Though I have neglected my blog somewhat lately, I have not ceased for lengthy periods of time to consider my next topic. As I have suffered through untold adversity for the past two months due to the careless, unkind, and often cruel actions of purported "friends" who profess to carry the name of Christ, a myriad of topics has crossed my mind. I have considered forgiveness, the power of being wrong, speaking truth vs. speaking gossip, hypocrisy and faithfulness, and more. However, were I to discourse on any such topics, I believe that I would not really be digging at the root of the whole problem. Rather, I'd be cutting away at the branches and hoping the rest would simply reveal itself with it. Since that logic altogether does not make sense, then, I have decided that I must expound on charity-and not in the contexts I have previously. Instead, I have chosen to expand that generic topic into a specific musing of sorts, that of genuine charity in friendship. And although I deal with SSA (same-sex attraction), I am choosing not to tie it into this particular blog post. To those readers who are SSA, however, I will say this: Look for the application of this to your SSA, and you will find it.
To start things, I currently sing in a choir at the Ogden Institute called the Choralaires. Every now and then, we sing in a couple wards and it is called Choralaire Sunday. Although we do sing most of the meeting, we also assign speakers to invite the Spirit. Today, a person said the following quote by Marvin J. Ashton, an apostle in that time:
"The world is filled with too many of us who are inclined to indicate our love with an announcement or declaration. True love is a process. True love requires personal action. Love must be continuing to be real. Love takes time. Too often expediency, infatuation, stimulation, persuasion, or lust are mistaken for love. How hollow, how empty if our love is no deeper than the arousal of momentary feeling or the expression in words of what is no more lasting than the time it takes to speak them. A group of college students recently indicated to me their least favorite expression to come from us as the older set is, 'If there is ever anything I can do to help you, please let me know.' They, as do others, much prefer actions over conversation."
It appears then that true love is first, a process. That means that love cannot and will not be a one-time expression of any kind, no matter how sincere, eloquent, extravagant, or bold it is. True (meaning genuine and sincere, not referring to romance) love is something, as he explains in another part of the quote, that takes time. Expressing words of kindness, compassion, comfort, etc. during a friend's trials is fine and good-but what about when that friend asked you to be physically there for them at a pressing, inconvenient, or otherwise "bothersome" time, say, at their home? I find that we all are more than capable of making time for what matters most to us. It is really a matter of whether we are willing to make the effort, put our trust in God, and ask Him to make time for us when it seems like we cannot alone. Indeed, I think it is often foolish for us to assume that we can create such time.
Second, love requires personal action. John the Beloved taught that God is love, and as the perfect embodiment of love, He set the example of always doing something that either created or perfected love around Him- whether it was healing the sick and afflicted, comforting the sorrowful, strengthening the weak, visiting with those that were rejected and different, and so on. As His disciples, we follow in His footsteps with a hope that someday, we can achieve something near to who He is. Obedience in the gospel transforms us into a mirror reflection of Christ. The point, though is to look into that mirror as often as possible, so that we can remember who we are. Act-do not be acted upon when it comes to love in friendship.
Third, love in friendship, must be continuing to be real. As the scripture in Proverbs says, "A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity." (Proverbs 17:17) Fair-weather friends, people who express love when it is easy, scheduled in, or convenient, are missing a key component to their love. I believe Paul expressed it best when he stated that charity "seeketh not her own"(1st Cor. 13:15). I believe what Elder Ashton meant here, from studying the context of the words, is simply that we must always be genuinely there for people in charitable, selfless service, as far as wisdom permits. In addition, I would interpret this to speak of honesty and healthy balance. I cannot rely on friendship for happiness, but I certainly can expect that it flourishes and grows as I do my part and the other person does his/hers. And concerning honesty, I hardly need to explain that friends are open and assertive with one another. If something is annoying, hurtful, burdensome, and whatever else, there's a responsibility there to speak up about it. Friendship, amid all the types of true love, is always real.
And fourth, love takes time. Not only does this refer to the generic process of loving others and building up that friendship, it also speaks of literal time. Spending time with a friend, whether in good times or bad, communicates a personalized and meaningful sense of attention. In an age of technology, social media, and texting, people have digitalized love. And in all reality, that is why the love of men is waxing cold, once such mediums of communication become overly indulged in. They have a marvelous place in our world-but there comes a point at which one really needs to evaluate their usage of such communication. Love certainly grows more meaningful, deep, intelligent, and connected when people love in person and express their thoughts over the phone, to include voice tone, inflection, volume, and so forth. I firmly believe that you get what you give in love and life-including time.
In conclusion, I would like to end with this quote by Neal A. Maxwell: "the only door out of the dungeon of self is the love of one's neighbor. How proud we ought to be, in a quiet way, that we are members of the church of the most selfless being who ever lived." I hope we all can ponder, in a few silent moments today, how we can express charity more meaningfully and genuinely in our friendships.
11.17.2013
10.28.2013
Cleanliness-But What Kind? (Part 2 of 2)
Some people might read the title, and say, "Duh! Only one type of cleanliness exists, Spencer." But fortunately, dear reader, you and I have discovered together that more than one type actually does exist. I have already covered emotional and spiritual cleanliness, which leaves physical and mental left to explore and uncover in detail. As you read, try to think of how this may apply to SSA. If you have not yet found an application for yourself, that is perfectly fine. I will describe a few ways these various types of cleanliness have applied to me and my SSA, personally. I will say this much, however- I have chosen to cover these four areas for a very specific reason, amid other peripheral reasons. Continuing on, then...
Physical cleanliness comes first because it remains as one of the most stigmatized measuring sticks of mankind's worth, status, and potential in life. Let us start delving into this from a logical viewpoint. How on earth do health & beauty products, clothing, or consistent hygienic habits define a person as to where they have been (worth), where they are (status), or where they are headed (potential)? Understandably, the average human judges by the outward appearance, which most certainly includes physical cleanliness. This, in turn, could influence one's perception of worth, status, and/or potential. It could even go so far as, with shallow individuals, leading one to judge so harshly as to temporarily prevent a person from progressing in life's goals, as by denying employment, speaking and acting harshly or abusively, and so forth. Without even pulling spirituality or religion into this viewpoint however, I am already confused as to how an external influence could indefinitely define an individual. It seems to me that the immortalized names of history also came from people who derived their self-worth on foundations of virtue and morality, rather than foundations of looks and appearance. And, moving into the spiritual side of this, our Savior's name is by far the greatest among such immortalized names, literally and figuratively speaking.
Now, when the Savior spoke in the scriptures regarding this, I am certain you, dear reader, have familiarized yourself with the next couple of scripture stories I am going to share. In 1st Samuel chapter 16, the prophet Samuel came to Bethelem to make one of the sons of Jesse (the father of David) the Lord's anointed. Jesse brought out every one of his sons, except David, making seven of them. As they started, Samuel looked at the eldest and basically said, "Oh, this must be him". But then the Lord spoke the wise and oft-quoted truth, "Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart." (1st Samuel 16:7). What, then, does this teach? Well, since the Lord also rebuked the Pharisees, telling them that outwardly they were "beautiful unto men, but inwardly full of dead men's bones and all manner of uncleanliness", I think I have an idea. When I choose to judge another based on how he looks, smells, or otherwise appears to me, I have immediately made not only an unrighteous, but a harsh and unwarranted judgment at that. The Lord looks upon the heart not only as an example to us, but also because He is the only one who perfectly knows the story of every child of God. We can gain sufficient knowledge to judge righteously, this is true. Yet, I wonder how often I judge without regarding each of the seven principles of righteous judgment, as taught by Elder Oaks (see "Judge Not and Judging, www.lds.org) Such righteous judgments are more rare than I think I am willing to admit sometimes. All of us, myself included, should take the time to get to know a person, rather than simply looking at a person and either disqualifying them or qualifying them for friendship, romance, or any other sort of connection or relationship.
Moving on, mental cleanliness to me does mean a few different things. It does include a sort of spiritual element, because we must watch our thoughts, to keep them clean through prayer, physical exercise (yes, your thoughts are affected by the biochemical state of your body), scripture study, and all that jazz. However, were I to elaborate on that, I think I would cover something a tad cliché. Simply put, watching your thoughts by keeping your body and spirit active through exertion and faith creates that thought control. Enough said. Another element of mental cleanliness is taking time out for your mind to relax and rejuvenate. God has designed our brains with physiological and psychological mechanisms that empower our minds to be refreshed-but only if we choose the activities and lifestyle that will allow it. In the half hour to hour that you "could be studying", "could be doing homework", or "could be doing a work project", or whatever, you could also be relaxing and subsequently improving your body's capacity to do more in less time. Research and professional medical opinions will most definitely back me up on this. Take care of you, and your body will follow. In addition, I believe that within the madness of busy schedules, degree-seeking, and-dare I say it-romance, one must learn to find serenity on the go. Breathing techniques, positive affirmations, utilizing the imagination, and other coping skills create a tidy mentality in which one can more perfectly function with efficiency. Learn to chill on the go-trust me, it helps. And finally, as I have written in more detail in another blog post, simplifying your life in whatever way works for you also cleans out the mind and organizes it wonderfully. Simplicity gives a sense of confidence and poise that it seems like not much else can. To me, that is one reason why I love the gospel of Jesus Christ, as taught by the Church. It gives us a simple, yet profound way to follow God.
SSA fits into physical cleanliness because I often think stereotypes are associated with whom we associate in the SSA community. Rather than judging by a person's heart, sometimes I think we fall into the trap of viewing a person based on how nice their clothes are, how nice their face is, the type of cologne/perfume they wear, etc. And going even further, sometimes the physical appearance overall (such as weight, height, eye color, and so on) plays the primary role in how we associate with others in the SSA community, rather than what the person's character is like-after we get to know him or her. Really, I believe that judging in such shortsighted ways robs us of valuable friendships, emotional intimacy with our brothers and sisters in Christ, and could even potentially delay fulfilling and meaningful marriage by creating habits of shallow judging. In the future, if one does get married, it could create issues with the other individual because you have been conditioned to believe that physical attractiveness is much bigger than it really is, in the grand, eternal scheme of things. All will be physically and aesthetically appealing in eternity-but for now, we must find true and individual beauty.
In terms of mental cleanliness and SSA, it clears up problems with potential sin, because my mind is the stage of where darkness or light can act. When I fill my mind with virtue and light on a continual basis, addiction and vice have no lasting effects upon me- provided I repent and strengthens my conversion to Jesus Christ. It also creates personal relaxation, which provides direction, comfort, and clarity in a world so filled with confusion and darkness. And it also gives me tools to cope with personal affliction, such as my mental illnesses. Adversity and opposition, rather than worsening my SSA, become assets to it as I clear out the clutter and simplify life because it increases confidence and preparedness for the unexpected. It also builds faith and trust in the Lord's timing, power, revelation (both general and personal), comfort, and all else He accomplishes in my life, because a mind opened up to light is a mind filled with enlightenment and illumination. When I choose to look forward, into the past, or to stay within the present, I can remain at peace, because I see through spiritual eyes and I know the Lord has been there. It is my prayer for each of us that we can strive for cleanliness in every area, because as mentioned earlier, I wrote about all of them for a specific purpose-that being a mindset of overall wellness. When we speak of wellness, we mean a state of homeostasis, in which the body is able to return to a state of healthy normality. Through cultivating overall cleanliness, our heart, spirit, mind, and body will find a state of balance, full of resilience and elasticity. And that will help each of us at least a little in our individual journeys towards peace with same-sex attraction.
Physical cleanliness comes first because it remains as one of the most stigmatized measuring sticks of mankind's worth, status, and potential in life. Let us start delving into this from a logical viewpoint. How on earth do health & beauty products, clothing, or consistent hygienic habits define a person as to where they have been (worth), where they are (status), or where they are headed (potential)? Understandably, the average human judges by the outward appearance, which most certainly includes physical cleanliness. This, in turn, could influence one's perception of worth, status, and/or potential. It could even go so far as, with shallow individuals, leading one to judge so harshly as to temporarily prevent a person from progressing in life's goals, as by denying employment, speaking and acting harshly or abusively, and so forth. Without even pulling spirituality or religion into this viewpoint however, I am already confused as to how an external influence could indefinitely define an individual. It seems to me that the immortalized names of history also came from people who derived their self-worth on foundations of virtue and morality, rather than foundations of looks and appearance. And, moving into the spiritual side of this, our Savior's name is by far the greatest among such immortalized names, literally and figuratively speaking.
