then? A wonderful quote from a BYU speech entitled, "Love and Marriage" by Theodore M. Burton states this:
"When Adam saw Eve, that glorious being who had been sealed to him as his wife, he was filled with love for her, for she had been taken symbolically from his rib next to his heart. She was not taken from his head to stand over him, nor from his breast to go before him, nor from his back to walk three paces behind him, nor from his foot to be trodden upon. She was taken symbolically from his side—close to his heart to stand by him as a noble companion.
As his heart filled with love for her, he said: 'This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man' (Genesis 2:23). What Adam meant by these words can be paraphrased thusly: 'I love her with all my heart. She is as important to me as life itself. She is as vital to me as my own flesh and bone. I treasure her as I do my own body—as much as my own life. Without her life would be meaningless. I love her!' " If our first parents experience true, romantic love as God designed it, why then should anything have changed? It has not- for celestial marriage is not merely the pronouncement of an eternal sealing between a man and a woman. It is the entire process to get there and stay on that path to exaltation, being central to the Plan of Salvation, and is therefore "ordained of God" (see The Family: A Proclamation to the World).
That leads me to my final point of why love is divine, summarized perfectly by Marvin J. Ashton when he declared:
"True love is a process. True love requires personal action. Love must be continuing to be real. Love takes time. Too often expediency, infatuation, stimulation, persuasion, or lust are mistaken for love. How hollow, how empty if our love is no deeper than the arousal of momentary feeling or the expression in words of what is no more lasting than the time it takes to speak them!
We must at regular and appropriate intervals speak and reassure others of our love and the long time it takes to prove it by our actions. Real love does take time. The Great Shepherd had the same thoughts in mind when he taught, “If ye love me, keep my commandments” (John 14:15; italics added) and “If ye love me feed my sheep” (John 21:16; italics added). Love demands action if it is to be continuing. Love is a process. Love is not a declaration. Love is not an announcement. Love is not a passing fancy. Love is not an expediency. Love is not a convenience. “If ye love me, keep my commandments” and “If ye love me feed my sheep” are God-given proclamations that should remind us we can often best show our love..."
I testify that true love is divine, and that because of this, we must be wise to discern between what is love, and what is merely infatuation, chemical romance (which is merely that rush of feelings when you romantically get to know someone amazing), close friendship, and so forth. Since true love is divine, it also includes the purity of the Spirit at all times, and cannot include violations of God's commandments throughout its process. What I mean, to clarify, is that we cannot claim to be "in love" with someone while violating the Law of Chastity, or when we are acting in ways that contradict the counsel of the General Authorities. What they speak is more than just good advice- it is the will of God for us (D&C 68:5-6). There are so many reasons why true love is always pure and wholesome, but it is up to us to stay within those bounds of purity and wholesomeness. If we do not, I can testify that it will lead to spiritual destruction and misery. I have been there and I know that justifying things contrary to God's commandments to fulfill personal passions and/or desires ultimately leads to spiritual despair. Joy comes from pursuing a close relationship to Jesus Christ, and being true to the ultimate divine love- His love. I testify of the truth of this, with all my heart and soul. Until next time, brothers and sisters...
7.23.2014
Symbolic Triumph
Welcome back to my blog, my friends. I have not written in my blog for a while due to personal life issues and the difficulty I've often encountered in coping with the draining nature of my job. However, I have found the energy and inspiration to compose this blog post, and I hope you find it edifying. Thank you for continuing to read this blog post, and I hope that after a year of posting, I have made some kind of remark here and there that has helped you heal in your journey with same-sex attraction. For those who are friends and family, I hope you have discovered more awareness of the unique situation that SSA individuals (particularly members of the LDS Church) find themselves in. Finally, all of you who are straight, nonmembers, and so on, I hope you have come to know this blog as a source of knowledge and awareness, and as well as motivation for greater love and compassion towards those who experience SSA.
Yesterday, for the first time since December of 2012, God finally granted me the marvelous blessing of being able to walk through the entrance doors into His temple, and to go all the way inside to the baptismal font. My friends and I discussed the symbols of the temple, both inside and on the grounds, drinking in the Spirit which is there in immeasurable strength. As I look back on my experience with the temple that day, some symbols existed for me personally to be edified by and to share as an edifying testimony for all of you to read. The Spirit urged me to write a blog post sometime soon, and finally I experienced something that I simply couldn't resist writing about.
You see, I had my temple trip yesterday all planned out. Things would go smoothly- I would be picked up by my rental car early in the morning, fill out a bit of paperwork, and cheerfully go on my way to do ordinances I'd dug up by doing genealogy a couple Sundays in a row. But since Satan hated the idea of me going, he wanted to throw all he had to make it collapse around my ears...in other words, he threw a tantrum. I was informed by the rental company I had to give them a 50.00 deposit via credit or debit card with a card in my name (which was not possible, due to an accidental overdraw on my account). So, I was without a car. No problem, I reasoned, my friend going with me could just pick me up. He agreed to, but then I suddenly remembered my job interview at 11am, which was just an hour after we'd be done there. I tried everything to make it work, only to have the Spirit prompt me to ask my friend to take me. He agreed. More complications arose, however, because I also had to pick up dry cleaning and go get part of my job portfolio reprinted. My friend took care of all that as well. In short, because of the love of a friend, my spiritual and temporal needs were taken care of.
Christ once said we are His friends, if we do whatsoever He commands us. Obeying such a sentiment would result in us being temple worthy, and as one General Authority once noted, we are never lost when we can see the temple. But sometimes, opposition will arise when we can see the temple, when we can practically feel the recommend in our hands and hear the bishop telling us congratulations on the good work for our worthiness. I realized based on my experience that we cannot expect things to go all perfectly on our journey to the temple and the same goes for our journey with same-sex attraction. We may be arriving at a landmark point of being more capable of physical touch, friendship, callings in the Church, priesthood/temple worthiness, etc., all of which can help alleviate some of the inner conflict we may feel over our same-sex attraction. Then the unthinkable and unprecedented happens, and we may well feel tempted to give up or get discouraged, as I did when my father suggested that my job interview was more important than getting to the temple (for reasons that I would say are plausible, but not totally sound). However, we must remember as I did in that moment who is on our side and why we are doing what we are doing. I remembered my Savior and why I wanted to be back in His holy house. I prayed with all my heart and asked for help, which was then when things started to work out.
If you're at a place in your journey where success is within sight, and the very forces of hell itself seem to be opposing you (or even mild to moderate life issues), remember that is when you are the very closest. Satan will lie and try with all his might to dissuade you from this truth. But I testify to you with all my sincerity of heart that I know Christ lets opposition come at the last part of the night, only to intervene at the last minute because He knows we will remember that experience. And when we remember it, we will cry out to Him in faith and trust again for strength and deliverance, knowing He'll be there.
Another amazing symbol I want to tell you outright, instead of "showing" you, is that I didn't experience what I was expecting when I went to the temple. I did not get a single ordinance done because there were people already there doing ordinances. However, I still felt the Spirit. Sometimes, in our journey we arrive somewhere wonderful...only to complain that we are not actually experiencing the thing itself. Examples might include talking of celestial marriage or attending a wedding reception, seeing happy families together, hearing of people receiving the priesthood or getting endowed, and so forth. However, I know Heavenly Father sends those moments to us to inspire our hearts with love for Him and our fellow man, faith in His Son, Jesus Christ, and hope for a brighter tomorrow. My temporary triumph over Satan has been symbolic, but sweeter than I can possibly describe to you. Keep persevering on your similar journey to a clean, holy place filled with the Spirit, and do not give up because you cannot experience it yet. Let the symbolic experience of it, the bad and good, testify to you that God is there and will bless you with your heart's desires in His time. I love you all! Until next time...
Yesterday, for the first time since December of 2012, God finally granted me the marvelous blessing of being able to walk through the entrance doors into His temple, and to go all the way inside to the baptismal font. My friends and I discussed the symbols of the temple, both inside and on the grounds, drinking in the Spirit which is there in immeasurable strength. As I look back on my experience with the temple that day, some symbols existed for me personally to be edified by and to share as an edifying testimony for all of you to read. The Spirit urged me to write a blog post sometime soon, and finally I experienced something that I simply couldn't resist writing about.
You see, I had my temple trip yesterday all planned out. Things would go smoothly- I would be picked up by my rental car early in the morning, fill out a bit of paperwork, and cheerfully go on my way to do ordinances I'd dug up by doing genealogy a couple Sundays in a row. But since Satan hated the idea of me going, he wanted to throw all he had to make it collapse around my ears...in other words, he threw a tantrum. I was informed by the rental company I had to give them a 50.00 deposit via credit or debit card with a card in my name (which was not possible, due to an accidental overdraw on my account). So, I was without a car. No problem, I reasoned, my friend going with me could just pick me up. He agreed to, but then I suddenly remembered my job interview at 11am, which was just an hour after we'd be done there. I tried everything to make it work, only to have the Spirit prompt me to ask my friend to take me. He agreed. More complications arose, however, because I also had to pick up dry cleaning and go get part of my job portfolio reprinted. My friend took care of all that as well. In short, because of the love of a friend, my spiritual and temporal needs were taken care of.
Christ once said we are His friends, if we do whatsoever He commands us. Obeying such a sentiment would result in us being temple worthy, and as one General Authority once noted, we are never lost when we can see the temple. But sometimes, opposition will arise when we can see the temple, when we can practically feel the recommend in our hands and hear the bishop telling us congratulations on the good work for our worthiness. I realized based on my experience that we cannot expect things to go all perfectly on our journey to the temple and the same goes for our journey with same-sex attraction. We may be arriving at a landmark point of being more capable of physical touch, friendship, callings in the Church, priesthood/temple worthiness, etc., all of which can help alleviate some of the inner conflict we may feel over our same-sex attraction. Then the unthinkable and unprecedented happens, and we may well feel tempted to give up or get discouraged, as I did when my father suggested that my job interview was more important than getting to the temple (for reasons that I would say are plausible, but not totally sound). However, we must remember as I did in that moment who is on our side and why we are doing what we are doing. I remembered my Savior and why I wanted to be back in His holy house. I prayed with all my heart and asked for help, which was then when things started to work out.
If you're at a place in your journey where success is within sight, and the very forces of hell itself seem to be opposing you (or even mild to moderate life issues), remember that is when you are the very closest. Satan will lie and try with all his might to dissuade you from this truth. But I testify to you with all my sincerity of heart that I know Christ lets opposition come at the last part of the night, only to intervene at the last minute because He knows we will remember that experience. And when we remember it, we will cry out to Him in faith and trust again for strength and deliverance, knowing He'll be there.
Another amazing symbol I want to tell you outright, instead of "showing" you, is that I didn't experience what I was expecting when I went to the temple. I did not get a single ordinance done because there were people already there doing ordinances. However, I still felt the Spirit. Sometimes, in our journey we arrive somewhere wonderful...only to complain that we are not actually experiencing the thing itself. Examples might include talking of celestial marriage or attending a wedding reception, seeing happy families together, hearing of people receiving the priesthood or getting endowed, and so forth. However, I know Heavenly Father sends those moments to us to inspire our hearts with love for Him and our fellow man, faith in His Son, Jesus Christ, and hope for a brighter tomorrow. My temporary triumph over Satan has been symbolic, but sweeter than I can possibly describe to you. Keep persevering on your similar journey to a clean, holy place filled with the Spirit, and do not give up because you cannot experience it yet. Let the symbolic experience of it, the bad and good, testify to you that God is there and will bless you with your heart's desires in His time. I love you all! Until next time...
6.22.2014
My Gay Anniversary & Speaking OUT
A little over a year ago, I publicly announced on Facebook that I was gay and Mormon. At that time in my life, I was struggling to keep my covenants and therefore my conversion to Christ suffered as well. Some of the power Satan was exerting over me originated from the spiritual uncertainty and angst that I was experiencing over being gay and LDS at the same time. Although I would tell several friends and individuals that being gay and LDS is not a sin, and that there was no shame in it, I still experienced that shame. A sense of "being different" had settled on me like some kind of stubbornly persistent disease, and I couldn't shake it. As I moved forward, however, drinking in the love, grace, mercy, long-suffering, and hope from my Savior, Jesus Christ, my soul gradually filled with light and the dark lies of Satan faded out of my mind. I came to deeply comprehend with my heart what it truly means to be a son of God, and to enjoy an intimate, deep, and personalized relationship with Christ. He showed me that although my sexual orientation had influenced me to commit sin in the past, I had repented and changed, and therefore should not identify myself with the guilt and shame associated with that sin. Sometimes, I think all of us SSA members want to associate shame, guilt, etc. with our weaknesses and sins tied into our SSA, because that is what we remember feeling when we would make mistakes or transgress. I testify, however, that God desires for us to identify by our true selves, as His beloved sons and daughters. Truly nothing can separate us from His everlasting arms of love, as Paul testified in Romans 8. I love that concept, for it shows that we can throw off the chains of Satan's diabolical, whispered lies, and embrace the comforting whispers of the Spirit.