Now, when the Savior spoke in the scriptures regarding this, I am certain you, dear reader, have familiarized yourself with the next couple of scripture stories I am going to share. In 1st Samuel chapter 16, the prophet Samuel came to Bethelem to make one of the sons of Jesse (the father of David) the Lord's anointed. Jesse brought out every one of his sons, except David, making seven of them. As they started, Samuel looked at the eldest and basically said, "Oh, this must be him". But then the Lord spoke the wise and oft-quoted truth, "Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart." (1st Samuel 16:7). What, then, does this teach? Well, since the Lord also rebuked the Pharisees, telling them that outwardly they were "beautiful unto men, but inwardly full of dead men's bones and all manner of uncleanliness", I think I have an idea. When I choose to judge another based on how he looks, smells, or otherwise appears to me, I have immediately made not only an unrighteous, but a harsh and unwarranted judgment at that. The Lord looks upon the heart not only as an example to us, but also because He is the only one who perfectly knows the story of every child of God. We can gain sufficient knowledge to judge righteously, this is true. Yet, I wonder how often I judge without regarding each of the seven principles of righteous judgment, as taught by Elder Oaks (see "Judge Not and Judging, www.lds.org) Such righteous judgments are more rare than I think I am willing to admit sometimes. All of us, myself included, should take the time to get to know a person, rather than simply looking at a person and either disqualifying them or qualifying them for friendship, romance, or any other sort of connection or relationship.
Moving on, mental cleanliness to me does mean a few different things. It does include a sort of spiritual element, because we must watch our thoughts, to keep them clean through prayer, physical exercise (yes, your thoughts are affected by the biochemical state of your body), scripture study, and all that jazz. However, were I to elaborate on that, I think I would cover something a tad cliché. Simply put, watching your thoughts by keeping your body and spirit active through exertion and faith creates that thought control. Enough said. Another element of mental cleanliness is taking time out for your mind to relax and rejuvenate. God has designed our brains with physiological and psychological mechanisms that empower our minds to be refreshed-but only if we choose the activities and lifestyle that will allow it. In the half hour to hour that you "could be studying", "could be doing homework", or "could be doing a work project", or whatever, you could also be relaxing and subsequently improving your body's capacity to do more in less time. Research and professional medical opinions will most definitely back me up on this. Take care of you, and your body will follow. In addition, I believe that within the madness of busy schedules, degree-seeking, and-dare I say it-romance, one must learn to find serenity on the go. Breathing techniques, positive affirmations, utilizing the imagination, and other coping skills create a tidy mentality in which one can more perfectly function with efficiency. Learn to chill on the go-trust me, it helps. And finally, as I have written in more detail in another blog post, simplifying your life in whatever way works for you also cleans out the mind and organizes it wonderfully. Simplicity gives a sense of confidence and poise that it seems like not much else can. To me, that is one reason why I love the gospel of Jesus Christ, as taught by the Church. It gives us a simple, yet profound way to follow God.
SSA fits into physical cleanliness because I often think stereotypes are associated with whom we associate in the SSA community. Rather than judging by a person's heart, sometimes I think we fall into the trap of viewing a person based on how nice their clothes are, how nice their face is, the type of cologne/perfume they wear, etc. And going even further, sometimes the physical appearance overall (such as weight, height, eye color, and so on) plays the primary role in how we associate with others in the SSA community, rather than what the person's character is like-after we get to know him or her. Really, I believe that judging in such shortsighted ways robs us of valuable friendships, emotional intimacy with our brothers and sisters in Christ, and could even potentially delay fulfilling and meaningful marriage by creating habits of shallow judging. In the future, if one does get married, it could create issues with the other individual because you have been conditioned to believe that physical attractiveness is much bigger than it really is, in the grand, eternal scheme of things. All will be physically and aesthetically appealing in eternity-but for now, we must find true and individual beauty.
In terms of mental cleanliness and SSA, it clears up problems with potential sin, because my mind is the stage of where darkness or light can act. When I fill my mind with virtue and light on a continual basis, addiction and vice have no lasting effects upon me- provided I repent and strengthens my conversion to Jesus Christ. It also creates personal relaxation, which provides direction, comfort, and clarity in a world so filled with confusion and darkness. And it also gives me tools to cope with personal affliction, such as my mental illnesses. Adversity and opposition, rather than worsening my SSA, become assets to it as I clear out the clutter and simplify life because it increases confidence and preparedness for the unexpected. It also builds faith and trust in the Lord's timing, power, revelation (both general and personal), comfort, and all else He accomplishes in my life, because a mind opened up to light is a mind filled with enlightenment and illumination. When I choose to look forward, into the past, or to stay within the present, I can remain at peace, because I see through spiritual eyes and I know the Lord has been there. It is my prayer for each of us that we can strive for cleanliness in every area, because as mentioned earlier, I wrote about all of them for a specific purpose-that being a mindset of overall wellness. When we speak of wellness, we mean a state of homeostasis, in which the body is able to return to a state of healthy normality. Through cultivating overall cleanliness, our heart, spirit, mind, and body will find a state of balance, full of resilience and elasticity. And that will help each of us at least a little in our individual journeys towards peace with same-sex attraction.
10.22.2013
Cleanliness-But What Kind? (Part 1 of 2)
Oftentimes, I have observed in my life a desire and even a prolonged need to have my SSA ordered in a certain way, to make sure that every little thing is properly in place and every little corner is safely tucked away, out of sight and out of mind. Yes, I mean that I repressed and even ignored those feelings of attraction at times. I have learned that in my moments of greatest distress, the Savior is my Friend, Healer, and one who orders my life the way it is supposed to be. I may not desire it, but I know it happens in the best way possible, for in surrendering my will to the will of God I have discovered that He knows better than I.
Same-sex attraction, however, has an unusual pull in my life towards a desire for orderly thoughts, behavior, feelings, and so on at all times. But as I have moved forward with acceptance, compassion, and patience towards others and myself, I have learned that life does not necessarily go how my thoughts organize it, but rather as God's thoughts organize it through my actions, as I submit to Him. However, I must say that cleanliness, however small, seems to bring a certain amount of peace to those who struggle with SSA because it is something we can control. I have merely observed this; some people do not feel this way. By personal experience and viewing that of others, I have seen it quite frequently, however. The first question I see then is which kind of cleanliness takes highest priority (or should)? From my point of view, several types of cleanliness exist, including emotional, spiritual, mental, and physical. Each plays their own individual role in having SSA, and I feel it necessary to address them in a two-part post. For now, let's address the first two.
"Emotional cleanliness" may seem like an odd term, but if you think about it the phrase starts to make sense. When a person, in opposite view, does not balance out their emotions, the organization of their life falls apart to some degree. Many people with SSA deal with mental illness, codependency, weaknesses of melodramatic, clingy, and needy behavior, and more. These reflect that disorganization and sometimes pure chaos that comes as emotional balance decreases. As such, I have often found that taking time for myself centers me in the moment, and alleviates my stress, anxiety, or other negative feelings I have. In addition, being simplistic while planning out life also maintains healthy levels of self-confidence, productivity, and love in my life. It just makes life easier, in my opinion. Also, I strongly believe in the power of writing and expressing gratitude in every situation, no matter how difficult. If you find gratitude in hard situations, they come out of disguise and you see the Lord reaching down from heaven and blessing you through something difficult. Increasing gratitude more and more daily attracts more blessings into my life, I have seen. If you desire emotional cleanliness, I would recommend harnessing the power of gratitude.
Spiritual cleanliness, though something often taught about in church, is not really taught from the viewpoint of SSA. One has to interpret it through the Spirit to obtain that blessing, which is fine. I would like to simply lay it down, though. Though it comes at great personal sacrifice, I refrain from immoral, unclean, and otherwise impure activities, thoughts, feelings, speech, and so on. This includes seeking out same-sex relationships through courtship/dating, being in a same-sex relationship, acting out sexually in any form, passionate kissing, and indeed anything that includes even the slightest traces of lust. As I have done this, I have discovered far more true, lasting joy than when I have pursued the world's path of immoral and unrighteous behavior. If you wish to be spiritually clean, then I urge you to follow the words of the prophets and apostles. They speak for our Heavenly Father. Remember that above all, you are a child of God and spiritual cleanliness will bring blessings, even if they are not apparent yet. Blessings result from obedience because they change us into somebody more celestial in nature. More to come soon...
Same-sex attraction, however, has an unusual pull in my life towards a desire for orderly thoughts, behavior, feelings, and so on at all times. But as I have moved forward with acceptance, compassion, and patience towards others and myself, I have learned that life does not necessarily go how my thoughts organize it, but rather as God's thoughts organize it through my actions, as I submit to Him. However, I must say that cleanliness, however small, seems to bring a certain amount of peace to those who struggle with SSA because it is something we can control. I have merely observed this; some people do not feel this way. By personal experience and viewing that of others, I have seen it quite frequently, however. The first question I see then is which kind of cleanliness takes highest priority (or should)? From my point of view, several types of cleanliness exist, including emotional, spiritual, mental, and physical. Each plays their own individual role in having SSA, and I feel it necessary to address them in a two-part post. For now, let's address the first two.
"Emotional cleanliness" may seem like an odd term, but if you think about it the phrase starts to make sense. When a person, in opposite view, does not balance out their emotions, the organization of their life falls apart to some degree. Many people with SSA deal with mental illness, codependency, weaknesses of melodramatic, clingy, and needy behavior, and more. These reflect that disorganization and sometimes pure chaos that comes as emotional balance decreases. As such, I have often found that taking time for myself centers me in the moment, and alleviates my stress, anxiety, or other negative feelings I have. In addition, being simplistic while planning out life also maintains healthy levels of self-confidence, productivity, and love in my life. It just makes life easier, in my opinion. Also, I strongly believe in the power of writing and expressing gratitude in every situation, no matter how difficult. If you find gratitude in hard situations, they come out of disguise and you see the Lord reaching down from heaven and blessing you through something difficult. Increasing gratitude more and more daily attracts more blessings into my life, I have seen. If you desire emotional cleanliness, I would recommend harnessing the power of gratitude.
Spiritual cleanliness, though something often taught about in church, is not really taught from the viewpoint of SSA. One has to interpret it through the Spirit to obtain that blessing, which is fine. I would like to simply lay it down, though. Though it comes at great personal sacrifice, I refrain from immoral, unclean, and otherwise impure activities, thoughts, feelings, speech, and so on. This includes seeking out same-sex relationships through courtship/dating, being in a same-sex relationship, acting out sexually in any form, passionate kissing, and indeed anything that includes even the slightest traces of lust. As I have done this, I have discovered far more true, lasting joy than when I have pursued the world's path of immoral and unrighteous behavior. If you wish to be spiritually clean, then I urge you to follow the words of the prophets and apostles. They speak for our Heavenly Father. Remember that above all, you are a child of God and spiritual cleanliness will bring blessings, even if they are not apparent yet. Blessings result from obedience because they change us into somebody more celestial in nature. More to come soon...
10.15.2013
Beauty in Heartache
Heartache happens to all of us. In life, I cannot avoid the possibility of it, because others say unkind words, trials arise, life happens, and other situations occur that try my faith, hope, and optimism towards the light God has given me. I have often wondered, though, what beauty I can find in every heartache, including my SSA. Honestly, when I have chosen to change my perspective, life changes with it. Experience has provided me with plenty of witnesses to prove this point. The question is then, which beautiful aspects of same-sex attraction can I focus on during difficult times? I would like to explore just a few.