Through blogging here on Blogspot, I have learned many coping mechanisms, truths, and wonderful assets of having same-sex attraction. It is so good to know that I can use this as a gift to bless mankind, because I have a testimony of eternal truth and therefore can find ways to be happy. It saddens me how many individuals feel that they have to be true to some false, worldly teaching of who they are. If we are to look to the world to teach us who we are, perhaps we should look among the wisest and greatest of men- for they, of all people, knew that we are something higher than ourselves, because we were created by someone higher than ourselves. I sincerely am grateful to know that because I am a son of God, I can be true to that and keep myself sexually pure and worthy before the Lord. The world will mock, disapprove, jeer, laugh, and all the rest of it because of such a decision. But I believe, as do many others, that it is possible through the sacrifice of Jesus Christ-His Atonement- to be chaste before Him. There is more to life than sex, and fulfillment can be found in similar ways to romance. I am true to myself, because who I am is divine, just as everyone else.
Though I have learned and taught much through my blog, more importantly, I have been able to speak OUT. And what I mean by that is by coming OUT and reaching OUT, I have been able to bring people OUT of the shadows. Now, why do I put "out" in all caps? Because it emphasizes being out in the sunlight, with the warmth of gospel truth, love of friends and family, and the joy that only following Christ can give. It puts the weight on reaching with hands of love, drawing people out of the shadows of shame, guilt, low self-esteem, etc. and showing them that they can find love and have value in the Lord's eyes. And above all, it declares to every living soul who experiences same-sex attraction, whether LDS or not, that they are defined by their Creator and His love for them- not some lesser, base worldly standard of sex or sensuality. All people are of great worth to God and ought to be to us, because of who they are in God's eyes. He loves all His children without partiality and will always be there for all of them. It is my personal belief that because of this most important principle-that everyone is defined as a child of God-that individuals with same-sex attraction are here to teach us how to love more purely, deeply, and purposefully. Love is indeed the most powerful force in the universe, because any given force in the universe can only temporarily bond or rip apart two people or intelligent beings (such as animals). But love can forever do both, for time and all eternity.
Such love, what Latter-Day Saints call charity, is what motivated our Savior to suffer, bleed, die, and rise again for us. That same love can unify the Saints and people of the world as we all strive to understand what it means to truly love those who may seem to be different. In all reality, though, how different am I to be gay and Mormon? All things considered, I am not really different at all. For you see, everyone has something that makes them unusual. And focusing on sexual orientation would be no different than focusing on mental illness, physical disability, or something else that openly or discreetly makes someone different. Love sees past those differences, embracing the truth of God while loving the individual. And that love, combined with the Holy Spirit, has been what moved my heart more than once to stand before a congregation of Latter-Day Saint brothers and sisters, testifying of my experience with same-sex attraction and how I am living the gospel regardless of that experience. We are all called upon by God to live with something that may, at times, oppose our efforts to live in harmony with the teachings of Christ. But I decided long before I knew I was gay that I would follow the Savior, when I got baptized and could feel the Spirit and my Heavenly Father's love. I told myself that day that I wanted to always be clean, and to show the Lord how much I loved Him by doing as He asked as much as I possibly could. That is why I live the way I do, and that is why I have spoken out about that lifestyle of being faithful to my covenants while being gay and LDS.
It is my firm belief that all of us, whatever our "thing" is, that we should all strive to speak OUT about our experience. What is your story? For those of us with same-sex attraction, our story might be one of struggle, personal conflict, current personal peace, testimony, and so on. Such a personal witness will be an indescribably fortifying influence in the lives of friends and even complete strangers. I have personally experienced that as I have reached out to members and nonmembers alike, because generally speaking, we all want to live in accordance with high moral standards, if not the gospel itself. Others will share stories of abuse, mental illness, poverty, physical illness, and more. Those stories can and will strengthen others immensely, too. But just like the good news of the gospel, we need to share the good news of overcoming the darkness within, that shame, pain, guilt, despair, self-consciousness, and all the rest of that negative crap. Everyone, regardless of religious conviction, spiritual belief, or the absence of such, must surely feel the humane pull of compassion to reach out in love. As such, I would urge all of my readers to not keep silent but to speak OUT, because everyone can use extra hope and additional light from God. We are never to close to His eternal love and light. We can only ever become better and better off as we draw near unto His blessed presence. I love you all, and sincerely thank you for your support, love, compassion, patience, and all the rest of it in my life. Without you, I couldn't have possibly started this blog or do any of the other things that make up the character of who I am today. I am the man I am because of my Heavenly Father and Savior, Jesus Christ, and the wonderful people like friends & family who they send to be their hands. God bless you all. Until next time...
Through blogging here on Blogspot, I have learned many coping mechanisms, truths, and wonderful assets of having same-sex attraction. It is so good to know that I can use this as a gift to bless mankind, because I have a testimony of eternal truth and therefore can find ways to be happy. It saddens me how many individuals feel that they have to be true to some false, worldly teaching of who they are. If we are to look to the world to teach us who we are, perhaps we should look among the wisest and greatest of men- for they, of all people, knew that we are something higher than ourselves, because we were created by someone higher than ourselves. I sincerely am grateful to know that because I am a son of God, I can be true to that and keep myself sexually pure and worthy before the Lord. The world will mock, disapprove, jeer, laugh, and all the rest of it because of such a decision. But I believe, as do many others, that it is possible through the sacrifice of Jesus Christ-His Atonement- to be chaste before Him. There is more to life than sex, and fulfillment can be found in similar ways to romance. I am true to myself, because who I am is divine, just as everyone else.
Though I have learned and taught much through my blog, more importantly, I have been able to speak OUT. And what I mean by that is by coming OUT and reaching OUT, I have been able to bring people OUT of the shadows. Now, why do I put "out" in all caps? Because it emphasizes being out in the sunlight, with the warmth of gospel truth, love of friends and family, and the joy that only following Christ can give. It puts the weight on reaching with hands of love, drawing people out of the shadows of shame, guilt, low self-esteem, etc. and showing them that they can find love and have value in the Lord's eyes. And above all, it declares to every living soul who experiences same-sex attraction, whether LDS or not, that they are defined by their Creator and His love for them- not some lesser, base worldly standard of sex or sensuality. All people are of great worth to God and ought to be to us, because of who they are in God's eyes. He loves all His children without partiality and will always be there for all of them. It is my personal belief that because of this most important principle-that everyone is defined as a child of God-that individuals with same-sex attraction are here to teach us how to love more purely, deeply, and purposefully. Love is indeed the most powerful force in the universe, because any given force in the universe can only temporarily bond or rip apart two people or intelligent beings (such as animals). But love can forever do both, for time and all eternity.
Such love, what Latter-Day Saints call charity, is what motivated our Savior to suffer, bleed, die, and rise again for us. That same love can unify the Saints and people of the world as we all strive to understand what it means to truly love those who may seem to be different. In all reality, though, how different am I to be gay and Mormon? All things considered, I am not really different at all. For you see, everyone has something that makes them unusual. And focusing on sexual orientation would be no different than focusing on mental illness, physical disability, or something else that openly or discreetly makes someone different. Love sees past those differences, embracing the truth of God while loving the individual. And that love, combined with the Holy Spirit, has been what moved my heart more than once to stand before a congregation of Latter-Day Saint brothers and sisters, testifying of my experience with same-sex attraction and how I am living the gospel regardless of that experience. We are all called upon by God to live with something that may, at times, oppose our efforts to live in harmony with the teachings of Christ. But I decided long before I knew I was gay that I would follow the Savior, when I got baptized and could feel the Spirit and my Heavenly Father's love. I told myself that day that I wanted to always be clean, and to show the Lord how much I loved Him by doing as He asked as much as I possibly could. That is why I live the way I do, and that is why I have spoken out about that lifestyle of being faithful to my covenants while being gay and LDS.
It is my firm belief that all of us, whatever our "thing" is, that we should all strive to speak OUT about our experience. What is your story? For those of us with same-sex attraction, our story might be one of struggle, personal conflict, current personal peace, testimony, and so on. Such a personal witness will be an indescribably fortifying influence in the lives of friends and even complete strangers. I have personally experienced that as I have reached out to members and nonmembers alike, because generally speaking, we all want to live in accordance with high moral standards, if not the gospel itself. Others will share stories of abuse, mental illness, poverty, physical illness, and more. Those stories can and will strengthen others immensely, too. But just like the good news of the gospel, we need to share the good news of overcoming the darkness within, that shame, pain, guilt, despair, self-consciousness, and all the rest of that negative crap. Everyone, regardless of religious conviction, spiritual belief, or the absence of such, must surely feel the humane pull of compassion to reach out in love. As such, I would urge all of my readers to not keep silent but to speak OUT, because everyone can use extra hope and additional light from God. We are never to close to His eternal love and light. We can only ever become better and better off as we draw near unto His blessed presence. I love you all, and sincerely thank you for your support, love, compassion, patience, and all the rest of it in my life. Without you, I couldn't have possibly started this blog or do any of the other things that make up the character of who I am today. I am the man I am because of my Heavenly Father and Savior, Jesus Christ, and the wonderful people like friends & family who they send to be their hands. God bless you all. Until next time...
6.15.2014
Heavenly Antidotes
Satan is a jerk. We are all aware of this. He fights unfairly, he is a coward, he kicks us when we're down, and tries to drag us down when we're feeling good. He truly is the ultimate "Debbie Downer", as some would say. In stark contrast, Christ is our best friend, our confidant, and our one and only constant in this life. He fights our battles for us, He is filled with perfect courage, He lifts us up and cheers us when we're down, and pushes us up higher into the clouds when we're already feeling on top of the world, or even just having a good time. That being said, each of these spiritual beings in our lives uses their own tools. Those tools, depending on our personal decisions, will influence us towards heaven's edification and purification, or paint our lives with the brushstroke of hell's depressive, staining mark. My aim today, in speaking towards individuals who experience SSA, identify as gay/lesbian/straight/bi/transgender, etc. is to show how we can all embrace the edifying influence of Christ to purge out the poisons of Satan.
Some years ago, when I still attended college, I read an excellent talk by Elder Kevin W. Pearson of the Seventy entitled, "Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ". It spoke of six "destructive D's" that Satan uses to bring us down into misery, for "he seeketh that all men might be miserable like unto himself" (2nd Nephi 2:27). As I studied the different primary tactics that Satan uses, I wanted to figure out some counterattacks so that I could apply them to my life in the future. What resulted from this venture to find that information has provided great blessings of comfort, strength, eternal perspective, faith, hope, and love in my darkest hours. Perhaps, in the subconscious recesses of my mind, it has been habit of turning to these principles that has rescued me during dark days of despair and depression concerning my own sins and weaknesses. In any case, I am grateful to have them, and to now share them with each of you. I won't elaborate on the destructive D's because we are all well aware of what such negativity feels like. It should be noted, however, that they are listed according to the progress of spiritual destruction. Without further ado, here they are:
1. Doubt
2. Discouragement
3. Distraction
4. Lack of diligence
5. Disobedience
6. Disbelief
I experienced similar emotions when I studied "The Screwtape Letters" by C.S. Lewis at a later time in my life- a sense of righteous indignation towards Satan, frustration at any lack of knowledge of how to triumph over him, and sadness in knowing that so many were affected by such evil, diabolical trickery. However, not long after I read this talk, I somehow stumbled across the talk, "A Prophet's Prayer and Counsel for Youth", by President Hinckley. He called them the six B's, but I chose to dub them the six Building B's as an opposing name to the Destructive D's. Here they are, listed in order as well:
1. Be grateful
2. Be smart
3. Be clean
4. Be true
5. Be humble
6. Be prayerful
It is my firm testimony that these are heavenly antidotes to Satan's poisonous, destructive influences. If you "take an antidote" listed above when feeling one of the "poisons", I know it'll fade. For example, have you ever tried feeling discouraged if you pour out your heart in thanks to God in prayer, and then ask to feel His love? It won't work, because darkness cannot tolerate the presence of light. It will always slip back to where it belongs- into the shadows, away from the light of God. My simple witness today, without too much fancy wording or deep doctrine, is that God has heavenly antidotes for the poisons of hell. And ultimately, all of these are made possible through the atoning sacrifice of our Savior and Elder Brother, Jesus Christ. I know this to be true. I hope that all of us, regardless of our sexual orientation, will remember to lean upon that in our times of difficulty. And when we do, the poison will be purged and we will be made whole again. Until next time... : )
Some years ago, when I still attended college, I read an excellent talk by Elder Kevin W. Pearson of the Seventy entitled, "Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ". It spoke of six "destructive D's" that Satan uses to bring us down into misery, for "he seeketh that all men might be miserable like unto himself" (2nd Nephi 2:27). As I studied the different primary tactics that Satan uses, I wanted to figure out some counterattacks so that I could apply them to my life in the future. What resulted from this venture to find that information has provided great blessings of comfort, strength, eternal perspective, faith, hope, and love in my darkest hours. Perhaps, in the subconscious recesses of my mind, it has been habit of turning to these principles that has rescued me during dark days of despair and depression concerning my own sins and weaknesses. In any case, I am grateful to have them, and to now share them with each of you. I won't elaborate on the destructive D's because we are all well aware of what such negativity feels like. It should be noted, however, that they are listed according to the progress of spiritual destruction. Without further ado, here they are:
1. Doubt
2. Discouragement
3. Distraction
4. Lack of diligence
5. Disobedience
6. Disbelief
I experienced similar emotions when I studied "The Screwtape Letters" by C.S. Lewis at a later time in my life- a sense of righteous indignation towards Satan, frustration at any lack of knowledge of how to triumph over him, and sadness in knowing that so many were affected by such evil, diabolical trickery. However, not long after I read this talk, I somehow stumbled across the talk, "A Prophet's Prayer and Counsel for Youth", by President Hinckley. He called them the six B's, but I chose to dub them the six Building B's as an opposing name to the Destructive D's. Here they are, listed in order as well:
1. Be grateful
2. Be smart
3. Be clean
4. Be true
5. Be humble
6. Be prayerful
It is my firm testimony that these are heavenly antidotes to Satan's poisonous, destructive influences. If you "take an antidote" listed above when feeling one of the "poisons", I know it'll fade. For example, have you ever tried feeling discouraged if you pour out your heart in thanks to God in prayer, and then ask to feel His love? It won't work, because darkness cannot tolerate the presence of light. It will always slip back to where it belongs- into the shadows, away from the light of God. My simple witness today, without too much fancy wording or deep doctrine, is that God has heavenly antidotes for the poisons of hell. And ultimately, all of these are made possible through the atoning sacrifice of our Savior and Elder Brother, Jesus Christ. I know this to be true. I hope that all of us, regardless of our sexual orientation, will remember to lean upon that in our times of difficulty. And when we do, the poison will be purged and we will be made whole again. Until next time... : )
6.01.2014
Act As Though It Is
Over the weekend, like some of you, I attended the fabulous and deeply informative North Star International conference. Though the first conference ever, board members had planned it for months and consequently it turned out to be a marvelous success. I befriended several people, saw old friends I had not seen in some time, learned much, and laughed much. On the whole, this conference lifted me to heights I have not been at before, and taught me how I can be a healer of souls and a minister of grace on my journey with same-sex attraction, even as my Savior is right now. For really, if one contemplates all that the Lord did, it is quite possible that included ministering to individuals with this experience-even if it was but a few. And because of His Atonement, Christ perfectly understands in love how to aid us in our journey with SSA, and that with compassionate hands.