To begin with, because I have same-sex attraction I feel more inclined to act emotionally sensitive to the needs and desires of others. Since I have revelation from God promising that I shall someday find a wife, I have foreseen such a personality characteristic as an asset to my future marriage and romance we will share together. Women love romance, they love individualized attention, and they appreciate men who can tune in to their emotions while giving them validation-instead of attempting to always fix matters, as some men do. I view my SSA as an asset in that regard, because when my wife is having a rough time, desires personalized attention, or even just wants to be intimate, I will have an added measure of understanding towards her. That being said, not just my wife can benefit from such a gift. I also have used that gift to assist others around me, by speaking the right words they need to hear and offering wisdom that illuminates their pathway back to God. My friends, family, and even perfect strangers at times have all received blessings because I chose to let the Spirit work through me as an instrument in the Lord's hands. And we all can do that...I am not special nor different by any means in that regard. You, dear reader, may certainly increase your worthiness towards God and thus create a state of holiness about you in which you are more than capable of discerning others' needs.
Moving on, SSA has also opened up more genuine and deep communion with God. I have learned that in order to gain His favor, light, and understanding, I must rely solely on the grace of God and that will flow into my life. Jesus Christ suffered for my sins, and as I continually pursue a relationship with Him, I feel His guidance and reassurance that I can live the commandments, find peace amid the oppositions of others to my "old-fashioned" gay lifestyle, and understand that somehow God can help me find love. In addition, I have seen that, on my journey with SSA, my relationship with Christ establishes my joy, and others who I relate to only add to that joy. His opinion of me is really what matters, and as other people see me as He does, I come to have friendships with them as well.
Although I have sometimes desired to act out sexually or romantically with another man, I choose not to because of that relationship with Christ. And that, though it is a heartache, teaches me that true love must really be something wonderful if God is expecting me to sacrifice so much for it. The Lord, from my witness and experience, never has put me through anything that did not turn out to bless me richly later. And so, I have found greater faith in my Savior and an elevated sense of hope in romantic and true love between myself and a virtuous woman. Truly, the lack of sexual objectification present in my desires towards women has proved a marvelous blessing. Most, if not all respectable women would agree with me when I state that they would rather date, court, and marry a man who views their inner and outer beauty, not just their outer beauty as a gratification for sexual desire. I have gained a deeper respect for the virtue and role of women as I have pondered on how I may best prepare myself for the woman I desire.
Other areas of SSA exist that truly break the heart. However, I fully and firmly believe that I can find joy amid pain, and beauty within heartache. As Isaiah prophesied, the purpose of the Savior is to "To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning...", among other things. I know that we all can choose to see heartache as beautiful, because our learning, our healing, our greatest wisdom and insights, and our greatest blessings arise out of mourning and the ashes from the flagrant fires of adversity's destruction. Our beauty comes in knowing that, after looking into the starry sky during our darkest nights, the dawn of heaven will burst forth in comfort and abundance.
To begin with, because I have same-sex attraction I feel more inclined to act emotionally sensitive to the needs and desires of others. Since I have revelation from God promising that I shall someday find a wife, I have foreseen such a personality characteristic as an asset to my future marriage and romance we will share together. Women love romance, they love individualized attention, and they appreciate men who can tune in to their emotions while giving them validation-instead of attempting to always fix matters, as some men do. I view my SSA as an asset in that regard, because when my wife is having a rough time, desires personalized attention, or even just wants to be intimate, I will have an added measure of understanding towards her. That being said, not just my wife can benefit from such a gift. I also have used that gift to assist others around me, by speaking the right words they need to hear and offering wisdom that illuminates their pathway back to God. My friends, family, and even perfect strangers at times have all received blessings because I chose to let the Spirit work through me as an instrument in the Lord's hands. And we all can do that...I am not special nor different by any means in that regard. You, dear reader, may certainly increase your worthiness towards God and thus create a state of holiness about you in which you are more than capable of discerning others' needs.
Moving on, SSA has also opened up more genuine and deep communion with God. I have learned that in order to gain His favor, light, and understanding, I must rely solely on the grace of God and that will flow into my life. Jesus Christ suffered for my sins, and as I continually pursue a relationship with Him, I feel His guidance and reassurance that I can live the commandments, find peace amid the oppositions of others to my "old-fashioned" gay lifestyle, and understand that somehow God can help me find love. In addition, I have seen that, on my journey with SSA, my relationship with Christ establishes my joy, and others who I relate to only add to that joy. His opinion of me is really what matters, and as other people see me as He does, I come to have friendships with them as well.
Although I have sometimes desired to act out sexually or romantically with another man, I choose not to because of that relationship with Christ. And that, though it is a heartache, teaches me that true love must really be something wonderful if God is expecting me to sacrifice so much for it. The Lord, from my witness and experience, never has put me through anything that did not turn out to bless me richly later. And so, I have found greater faith in my Savior and an elevated sense of hope in romantic and true love between myself and a virtuous woman. Truly, the lack of sexual objectification present in my desires towards women has proved a marvelous blessing. Most, if not all respectable women would agree with me when I state that they would rather date, court, and marry a man who views their inner and outer beauty, not just their outer beauty as a gratification for sexual desire. I have gained a deeper respect for the virtue and role of women as I have pondered on how I may best prepare myself for the woman I desire.
Other areas of SSA exist that truly break the heart. However, I fully and firmly believe that I can find joy amid pain, and beauty within heartache. As Isaiah prophesied, the purpose of the Savior is to "To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning...", among other things. I know that we all can choose to see heartache as beautiful, because our learning, our healing, our greatest wisdom and insights, and our greatest blessings arise out of mourning and the ashes from the flagrant fires of adversity's destruction. Our beauty comes in knowing that, after looking into the starry sky during our darkest nights, the dawn of heaven will burst forth in comfort and abundance.
10.07.2013
Same-Sex Attraction and Truth
Before I begin discussing truth, let me first state that my intentions purely stem from charity towards everyone, those who deal with SSA (same-sex attraction) and those who do not. I absolutely love every single person who copes in some manner with this sensitive topic, and express my absolutely firm testimony that we are all children of God, deserving of respect, acceptance, compassion, hope, and every other good thing in life. Our Heavenly Father desires us to experience joy along every step of mortality, and so I also intend to provide that same joy through each of my postings here-most especially this one. Let me first begin with those of us, whether LDS or not, who struggle to know truth concerning same-sex attraction.
First and foremost, if you do not know something is true then the best course of action is to test it. In the Church, we believe that God loves all His children, regardless of their sexual orientation. We define ourselves by our divine identity as children of God, not by our past or present desires, mistakes, backgrounds, abilities, etc. As someone once said, "In the sight of God, it is not so much about where we have been or what we have done, but where we are going.", meaning that our present progression into the future is most important to our Father in Heaven, and our Savior, Jesus Christ. If you are seeking to know truth, good. That is a wonderful step in the right direction towards heaven. Now, then, how does one come to know truth? Start by defining truth, so that you are working with the right materials. A mechanic has to have all the properly sized tools to work on different cars-so it is with truth. You may have to explore these different definitions of what truth is, and either find witnesses of their validity in your life or test them out in your personal life. As you do so, you are building up a foundation of knowing what general truth is, so you can discover which specific concepts, philosophies, religious doctrines, and so forth are true.
Once you build this foundation of general truth with all its specific components, then I would recommend living and praying about truths that the Church teaches in relation to same-sex attraction. If you are a child of God, choose to be happy in all situations, to view yourself confidently, to live faithfully while being patient with yourself, and all that jazz. You are amazing. And you deserve abundant life, temporally and spiritually. That is your birthright as a spirit child of your Heavenly Father. Also, if it is the will of God for you, then seek out romance once the time is right. Faithful women are beautiful, virtuous, and a positive influence on men when viewed from every angle-spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and (depending on the subjective view of the man) physically. Take it easy, relax, and know that things work out in due time. I believe every SSA man (or woman) is capable of finding someone to love when it is God's will for them in this life, because He can provide them with the means necessary. Otherwise, I would like to expound a little for those whose circumstances prevent that from happening, whether by choice or not.
If you are one of the individuals who is doing all they can to live in sexual purity, I applaud you with deep and genuine respect and fervent admiration. Our Savior most certainly expects us to lay everything at His altar He will require of us, in order to obtain exaltation. My only plea-maintain that sexual purity. Your virtue, your sense of peace, the companionship of the Spirit, and most of all, your crown of godhood and a fulness of joy is far more important than any other worldly pursuit of pleasure, passion, emotion, and so on. Find other methods to fill in the space that such a desire leaves, with pursuits of pure love. Fatherhood (or for women, motherhood) as a single parent with adopted children may fulfill that role beautifully, as a wise friend of mine has decided to aim for. What an amazing idea- gathering little children from third world countries and taking them in! I love that idea. Others could devote their time to volunteering in hospitals, homeless shelters, and various other worthy causes in the community. And, of course, pursuing family history with renewed vigor and a true knowledge of how its processes work always fills us up with goodness. I also think, last of all, that missionary work-whether of preaching or service-accomplishes the purpose of filling oneself up with pure, perfect love. And, as John the Beloved taught, "There is no fear in love, but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that hath fear is not made perfect in love. We love him, because he first loved us." (1st John 4:18-19) Indeed, we love God so our love can be perfected in Him, to banish fear and embrace faith, hope, and charity, for all must be present or none of them can be (Moroni 7:39-47).
As one patiently lives and sees the fruits of perfect love instead of fear, it is my knowledge that they will come to believe in the truths the gospel teaches regarding each aspect of same-sex attraction. Such things come with time; we cannot expect them to happen by a calendar or deadline. Light, being divine, shines upon our hearts in the Lord's way, will, and time. Each of you are children of God, no matter what your sexual orientation may be or where you are at spiritually. Remember this and act accordingly, and His Spirit will carry you high on its wings towards heaven. You are loved.
First and foremost, if you do not know something is true then the best course of action is to test it. In the Church, we believe that God loves all His children, regardless of their sexual orientation. We define ourselves by our divine identity as children of God, not by our past or present desires, mistakes, backgrounds, abilities, etc. As someone once said, "In the sight of God, it is not so much about where we have been or what we have done, but where we are going.", meaning that our present progression into the future is most important to our Father in Heaven, and our Savior, Jesus Christ. If you are seeking to know truth, good. That is a wonderful step in the right direction towards heaven. Now, then, how does one come to know truth? Start by defining truth, so that you are working with the right materials. A mechanic has to have all the properly sized tools to work on different cars-so it is with truth. You may have to explore these different definitions of what truth is, and either find witnesses of their validity in your life or test them out in your personal life. As you do so, you are building up a foundation of knowing what general truth is, so you can discover which specific concepts, philosophies, religious doctrines, and so forth are true.
Once you build this foundation of general truth with all its specific components, then I would recommend living and praying about truths that the Church teaches in relation to same-sex attraction. If you are a child of God, choose to be happy in all situations, to view yourself confidently, to live faithfully while being patient with yourself, and all that jazz. You are amazing. And you deserve abundant life, temporally and spiritually. That is your birthright as a spirit child of your Heavenly Father. Also, if it is the will of God for you, then seek out romance once the time is right. Faithful women are beautiful, virtuous, and a positive influence on men when viewed from every angle-spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and (depending on the subjective view of the man) physically. Take it easy, relax, and know that things work out in due time. I believe every SSA man (or woman) is capable of finding someone to love when it is God's will for them in this life, because He can provide them with the means necessary. Otherwise, I would like to expound a little for those whose circumstances prevent that from happening, whether by choice or not.
If you are one of the individuals who is doing all they can to live in sexual purity, I applaud you with deep and genuine respect and fervent admiration. Our Savior most certainly expects us to lay everything at His altar He will require of us, in order to obtain exaltation. My only plea-maintain that sexual purity. Your virtue, your sense of peace, the companionship of the Spirit, and most of all, your crown of godhood and a fulness of joy is far more important than any other worldly pursuit of pleasure, passion, emotion, and so on. Find other methods to fill in the space that such a desire leaves, with pursuits of pure love. Fatherhood (or for women, motherhood) as a single parent with adopted children may fulfill that role beautifully, as a wise friend of mine has decided to aim for. What an amazing idea- gathering little children from third world countries and taking them in! I love that idea. Others could devote their time to volunteering in hospitals, homeless shelters, and various other worthy causes in the community. And, of course, pursuing family history with renewed vigor and a true knowledge of how its processes work always fills us up with goodness. I also think, last of all, that missionary work-whether of preaching or service-accomplishes the purpose of filling oneself up with pure, perfect love. And, as John the Beloved taught, "There is no fear in love, but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that hath fear is not made perfect in love. We love him, because he first loved us." (1st John 4:18-19) Indeed, we love God so our love can be perfected in Him, to banish fear and embrace faith, hope, and charity, for all must be present or none of them can be (Moroni 7:39-47).