One of the speakers at the North Star conference spoke on a particular subject that moved me somewhat, because oftentimes my focus on this journey had been inward. Few of my friends fully understood what it was like to experience this, I reasoned, and so I coped with it mostly on my own. At the conference, however, I realized that now is the time for me to really start turning my focus outward, to be vocal about same-sex attraction in the Church with a spirit of boldness and love. It is also time that I really start to make an additional effort to be the healer of souls and minister of grace that I mentioned earlier, because heaven knows we all can use healing and grace in such a world as ours. Today, I wish to expound somewhat on that topic from the conference, which focuses on helping others through missionary work of a sort. The principle the speaker talked about is, "If you are struggling to believe or 'cannot' believe something the Church teaches, act as though it is true." Now, I intend this to be a spiritual experiment...one that indeed imitates one we can find in 32nd chapter of Alma.
Alma urged, "But behold, if ye will awake and arouse your faculties, even to an experiment upon my words, and exercise a particle of faith, yea, even if ye can no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a portion of my words." (Alma 32:27) Now, he is not saying, "Okay, just pretend as though this principle or that principle is true because you want to believe it, and then you'll eventually believe." No, the essence of this is that we are testing the principle out, similar to test driving a car or stepping out into a lake before swimming. When one does that, we would not say, "Oh, that guy is just pretending to drive a car", or "He's just acting like he can swim". That would be ludicrous! It is the first step of what I believe to be open-mindedness towards belief, whether that is a temporal belief such as "this car is the right one for me" or "this water is the right temperature". Both hold the commonality that we are trying to see if they are going to meet our expectations. This is what Alma is saying- to test the waters of belief so that we can see that experiment will not harm us, thus leading to openness about receiving the word of God.
When it comes to SSA, some of us (including family members and friends) have difficulty receiving the word of God, because it often appears difficult and, at times, seemingly impossible for us to obey. We are told that God loves us the same as everyone else, and yet we find that hard to understand as we bear the burdens associated with not having children, spouses, sexual expression, and more. Sometimes people act in insensitive, careless, or just downright cruel ways about the attractions we experience, and it gives us cause to wonder the purpose God may have-if He has one at all, we say- behind it all. I testify that as we keep clinging to the Iron Rod, though those mists of darkness may blind our eyes so we are confused and cannot see immediate solutions, we will prevail. It may seem like the darkness draws us away, with whispers of self-doubt, depression, discouragement, and even despair. However, the Light of the World has promised us that His shining influence will always be at our side. Jesus Christ will help us have strength when we cannot understand the wise purposes in Him for letting us continue in pain, or for lengthening out the days in which we are confused about the purposes of certain doctrines and practices of the Church. Sometimes, our pain is lengthened to strengthen others in their pain, and often our confusion is there to test our faithfulness to Christ, to see if we will hold onto what we do know and center our focus and spirit on that. If we do not understand or think we can understand why certain doctrines or practices are there, or why some of us suffer in our journey with SSA, let me testify of something to you.
This testing of the waters of belief I have spoken of is no simple task, meaning that you won't just go and do, then...ta-da! you will know it's true or right. No, you will live it and likely experience much opposition as Satan does his worst to confuse, misdirect, and otherwise destroy you. It is no simple task, other than the simplicity of being able to see the fruits of what comes out of living the gospel of Jesus Christ with a child's mind and heart. If you humbly seek out your Savior while "acting as though it is" true and right, I testify to you with all my heart that you will come to know why it is true and why it is right. You will feel the light of Christ fill your life, and as Alma expressed, you will say to yourself that it expands your soul, enlightens your understanding, and even becomes something delicious to you. The sweet influence of the Spirit will distill upon your heart and soul, and you will understand that acting as though it is true and right, though testing the waters of belief, really only ever was living in the light shining down from Christ Himself. I testify of the truthfulness of this principle... I truly have seen it fulfilled in my life when I didn't quite understand something or think I could believe it. But still, God revealed the truth of it to me. I pray you may come to that understanding if you have not yet. Have a beautiful Sabbath! Until next time...
One of the speakers at the North Star conference spoke on a particular subject that moved me somewhat, because oftentimes my focus on this journey had been inward. Few of my friends fully understood what it was like to experience this, I reasoned, and so I coped with it mostly on my own. At the conference, however, I realized that now is the time for me to really start turning my focus outward, to be vocal about same-sex attraction in the Church with a spirit of boldness and love. It is also time that I really start to make an additional effort to be the healer of souls and minister of grace that I mentioned earlier, because heaven knows we all can use healing and grace in such a world as ours. Today, I wish to expound somewhat on that topic from the conference, which focuses on helping others through missionary work of a sort. The principle the speaker talked about is, "If you are struggling to believe or 'cannot' believe something the Church teaches, act as though it is true." Now, I intend this to be a spiritual experiment...one that indeed imitates one we can find in 32nd chapter of Alma.
Alma urged, "But behold, if ye will awake and arouse your faculties, even to an experiment upon my words, and exercise a particle of faith, yea, even if ye can no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a portion of my words." (Alma 32:27) Now, he is not saying, "Okay, just pretend as though this principle or that principle is true because you want to believe it, and then you'll eventually believe." No, the essence of this is that we are testing the principle out, similar to test driving a car or stepping out into a lake before swimming. When one does that, we would not say, "Oh, that guy is just pretending to drive a car", or "He's just acting like he can swim". That would be ludicrous! It is the first step of what I believe to be open-mindedness towards belief, whether that is a temporal belief such as "this car is the right one for me" or "this water is the right temperature". Both hold the commonality that we are trying to see if they are going to meet our expectations. This is what Alma is saying- to test the waters of belief so that we can see that experiment will not harm us, thus leading to openness about receiving the word of God.
When it comes to SSA, some of us (including family members and friends) have difficulty receiving the word of God, because it often appears difficult and, at times, seemingly impossible for us to obey. We are told that God loves us the same as everyone else, and yet we find that hard to understand as we bear the burdens associated with not having children, spouses, sexual expression, and more. Sometimes people act in insensitive, careless, or just downright cruel ways about the attractions we experience, and it gives us cause to wonder the purpose God may have-if He has one at all, we say- behind it all. I testify that as we keep clinging to the Iron Rod, though those mists of darkness may blind our eyes so we are confused and cannot see immediate solutions, we will prevail. It may seem like the darkness draws us away, with whispers of self-doubt, depression, discouragement, and even despair. However, the Light of the World has promised us that His shining influence will always be at our side. Jesus Christ will help us have strength when we cannot understand the wise purposes in Him for letting us continue in pain, or for lengthening out the days in which we are confused about the purposes of certain doctrines and practices of the Church. Sometimes, our pain is lengthened to strengthen others in their pain, and often our confusion is there to test our faithfulness to Christ, to see if we will hold onto what we do know and center our focus and spirit on that. If we do not understand or think we can understand why certain doctrines or practices are there, or why some of us suffer in our journey with SSA, let me testify of something to you.
This testing of the waters of belief I have spoken of is no simple task, meaning that you won't just go and do, then...ta-da! you will know it's true or right. No, you will live it and likely experience much opposition as Satan does his worst to confuse, misdirect, and otherwise destroy you. It is no simple task, other than the simplicity of being able to see the fruits of what comes out of living the gospel of Jesus Christ with a child's mind and heart. If you humbly seek out your Savior while "acting as though it is" true and right, I testify to you with all my heart that you will come to know why it is true and why it is right. You will feel the light of Christ fill your life, and as Alma expressed, you will say to yourself that it expands your soul, enlightens your understanding, and even becomes something delicious to you. The sweet influence of the Spirit will distill upon your heart and soul, and you will understand that acting as though it is true and right, though testing the waters of belief, really only ever was living in the light shining down from Christ Himself. I testify of the truthfulness of this principle... I truly have seen it fulfilled in my life when I didn't quite understand something or think I could believe it. But still, God revealed the truth of it to me. I pray you may come to that understanding if you have not yet. Have a beautiful Sabbath! Until next time...
5.18.2014
Tithing & SSA: Our Offering
You're probably already asking what tithing has to do with same-sex attraction. I love relating SSA to seemingly unrelated topics, because then it grabs others' attention and forces them to think outside the box a bit. To rule out a few things, however, let me just start with the first point. We all know that paying tithing requires faith, not money, because faith is what makes it happen. Because faith is such a broad term and because I am saving such a discussion about faith and SSA for later, I am focusing on other areas in which tithing is correlated. In addition, tithing commonly refers back to perfect obedience. I legitimately laugh at this, because perfect obedience and same-sex attraction certainly do not mix. Moving on, then, let's press forward into the actual topics at hand.
To start, think to yourself how many times you've heard the net income vs. gross income debate about paying tithing in the Church. The Church, though it has not come out with some formal declaration about tithing, has surprisingly provided some amazing clarifications about how we pay tithing. Elder John A.Widtsoe once remarked, "...Tithing means one-tenth of a person’s income, interest, or increase. The merchant should pay tithing upon the net income of his business, the farmer upon the net income of his farming operations; the wage earner or salaried man upon the wage or salary earned by him. Out of the remaining nine-tenths he pays his current expenses … etc... Tithing should be given upon the basis of our full earned income." Based on this statement of an apostle, I feel it appropriate to say that we should pay on our net income. Brigham Young also said, "...all there is on this earth that we have in our possession is the Lord's and he requires one-tenth of this for the building up of His Kingdom." The key phrase is "in our possession". So, we ought to pay on our net income. Now, what link is there between this and SSA?
You see, some people choose to pay gross income and in so doing will often sacrifice more than God is actually requiring of us. Now you can understand why I had to establish my position with the prophets and apostles first- I can't say what God thinks unless it has been revealed. Anyhow, getting back to the principle- how often do SSA members think they have to give more to God than is required of them? For example, some members believe that it's an absolute requirement of God for them to get married in this life. Not true. God expects us to put forward our best efforts in that regard, and for some, that goes as far as making friends with the opposite sex. As a result, members with SSA then take that knowledge into the afterlife where their SSA is resolved. How about with repressing the attractions themselves? Did God ever require of us that we should just push those emotions deep down, to let them fester away? Hardly. In fact, it is my personal opinion that God is opposed to such behavior because it fosters an unstable, volatile internal environment. This, in turn, could potentially lead to acting out in sinful behavior. I believe God is a proponent of expressing those emotions healthily or simply entertaining them with plaintive regard until they leave. Never could I imagine my Heavenly Father expecting me to be passive or passive-aggressive with my feelings, regardless of their potential to lead to sin or not.
Members with SSA make other sacrifices, too, and the list is more extensive than I have time to write about. But I think it best if I cover some of the more common and unhealthy kinds. For instance, some men deprive themselves of physical affection and healthy male friendships. This may be a result of fear for their spiritual welfare, paranoia about increasing SSA feelings, etc. Personally, I have discovered in my life and observed in those around me that if kept within proper spiritual and emotional boundaries, healthy touch and friendships actually serve as a healing, stabilizing catalyst in the journey with these attractions. The former First Presidency (with President Hinckley) counseled, "Good friendships can and should be formed at every age", and this is true. Friends create a marvelous connection by which we can draw closer to God, feel His love, bask in the joy of life, and more. Friendship is a gift from God. Physical affection, too, is something that Christ exemplified His entire life, particularly with John the Beloved and His other apostles. And two of His beloved sons, David and Jonathan, enjoyed a very beautiful, sacred friendship in which they were physically affectionate as well. Please, brothers and sisters, do not sacrifice beauty for ashes in the journey of SSA. I know that God is willing to take our ashes and transform them into spiritual diamonds for all to see.
The other insight I have gained from tithing comes from us all paying different amounts of tithing. The incomes of a single working mother vs. a CEO in the Church are going to be vastly different, but neither is greater in the Lord's eyes. What matters to Him is how the gift is given, not how large the gift is. As the scriptures say, "God loveth a cheerful giver." Now, how about us? Do we judge ourselves by "how much" we can offer up before the altar of the Lord, how well we're doing, the amount of progress with repentance we're making, and so on? Or do we judge ourselves by how our heart is changing day to day, the motives that push us to serve and love our Savior and our fellow brothers and sisters, and more? God is not so much interested in how much we give, although He is glad we have much to contribute, I'm sure. Rather, I believe with all my heart that if we offer up what we can in our journey, doing what we can to draw nearer to the Lord, He will receive our offering with joy and a blessing upon our heads. We can give so much from day to day...and sometimes what we can give will differ on a day-to-day basis. But thank goodness the same God who said we would be judged according to our works also said that we should only think about today. One day at a time, we can make today a heavenly day- and give God our offering.
To start, think to yourself how many times you've heard the net income vs. gross income debate about paying tithing in the Church. The Church, though it has not come out with some formal declaration about tithing, has surprisingly provided some amazing clarifications about how we pay tithing. Elder John A.Widtsoe once remarked, "...Tithing means one-tenth of a person’s income, interest, or increase. The merchant should pay tithing upon the net income of his business, the farmer upon the net income of his farming operations; the wage earner or salaried man upon the wage or salary earned by him. Out of the remaining nine-tenths he pays his current expenses … etc... Tithing should be given upon the basis of our full earned income." Based on this statement of an apostle, I feel it appropriate to say that we should pay on our net income. Brigham Young also said, "...all there is on this earth that we have in our possession is the Lord's and he requires one-tenth of this for the building up of His Kingdom." The key phrase is "in our possession". So, we ought to pay on our net income. Now, what link is there between this and SSA?
You see, some people choose to pay gross income and in so doing will often sacrifice more than God is actually requiring of us. Now you can understand why I had to establish my position with the prophets and apostles first- I can't say what God thinks unless it has been revealed. Anyhow, getting back to the principle- how often do SSA members think they have to give more to God than is required of them? For example, some members believe that it's an absolute requirement of God for them to get married in this life. Not true. God expects us to put forward our best efforts in that regard, and for some, that goes as far as making friends with the opposite sex. As a result, members with SSA then take that knowledge into the afterlife where their SSA is resolved. How about with repressing the attractions themselves? Did God ever require of us that we should just push those emotions deep down, to let them fester away? Hardly. In fact, it is my personal opinion that God is opposed to such behavior because it fosters an unstable, volatile internal environment. This, in turn, could potentially lead to acting out in sinful behavior. I believe God is a proponent of expressing those emotions healthily or simply entertaining them with plaintive regard until they leave. Never could I imagine my Heavenly Father expecting me to be passive or passive-aggressive with my feelings, regardless of their potential to lead to sin or not.
Members with SSA make other sacrifices, too, and the list is more extensive than I have time to write about. But I think it best if I cover some of the more common and unhealthy kinds. For instance, some men deprive themselves of physical affection and healthy male friendships. This may be a result of fear for their spiritual welfare, paranoia about increasing SSA feelings, etc. Personally, I have discovered in my life and observed in those around me that if kept within proper spiritual and emotional boundaries, healthy touch and friendships actually serve as a healing, stabilizing catalyst in the journey with these attractions. The former First Presidency (with President Hinckley) counseled, "Good friendships can and should be formed at every age", and this is true. Friends create a marvelous connection by which we can draw closer to God, feel His love, bask in the joy of life, and more. Friendship is a gift from God. Physical affection, too, is something that Christ exemplified His entire life, particularly with John the Beloved and His other apostles. And two of His beloved sons, David and Jonathan, enjoyed a very beautiful, sacred friendship in which they were physically affectionate as well. Please, brothers and sisters, do not sacrifice beauty for ashes in the journey of SSA. I know that God is willing to take our ashes and transform them into spiritual diamonds for all to see.
The other insight I have gained from tithing comes from us all paying different amounts of tithing. The incomes of a single working mother vs. a CEO in the Church are going to be vastly different, but neither is greater in the Lord's eyes. What matters to Him is how the gift is given, not how large the gift is. As the scriptures say, "God loveth a cheerful giver." Now, how about us? Do we judge ourselves by "how much" we can offer up before the altar of the Lord, how well we're doing, the amount of progress with repentance we're making, and so on? Or do we judge ourselves by how our heart is changing day to day, the motives that push us to serve and love our Savior and our fellow brothers and sisters, and more? God is not so much interested in how much we give, although He is glad we have much to contribute, I'm sure. Rather, I believe with all my heart that if we offer up what we can in our journey, doing what we can to draw nearer to the Lord, He will receive our offering with joy and a blessing upon our heads. We can give so much from day to day...and sometimes what we can give will differ on a day-to-day basis. But thank goodness the same God who said we would be judged according to our works also said that we should only think about today. One day at a time, we can make today a heavenly day- and give God our offering.
5.10.2014
Cultural Mormonism and Being Gay
Part of me really questioned writing this post, because I'm certain it will annoy some people. Then the other side of me pushed back, for I know that regardless of what I write, it cannot possibly please everyone. I write for personal expression & insight, selfless service, and to strengthen my conversion to Christ-not for popularity. Naturally, I love reaching a large audience-but I would rather touch a few individuals on a personal level than gain a generic, watered-down audience. That being said, let's discuss cultural Mormonism and how sometimes affects Latter-Day Saints when a gay Latter-Day Saint is in their midst. What I will say about others' negative behavior, as a sort of disclaimer here, is not always true- in fact, many times it is not. However, for the benefit of both parties, I want to lay down what I have observed as a Latter-Day Saint.
To start, what is "cultural Mormonism"? It is the social culture in the Church that is sometimes mistaken for doctrine and unfortunately will often promote un-Christlike behaviors such as gossiping, unrighteous judging, excluding eccentric individuals, and so on. To say the least, it is not something I ever recommend embracing, because much of it drives away the Spirit. And when you mix gay people into the picture... well, it turns into something that is downright ugly sometimes. Now, don't get me wrong here. My intent is to provide a positive, uplifting experience by writing this. I have seen many members treat gay individuals with great respect, love, acceptance, and compassion. Today, though, it's time to expose cultural Mormonism for what it really is, and encourage gay Latter-Day Saints in their faithfulness.
To begin, I noted that cultural Mormonism is sometimes mistaken for doctrine. Some examples include: Young LDS men and women should be married by their mid to late twenties, caffeine violates the Word of Wisdom, words of General Authorities are always the word of God, expressing frustration or negativity towards someone in church (even if it's assertive) is bad, and so forth. Not a single one of these is true, because they are all contingent on opinion-including the words of General Authorities, meaning that an opinion of a General Authority does not constitute doctrine (D&C 68:4). This can be spiritually detrimental for gay LDS individuals, because how do they feel if people are constantly pressuring them to get married and have children if that's not what they desire, or if members are pushing them to date? Is it sinful or even erroneous for an individual to not desire marriage and family or a dating life, due to their sexuality? Some members certainly seem to act like it- but nobody in authority, including the Savior, has condemned this. Indeed, Elder Hales once remarked in a CES fireside that those who do not get married in this life at no fault of their own will have a chance for marriage in eternity. And the Strength of Youth pamphlet comments that some people date because they have no desire to do so, confirming that this is normal and okay. Some wonderful Latter-Day Saints I know of didn't get married until their late thirties, or still haven't married in their forties, and I know several individuals who are still dating into their thirties. Celestial dating and marriage happen on the Lord's time; earthly dating and marriage in mortals' time.
What of the General Authorities' words always being doctrine? That is hardly true, although I am a firm believer that their words are almost always doctrine. The reason that they cannot always speak doctrine is because they are imperfect, as President Uchtdorf recently stated in General Conference. And sometimes, being human, they also sometimes give opinions that are not sufficiently backed up by scripture. President Harold B. Lee once stated that if we are to discern whether their words are opinion or not, we are to look to the scriptures. If the scriptures back the General Authority's words, then they are the word of God. Sometimes, however, a well-intentioned General Authority could give an opinion about same-sex attraction that isn't doctrinally sound-for example, that same-sex attraction is meant to be overcome through the Atonement of Christ in every case. They also might say other opinions, like it is an active choice, that it comes from parental influence, etc. But none of these statements can be backed by the scriptures-indeed, the scriptures will contradict each one if you search thoroughly enough. I would strongly recommend handling anything you regard as "doctrine" with tact, love, compassion, and open-mindedness around gay LDS individuals, because you might have an opinion rather than some doctrine. And from personal experience, I can tell you the last thing a member with same-sex attraction wants or needs is something more to increase the challenge of enduring faithfully and joyously in their journey.
What about cultural Mormonism sometimes promoting the un-Christlike behavior I mentioned? How does that come about? What I have often observed is that younger members, and sometimes older ones, will stay in their own personal cliques. Anything new and strange threatens the comfort and security of those cliques, and so people reject or otherwise persecute individuals for fear of change & eccentricity, and because of pride. It also could potentially arise from fear of what others may think of them if they chose to befriend someone different, and from personal insecurities, low self-esteem, narrow-mindedness, and countless other sources. The key question is, though, is it edifying-that is, does it draw other children of God closer to their Heavenly Father? In this month's CES fireside, Elder Ballard supported this path of edifying others with same-sex attraction, telling us that regardless of their lifestyle, we should treat them with love and respect. In the true gospel of Jesus Christ, which is the real reason we attend church (versus cultural Mormonism), we believe in loving others even as we love ourselves. Whatever we do to others, we do the Savior. If I were to meet the Savior, I would want Him to look upon me with love and confidence because I chose to speak well of His children and judge them righteously. That is what I hope we all strive to live by-the loving spirit in the gospel of Jesus Christ.
My dear brothers and sisters, I want to end with a beautifully insightful quote written by Brad Wilcox. He wrote, "Some Latter-day Saints go through all the right motions without feeling any of the emotions. They settle for rule following instead of religion, for obedience and sacrifice instead of consecration, for testimony instead of conversion, and for cultural Mormonism instead of the soul-transforming fullness of the gospel of Jesus Christ. It is time for a little zeal with our knowledge." Isn't today the best day to start really living our religion, consecrating our efforts, working towards conversion, and embracing the 'soul-transforming fullness of the gospel of Jesus Christ'? At the very heart of this gospel is the pure love of Christ, because the center of all we believe, teach, and live for is the beautiful, sacred Atonement. How then, could we ever consider ourselves His followers unless we choose His teachings over the opinions of men, and start loving all of God's children equally? Everyone is a child of God, and God loves them all equally. Surely, then, following Him means we must do the same. I hope and pray we all will. Let's start loving everyone, because that is what the gospel of Jesus Christ is all about. I love you all...have a beautiful day.
To start, what is "cultural Mormonism"? It is the social culture in the Church that is sometimes mistaken for doctrine and unfortunately will often promote un-Christlike behaviors such as gossiping, unrighteous judging, excluding eccentric individuals, and so on. To say the least, it is not something I ever recommend embracing, because much of it drives away the Spirit. And when you mix gay people into the picture... well, it turns into something that is downright ugly sometimes. Now, don't get me wrong here. My intent is to provide a positive, uplifting experience by writing this. I have seen many members treat gay individuals with great respect, love, acceptance, and compassion. Today, though, it's time to expose cultural Mormonism for what it really is, and encourage gay Latter-Day Saints in their faithfulness.
To begin, I noted that cultural Mormonism is sometimes mistaken for doctrine. Some examples include: Young LDS men and women should be married by their mid to late twenties, caffeine violates the Word of Wisdom, words of General Authorities are always the word of God, expressing frustration or negativity towards someone in church (even if it's assertive) is bad, and so forth. Not a single one of these is true, because they are all contingent on opinion-including the words of General Authorities, meaning that an opinion of a General Authority does not constitute doctrine (D&C 68:4). This can be spiritually detrimental for gay LDS individuals, because how do they feel if people are constantly pressuring them to get married and have children if that's not what they desire, or if members are pushing them to date? Is it sinful or even erroneous for an individual to not desire marriage and family or a dating life, due to their sexuality? Some members certainly seem to act like it- but nobody in authority, including the Savior, has condemned this. Indeed, Elder Hales once remarked in a CES fireside that those who do not get married in this life at no fault of their own will have a chance for marriage in eternity. And the Strength of Youth pamphlet comments that some people date because they have no desire to do so, confirming that this is normal and okay. Some wonderful Latter-Day Saints I know of didn't get married until their late thirties, or still haven't married in their forties, and I know several individuals who are still dating into their thirties. Celestial dating and marriage happen on the Lord's time; earthly dating and marriage in mortals' time.
What of the General Authorities' words always being doctrine? That is hardly true, although I am a firm believer that their words are almost always doctrine. The reason that they cannot always speak doctrine is because they are imperfect, as President Uchtdorf recently stated in General Conference. And sometimes, being human, they also sometimes give opinions that are not sufficiently backed up by scripture. President Harold B. Lee once stated that if we are to discern whether their words are opinion or not, we are to look to the scriptures. If the scriptures back the General Authority's words, then they are the word of God. Sometimes, however, a well-intentioned General Authority could give an opinion about same-sex attraction that isn't doctrinally sound-for example, that same-sex attraction is meant to be overcome through the Atonement of Christ in every case. They also might say other opinions, like it is an active choice, that it comes from parental influence, etc. But none of these statements can be backed by the scriptures-indeed, the scriptures will contradict each one if you search thoroughly enough. I would strongly recommend handling anything you regard as "doctrine" with tact, love, compassion, and open-mindedness around gay LDS individuals, because you might have an opinion rather than some doctrine. And from personal experience, I can tell you the last thing a member with same-sex attraction wants or needs is something more to increase the challenge of enduring faithfully and joyously in their journey.