As one patiently lives and sees the fruits of perfect love instead of fear, it is my knowledge that they will come to believe in the truths the gospel teaches regarding each aspect of same-sex attraction. Such things come with time; we cannot expect them to happen by a calendar or deadline. Light, being divine, shines upon our hearts in the Lord's way, will, and time. Each of you are children of God, no matter what your sexual orientation may be or where you are at spiritually. Remember this and act accordingly, and His Spirit will carry you high on its wings towards heaven. You are loved.
9.30.2013
In Love, Loving, and Chemical Romance
By today's societal standards, David and Jonathan once experienced a relationship of being in love and one of homosexuality, at that. If one examines 1st Samuel 18-2nd Samuel 1, however, they will find the truth that David and Jonathan based their friendship on a covenant of peace, friendship, and brotherly love. I have often found, in my various dealings with SSA and non-SSA members, that confusion exists as to whether two members of the same sex can fall in love. Let us start by exploring the love that existed between these two brethren of the holy priesthood of God, or, if you are non-religious, from the perspective of two friends.
David, up until later in his life, was "a man after the Lord's own heart" (1st Samuel 13:14). Jonathan was the son of a king, and, from the readings of the Bible, must have been a loving, protective, and warrior-spirited man. When he saw David coming back from the war with the Philistines and told King Saul (Jonathan's father) who he was and what he done to Goliath, the scriptures say that "the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul." (1st Samuel 18:1) In other words, Jonathan loved David not just because of David's apparent warrior spirit. Jonathan loved David primarily for his spirituality and conversion to Christ that resulted in him going forth into battle. At this time, they made a covenant of peace, friendship, and brotherly love, in which each of them promised to do whatever the other desired-this being in righteousness, of course. Sometimes, you will hear in modern times of friends "being there for each other no matter what" or "being another brother/sister". I believe that these statements equate to such a mutual promise between these two brothers in Christ, although I am of the opinion that they based their promise on their faith, hope, and charity as disciples of the Master. Throughout their friendship, Jonathan protected David in brotherly love because his father, King Saul, sought David's life nine times out of cruelly motivated envy. In addition, Jonathan comforted him because the situation with the king required that they mutually test the king's disposition towards David. Though accused of being treacherous to the king after refusing to deliver up the innocent David to be killed, Jonathan still maintained the integrity of his covenant to his brother in Christ and saw him through to safety even until the point at which David left the kingdom to protect his own life. Many years later, when learning of Jonathan's passing, he declared, "thy love to me was wonderful, surpassing the love of women." (2nd Samuel 1:26).
To those active and faithful, such a scripture may appear disconcerting at first. However, after a closer examination at the Hebrew translation, the word "love" refers back to the essence of a covenant, because covenants are often made in love-if not at least respect. At their best, as was the case with David and Jonathan, people make covenants with either each other or to God in love because of a mutual feeling of love and a desire to edify and bless. Returning to the scripture, then, the correct interpretation would state that David's feelings of love in his covenant with Jonathan, specifically, were greater than the love of women, generally, because his wife, Michal, showed less loyalty to their marriage covenant than Jonathan did to their covenant of brotherly love. You, reader, may be questioning how all this relates to same-sex attraction, but keep reading-I promise we are arriving there.
Oftentimes in a mutual agreement, whether expressed or unexpressed, SSA individuals confuse being "in love" with "loving". Let us explore this for a moment, and please, open up your mind so that I may use my time wisely in writing this. When someone states they are "in love", what they really mean is they have chosen the appropriate steps (getting to know someone, dating, enjoying their talents, etc.) and eventually coming to love that person as a whole. I disagree with the shortcut phrase of "falling in love" because people make it sound like an accident that they had no control over, or that they had a limited amount of choice in. Now, I understand that most people say this as a shortened way of saying all that mouthful of words above. I get that, totally. But in this context, SSA individuals say they are "falling in love" as though their moral, God-given agency somehow is taken from them and they cannot help but feeling "in love". Let us not confuse SSA chemical romance with the initial heterosexual state of being in love, because the brain is quite capable of making one feel good during hugs, cuddling, kissing, and other passionate activities I shall not mention here. That does not constitute true love of any sort, whether of the initial "in love" feeling that explodes and starts a heterosexual relationship or the quieter kind that sustains marriage.
If you are seeking the thrill of SSA chemical romance, you'll find it-that's how dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, and other minor chemicals feel, both in the mind and the heart as a direct emotional result of the mental processes that occur. But what you shall also discover as a discerning tool on whether something is a chemical romance or not is that it will simply leave you craving more, psychologically and sometimes even physiologically. You see, chemical romances have a way of giving you a sort of "high" at first-in the same way that porn, drugs, and other spiritually forbidden practices do, albeit in a much more addictive manner. Afterwards, though, you have a sort of "crash" and crave the person when they are absent-reminds you of the song, "Your Love is My Drug", does it not?
But let us not confuse SSA chemical romances with "being in love", as though we cannot help it-for that contradicts the God-given truths of agency and accountability. The state of being "in love", I should clarify, is here defined as a heterosexual attraction and choice as further described above. I am particularly fond of C.S. Lewis' statement on that, from the very applicable viewpoint of heterosexuality: "Another notion we get from novels and plays that 'falling in love' is something quite irresistible; something that just happens to one, like measels...But I am inclined to think that that these irresistible passions are much rarer in real life than in books, at any rate when one is grown up. When we meet someone who is beautiful and clever and sympathetic, of course we ought, in one sense, to admire and love these good qualities. But is it not very largely in our own choice whether this love shall, or shall not, turn into what we call 'being in love'? No doubt, if our minds are full of novels and plays and sentimental songs, and our bodies full of alcohol, we shall turn any love we feel into that kind of love: just as if you have a rut in your path all the rainwater will run into that rut, and if you wear blue spectacles everything you see will turn blue. But that will be our own fault." (C.S. Lewis: The Complete Signature Classics, Mere Christianity, 64).
Whatever one holds in their mind about the other individual, will change their perspective and thus their thoughts and emotions as a result. If you define a person by their physical appearance, so-called sexual abilities, or other methods that are meaningless in the eternal scheme of things, of course the perspective will feel biased towards being in love. Perhaps it would be worth it, in the presence of accepting but faithful Latter-Day Saints, to be affectionate with the individual you may be questioning (or to observe the relationship you are concerned about). The presence of others accomplishes the purpose of upholding moral standards at all times. If you can then, for 4-5 days, go without any communication at all and remain as you were before-just the normal you-then you can know it is the 3rd subject we have yet to briefly discuss. I also would recommend praying to God for wisdom and seeking out said wisdom from the holy scriptures.
Before I briefly cover the topic of loving, I want to point something out to you. Two of the previous topics I have covered in intertwined discussion both possess qualities of emotional, human belief-not faith in Christ. Unless placed in the context of heterosexuality, neither of them lead to edifying and uplifting influences, whether of people, media, situations, or whatever. Think about that for a minute-what good examples can you provide of SSA chemical romance or people who are SSA and claim to be in love? Are they in good places, spiritually speaking? What would Christ say about the spiritual and religious standing of those voicing their perceptions of same-sex attraction in those two contexts, I wonder? Such questions, in my opinion, seem to expose the truth of how SSA truly works in regards to chemical romances and, from my perspective, false claims of being "in love" with the same sex, which arise from confusion about what I am about to now speak on. Individuals who have not fully accepted their SSA experience frustration, many different types of confusion, shame, guilt, and so on. A great deal of us who have experienced SSA, if not all of us, know this. Often, I have seen those feelings negatively affect each relationship in a person's life who has not yet arrived in a peaceful place regarding his/her attractions towards the same sex. More specifically, people will mistakenly believe that feeling any sort of SSA attraction or pull to the same sex-including friendship-is bad and therefore is to be avoided, or it requires those feelings being repressed or reined in to some degree or another.
However, I would merely point in the direction of some scriptures, one of which states, "And that which doth not edify is not of God, and is darkness." (D&C 50:23) If something does not edify, which means to invite the Spirit of God and subsequently build your relationship with Jesus Christ, then it is from Satan. Period. We all know what is right and wrong, because the scriptures tell us that all men have the Spirit of Christ that tells them good from evil (Moroni 7:16-18). When in a friendship with someone of the same sex, and you are listening to the lie Satan is whispering that you are falling in love with them, consider where that leads. Does it lead to eternal marriage, to being a single parent with adopted children, or does it invite the Spirit? One cannot think to aim for possible marriage and potential family when falling in love, by true definition, means to love someone of the opposite sex, and hopefully marry them according to the circumstances of life and the righteous desires of the heart. Or, if neither of those are personal goals, then one cannot expect to live the gospel faithfully while following after personal lusts, passions, or other pursuits that put something before the Lord. If you are experiencing love for someone, and you are truly loving them, then view them as they really are-a child of God. The other aspects of a person, in an eternal sense, really do not matter. What matters is they are a child of God, and your role is loving him or her. As Paul said, charity "suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself (does not show off), is not puffed up, doth not behave itself unseemly (Greek translation: indecently), seeketh not her own (does not give with a thought of a reward), is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Charity never faileth..." (1st Corinthians 13:4-8). If your friendship arises out of charity (which originates from striving to follow Christ, according to Moroni), then you are set. If not, then maybe it is time for you to re-examine that friendship.
Discerning between heterosexual feelings of being "in love", SSA chemical romance, and loving both sexes is essential to loving purely and meaningfully. As each of us arrives at a peaceful place with our SSA, it is my hope that we can choose to live gospel principles, and ultimately, live as our Savior would have us live. There's no need to feel ashamed, guilty, or scared of a emotionally deep and intimate friendship with someone of the same sex, especially if you are a guy. Society may state that certain types of affections are supposedly gay or inappropriate, but members of the Church understand that our standards are often regarded as strange or unacceptable. So let others keep telling us what love is-we'll let the negativity fade into the background and love with the Spirit as our guide.
David, up until later in his life, was "a man after the Lord's own heart" (1st Samuel 13:14). Jonathan was the son of a king, and, from the readings of the Bible, must have been a loving, protective, and warrior-spirited man. When he saw David coming back from the war with the Philistines and told King Saul (Jonathan's father) who he was and what he done to Goliath, the scriptures say that "the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul." (1st Samuel 18:1) In other words, Jonathan loved David not just because of David's apparent warrior spirit. Jonathan loved David primarily for his spirituality and conversion to Christ that resulted in him going forth into battle. At this time, they made a covenant of peace, friendship, and brotherly love, in which each of them promised to do whatever the other desired-this being in righteousness, of course. Sometimes, you will hear in modern times of friends "being there for each other no matter what" or "being another brother/sister". I believe that these statements equate to such a mutual promise between these two brothers in Christ, although I am of the opinion that they based their promise on their faith, hope, and charity as disciples of the Master. Throughout their friendship, Jonathan protected David in brotherly love because his father, King Saul, sought David's life nine times out of cruelly motivated envy. In addition, Jonathan comforted him because the situation with the king required that they mutually test the king's disposition towards David. Though accused of being treacherous to the king after refusing to deliver up the innocent David to be killed, Jonathan still maintained the integrity of his covenant to his brother in Christ and saw him through to safety even until the point at which David left the kingdom to protect his own life. Many years later, when learning of Jonathan's passing, he declared, "thy love to me was wonderful, surpassing the love of women." (2nd Samuel 1:26).
To those active and faithful, such a scripture may appear disconcerting at first. However, after a closer examination at the Hebrew translation, the word "love" refers back to the essence of a covenant, because covenants are often made in love-if not at least respect. At their best, as was the case with David and Jonathan, people make covenants with either each other or to God in love because of a mutual feeling of love and a desire to edify and bless. Returning to the scripture, then, the correct interpretation would state that David's feelings of love in his covenant with Jonathan, specifically, were greater than the love of women, generally, because his wife, Michal, showed less loyalty to their marriage covenant than Jonathan did to their covenant of brotherly love. You, reader, may be questioning how all this relates to same-sex attraction, but keep reading-I promise we are arriving there.
Oftentimes in a mutual agreement, whether expressed or unexpressed, SSA individuals confuse being "in love" with "loving". Let us explore this for a moment, and please, open up your mind so that I may use my time wisely in writing this. When someone states they are "in love", what they really mean is they have chosen the appropriate steps (getting to know someone, dating, enjoying their talents, etc.) and eventually coming to love that person as a whole. I disagree with the shortcut phrase of "falling in love" because people make it sound like an accident that they had no control over, or that they had a limited amount of choice in. Now, I understand that most people say this as a shortened way of saying all that mouthful of words above. I get that, totally. But in this context, SSA individuals say they are "falling in love" as though their moral, God-given agency somehow is taken from them and they cannot help but feeling "in love". Let us not confuse SSA chemical romance with the initial heterosexual state of being in love, because the brain is quite capable of making one feel good during hugs, cuddling, kissing, and other passionate activities I shall not mention here. That does not constitute true love of any sort, whether of the initial "in love" feeling that explodes and starts a heterosexual relationship or the quieter kind that sustains marriage.
If you are seeking the thrill of SSA chemical romance, you'll find it-that's how dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, and other minor chemicals feel, both in the mind and the heart as a direct emotional result of the mental processes that occur. But what you shall also discover as a discerning tool on whether something is a chemical romance or not is that it will simply leave you craving more, psychologically and sometimes even physiologically. You see, chemical romances have a way of giving you a sort of "high" at first-in the same way that porn, drugs, and other spiritually forbidden practices do, albeit in a much more addictive manner. Afterwards, though, you have a sort of "crash" and crave the person when they are absent-reminds you of the song, "Your Love is My Drug", does it not?
But let us not confuse SSA chemical romances with "being in love", as though we cannot help it-for that contradicts the God-given truths of agency and accountability. The state of being "in love", I should clarify, is here defined as a heterosexual attraction and choice as further described above. I am particularly fond of C.S. Lewis' statement on that, from the very applicable viewpoint of heterosexuality: "Another notion we get from novels and plays that 'falling in love' is something quite irresistible; something that just happens to one, like measels...But I am inclined to think that that these irresistible passions are much rarer in real life than in books, at any rate when one is grown up. When we meet someone who is beautiful and clever and sympathetic, of course we ought, in one sense, to admire and love these good qualities. But is it not very largely in our own choice whether this love shall, or shall not, turn into what we call 'being in love'? No doubt, if our minds are full of novels and plays and sentimental songs, and our bodies full of alcohol, we shall turn any love we feel into that kind of love: just as if you have a rut in your path all the rainwater will run into that rut, and if you wear blue spectacles everything you see will turn blue. But that will be our own fault." (C.S. Lewis: The Complete Signature Classics, Mere Christianity, 64).
Whatever one holds in their mind about the other individual, will change their perspective and thus their thoughts and emotions as a result. If you define a person by their physical appearance, so-called sexual abilities, or other methods that are meaningless in the eternal scheme of things, of course the perspective will feel biased towards being in love. Perhaps it would be worth it, in the presence of accepting but faithful Latter-Day Saints, to be affectionate with the individual you may be questioning (or to observe the relationship you are concerned about). The presence of others accomplishes the purpose of upholding moral standards at all times. If you can then, for 4-5 days, go without any communication at all and remain as you were before-just the normal you-then you can know it is the 3rd subject we have yet to briefly discuss. I also would recommend praying to God for wisdom and seeking out said wisdom from the holy scriptures.
Before I briefly cover the topic of loving, I want to point something out to you. Two of the previous topics I have covered in intertwined discussion both possess qualities of emotional, human belief-not faith in Christ. Unless placed in the context of heterosexuality, neither of them lead to edifying and uplifting influences, whether of people, media, situations, or whatever. Think about that for a minute-what good examples can you provide of SSA chemical romance or people who are SSA and claim to be in love? Are they in good places, spiritually speaking? What would Christ say about the spiritual and religious standing of those voicing their perceptions of same-sex attraction in those two contexts, I wonder? Such questions, in my opinion, seem to expose the truth of how SSA truly works in regards to chemical romances and, from my perspective, false claims of being "in love" with the same sex, which arise from confusion about what I am about to now speak on. Individuals who have not fully accepted their SSA experience frustration, many different types of confusion, shame, guilt, and so on. A great deal of us who have experienced SSA, if not all of us, know this. Often, I have seen those feelings negatively affect each relationship in a person's life who has not yet arrived in a peaceful place regarding his/her attractions towards the same sex. More specifically, people will mistakenly believe that feeling any sort of SSA attraction or pull to the same sex-including friendship-is bad and therefore is to be avoided, or it requires those feelings being repressed or reined in to some degree or another.
However, I would merely point in the direction of some scriptures, one of which states, "And that which doth not edify is not of God, and is darkness." (D&C 50:23) If something does not edify, which means to invite the Spirit of God and subsequently build your relationship with Jesus Christ, then it is from Satan. Period. We all know what is right and wrong, because the scriptures tell us that all men have the Spirit of Christ that tells them good from evil (Moroni 7:16-18). When in a friendship with someone of the same sex, and you are listening to the lie Satan is whispering that you are falling in love with them, consider where that leads. Does it lead to eternal marriage, to being a single parent with adopted children, or does it invite the Spirit? One cannot think to aim for possible marriage and potential family when falling in love, by true definition, means to love someone of the opposite sex, and hopefully marry them according to the circumstances of life and the righteous desires of the heart. Or, if neither of those are personal goals, then one cannot expect to live the gospel faithfully while following after personal lusts, passions, or other pursuits that put something before the Lord. If you are experiencing love for someone, and you are truly loving them, then view them as they really are-a child of God. The other aspects of a person, in an eternal sense, really do not matter. What matters is they are a child of God, and your role is loving him or her. As Paul said, charity "suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself (does not show off), is not puffed up, doth not behave itself unseemly (Greek translation: indecently), seeketh not her own (does not give with a thought of a reward), is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Charity never faileth..." (1st Corinthians 13:4-8). If your friendship arises out of charity (which originates from striving to follow Christ, according to Moroni), then you are set. If not, then maybe it is time for you to re-examine that friendship.
Discerning between heterosexual feelings of being "in love", SSA chemical romance, and loving both sexes is essential to loving purely and meaningfully. As each of us arrives at a peaceful place with our SSA, it is my hope that we can choose to live gospel principles, and ultimately, live as our Savior would have us live. There's no need to feel ashamed, guilty, or scared of a emotionally deep and intimate friendship with someone of the same sex, especially if you are a guy. Society may state that certain types of affections are supposedly gay or inappropriate, but members of the Church understand that our standards are often regarded as strange or unacceptable. So let others keep telling us what love is-we'll let the negativity fade into the background and love with the Spirit as our guide.
9.22.2013
God and Individualized Service
When at the Last Supper with His apostles, Jesus Christ knelt before each of them and washed their feet. The significance of such an act, it being the last act of intimate love between the Savior and His apostles before His crucifixion, remains deeply in my mind. Apparently, charitable service was one of the last messages the Savior wanted to leave us with before He departed the earth. Other acts of service resound deeply with my heart, however, especially the Lord's ministry to the sick, afflicted, blind, deaf, and so forth. As Alma prophesied, "And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and sicknesses of his people." (Alma 7:11, see also v.12-13) The Savior performed various acts of service to demonstrate what we, as mortals, can aspire to, and performed the ultimate act of service to illustrate what we can ultimately become as Gods and Goddesses of love ourselves (see Romans 8:14-19).
How, then, can the Savior love us each personally and individually? Because the Savior suffered the Atonement, He comprehends with perfect understanding, depth, and wisdom each of our trials and how to administer to us accordingly. His service to us, in my mind, can come in several ways, though. One way that I have found is that the Savior sends us angels to lift us up. Christ has given that promise to the Saints, and He has also promised that we can ask for what we desire in prayer and He will give it unto us. They will show themselves unto each of us, if we have strong faith and a firm mind in every form of godliness (Moroni 7:30). And angels do not always have to be glorified, immortal beings-they can also be people in this life such as friends, family, teachers, priesthood leaders, and other amazing individuals in life. As I recall Elder Holland testifying at a fireside I once attended, "I have seen angels whose feet have not left the ground." Some people, though not gifted in spectacular or showy ways, possess the marvelous gift of selfless service, which, in the eternal scheme of things, will make just as much of a difference as other more public gifts.
The Savior also loves us on an intimate level by conversing with us in prayer. When Nephi spoke of prayer, he said that he was "speaking with the Lord", not to the Lord. The Savior loves to communicate with us in a very healing and peaceable sort of way, one that comforts, sustains, instructs, lovingly chastens, and guides in perfection. Once we finish praying with God, we go to study the scriptures, because Elder Hales once stated, "When we want to talk with God, we pray. When we want to hear His voice, we study the scriptures." The scriptures, then, also provide another method by which the Savior serves us personally. He has spoken unto His chosen servants, and inspired various individuals to bring the scriptures forth, that we might have personal revelation in all things. As Nephi once stated, "The words of Christ will tell you all things what ye should do." If Christ has spoken enough for us to know all things that we should do, then I believe it is an excellent idea to turn to the scriptures first whenever a problem arises. I also believe this shows us how much Christ is willing to guide us along by helping us keep such scriptures in mind, and by speaking those words aloud to ourselves sometimes when life really starts growing difficult.
Finally, Jesus serves us in love individually by providing tender mercies to us throughout each day. Whether it is a kind word, some quality time, a gift, hugs from people, or a thoughtful act, those all can touch our hearts as we look for those little presents from Him each and every day. Christ also provides tender mercies when we are stressed out, temporally struggling, spiritually aching or falling short, and more. I have personally experienced comfort, direct knowledge on how to resolve or at least soften stress, mercy when I most definitely deserved a chastening hand or punishment, and more. The Lord has, as David once expressed in Psalms 117, turned each wilderness in my life into a garden of Eden, and transformed every desert into a flowing river to quench my thirst.
And all this, in summary, applies to SSA because the Lord knows how to love us regardless of our inner conflicts, pains, oppositions, dysfunctional relationships, doubts, fears, concerns, and all the rest we deal with and attempt to resolve. Each of us, I know, turns to Jesus Christ because we look up with tear-filled, hopeful eyes to heaven, asking God to assist us in our progress towards the upward trail to heaven. The mountain of the Lord is a temple all the way up-not just a temple at the top, but I wonder sometimes how many of us pause to see the many individual gifts God gives to us on the way. Every little rose, every scent upon the air, every sound of flowing streams, each touch of pine needles and earth and every insight we find along the way-those are His gifts to us. And I know with all my heart that God loves us in every way-all we have to do is live with gratitude and love in our hearts, expressing it through virtuous living as we know through the Spirit to be right. As John once expressed, I share the sentiment, "We love Him, because He first loved us." May we all continue in that lifestyle, and receive the mercy of God's individual, perfect love.
How, then, can the Savior love us each personally and individually? Because the Savior suffered the Atonement, He comprehends with perfect understanding, depth, and wisdom each of our trials and how to administer to us accordingly. His service to us, in my mind, can come in several ways, though. One way that I have found is that the Savior sends us angels to lift us up. Christ has given that promise to the Saints, and He has also promised that we can ask for what we desire in prayer and He will give it unto us. They will show themselves unto each of us, if we have strong faith and a firm mind in every form of godliness (Moroni 7:30). And angels do not always have to be glorified, immortal beings-they can also be people in this life such as friends, family, teachers, priesthood leaders, and other amazing individuals in life. As I recall Elder Holland testifying at a fireside I once attended, "I have seen angels whose feet have not left the ground." Some people, though not gifted in spectacular or showy ways, possess the marvelous gift of selfless service, which, in the eternal scheme of things, will make just as much of a difference as other more public gifts.