What about cultural Mormonism sometimes promoting the un-Christlike behavior I mentioned? How does that come about? What I have often observed is that younger members, and sometimes older ones, will stay in their own personal cliques. Anything new and strange threatens the comfort and security of those cliques, and so people reject or otherwise persecute individuals for fear of change & eccentricity, and because of pride. It also could potentially arise from fear of what others may think of them if they chose to befriend someone different, and from personal insecurities, low self-esteem, narrow-mindedness, and countless other sources. The key question is, though, is it edifying-that is, does it draw other children of God closer to their Heavenly Father? In this month's CES fireside, Elder Ballard supported this path of edifying others with same-sex attraction, telling us that regardless of their lifestyle, we should treat them with love and respect. In the true gospel of Jesus Christ, which is the real reason we attend church (versus cultural Mormonism), we believe in loving others even as we love ourselves. Whatever we do to others, we do the Savior. If I were to meet the Savior, I would want Him to look upon me with love and confidence because I chose to speak well of His children and judge them righteously. That is what I hope we all strive to live by-the loving spirit in the gospel of Jesus Christ.
My dear brothers and sisters, I want to end with a beautifully insightful quote written by Brad Wilcox. He wrote, "Some Latter-day Saints go through all the right motions without feeling any of the emotions. They settle for rule following instead of religion, for obedience and sacrifice instead of consecration, for testimony instead of conversion, and for cultural Mormonism instead of the soul-transforming fullness of the gospel of Jesus Christ. It is time for a little zeal with our knowledge." Isn't today the best day to start really living our religion, consecrating our efforts, working towards conversion, and embracing the 'soul-transforming fullness of the gospel of Jesus Christ'? At the very heart of this gospel is the pure love of Christ, because the center of all we believe, teach, and live for is the beautiful, sacred Atonement. How then, could we ever consider ourselves His followers unless we choose His teachings over the opinions of men, and start loving all of God's children equally? Everyone is a child of God, and God loves them all equally. Surely, then, following Him means we must do the same. I hope and pray we all will. Let's start loving everyone, because that is what the gospel of Jesus Christ is all about. I love you all...have a beautiful day.
5.03.2014
Self-Positivity; Children of Light
Oftentimes in my past, whenever I would make a mistake or sin, I would beat myself up mercilessly with negative self-talk, self-hating, and other horrible methods. When people say we're our own worst critics, they're right-and I took it up to the next level. My closest friends can attest to this. There came a time, however, when all of this changed. You see, I cope with Bipolar Disorder and Asperger's Syndrome, neither of which have very pleasant side effects when you mix them together, and mingle them with socialization. Though I have learned that people, by nature, tend to tolerate differences and extend lots of compassion, they still have their limits when it comes to mental illness. And after several years of dealing with people rejecting me or, at best, politely retreating from me because of my struggles with mental, I grew weary of it. My level of joy had crashed and burned to zero because I thought my self-worth and self-confidence depended to some degree on the opinions of others. How wrong I was! After thinking it through, and having to be reminded a few times that others don't define me, I finally started implementing that truth into my life. Others did not define me then and do not now, because it is my divine identity as a son of God that defines me. What gives me true joy is the relationship that I enjoy with God the Father and my Savior, Jesus Christ as a result of being a son of God.
I cannot fully express to you the power that this handed to me once I completely and totally understood with my heart-not just with my head-that I was a beloved son of God, and that was the only place from which I could derive true joy. God had lifted a weight from my soul, and I started laughing and smiling like I had not done in years. The fear, shame, doubt, pessimism, and other negativity that had bogged me down from others dissipated, replaced with a reassuring conviction that through Christ, I could continue finding happiness in everyday life. It also started to change how I viewed my journey with same-sex attraction. You see, people were only too eager and excited to point out which direction I should take with it. Some suggested having "fun" with it, and going out to pursue a sexually oriented lifestyle. Others advised that I should be "true to myself", settle down with another man, and maybe raise some adopted or surrogate children. And still others argued that I should leave the Church altogether, because of its standards, doctrine, behavior in the public sector, and other supposedly justifiable reasons. So many voices were clamoring tell me how to live my life, just as they do to all of us whenever we undertake to accomplish something great. I can testify, however, that because I knew who I truly was in God's eyes, those voices became whispers, and whispers became silence. His voice, the voice of my Shepherd, became the one voice I listened to.
In your journey, it would not be surprising to look over its contents and discover someone or something opposed to the path you are taking. However fierce, however subtle, those influences exist for every Church member who walks through life having SSA. I have witnessed the difference in those who fix their eyes on the Savior, listening to His voice and remembering what defines them and gives them joy. They stay on the path proscribed and revealed by the apostles and prophets of God, they humbly listen to and follow the Spirit's direction, and the will of God supersedes their earthly and spiritual desires. People who allow themselves to give heed to those pointing and mocking in the great and spacious building fall away, as Nephi saw in the vision of the tree of life (1st Nephi 8:34). Each day, I know we can choose to listen to Christ's words about us and for us. What He declares about us is that we are His, and that He loves us no matter what. Christ has said that we are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, and able to triumph over Satan through the Atonement's infinite power. What He speaks for us are the commandments, the beautiful words given through ancient and modern-day scripture-including the words of His servants. Whatever our circumstances-past, present, or future, I know that we can always follow those words because God will always make a way for us to do so if we step forward with faith. It is always possible.
Furthermore, in this often challenging and even grueling journey, I have seen it is absolutely essential that I embrace and focus on my strengths, spiritual gifts, and talents. God has given me those for a reason, one of which is to overcome my weaknesses. Because I regard SSA as a weakness, in the sense of giving me a greater inclination to and capacity for lust, I focus on incorporating as many of my good characteristics into it as possible. Amazingly, I have seen those positive personal aspects transform areas of my SSA into assets that bless both my life and others' lives. In contrast, however, when I choose to center my focus on what I am not doing right, or what I'm not good at, my spirituality and devotion to God decline dramatically. This happens because I am not centering my thoughts on what I want or what I have, but rather the lack of goodness in my life. A mindset of self-positivity, or encouraging myself to be more optimistic, creates a closer relationship to God and has greatly empowered me to live the gospel of Christ when it's been most difficult. The times I've slipped have been the times of self-negativity-when I focused on my lack of good works I was accomplishing.
Brothers and sisters, listen to the Spirit and let Him guide you towards the redemptive power of loving yourself as a child of God. I promise you, it is worth your effort and you will see a beautiful difference with time. Your joy does not ever, ever, ever have to depend on someone else-not in the least degree. You can choose every single day to look in the mirror and love what you see, regardless of the sins you've committed or the foolish mistakes you've made. We are all children of light, capable of dreaming bigger and better things than the humdrum of daily life. Drawing upon the wisdom of Joseph Campbell, I urge you to follow your bliss in Christ. What do you love doing that is wholesome? Which pure and good person do you love being with? Seek after those passions and people, following the gospel's teachings, and I know that your journey with SSA will be that much sweeter. Have a beautiful day!
I cannot fully express to you the power that this handed to me once I completely and totally understood with my heart-not just with my head-that I was a beloved son of God, and that was the only place from which I could derive true joy. God had lifted a weight from my soul, and I started laughing and smiling like I had not done in years. The fear, shame, doubt, pessimism, and other negativity that had bogged me down from others dissipated, replaced with a reassuring conviction that through Christ, I could continue finding happiness in everyday life. It also started to change how I viewed my journey with same-sex attraction. You see, people were only too eager and excited to point out which direction I should take with it. Some suggested having "fun" with it, and going out to pursue a sexually oriented lifestyle. Others advised that I should be "true to myself", settle down with another man, and maybe raise some adopted or surrogate children. And still others argued that I should leave the Church altogether, because of its standards, doctrine, behavior in the public sector, and other supposedly justifiable reasons. So many voices were clamoring tell me how to live my life, just as they do to all of us whenever we undertake to accomplish something great. I can testify, however, that because I knew who I truly was in God's eyes, those voices became whispers, and whispers became silence. His voice, the voice of my Shepherd, became the one voice I listened to.
In your journey, it would not be surprising to look over its contents and discover someone or something opposed to the path you are taking. However fierce, however subtle, those influences exist for every Church member who walks through life having SSA. I have witnessed the difference in those who fix their eyes on the Savior, listening to His voice and remembering what defines them and gives them joy. They stay on the path proscribed and revealed by the apostles and prophets of God, they humbly listen to and follow the Spirit's direction, and the will of God supersedes their earthly and spiritual desires. People who allow themselves to give heed to those pointing and mocking in the great and spacious building fall away, as Nephi saw in the vision of the tree of life (1st Nephi 8:34). Each day, I know we can choose to listen to Christ's words about us and for us. What He declares about us is that we are His, and that He loves us no matter what. Christ has said that we are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, and able to triumph over Satan through the Atonement's infinite power. What He speaks for us are the commandments, the beautiful words given through ancient and modern-day scripture-including the words of His servants. Whatever our circumstances-past, present, or future, I know that we can always follow those words because God will always make a way for us to do so if we step forward with faith. It is always possible.
Furthermore, in this often challenging and even grueling journey, I have seen it is absolutely essential that I embrace and focus on my strengths, spiritual gifts, and talents. God has given me those for a reason, one of which is to overcome my weaknesses. Because I regard SSA as a weakness, in the sense of giving me a greater inclination to and capacity for lust, I focus on incorporating as many of my good characteristics into it as possible. Amazingly, I have seen those positive personal aspects transform areas of my SSA into assets that bless both my life and others' lives. In contrast, however, when I choose to center my focus on what I am not doing right, or what I'm not good at, my spirituality and devotion to God decline dramatically. This happens because I am not centering my thoughts on what I want or what I have, but rather the lack of goodness in my life. A mindset of self-positivity, or encouraging myself to be more optimistic, creates a closer relationship to God and has greatly empowered me to live the gospel of Christ when it's been most difficult. The times I've slipped have been the times of self-negativity-when I focused on my lack of good works I was accomplishing.
Brothers and sisters, listen to the Spirit and let Him guide you towards the redemptive power of loving yourself as a child of God. I promise you, it is worth your effort and you will see a beautiful difference with time. Your joy does not ever, ever, ever have to depend on someone else-not in the least degree. You can choose every single day to look in the mirror and love what you see, regardless of the sins you've committed or the foolish mistakes you've made. We are all children of light, capable of dreaming bigger and better things than the humdrum of daily life. Drawing upon the wisdom of Joseph Campbell, I urge you to follow your bliss in Christ. What do you love doing that is wholesome? Which pure and good person do you love being with? Seek after those passions and people, following the gospel's teachings, and I know that your journey with SSA will be that much sweeter. Have a beautiful day!
4.19.2014
Abundant SSA Life in Christ
At this time of Easter, a traditional post would focus on the power the resurrection has in direct correlation to same-sex attraction. We all know that because SSA is a weakness of sorts, though providing much strength if nourished properly, the resurrection will remove it in the afterlife and we will become whole. All the tears, heartache, pain, and so on that is associated with it will disappear at that point. All of us who have a sure witness of the Savior's atoning sacrifice know this with certainty. As such, I wish to point our discussion in a different direction so we can dig a bit deeper into this particular aspect of the Savior's Atonement. It is a good time to delve into both the letter and the spirit of this particular doctrine.
What do the simplest parts of the letter say? We know that through the resurrection of Christ, a restoration of both body and spirit will be brought about, which references our aforementioned closed topic. However, it also brings about a restoration of our works done in the flesh, charity for charity, faith for faith, and hope for hope. Those of us who belong to the restored gospel understand that these principles extend far beyond knowledge or even daily activity. They become part of who we are. But the question, naturally, is how do they relate to same-sex attraction and the resurrection?
This is where we start delving into the spirit of the resurrection. You see, because these principles become who we are as disciples of Christ, naturally they must be processes in daily living. First, we have charity. For every time that we exercise patience, kindness, happiness at others' triumphs & successes, humility, or any other characteristic of charity, that will reflect on our character in the resurrection. And naturally, the challenge of same-sex attraction will require charity in several circumstances. Consider a few of the more common ones, such as those who unrighteously judge, criticize, shun, or even misunderstand those in the Church (or outside it, for that matter) who live with SSA. Anyone can respond back with catty remarks or contentious words, but it takes true grace as a disciple of Christ to respond with His pure love-even charity. And as we read in the Book of Mormon, "it shall be restored to him according to his deeds" (Alma 42:27). I would rather be the individual who can be restored unto love in this life and the next, because I drew upon the grace of God to be loving.
Next, we can look at faith. In order to live certain principles of the gospel, such as the Law of Chastity or proper dating and courtship, it requires faith in the words of the prophets and apostles, as well as the words of our Savior Himself. We have to receive their words "not as the word of men, but as it is in truth, the word of God, which effectually worketh also in you that believe" (1 Thessalonians 2:13). Why? Because, as the scripture states, it works effectively when we do-it yields fruit. Faith is also required when relationships do not work out, other SSA friends betray/hurt us, arguments rise against faithful living amid same-sex attraction, and when other demons of life fight against us, like mental illness and addiction. But, in reference to faith, I have faith that none of us would be called unto this battle unless we would walk away as stronger warriors of light. The Lord was wise in His choices of who would bear this burden, because He knew that through Him, that burden could become a blessing and a strength to those around us. Do we want to be restored unto self-confidence and faith in Christ now and for eternity, or is it ultimately desirable to give in or give up (if only temporarily) to chance at having doubts forever?