The Savior also loves us on an intimate level by conversing with us in prayer. When Nephi spoke of prayer, he said that he was "speaking with the Lord", not to the Lord. The Savior loves to communicate with us in a very healing and peaceable sort of way, one that comforts, sustains, instructs, lovingly chastens, and guides in perfection. Once we finish praying with God, we go to study the scriptures, because Elder Hales once stated, "When we want to talk with God, we pray. When we want to hear His voice, we study the scriptures." The scriptures, then, also provide another method by which the Savior serves us personally. He has spoken unto His chosen servants, and inspired various individuals to bring the scriptures forth, that we might have personal revelation in all things. As Nephi once stated, "The words of Christ will tell you all things what ye should do." If Christ has spoken enough for us to know all things that we should do, then I believe it is an excellent idea to turn to the scriptures first whenever a problem arises. I also believe this shows us how much Christ is willing to guide us along by helping us keep such scriptures in mind, and by speaking those words aloud to ourselves sometimes when life really starts growing difficult.
Finally, Jesus serves us in love individually by providing tender mercies to us throughout each day. Whether it is a kind word, some quality time, a gift, hugs from people, or a thoughtful act, those all can touch our hearts as we look for those little presents from Him each and every day. Christ also provides tender mercies when we are stressed out, temporally struggling, spiritually aching or falling short, and more. I have personally experienced comfort, direct knowledge on how to resolve or at least soften stress, mercy when I most definitely deserved a chastening hand or punishment, and more. The Lord has, as David once expressed in Psalms 117, turned each wilderness in my life into a garden of Eden, and transformed every desert into a flowing river to quench my thirst.
And all this, in summary, applies to SSA because the Lord knows how to love us regardless of our inner conflicts, pains, oppositions, dysfunctional relationships, doubts, fears, concerns, and all the rest we deal with and attempt to resolve. Each of us, I know, turns to Jesus Christ because we look up with tear-filled, hopeful eyes to heaven, asking God to assist us in our progress towards the upward trail to heaven. The mountain of the Lord is a temple all the way up-not just a temple at the top, but I wonder sometimes how many of us pause to see the many individual gifts God gives to us on the way. Every little rose, every scent upon the air, every sound of flowing streams, each touch of pine needles and earth and every insight we find along the way-those are His gifts to us. And I know with all my heart that God loves us in every way-all we have to do is live with gratitude and love in our hearts, expressing it through virtuous living as we know through the Spirit to be right. As John once expressed, I share the sentiment, "We love Him, because He first loved us." May we all continue in that lifestyle, and receive the mercy of God's individual, perfect love.
9.13.2013
God's Word
While pausing to reflect on the words of Jesus Christ, did you ever stop and think that perhaps His lips spoke words directly to you, as His child-not just to those who were around Him? I believe that as an all-loving, all-knowing God, the Lord knew that all His children would desire to hear His words. As an avid reader of the scriptures, I always strive to study out the words of Christ as though He is talking to me directly. And when I do this, I discern and feel the love of God more clearly, deeply, and meaningfully than at any other time. Think about it-when you read a book that captures your attention and stirs your imagination, does that speak to your mind and heart? How about a textbook about a subject you can hardly stand, filled with boring facts and seemingly useless information? In comparison, the words of Christ as contained in the standard works can transform into actual building blocks for our friendship and relationship with Him. Or, they can simply sit dully as words on a page to simply be mindlessly absorbed by our eyes. We choose how to study out the words of our Savior, and how we will learn from them.
But the Savior does not simply cease to speak through the scriptures. We can open up our ears to hear Him through different ways. As the Lord said, "Whether by mine own voice or by the voice of my servants, it is the same." So often, we interpret this scripture to mean that God is speaking of the apostles and prophets, which correctly points us in a good direction. Indeed, the prophets and apostles have given us many, many good words of sound wisdom and counsel from heaven. That is why we read their words often in the Church magazines and publications, and listen to them at General Conference. We understand that their words are constantly in tune with the Spirit, and therefore obey their words as prophets, seers, and revelators, of whom the Book of Mormon teaches that they can reveal things past, present, and future, and bring hidden things to light. However, they are not the only servants of God in our lives who abide within the Spirit's influence. Usually, at least one if not both of our parents can guide us through the Spirit, having the stewardship to receive revelation on our behalf, to help us in our journey toward exaltation. The relationship we establish with our parents can provide deep, rich understanding, wisdom, and comfort in the joys and sorrows of mortality. I personally believe that holding onto that relationship blesses all who desire to feel the Savior's love, for He has commissioned our parents with a divine purpose to provide, preside, protect, and nurture us as His children and their earthly children. They truly are stewards over our way back home to Heavenly Father and our Savior, Jesus Christ.
Also, I believe the Savior speaks to us through friendship. The beautiful story of David and Jonathan in the scriptures exemplifies the healthy and sacred nature of male relationships, as does the relationship the Lord had with the early apostles, and the brotherhood shared by brethren in the priesthood throughout Church history. Naturally, of course, such principles can be applied in the case of women as well. Such examples of righteous individuals, with the Lord being involved, show that friendship does indeed grow out of the charity the gospel cultivates, and this is why the scriptures do not really need to point out the details of friendship. It comes naturally as members live the gospel, and the Spirit guides that beautiful bond with a perfect light of purity and virtue. Often, I have felt the Spirit and my Savior's love in the arms of my straight and SSA friends, during the wonderfully uplifting times we share together, at North Star firesides, and other places. Truly we are told by God that we are loved through the blessing of having friends.
And of course, more could be said about how God's love is spoken to us, literally. Music, of course, in all its beauty, majesty, and splendor, can certainly speak deeply to the soul and leave indelible messages upon the human heart. Inspired literature and poetry, with all of its thought-provoking, soul-stirring messages, most certainly reaches out to us and lets us know that God is there for us and is mindful of us in all seasons of our discipleship. Anything and everything that involves the human voice can speak God's love to us, for as President Uchtdorf once so beautifully stated, we are His hands. And as we are His hands, we can speak God's love to others. Keep pondering on how God speaks in love to you, and how (if applicable) it helps you and/or a loved one with SSA. I testify that God loves us in word, for He "doeth not anything save it be for the benefit of the world". More on this subject soon... : )
But the Savior does not simply cease to speak through the scriptures. We can open up our ears to hear Him through different ways. As the Lord said, "Whether by mine own voice or by the voice of my servants, it is the same." So often, we interpret this scripture to mean that God is speaking of the apostles and prophets, which correctly points us in a good direction. Indeed, the prophets and apostles have given us many, many good words of sound wisdom and counsel from heaven. That is why we read their words often in the Church magazines and publications, and listen to them at General Conference. We understand that their words are constantly in tune with the Spirit, and therefore obey their words as prophets, seers, and revelators, of whom the Book of Mormon teaches that they can reveal things past, present, and future, and bring hidden things to light. However, they are not the only servants of God in our lives who abide within the Spirit's influence. Usually, at least one if not both of our parents can guide us through the Spirit, having the stewardship to receive revelation on our behalf, to help us in our journey toward exaltation. The relationship we establish with our parents can provide deep, rich understanding, wisdom, and comfort in the joys and sorrows of mortality. I personally believe that holding onto that relationship blesses all who desire to feel the Savior's love, for He has commissioned our parents with a divine purpose to provide, preside, protect, and nurture us as His children and their earthly children. They truly are stewards over our way back home to Heavenly Father and our Savior, Jesus Christ.
Also, I believe the Savior speaks to us through friendship. The beautiful story of David and Jonathan in the scriptures exemplifies the healthy and sacred nature of male relationships, as does the relationship the Lord had with the early apostles, and the brotherhood shared by brethren in the priesthood throughout Church history. Naturally, of course, such principles can be applied in the case of women as well. Such examples of righteous individuals, with the Lord being involved, show that friendship does indeed grow out of the charity the gospel cultivates, and this is why the scriptures do not really need to point out the details of friendship. It comes naturally as members live the gospel, and the Spirit guides that beautiful bond with a perfect light of purity and virtue. Often, I have felt the Spirit and my Savior's love in the arms of my straight and SSA friends, during the wonderfully uplifting times we share together, at North Star firesides, and other places. Truly we are told by God that we are loved through the blessing of having friends.
And of course, more could be said about how God's love is spoken to us, literally. Music, of course, in all its beauty, majesty, and splendor, can certainly speak deeply to the soul and leave indelible messages upon the human heart. Inspired literature and poetry, with all of its thought-provoking, soul-stirring messages, most certainly reaches out to us and lets us know that God is there for us and is mindful of us in all seasons of our discipleship. Anything and everything that involves the human voice can speak God's love to us, for as President Uchtdorf once so beautifully stated, we are His hands. And as we are His hands, we can speak God's love to others. Keep pondering on how God speaks in love to you, and how (if applicable) it helps you and/or a loved one with SSA. I testify that God loves us in word, for He "doeth not anything save it be for the benefit of the world". More on this subject soon... : )
9.05.2013
God Speaks Love
You, as the reader, probably have either come to know or have heard in passing what "love languages" are. The literary work of Dr. Chapman, a famous psychologist, has made this famous-essentially saying that we all give and receive love by "speaking love" in five different ways-physical touch, quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, and service. So far, you and I have discovered that Christ speaks two of the five love languages-quality time and physical touch. I think it exciting and fantastic to explore such a different perspective on how Christ loves us. That being said, let us explore another significant love language in which our Savior is personal and intimate in the way He shows us His perfect love.
Speaking in the Sermon on the Mount to His children, Jesus said, "If ye then...know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father in Heaven give good things to them that ask of him?" (Matthew 7:11). He also stated through the apostle James, "Every good gift and perfect gift cometh down from the Father of lights..." (James 1:17). Since God is merciful and kind to all His children, I know that He gives everybody talents to bless the lives of others. History will attest to this, as well as the current society we live in. Many good people bless the lives of others through their talents in their professions, hobbies, volunteerism, and so forth. I believe this comes as a result of God's desire for good to spread forth in the earth in any way possible. Also, our Heavenly Father blesses people with tender mercies-those little interventions in the seemingly insignificant daily struggles we all have. Whether that means helping us to get off work early on a rough day, receive that pay raise, hear a nice, uplifting song, pass by children laughing and playing, or whatever, God always finds a way to tell us He loves us. In my lifetime, doubtlessly I have knowingly and unknowingly benefited from the tender mercies of the Lord, in as great number as the creations that have existed within my lifelong environment. Such an insight has recently led me to embrace the spirit of gratitude, which in turn has blessed me-since "he that receiveth all things with thankfulness shall be made glorious, and the things of this earth shall be added unto him an hundredfold, yea, more." (D&C 78:19). I testify that gratitude most certainly is essential when God blesses us in these two ways.
Even more blessings can flow into our lives as members of the true and living Church. This happens when we choose God over personal desires, passions, and lusts. Our Father in Heaven has promised the gifts of the Spirit to those who are faithful, which include: Testimony, believing on the testimony of others, prophecy, tongues, interpretation of tongues, healing, visions, ministering of angels and ministering spirits, faith to be healed, and more. Is this not a wonderfully glorious promise of revelations, comfort from God's presence, inspiration, healing, and better things still to come? Is it not absolutely wonderful that we can claim such things, by repenting and coming unto Christ? And since God requires our progress, those who are diligent and faithful in keeping God's commandments are able to lay hold upon the gifts of the Spirit. As this wonderful verse states, "...they are given for the benefit of those who love me and keep all my commandments, and him that seeketh so to do..." (D&C 46:9, emphasis added). Even if we are struggling, if our hearts are right before our Father in Heaven and we are actively engaged in the repentance process, He will send these gifts to us in love and mercy.
Next time, I will explore a bit more on the next love language or two. But, in the meantime, consider how you are loved personally and intimately by your Father in Heaven and your Savior, Jesus Christ. Think on the many little things they do to help you grow and to help your days go by in peace and joy. And when you really have a few minutes, I would urge you to write down in a journal how you feel about the Savior's tender mercies in your life, and how it relates to you as a child of God. The blessing of knowing how deeply and individually the Savior loves you will prove to be an invaluable treasure as you go through trials now, or approach the inevitable tempests of life yet to come. Until next time...
-Spencer
Speaking in the Sermon on the Mount to His children, Jesus said, "If ye then...know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father in Heaven give good things to them that ask of him?" (Matthew 7:11). He also stated through the apostle James, "Every good gift and perfect gift cometh down from the Father of lights..." (James 1:17). Since God is merciful and kind to all His children, I know that He gives everybody talents to bless the lives of others. History will attest to this, as well as the current society we live in. Many good people bless the lives of others through their talents in their professions, hobbies, volunteerism, and so forth. I believe this comes as a result of God's desire for good to spread forth in the earth in any way possible. Also, our Heavenly Father blesses people with tender mercies-those little interventions in the seemingly insignificant daily struggles we all have. Whether that means helping us to get off work early on a rough day, receive that pay raise, hear a nice, uplifting song, pass by children laughing and playing, or whatever, God always finds a way to tell us He loves us. In my lifetime, doubtlessly I have knowingly and unknowingly benefited from the tender mercies of the Lord, in as great number as the creations that have existed within my lifelong environment. Such an insight has recently led me to embrace the spirit of gratitude, which in turn has blessed me-since "he that receiveth all things with thankfulness shall be made glorious, and the things of this earth shall be added unto him an hundredfold, yea, more." (D&C 78:19). I testify that gratitude most certainly is essential when God blesses us in these two ways.
Even more blessings can flow into our lives as members of the true and living Church. This happens when we choose God over personal desires, passions, and lusts. Our Father in Heaven has promised the gifts of the Spirit to those who are faithful, which include: Testimony, believing on the testimony of others, prophecy, tongues, interpretation of tongues, healing, visions, ministering of angels and ministering spirits, faith to be healed, and more. Is this not a wonderfully glorious promise of revelations, comfort from God's presence, inspiration, healing, and better things still to come? Is it not absolutely wonderful that we can claim such things, by repenting and coming unto Christ? And since God requires our progress, those who are diligent and faithful in keeping God's commandments are able to lay hold upon the gifts of the Spirit. As this wonderful verse states, "...they are given for the benefit of those who love me and keep all my commandments, and him that seeketh so to do..." (D&C 46:9, emphasis added). Even if we are struggling, if our hearts are right before our Father in Heaven and we are actively engaged in the repentance process, He will send these gifts to us in love and mercy.
Next time, I will explore a bit more on the next love language or two. But, in the meantime, consider how you are loved personally and intimately by your Father in Heaven and your Savior, Jesus Christ. Think on the many little things they do to help you grow and to help your days go by in peace and joy. And when you really have a few minutes, I would urge you to write down in a journal how you feel about the Savior's tender mercies in your life, and how it relates to you as a child of God. The blessing of knowing how deeply and individually the Savior loves you will prove to be an invaluable treasure as you go through trials now, or approach the inevitable tempests of life yet to come. Until next time...
-Spencer
9.02.2013
Friends with Christ, Imperfect Mortals
"Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you," said Christ, as He spoke to His apostles. What an amazing statement! If you and I do whatever the Lord commands us to, then we are counted as His friends. Does this mean we are perfect? Quite the contrary. Although the Lord commanded us to be perfect, (referencing the famous scripture in the Sermon on the Mount) He knew that even the strongest of the righteous would sometimes fall. But, as one of our beloved General Authorities expressed, our Father in Heaven does not scold His children for falling down as they are progressively walking towards Him. Rather, He is pleased with the progress we make and encourages us to do better while hoping that we are gentle with ourselves in how we are doing. Some feel that perfection is necessary to be blameless (justified and sanctified) before God, but I take courage in the following words of Peter, "Wherefore, beloved, seeing as ye look for such things (speaking of the 2nd coming), be diligent that ye may be found of Him in peace, without spot, and blameless. And account (Greek translation: count, regard) that the long-suffering of our Lord is salvation..." (2nd Peter 3:14-15). As we are diligent in giving heed to the commandments of God, His friendship is a result of that.
As part of that beautiful friendship, we also can feel the literal arms of Christ encircling us in love. This promise is given in Doctrine and Covenants 6:20, which states, "Be faithful and diligent in keeping my commandments, and I will encircle thee in the arms of my love." Stephen A. Cramer once said that the adversary may want us to feel like this is not a literal promise, but based upon the scriptures, he believes it is. Lehi also expressed a similar thought when he said, "...I have beheld His glory, and am encircled about eternally in the arms of His love." (2nd Nephi 1:15). To feel the embrace of Christ may come in times of great sorrow, loneliness, and pain, but I also feel that it can wrap us gently in love and happiness during our times of joy and gratitude. It is His way of reminding us in love that we are blessed by His hand, and through the tender mercies that He gives.
"I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you," said Christ, also speaking to His apostles. Our Savior spends time with us when we desire it of Him, and also when it is necessary. Not to say that it could not be one or the other, in fact, I believe it sometimes is. So often, we wonder where the Lord is, when all we have to do is sit quietly, look around, ponder on our blessings, and listen. Soon, we will feel or hear Him whispering to us, "Child, I am here. Can you feel me near you?" I know that my Savior has been there to either rejoice with me in my joys, or to grieve with me in my sorrows. When I have opened up my spiritual eyes, ears, and heart, I have seen my Savior in the world around me, with the birds singing, the sun shining, the rain falling, the lightning flashing, a gentle or fierce wind blowing, rivers running, children laughing and playing, music from the heavens sounding in the air, and more. We can be in the presence of God whenever we desire. The scriptures testify He is "in the midst of all things" (D&C 88:13) and the Lord Himself testified, "But behold, verily, verily, I say unto you, that mine eyes are upon you. I am in your midst and ye cannot see me." (D&C 38:7). And so, since Christ is in our midst, we will never be alone, but as He comes to us, our comfort will increase and our joy in equal measure to it. I will write more at a future time, but I feel this is a good, warm, and comfortable place for us to stop.
8.27.2013
"S" is For Happiness-Part 3
As I have watched brooks flowing or fountains trickling, my mind has relaxed and I oftentimes have wondered how many people just stop. Instead of bustling about, worrying and hurrying in all the complexities of life, and thinking about what should happen and must happen, how many people really just stop? Today, reader, I contemplate concerning you, a stranger out there somewhere. Have you given yourself permission today to smell the flowers, breathe in the fresh air of the evening night, or look up at the twinkling stars? Or better yet, have you made time for your passions and interests you love?
A man or woman who takes time for meditation, exercise, healthy eating, relaxation, recreation, and overall happiness increases happiness by balance. An overall balance of mind, body, and spirit creates a state of general wellness, leading to one feeling good overall. And of course, when one is in a state of health, that usually equals a happiness-of a sort, anyway. The question then, is, what pulls you back to a state of balance and peace? Or, as I would say for the sake of writing this blog, what draws you into a state of serenity?
Many people find serenity through accepting what they can change and letting go of what they cannot, and discerning between the two through God's wisdom (see the Serenity Prayer, as published by Alcoholics Anonymous). Others, through spending time with those they love and leaving the troubles of the world at the door of a loved one's home. Sometimes individuals discover this mindset through focusing on the many, many blessings they are grateful for and setting goals for things they desire to be grateful for. I find, personally, that a medley of all these things and perhaps some other ones you formulate will lead to a sense of personal peace in the temporal affairs of life. Spiritually speaking, it goes without saying that our Savior is indeed the Prince of Peace and will administer to us in our needs and desires before Him as we submit to His loving and perfect will.
How does this relate to SSA though? It seems so often to me that members of the Church (myself included) who struggle with same-sex attraction are constantly looking at what "should" happen with marriage, family, attraction to the opposite sex, and so forth. We get involved in co-dependent relationships, melodramatic fighting, and contentious entanglements either online, over the phone, via texting, or whatever other form of modern communication. We sometimes do not take care of ourselves-spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically. Is it healthy? No. This is not the case with SSA people all the time, or maybe not even the majority. However, I have seen it often enough around me to see that within my own sphere of influence, it has become a problem. We all just need to relax, enjoy God's blessings, and be patient with ourselves as we progress into eternal life. Life works out, adversity goes into remission, and God always loves us no matter what. No matter what goes wrong, Christ can make it right as long as we are making ourselves right with Him in the pathway of an actively working disciple. That means as long as we are progressing, Christ is on our side to strengthen, comfort, guide, and love us back into His arms and the arms of our loving Father in Heaven.
I know that as we live with a mindset of simplicity, service, and serenity, our happiness will increase and we can find ways to continue coping successfully with same-sex attraction. The heavens are not too high, because God is down here carrying us up there one step at a time through His Atoning sacrifice, priesthood leadership, friends, family, good organizations like North Star International, well-known examples of good men like Ty Mansfield and Josh Weed (and their wives), and more. We have so much going for us, that even in our darkest moments, hope still shines brightly. I firmly believe the statement our beloved prophet made, when he declared, "Your future is as bright as your faith." If we, as members of the Church seeking to live chaste, pure, and faithful lives can just be a little better today than we were yesterday, that future will be bright because our faith will be increasingly brighter by the day. I hope each of us can strengthen our faith by living simply, serving people, and serenely gliding through every day with the Spirit in our hearts.
-Spencer
A man or woman who takes time for meditation, exercise, healthy eating, relaxation, recreation, and overall happiness increases happiness by balance. An overall balance of mind, body, and spirit creates a state of general wellness, leading to one feeling good overall. And of course, when one is in a state of health, that usually equals a happiness-of a sort, anyway. The question then, is, what pulls you back to a state of balance and peace? Or, as I would say for the sake of writing this blog, what draws you into a state of serenity?
Many people find serenity through accepting what they can change and letting go of what they cannot, and discerning between the two through God's wisdom (see the Serenity Prayer, as published by Alcoholics Anonymous). Others, through spending time with those they love and leaving the troubles of the world at the door of a loved one's home. Sometimes individuals discover this mindset through focusing on the many, many blessings they are grateful for and setting goals for things they desire to be grateful for. I find, personally, that a medley of all these things and perhaps some other ones you formulate will lead to a sense of personal peace in the temporal affairs of life. Spiritually speaking, it goes without saying that our Savior is indeed the Prince of Peace and will administer to us in our needs and desires before Him as we submit to His loving and perfect will.
How does this relate to SSA though? It seems so often to me that members of the Church (myself included) who struggle with same-sex attraction are constantly looking at what "should" happen with marriage, family, attraction to the opposite sex, and so forth. We get involved in co-dependent relationships, melodramatic fighting, and contentious entanglements either online, over the phone, via texting, or whatever other form of modern communication. We sometimes do not take care of ourselves-spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically. Is it healthy? No. This is not the case with SSA people all the time, or maybe not even the majority. However, I have seen it often enough around me to see that within my own sphere of influence, it has become a problem. We all just need to relax, enjoy God's blessings, and be patient with ourselves as we progress into eternal life. Life works out, adversity goes into remission, and God always loves us no matter what. No matter what goes wrong, Christ can make it right as long as we are making ourselves right with Him in the pathway of an actively working disciple. That means as long as we are progressing, Christ is on our side to strengthen, comfort, guide, and love us back into His arms and the arms of our loving Father in Heaven.
I know that as we live with a mindset of simplicity, service, and serenity, our happiness will increase and we can find ways to continue coping successfully with same-sex attraction. The heavens are not too high, because God is down here carrying us up there one step at a time through His Atoning sacrifice, priesthood leadership, friends, family, good organizations like North Star International, well-known examples of good men like Ty Mansfield and Josh Weed (and their wives), and more. We have so much going for us, that even in our darkest moments, hope still shines brightly. I firmly believe the statement our beloved prophet made, when he declared, "Your future is as bright as your faith." If we, as members of the Church seeking to live chaste, pure, and faithful lives can just be a little better today than we were yesterday, that future will be bright because our faith will be increasingly brighter by the day. I hope each of us can strengthen our faith by living simply, serving people, and serenely gliding through every day with the Spirit in our hearts.