Finally, the spirit of hope. We cannot have hope, unless we have faith. It is impossible, because faith kindles the fire of hope. Indeed, so powerful is that flame that Paul taught, "for we are saved by hope: but hope that is seen is not hope: for what a man seeth, why doth he yet hope for?" (Romans 8:24) In our darkest hours with same-sex attraction, hope is what saves us from our grief, distress, loneliness, depression, and worse. We have the ability to overcome because of the brightness of hope that the resurrection of Jesus Christ brings. Hope for potential marriage and family, hope for righteous friends, hope for emotional and spiritual support, hope for laughter, hope for all good things is what sustains us. And it is my prayer that as we are in this Easter season, we can ponder on the sacrifice of our Savior, because He is the reason why we can have a "perfect brightness of hope" (2nd Nephi 31:20), pressing forward and enduring to the end to have eternal life with Him and the Father. The resurrection of Jesus Christ is so much more than overcoming SSA in the next life- it is about living with it in the here and now with perfect joy and optimism. And I have love, faith, and hope in my heart enough that I can testify this is true. I hope you all have a wonderful Easter!
What do the simplest parts of the letter say? We know that through the resurrection of Christ, a restoration of both body and spirit will be brought about, which references our aforementioned closed topic. However, it also brings about a restoration of our works done in the flesh, charity for charity, faith for faith, and hope for hope. Those of us who belong to the restored gospel understand that these principles extend far beyond knowledge or even daily activity. They become part of who we are. But the question, naturally, is how do they relate to same-sex attraction and the resurrection?
This is where we start delving into the spirit of the resurrection. You see, because these principles become who we are as disciples of Christ, naturally they must be processes in daily living. First, we have charity. For every time that we exercise patience, kindness, happiness at others' triumphs & successes, humility, or any other characteristic of charity, that will reflect on our character in the resurrection. And naturally, the challenge of same-sex attraction will require charity in several circumstances. Consider a few of the more common ones, such as those who unrighteously judge, criticize, shun, or even misunderstand those in the Church (or outside it, for that matter) who live with SSA. Anyone can respond back with catty remarks or contentious words, but it takes true grace as a disciple of Christ to respond with His pure love-even charity. And as we read in the Book of Mormon, "it shall be restored to him according to his deeds" (Alma 42:27). I would rather be the individual who can be restored unto love in this life and the next, because I drew upon the grace of God to be loving.
Next, we can look at faith. In order to live certain principles of the gospel, such as the Law of Chastity or proper dating and courtship, it requires faith in the words of the prophets and apostles, as well as the words of our Savior Himself. We have to receive their words "not as the word of men, but as it is in truth, the word of God, which effectually worketh also in you that believe" (1 Thessalonians 2:13). Why? Because, as the scripture states, it works effectively when we do-it yields fruit. Faith is also required when relationships do not work out, other SSA friends betray/hurt us, arguments rise against faithful living amid same-sex attraction, and when other demons of life fight against us, like mental illness and addiction. But, in reference to faith, I have faith that none of us would be called unto this battle unless we would walk away as stronger warriors of light. The Lord was wise in His choices of who would bear this burden, because He knew that through Him, that burden could become a blessing and a strength to those around us. Do we want to be restored unto self-confidence and faith in Christ now and for eternity, or is it ultimately desirable to give in or give up (if only temporarily) to chance at having doubts forever?
Finally, the spirit of hope. We cannot have hope, unless we have faith. It is impossible, because faith kindles the fire of hope. Indeed, so powerful is that flame that Paul taught, "for we are saved by hope: but hope that is seen is not hope: for what a man seeth, why doth he yet hope for?" (Romans 8:24) In our darkest hours with same-sex attraction, hope is what saves us from our grief, distress, loneliness, depression, and worse. We have the ability to overcome because of the brightness of hope that the resurrection of Jesus Christ brings. Hope for potential marriage and family, hope for righteous friends, hope for emotional and spiritual support, hope for laughter, hope for all good things is what sustains us. And it is my prayer that as we are in this Easter season, we can ponder on the sacrifice of our Savior, because He is the reason why we can have a "perfect brightness of hope" (2nd Nephi 31:20), pressing forward and enduring to the end to have eternal life with Him and the Father. The resurrection of Jesus Christ is so much more than overcoming SSA in the next life- it is about living with it in the here and now with perfect joy and optimism. And I have love, faith, and hope in my heart enough that I can testify this is true. I hope you all have a wonderful Easter!
4.03.2014
Lessons From the Olive Tree-Part 2 of 2
Returning to the allegory of the olive tree, one can look at the verses and exchange the word "good" for "strength", and "evil" for "weakness" to gain some insights from them. At first, it says, "..and if it be so that these last grafts shall grow, and bring forth the
natural fruit, then shall ye prepare the way for them, that they may
grow" (v. 64) The grafts it speaks of can represent whatever we bring into our lives in order to live faithfully with same-sex attraction. As that happens, the natural order of life will settle in and the spiritual, social, professional, and other areas of life will occur as God intended them to. One will experience personal purity, temple worthiness, power in the priesthood, virtue in the Relief Society, healthy male/female friendships and physical affection, advances in career, etc. For Church members who incorporate these things into their lives, it serves them to continue in that pathway so that other good things can come as well.
When good works and circumstances begin rooting themselves into your life, this counsel applies: "...as they begin to grow ye shall clear away the branches which bring forth bitter fruit, according to the strength of the (strength) and the size thereof; and ye shall not clear away the (weakness) thereof all at once, lest the roots thereof should be too strong for the graft, and the graft thereof shall perish." Any areas of life which bring forth bitter, or strongly distasteful, results from same-sex attraction must be cleared out. This could include forgiving someone, removing issues with codependency, healing from heartache, and so on. However, as these verses indicate, one should not "clear away the (weakness) all at once". This is because SSA deeply roots itself in the entire being of those who cope with it. If someone with SSA tried to remove it all at once, the result would be disastrous because any progress would die out. The proper way to go about it is thus: "...wherefore ye shall clear away the (weakness) according as the (strength) shall grow, that the root and the top may be equal in strength, until the good shall overcome the (weakness), and the (weakness) be hewn down and cast into the fire." (v.65) In other words, as your strength in good works and circumstances grows in relation to your SSA, clear it out in the sense that it does not control you or define who you are.
When good works and circumstances begin rooting themselves into your life, this counsel applies: "...as they begin to grow ye shall clear away the branches which bring forth bitter fruit, according to the strength of the (strength) and the size thereof; and ye shall not clear away the (weakness) thereof all at once, lest the roots thereof should be too strong for the graft, and the graft thereof shall perish." Any areas of life which bring forth bitter, or strongly distasteful, results from same-sex attraction must be cleared out. This could include forgiving someone, removing issues with codependency, healing from heartache, and so on. However, as these verses indicate, one should not "clear away the (weakness) all at once". This is because SSA deeply roots itself in the entire being of those who cope with it. If someone with SSA tried to remove it all at once, the result would be disastrous because any progress would die out. The proper way to go about it is thus: "...wherefore ye shall clear away the (weakness) according as the (strength) shall grow, that the root and the top may be equal in strength, until the good shall overcome the (weakness), and the (weakness) be hewn down and cast into the fire." (v.65) In other words, as your strength in good works and circumstances grows in relation to your SSA, clear it out in the sense that it does not control you or define who you are.
Next, delving into the following verse, we can glean useful principles as well: "And the branches of the natural tree will I graft in again into the natural tree; And
the branches of the natural tree will I graft into the natural branches
of the tree; and thus will I bring them together again, that they shall
bring forth the natural fruit, and they shall be one." Christ is the one who is bringing in these good things through His grace, tender mercies, compassion, and perfect love. Earlier, He stated that "it grieveth me that I should lose the trees of my vineyard", which is also the reason He gave for counseling us to let our strength grow in direct relation to our weakness. From these two short statements, it becomes clear how intimately involved He is in the process of coming unto Him with such a difficult trial. He loves us very personally and deeply and as such, I believe that His healing for us is equally such. And whether that healing actually removes the SSA or simply gives us strength and perspective to endure it with joy into the next life, that is up to Him. Our job, I believe, is to accept His will and keep moving forward in righteousness.
As it continues, it states that natural branches will be grafted into natural branches. To me, this alludes to human intimacy, and, depending on the individual, marriage and family. Now, it does not necessarily refer to marriage and family, because it is not always God's will for everyone to get married in this life. God will give everyone at chance at it, however, it is clear from the teachings of the prophets and apostles that it can occur in either this life or the next. It is not essential to the Plan of Salvation for marriage to occur here, because it is binding as much in heaven as it is on earth, and also because it still satisfies the nature of God (mercy and justice) either way. That being said, I believe that many individuals with SSA will enjoy very close, deep friendships and meaningful familial relationships, even ones that would mirror those described in scripture-like David and Jonathan, for instance. Such individuals probably will not get married until later or not at all. As those connections form and intertwine with each other, though, natural branches are grafted into natural branches because the natural order from another person's life is mixing with that of an individual with SSA, thus making his/her life more natural. This verse could also refer to people who find another person to marry and have a family with, which is self-explanatory in how natural branches are grafted into natural branches. To summarize, such a grafting occurs because a different, more "traditional" sort of natural order is being instituted in that person's life.
I testify to all my readers that God understands that we are indeed like trees, growing into the virtues that He desires us to. Weaknesses, although not as undesirable as sins, still require a process for us to go through in order to open up the paths to nourishment and keep them that way. And as we do so, we fulfill the promise given in Ether 12:27: "...my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them." I know that our SSA can become an asset to us at the very least, and if it is God's will, He can remove it for us. How marvelous and comforting it is to know that God allows us to have weaknesses so that they can become strengths, and glorify Him in so doing. As we approach General Conference weekend, I pray that we may seek wisdom from God as to how we may become "trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He might be glorified." Keep reading, my friends!!!
3.23.2014
Lessons From the Olive Tree- Part 1 of 2
Some of my readers may wonder how these blog posts come about, because I somehow manage to write new ones a couple times each month. Though I have countless different influences, such as loved ones, scriptures, music, spiritual pondering, and more, the Spirit always is the medium by which blog ideas come to my attention. Today, it brought some ideas to my mind as I studied the allegory of the olive tree, found in Jacob 5. And I most certainly hope that these miscellaneous spiritual thoughts will aid at least a few of you in your journey towards the light as you or someone you know copes with same-sex attraction. I have personally found them to be highly enlightening to my mind and spirit.
To begin, then, one particular set of verses (Jacob 5: 64-68) caught my attention, which is where I have drawn each little principle from. To begin, there is a three-step process given to the servants of God before the "trees" (us) can begin to receive the grafting, which means cutting away part of one tree and uniting it with another tree. Back to the three-step process. First, digging. What does digging around trees do? It forms a circular, sunken area around the trees, enabling them to best soak up the nourishment of water and manure. Next, pruning cuts back the branches so that when they grow again, they bring forth the best quality of fruit. And finally, spreading manure at the base of the tree provides additional nourishment to sustain the tree and accelerate its growth. Let's explore those, then.
In same-sex attraction, I have observed that we sometimes bury our feelings about it beneath the surface- shame, guilt, embarrassment, anger, fear, doubt, and so on. Those emotions tend to fester there, until they become like an excruciatingly painful infection that is much too difficult to ignore. Some people keep them mostly there, letting just enough out in radical spurts to irregularly regulate the pressure. Others remain silent, suffering in their isolation and wondering when the pain will ever end. And still others open up intermittently, sometimes finding relief but nothing sufficiently healing. Certainly, of course, other scenarios exist, but these are the most common I have observed. How does "digging" come in? With a spade of openness, honesty, trust, faith, optimism, love, and wisdom, I believe the surface can be broken up. And in its place, we can form a circular pattern of support, one that runs deep in the ground of our hearts. This enables us to best receive the nourishment of love that is surely waiting for every SSA individual.
Naturally, life is not always brimming over with loving support, helping hands, and acceptance. Indeed, sometimes we will find in our attractions that much less help than we need or perhaps no help at all is being given. It may surprise you, then, that the symbol of the second step of "pruning" plays the most important part. You see, the others relate to nourishment. But without being cut back, a tree cannot realize its full potential. Similarly, God sends us opposition in many forms (or simply allows it to happen) because He understands that unless we endure that opposition with faithfulness, we cannot realize our eternal potential as sons and daughters of God. Opposition is essential to our salvation and exaltation. Through the pruning of friendships & relationships falling apart, rejection from family, unrighteous judgment, gossip, self-doubt, struggles with chastity, heartache for marriage and family, and denying ourselves of ungodly desires, we emerge having our best qualities growing back or developing more quickly. In short, we find sanctification.
Continuing on, then, the final step is additional nourishment. It may interest you, though, to know that spreading manure is most definitely not a one-time event. Throughout the life of the tree, the one taking care of it regularly gives it that extra amount of nourishment to accelerate its growth. When coping with SSA in gospel-centered ways, we must discover personal ways to maintain our overall faithfulness to the Lord, particularly in larger affairs such as chastity. As for how you may do so, I would suggest pondering it over in your mind, weighing out the many paths of righteousness before you. Study the scriptures and other authoritative sources in the Church, and discern through the Spirit those which would best serve you. Then pray, and wait upon the Lord's timing and His ways to answer. I promise you will find your path to keep going. For now, I wish to end...but I have more principles to discuss from this allegory in a few weeks' time. Until then, I wish you well and express my gratitude for you reading my blog post.
3.06.2014
Today Is Your Day
I find it interesting and refreshing that the scriptures have stirred so many of my blog posts, but not altogether surprising. You see, we share a sort of love affair-so I cannot exactly say that no product would come out of our daily entanglements with each other. As I was pondering a scripture from the Sermon on the Mount, a principle related to SSA came to my mind, and so I felt prompted to share it on my blog. The scripture states, "Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof." (Matthew 6:34) In essence, tomorrow is an independent entity that we are not supposed to overly concern ourselves with. Now, of course this means we can set goals, plan, and so forth-however, the Savior counseled against preoccupation with tomorrow.
As I have observed my own life journey with same-sex attraction, I have realized that many of the questions I had concerning did not center on today. Rather, they centered on tomorrow, next week, or some other vaguely distant date. I wish to discuss some of what I feel are the more common concerns in the SSA community that involve days beyond today. The first I believe is relationships, whether simply of romance or marriage itself. When I first started acknowledging my feelings of being attracted to men, I realized that this could potentially affect my chances for marriage. It bothered me, knowing that perhaps I would not have my own children-but at the same time, being young and full of sex hormones, I did not care. It crossed my mind that maybe I could just find a boyfriend or get married to another guy, and have sexual gratification without the "bother" of children. However, through sacred revelation from the Lord and the conviction of the Spirit, I came to understand that I wanted and needed to have children. Christ saw the good within me, and wanted His spirit children to have a righteous earthly father. And so with great difficulty, I abandoned the idea of same-sex relationships and any ideas of sexual gratification, which also required a great deal of repentance on my part. That part of my journey is now largely behind me, though naturally temptation still has its enticing power.
Another concern of mine I had for the future centered in my sexual relationship with my future wife. What if I could get married, I asked myself, and could not either fulfill her desires and/or mine? Perhaps this is a tad personal to the reader, but I think it's necessary for me to share, because many of us in the SSA community have this concern. Though sex is never the focus of a celestial marriage, it certainly comprises a decent part of it. Healthy marriages cannot exist without a steady sexual energy in them. And so I worried about my ability to maintain sexual desire for her, and to express it meaningfully, intentionally, and intimately. Because I love my Heavenly Father and know I can trust Him with anything, I pleaded with Him in prayer to know if things would work out, because I wanted more than anything to be a good husband in every area. If I couldn't make this aspect of marriage work, I knew I would turn to an alternate lifestyle and break my future wife's heart. With my pleading came the answer that as I drew close to her mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, that physical desire would grow in time; I just had to exercise faith and patience. And because I believe that my Heavenly Father knows all things, my mind rested from its concern and this also faded.
My concern of having enough male support,which entailed physical affection and quality time, also was resolved through initiative on my part and divine intervention. I saw this same resolution as well in other areas, such as when I wanted acceptance when I told people of my struggle with SSA and received it, or when I expressed desires in prayer for a romantic relationship and received that, too. The point of all this? God knows of our needs and our desires, and He does not forsake us; therefore, we should always remember to think about our SSA from day to day-not in terms of some distant day. As John the Beloved once said, "And whatsoever we ask, we receive of him, because we keep his commandments, and do those things that are pleasing in his sight." (1st John 3:22) If we are doing what is right with pure intentions, striving to be better than we were yesterday, I am confident that Heavenly Father hears our prayers and answers them with a cheerful and loving heart. Today is your day to focus on what you can do to deepen that relationship with Him, thereby opening up the blessings of revelation and personal desires.
As I have observed my own life journey with same-sex attraction, I have realized that many of the questions I had concerning did not center on today. Rather, they centered on tomorrow, next week, or some other vaguely distant date. I wish to discuss some of what I feel are the more common concerns in the SSA community that involve days beyond today. The first I believe is relationships, whether simply of romance or marriage itself. When I first started acknowledging my feelings of being attracted to men, I realized that this could potentially affect my chances for marriage. It bothered me, knowing that perhaps I would not have my own children-but at the same time, being young and full of sex hormones, I did not care. It crossed my mind that maybe I could just find a boyfriend or get married to another guy, and have sexual gratification without the "bother" of children. However, through sacred revelation from the Lord and the conviction of the Spirit, I came to understand that I wanted and needed to have children. Christ saw the good within me, and wanted His spirit children to have a righteous earthly father. And so with great difficulty, I abandoned the idea of same-sex relationships and any ideas of sexual gratification, which also required a great deal of repentance on my part. That part of my journey is now largely behind me, though naturally temptation still has its enticing power.
Another concern of mine I had for the future centered in my sexual relationship with my future wife. What if I could get married, I asked myself, and could not either fulfill her desires and/or mine? Perhaps this is a tad personal to the reader, but I think it's necessary for me to share, because many of us in the SSA community have this concern. Though sex is never the focus of a celestial marriage, it certainly comprises a decent part of it. Healthy marriages cannot exist without a steady sexual energy in them. And so I worried about my ability to maintain sexual desire for her, and to express it meaningfully, intentionally, and intimately. Because I love my Heavenly Father and know I can trust Him with anything, I pleaded with Him in prayer to know if things would work out, because I wanted more than anything to be a good husband in every area. If I couldn't make this aspect of marriage work, I knew I would turn to an alternate lifestyle and break my future wife's heart. With my pleading came the answer that as I drew close to her mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, that physical desire would grow in time; I just had to exercise faith and patience. And because I believe that my Heavenly Father knows all things, my mind rested from its concern and this also faded.
My concern of having enough male support,which entailed physical affection and quality time, also was resolved through initiative on my part and divine intervention. I saw this same resolution as well in other areas, such as when I wanted acceptance when I told people of my struggle with SSA and received it, or when I expressed desires in prayer for a romantic relationship and received that, too. The point of all this? God knows of our needs and our desires, and He does not forsake us; therefore, we should always remember to think about our SSA from day to day-not in terms of some distant day. As John the Beloved once said, "And whatsoever we ask, we receive of him, because we keep his commandments, and do those things that are pleasing in his sight." (1st John 3:22) If we are doing what is right with pure intentions, striving to be better than we were yesterday, I am confident that Heavenly Father hears our prayers and answers them with a cheerful and loving heart. Today is your day to focus on what you can do to deepen that relationship with Him, thereby opening up the blessings of revelation and personal desires.
2.18.2014
Strength From An Unexpected Place
Some time ago, I was studying the scriptures and came across a passage I must have read a hundred times. However, this time a meaning from it struck me so meaningfully and deeply that I have not easily forgotten it. It remains embedded in my spirit, for me to reflect on again and again. You see, I had been struggling with what I believe many of us struggle with- a desire to attain to some ridiculous standard of perfection or golden excellence. Due to my human nature, though, I was failing quite miserably and felt quite miserable to be honest. The clouds were lifting, though, as I considered the following scripture:
"And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me." (2nd Corinthians 12:9)
I love this scripture because the Lord revealed that His strength is made perfect in our weakness, which means two things. The first is that when we rely on His grace in humble submission and unwavering faith, His power rests upon us and we are able to endure to the end. That is the primary message that I would always take away from it when I read it before. But as I studied the scripture this time around, I realized the second truth. It teaches that our weaknesses are necessary for Christ to perfectly and beautifully demonstrate how His Atonement strengthens us in our mortal journey here. In the words of C.S. Lewis, "Man does not exist for his own sake. 'Thou hast created all things, and for thy pleasure they are and were created.' We were made not primarily that we may love God (though we were made for that too) but that God may love us, that we may become objects in which the divine love may rest 'well pleased' "
To me, what this means is that God has given us weaknesses that we may be humble, not necessarily as groveling creatures, but rather as moldable sons and daughters of God who are willing to pass through the refiner's fine to release our impurities. We are indeed His children, whom He guides, speaks to, expends His power upon, and more. God is so involved in our daily lives that I think we scarcely realize to what extent He is engaged sometimes. I am reminded of the scripture that states, "He doeth not anything save it be for the benefit of the world; for he loveth the world, even that he layeth down his own life that he may draw all men unto him." (2nd Nephi 26:24) To me, a proper interpretation of this scripture speaks not only of the Atonement, but also that Christ lays down His life on our behalf every single day of His eternal existence. He does not do anything except it is for our personal benefit, and this because He loves us so much. God is not satisfied with our current state of things until we have reached our infinite potential, touching the celestial pinnacle of our purpose in eternity. And here, I believe as my personal opinion that God does not rest even a little with His children until they safely arrive in the Church, and then He is off again, to maintain a defense against the wiles and devices of the devil.
How, then, does this apply to same-sex attraction? In my opinion, same-sex attraction is a weakness, but not in the sense of a person having something that needs to be fixed. Rather, it is more like the person who has a strong pull towards food, alcohol, sex, drugs, etc. They have a weakness for such things, and it something to be coped with- not necessarily fixed. Anyhow, if we are assuming that SSA is a weakness, then we can also safely assume that Christ has given it to us in order to beautifully demonstrate the strength His Atonement provides. Also, we can most definitely see that the SSA is there to manifest the glory of His Atoning sacrifice, that others might see our good works and glorify our Father in Heaven. Regarding my personal desires to be "perfect" or strive towards some golden excellence standard, they dissipated as I realized that Christ wanted to show everyone how He was working through me in grace, love, and compassion. I was a work of art that He wanted everyone to see, and as the Master Artist, He took great care to beautify my heart, soul, and mind in every way possible. How amazing, I thought, as I studied.
Same-sex attraction might not ever leave in this life, and it might not even fade, but this I do know-that "all things work together for the good of them that love God, who are called according to His purpose." And from what I can see from my own life, I have been able to inspire, serve, and bless many individuals who cope with SSA while striving to live LDS standards of chastity, dating, friendship, and so on. It is never easy. But if I can bring Church members closer to Christ and show them that selfish sexual gratification, disgracing marriage and family, and a lack of virtue are NOT the only way, then I have accomplished my purpose. Every member of the Church touched by SSA in some way has a purpose, and all things will work together for their good as well. But they all must remember that weaknesses of any kind in the journey of SSA are gifts from Jesus Christ, to be changed into personal strengths that will, in turn, strengthen others. We are here to show that it is possible to hold up marriage and family as God intended, to preserve chastity, date wholesomely, form friendships honorably, and live decently as citizens of society. And I know that my weaknesses are gifts from God, to rely on His Son, Jesus Christ, that His power may rest upon me. I know I can be an influence for virtue and light in this world, and I testify all of you can as well.
"And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me." (2nd Corinthians 12:9)
I love this scripture because the Lord revealed that His strength is made perfect in our weakness, which means two things. The first is that when we rely on His grace in humble submission and unwavering faith, His power rests upon us and we are able to endure to the end. That is the primary message that I would always take away from it when I read it before. But as I studied the scripture this time around, I realized the second truth. It teaches that our weaknesses are necessary for Christ to perfectly and beautifully demonstrate how His Atonement strengthens us in our mortal journey here. In the words of C.S. Lewis, "Man does not exist for his own sake. 'Thou hast created all things, and for thy pleasure they are and were created.' We were made not primarily that we may love God (though we were made for that too) but that God may love us, that we may become objects in which the divine love may rest 'well pleased' "
To me, what this means is that God has given us weaknesses that we may be humble, not necessarily as groveling creatures, but rather as moldable sons and daughters of God who are willing to pass through the refiner's fine to release our impurities. We are indeed His children, whom He guides, speaks to, expends His power upon, and more. God is so involved in our daily lives that I think we scarcely realize to what extent He is engaged sometimes. I am reminded of the scripture that states, "He doeth not anything save it be for the benefit of the world; for he loveth the world, even that he layeth down his own life that he may draw all men unto him." (2nd Nephi 26:24) To me, a proper interpretation of this scripture speaks not only of the Atonement, but also that Christ lays down His life on our behalf every single day of His eternal existence. He does not do anything except it is for our personal benefit, and this because He loves us so much. God is not satisfied with our current state of things until we have reached our infinite potential, touching the celestial pinnacle of our purpose in eternity. And here, I believe as my personal opinion that God does not rest even a little with His children until they safely arrive in the Church, and then He is off again, to maintain a defense against the wiles and devices of the devil.
How, then, does this apply to same-sex attraction? In my opinion, same-sex attraction is a weakness, but not in the sense of a person having something that needs to be fixed. Rather, it is more like the person who has a strong pull towards food, alcohol, sex, drugs, etc. They have a weakness for such things, and it something to be coped with- not necessarily fixed. Anyhow, if we are assuming that SSA is a weakness, then we can also safely assume that Christ has given it to us in order to beautifully demonstrate the strength His Atonement provides. Also, we can most definitely see that the SSA is there to manifest the glory of His Atoning sacrifice, that others might see our good works and glorify our Father in Heaven. Regarding my personal desires to be "perfect" or strive towards some golden excellence standard, they dissipated as I realized that Christ wanted to show everyone how He was working through me in grace, love, and compassion. I was a work of art that He wanted everyone to see, and as the Master Artist, He took great care to beautify my heart, soul, and mind in every way possible. How amazing, I thought, as I studied.
Same-sex attraction might not ever leave in this life, and it might not even fade, but this I do know-that "all things work together for the good of them that love God, who are called according to His purpose." And from what I can see from my own life, I have been able to inspire, serve, and bless many individuals who cope with SSA while striving to live LDS standards of chastity, dating, friendship, and so on. It is never easy. But if I can bring Church members closer to Christ and show them that selfish sexual gratification, disgracing marriage and family, and a lack of virtue are NOT the only way, then I have accomplished my purpose. Every member of the Church touched by SSA in some way has a purpose, and all things will work together for their good as well. But they all must remember that weaknesses of any kind in the journey of SSA are gifts from Jesus Christ, to be changed into personal strengths that will, in turn, strengthen others. We are here to show that it is possible to hold up marriage and family as God intended, to preserve chastity, date wholesomely, form friendships honorably, and live decently as citizens of society. And I know that my weaknesses are gifts from God, to rely on His Son, Jesus Christ, that His power may rest upon me. I know I can be an influence for virtue and light in this world, and I testify all of you can as well.
2.03.2014
I "Need" (?) Male Affection
Often enough, everyone witnesses mutual male affection in all its beauty and intimacy. Though some might classify that sort of love as "gay", I believe it ignorant and false to assume so. Why? Because some straight men like physical touch with other close male friends, and sometimes even just men in general. It happens to be the way they speak love through their love language. That is their personality makeup. In addition, history will show (in more decent, civilized times of society) that males in Western civilization-particularly America-expressed their love often through physical touch. And not only did they express their love through physical touch, sometimes that touch included "taboo" things by today's terms, such as kissing on the cheek, holding hands, and giving longer hugs. Furthermore, according to reliable research with cited resources, I have discovered that men in America and other places did not receive accusations of homosexuality or anything similar to it when doing even more extreme things such as living together, sleeping in the same places, and spending tremendous amounts of time together. If anything happened between them sexually, then people called them homosexual. Hence, it is ignorant and false to call men gay when they love being physically affectionate with other men, because it has been perfectly natural in the past. All that we can conclude, really, is that someone down the line decided to decry such things as "homosexual" because they wanted to sexualize the totally non-sexual behavior of another.
That being said, then, I wish to delve into a subject that has somewhat annoyed but also amused me for some time regarding the gay community both in and out of the Church. You see, men who identify with homosexuality to any degree persistently insist they "need" male affection. I am rather inclined to believe that this is not a "need" to have male affection, but instead someone needing to be needed. Let me explain. When someone needs to be needed (and we all know the sort), they feel they cannot live without the love they crave. And when they do receive it, they only want more and more afterward. It becomes a vicious cycle of "need". I must ask my readers to consider if this is really healthy for those in the gay community who engage in this behavior; whether they are LDS or not doesn't matter. Needing to be needed is detrimental to the journey toward peace for me as a gay individual because it pushed people away by draining them, made them feel badly about their social skills, and made them feel uncomfortable. In addition, demanding tasks of people has had a way of creating resentment and a prejudice towards me, who demanded said tasks. Along the journey toward peace with homosexuality, I believe it is better to want male affection in healthy ways as described above.
I find that developing friendship with an intent for male affection later leads to better places, because one can control himself better, follow the Spirit's guidance more easily, and find positive fulfillment when the affection happens. In addition, it can lead to healthier feelings regarding a guy's standing with his homosexuality, because he can feel more supported, accepted, and at ease among both straight and gay men alike. Having a network of men to be affectionate with in healthy, non-sexual ways provides friendship, which is valuable for a particularly good reason identified by C.S. Lewis. He stated that friendship is unique from the other loves in the sense that civilization can survive without it, yet it is a mercy from God that we all enjoy to better civilization and make it more joyful. Continuing on, he said that friendship is something that does not really interact with other forms of love that much-it is very much a stand-alone sort of love. These both are valuable concepts for gay men because oftentimes, those struggling with their sexual orientation and religion or in other ways can find hope in knowing that friendship will provide them with a merciful joy outside of their pain. It stands alone when it is not needed, or indeed even wanted. It comes when gay individuals can reach out and see the same truth as another, and/or share the interests that person does. Thus, the answer is not to need or even want male affection-rather, it is to seek out common interests and truth with other men. This will lead into friendship, and friendship will lead to affection-which, of course, is a mark of true masculinity.
That being said, then, I wish to delve into a subject that has somewhat annoyed but also amused me for some time regarding the gay community both in and out of the Church. You see, men who identify with homosexuality to any degree persistently insist they "need" male affection. I am rather inclined to believe that this is not a "need" to have male affection, but instead someone needing to be needed. Let me explain. When someone needs to be needed (and we all know the sort), they feel they cannot live without the love they crave. And when they do receive it, they only want more and more afterward. It becomes a vicious cycle of "need". I must ask my readers to consider if this is really healthy for those in the gay community who engage in this behavior; whether they are LDS or not doesn't matter. Needing to be needed is detrimental to the journey toward peace for me as a gay individual because it pushed people away by draining them, made them feel badly about their social skills, and made them feel uncomfortable. In addition, demanding tasks of people has had a way of creating resentment and a prejudice towards me, who demanded said tasks. Along the journey toward peace with homosexuality, I believe it is better to want male affection in healthy ways as described above.
I find that developing friendship with an intent for male affection later leads to better places, because one can control himself better, follow the Spirit's guidance more easily, and find positive fulfillment when the affection happens. In addition, it can lead to healthier feelings regarding a guy's standing with his homosexuality, because he can feel more supported, accepted, and at ease among both straight and gay men alike. Having a network of men to be affectionate with in healthy, non-sexual ways provides friendship, which is valuable for a particularly good reason identified by C.S. Lewis. He stated that friendship is unique from the other loves in the sense that civilization can survive without it, yet it is a mercy from God that we all enjoy to better civilization and make it more joyful. Continuing on, he said that friendship is something that does not really interact with other forms of love that much-it is very much a stand-alone sort of love. These both are valuable concepts for gay men because oftentimes, those struggling with their sexual orientation and religion or in other ways can find hope in knowing that friendship will provide them with a merciful joy outside of their pain. It stands alone when it is not needed, or indeed even wanted. It comes when gay individuals can reach out and see the same truth as another, and/or share the interests that person does. Thus, the answer is not to need or even want male affection-rather, it is to seek out common interests and truth with other men. This will lead into friendship, and friendship will lead to affection-which, of course, is a mark of true masculinity.
1.05.2014
New Beginnings and Hopes
With the New Year comes a new spirit of freedom, self-acceptance, and self-confidence on my part. I have opened up and let the world know of my struggles with same-sex attraction and my intent to live the standards of the Church. As my blog clearly has indicated, my views on same-sex attraction, though loving towards all of God's children, will never compromise His standards. Indeed, I have done my best (though certainly been less than perfect) to communicate that hope shines for anyone in any situation, regardless of whether they are living the way Christ would have them live or not. I must say, however, that my blog may have appeared forceful, critical, or perhaps unkind to some individuals. But I have not ever intended my words to speak anything but charity and truth. From what the apostles and prophets have taught, tolerance is balanced with absolute truth-including that of compassion, acceptance, pure love, humility, and other very important virtues. To my readers, I sincerely hope to improve in these areas and others as I communicate my personal testimony and views on the gospel. Nothing I say has any permanent authority, because I hold no stewardship in that regard. However, I will say that the words of prophets, apostles, and scriptural sources does hold that authority, and I do my best to back up my tolerance with the absolute truth that Saints are required to have when exercising that two-sided virtue (see "Truth and Tolerance by Elder Dallin H. Oaks) of tolerance. Moving on...
Although I have often pondered on the concept of change and being converted to Christ, I have not really examined it much through the lens of SSA until this point in time. As I have thought again and again about why members of the Church with SSA struggle in their definition of who they are and where they are going, the answer astounded me. Indeed, I saw the point so clearly and the problem was resolved so quickly that I frankly almost returned to it in doubt. But I recovered myself soon after gaining that answer, and realized that it is something we have all been taught from a very, very young age. Regardless of the behavior of church leaders, family members, friends, coworkers, or whoever, I would venture to say that a very large percentage of us have been taught from a very moldable age. This principle is the definition of all we have been, are, and can become-our divine identity. Each of us is a literal spirit son or daughter of God, with infinite potential. When you read these words, do they resound with your spirit and stir your righteous desires and aspirations? Or do they simply just sit here as a meaningless combination of letters? I would urge you, if you cannot feel the love of God and your personal worth & potential when you read that statement regarding your divine identity, I have a request for you. Please, go ponder, study, and then pray about whether God loves you, if you are indeed His child, and if that is something meaningful to Him and for you. I know that if you will do this with honest intent and a humble heart, your Savior will wrap you in His arms of love, in a personalized way for you, and He will witness truth to your heart.
My brothers and sisters, though we may struggle with issues of gay marriage, same-sex dating, coming out to people, loneliness, doctrines of the Church concerning marriage, chastity, and family, or anything else-I bear my testimony that I know what defines us is our worth and potential as God's beloved sons and daughters. This trial, though part of us, is NOT us in our entirety! We are amazing!!! And as we move forward, remembering the Lord's words in Ether 12:27, we can be confident that weaknesses can be turned into strengths. In other words, this can become an asset, while yet remaining as a temptation at times. My addictions are healing and turning into spiritual assets as I bring people unto Christ with compassion, acceptance, and charity. And so have my mental illnesses. Any weaknesses or human faltering as a result of the fall of Adam can be turned into a strength through Christ. I have seen so many SSA members utilize this and turn into an instrument of compassion, healing, charity, patience, brotherhood and sisterhood, courage, faith, hope, and so much more.
As Paul stated in Romans 8:15-18, "For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father. The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God: And if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified together. For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us." The pains of this life are nothing compared to being a joint-heir with Jesus Christ. We have access to His grace through the Atonement, and the best part is, it is based on His love-so it is free! The principles and ordinances of the gospel are there not to save nor exalt us, but rather to change us into a being like Jesus Christ, so that we may be able to joyfully and comfortably dwell within His presence after this life. It is also to bless us with our righteous desires and needs in this life. Rely on the knowledge that you are a son or daughter of the living God, and able to be a joint-heir with Jesus Christ by virtue of that truth. Find strength, comfort, and divine assistance through the Atonement of Christ-it is there by calling upon the Lord in prayer. I know this. I pray we may all know it, in our own way and in our own due time. I love all of you. More posts ahead for this abundant, rich, blessed, and marvelous year! :)
Although I have often pondered on the concept of change and being converted to Christ, I have not really examined it much through the lens of SSA until this point in time. As I have thought again and again about why members of the Church with SSA struggle in their definition of who they are and where they are going, the answer astounded me. Indeed, I saw the point so clearly and the problem was resolved so quickly that I frankly almost returned to it in doubt. But I recovered myself soon after gaining that answer, and realized that it is something we have all been taught from a very, very young age. Regardless of the behavior of church leaders, family members, friends, coworkers, or whoever, I would venture to say that a very large percentage of us have been taught from a very moldable age. This principle is the definition of all we have been, are, and can become-our divine identity. Each of us is a literal spirit son or daughter of God, with infinite potential. When you read these words, do they resound with your spirit and stir your righteous desires and aspirations? Or do they simply just sit here as a meaningless combination of letters? I would urge you, if you cannot feel the love of God and your personal worth & potential when you read that statement regarding your divine identity, I have a request for you. Please, go ponder, study, and then pray about whether God loves you, if you are indeed His child, and if that is something meaningful to Him and for you. I know that if you will do this with honest intent and a humble heart, your Savior will wrap you in His arms of love, in a personalized way for you, and He will witness truth to your heart.
My brothers and sisters, though we may struggle with issues of gay marriage, same-sex dating, coming out to people, loneliness, doctrines of the Church concerning marriage, chastity, and family, or anything else-I bear my testimony that I know what defines us is our worth and potential as God's beloved sons and daughters. This trial, though part of us, is NOT us in our entirety! We are amazing!!! And as we move forward, remembering the Lord's words in Ether 12:27, we can be confident that weaknesses can be turned into strengths. In other words, this can become an asset, while yet remaining as a temptation at times. My addictions are healing and turning into spiritual assets as I bring people unto Christ with compassion, acceptance, and charity. And so have my mental illnesses. Any weaknesses or human faltering as a result of the fall of Adam can be turned into a strength through Christ. I have seen so many SSA members utilize this and turn into an instrument of compassion, healing, charity, patience, brotherhood and sisterhood, courage, faith, hope, and so much more.
As Paul stated in Romans 8:15-18, "For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father. The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God: And if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified together. For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us." The pains of this life are nothing compared to being a joint-heir with Jesus Christ. We have access to His grace through the Atonement, and the best part is, it is based on His love-so it is free! The principles and ordinances of the gospel are there not to save nor exalt us, but rather to change us into a being like Jesus Christ, so that we may be able to joyfully and comfortably dwell within His presence after this life. It is also to bless us with our righteous desires and needs in this life. Rely on the knowledge that you are a son or daughter of the living God, and able to be a joint-heir with Jesus Christ by virtue of that truth. Find strength, comfort, and divine assistance through the Atonement of Christ-it is there by calling upon the Lord in prayer. I know this. I pray we may all know it, in our own way and in our own due time. I love all of you. More posts ahead for this abundant, rich, blessed, and marvelous year! :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)