-Spencer
8.21.2013
"S" is for Happiness: Part 2
Of all the activities that can stir both impassioned displeasure and rich fulfillment, I believe this to exist at the forefront. The individual engaged thus goes out into the unpleasant, inconvenient, depressing, and generally negative world of another individual, healing the wounds inflicted by Nature, life, or others nearby, and providing solace to the one damaged. Sometimes, one feels as though they might well as tie their arm to the back of the railway train and let it slowly drag them across the tracks, for it would take up the same amount of time. However, on the opposite side, in a noble and charitable spirit, the person involved with this act also wipes away the flowing tears, embraces weary limbs, and sometimes carries a brother/sister onto higher ground, figuratively speaking. How interesting, I have discovered, that people often discover and dig out the greatest strength, which they have unconsciously buried the deepest as well, when serving others with a genuinely charitable heart.
Interestingly, as I type these words, I am not doing it to bolster my own strength in a "selfless" act of selfishness, as some may believe is possible. Rather, I take great pleasure in the thought of providing hope for the individual who is suffering, lonely, unhappy, underneath the burden of sin, etc. Moving forward, when I speak of service, I am not at all speaking of the generalized idea of doing something for someone else. Rather, service should be, by definition, a specific, individualized approach to meet a person's needs and desires at the present moment. Perhaps this is why Christ expressed the thought, "If a man compel thee to go with him a mile, go with him twain (two)." Not just because we should go the extra mile, but we should double our efforts to meeting desires, not just needs. That scripture could also correctly mean that when we do not desire to give service, we give it anyway because it will bless the other person and in so doing, God will strengthen and bless us for our integrity.
Peculiar, perhaps, that one should think of giving service at an inconvenient time as being a matter of integrity. But as I recall, whenever Jesus healed people, He was amid a multitude of people, cast aside all thought of reputation when eating among "publicans and sinners", ignored societal rules/norms of ostracism when He healed lepers outside Jerusalem, and so forth. The life of service Jesus gave was not one of convenient service, as indicated by Elder Holland in the beautiful talk, "The Inconvenient Messiah". Service should always be a matter of charity and doing it purely for the joy it brings, not in self-seeking, self-righteousness, or any other form of pride. That includes serving people to make friends, to appear as a "good person" in the eyes of your bishop or ward, to establish some kind of reputation, or serving people on conditions such as them being your friends, being "normal", or whatever else.
Corn does not grow on trees and berries do not grow on grape vines, and so it is with service. The motives must be entirely pure, and offered to others as such. Charity is the lifeblood, essence, and purpose behind service. Without it, service either becomes mediocre or corrupted somehow. As a Latter-Day Saint, I would daresay this is the reason why Paul and Moroni both declared that without charity, man is nothing, because our entire existence here centers on charity-the pure love of Christ. Nothing we do here, not our ordinances, priesthood, the Book of Mormon, etc. would have any validity at all if we didn't engage ourselves in their restorative influences with a spirit of charity. It was this way with the Pharisees whom Jesus condemned because they were hypocrites. Their hearts were "full of dead men's bones and all manner of uncleanness", and yet they kept the Mosaic law more perfectly than anyone. Why then, were they hypocritical? Because of the lack of love within.
Going back to the restorative influences of the Church, though, charity enlivens them for this reason. In the last days, Jesus prophesied that because iniquity shall abound, the love of men shall wax cold. And charity, though it is on a higher level than such love, influences people to love on a somewhat lower level of friendship and acceptance. Now, what is the reason for the lack of love? Iniquity, or, translated differently, could read "lawlessness". Pride, in other words, being the root of all desire to have no laws from God and consequently commit sin, is the opposite of charity-not hatred. Think of it. God is love, by what we know from what revelation is. What is Satan, though...what is his purpose? Jesus told us in 3rd Nephi 11:29, "For verily, verily I say unto you, he that hath the spirit of contention is not of me, but is of the devil, who is the father of contention, and he stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another." His purpose is contention, and from Proverbs we read, "Only by pride cometh contention." (Proverbs 13:10). How did Satan become who he is? By pride. So, in other words, service must be done in charity, so that we can become as our Father in Heaven, and subject ourselves to His loving influence.
I personally can bear my testimony on the power of service. When you help others, when you are getting outside yourself and helping people feel good, you feel good and attract good to you. Serving for the joy of it blesses me far more than when I set out with selfish motives because of an attitude of self-importance, arrogance, self-pity, unrighteous judgment, or whatever the case may be. Joy in service comes to those who seek it out for that purpose. I am reminded of the words of our prophet when he said, in essence, "Those who live to serve others blossom and grow, while those who live to serve themselves shrivel up and die unto themselves." Love comes when we give it, not when we are constantly seeking it, because any blessing we obtain comes when we have first used our divine free agency to give first. As a favorite quote of mine declares, "Love without any thought of reward, and your life will never be the same again".
Interestingly, as I type these words, I am not doing it to bolster my own strength in a "selfless" act of selfishness, as some may believe is possible. Rather, I take great pleasure in the thought of providing hope for the individual who is suffering, lonely, unhappy, underneath the burden of sin, etc. Moving forward, when I speak of service, I am not at all speaking of the generalized idea of doing something for someone else. Rather, service should be, by definition, a specific, individualized approach to meet a person's needs and desires at the present moment. Perhaps this is why Christ expressed the thought, "If a man compel thee to go with him a mile, go with him twain (two)." Not just because we should go the extra mile, but we should double our efforts to meeting desires, not just needs. That scripture could also correctly mean that when we do not desire to give service, we give it anyway because it will bless the other person and in so doing, God will strengthen and bless us for our integrity.
Peculiar, perhaps, that one should think of giving service at an inconvenient time as being a matter of integrity. But as I recall, whenever Jesus healed people, He was amid a multitude of people, cast aside all thought of reputation when eating among "publicans and sinners", ignored societal rules/norms of ostracism when He healed lepers outside Jerusalem, and so forth. The life of service Jesus gave was not one of convenient service, as indicated by Elder Holland in the beautiful talk, "The Inconvenient Messiah". Service should always be a matter of charity and doing it purely for the joy it brings, not in self-seeking, self-righteousness, or any other form of pride. That includes serving people to make friends, to appear as a "good person" in the eyes of your bishop or ward, to establish some kind of reputation, or serving people on conditions such as them being your friends, being "normal", or whatever else.
Corn does not grow on trees and berries do not grow on grape vines, and so it is with service. The motives must be entirely pure, and offered to others as such. Charity is the lifeblood, essence, and purpose behind service. Without it, service either becomes mediocre or corrupted somehow. As a Latter-Day Saint, I would daresay this is the reason why Paul and Moroni both declared that without charity, man is nothing, because our entire existence here centers on charity-the pure love of Christ. Nothing we do here, not our ordinances, priesthood, the Book of Mormon, etc. would have any validity at all if we didn't engage ourselves in their restorative influences with a spirit of charity. It was this way with the Pharisees whom Jesus condemned because they were hypocrites. Their hearts were "full of dead men's bones and all manner of uncleanness", and yet they kept the Mosaic law more perfectly than anyone. Why then, were they hypocritical? Because of the lack of love within.
Going back to the restorative influences of the Church, though, charity enlivens them for this reason. In the last days, Jesus prophesied that because iniquity shall abound, the love of men shall wax cold. And charity, though it is on a higher level than such love, influences people to love on a somewhat lower level of friendship and acceptance. Now, what is the reason for the lack of love? Iniquity, or, translated differently, could read "lawlessness". Pride, in other words, being the root of all desire to have no laws from God and consequently commit sin, is the opposite of charity-not hatred. Think of it. God is love, by what we know from what revelation is. What is Satan, though...what is his purpose? Jesus told us in 3rd Nephi 11:29, "For verily, verily I say unto you, he that hath the spirit of contention is not of me, but is of the devil, who is the father of contention, and he stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another." His purpose is contention, and from Proverbs we read, "Only by pride cometh contention." (Proverbs 13:10). How did Satan become who he is? By pride. So, in other words, service must be done in charity, so that we can become as our Father in Heaven, and subject ourselves to His loving influence.
I personally can bear my testimony on the power of service. When you help others, when you are getting outside yourself and helping people feel good, you feel good and attract good to you. Serving for the joy of it blesses me far more than when I set out with selfish motives because of an attitude of self-importance, arrogance, self-pity, unrighteous judgment, or whatever the case may be. Joy in service comes to those who seek it out for that purpose. I am reminded of the words of our prophet when he said, in essence, "Those who live to serve others blossom and grow, while those who live to serve themselves shrivel up and die unto themselves." Love comes when we give it, not when we are constantly seeking it, because any blessing we obtain comes when we have first used our divine free agency to give first. As a favorite quote of mine declares, "Love without any thought of reward, and your life will never be the same again".
8.10.2013
"S" is For Happiness: Part 1
Aside from the atrociously
incorrect usage of English above, at least
now you are reading. :) Within the conflicts of SSA, unfortunate as they
are, I often have found myself over-complicating matters and focusing
outward excessively to the point of not taking care of personal desires
and needs. I found myself being truly within the statement of Elder
Holland when he said, "Of all the commandments Latter-Day Saints are
guilty of breaking, I would suppose that the commandment to 'Be of good
cheer' is probably the most broken". As I reflected on this statement,
it has occurred to me that I have found happiness as a Latter-Day Saint,
that "good cheer" Christ and His servants have spoken of when I have
lived the gospel in particular ways. Not necessarily focusing on the
particulars of rules and regulations, but rather dumbing it down a
little for myself and making things easier to understand. Because rules
and regulations have to do with obligation, rather than love, I prefer
to live the gospel according to principle, because it shows a true love
for God and His truths as found in the gospel. Below I have
listed a few principles I believe in pursuing as a Latter-Day Saint,
because I know that obedience is about learning heaven-not earning it
(D&C 78:7).
First Principle: Simplicity
"Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication"- Leonardo Da Vinci
In the daily labors of life, I delight in bringing simplicity to me in every way possible. Some object to this, because supposedly it "won't work and brings more work", their way "already works", or another self-invented excuse. Christ had something to say on this: "...take no thought for the morrow, for the morrow shall take thought unto the things of itself", meaning we would just deal with today as it is, not as it was or will be, just as it is. An ancient proverb states that yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift-that is why they call it the present. Yet how often are we worrying about the wrappings and their colors, the bow and how it is tied, who tied it, why that gift was given to us, whether we like it or not, etc.? I have so often done this myself before with the "gifts" of love others give me, metaphorically speaking, only to look back and ponder about just receiving the gift and rejoicing in it. A true artist of simplicity can approach the world with childlike eyes, and through the power of love and God's guidance, create a delicate, yet firmly placed world wherein things fall into place in a gloriously serene and joyful manner. And when we truly choose to receive a gift in simplicity, the gift of life becomes more readily accessible because we obtain clarity on where all the gifts are, how they operate, why we love them, and so forth.
For those who are pushing through the opposition of same-sex attraction, I understand as one of you that simplicity is not always easy, and may seem well near impossible. It does not feel simple for me, personally, when I desire to have marriage but I do not desire the means necessary for marriage, such as dating, relationships, and friendships with women. Nor does it feel easy when I am having one of those days where I feel unattractive to the opposite sex, whether that is in body or in spirit, or when I am doubting the promises of the Lord given to me regarding marriage in this life. However, I have come to understand that in those moments where I am feeling such negativity, it is not my true inner self speaking. The voices of Satan and his angels can imitate ours with such accuracy that we often will give into their deceptive persuasions. As such, the wisdom of God tells me, through the Spirit, that in such moments I must learn to call upon God for grace in prayer, and ask for His help. And whatever method of help He chooses to send me, I must recognize that it is wisdom in God and is sent in His infinite omniscience and omnipotence. For those of you who are somewhat like the man who cried out to Christ, saying, "Lord, I believe-help thou mine unbelief", I would echo the words of Alma when he said, "But behold, if ye will awake and arouse your faculties, even to an experiment upon my words, and exercise a particle of faith, yea, even if ye can no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a portion of my words." (Alma 32:27). Let even a desire work within you, and nurture it carefully through staying close to the light-things that are good according to your conscience, and I promise you will, after a time, begin seeing the fruits of that light (see verses 28-32).
Regarding additional spiritual affairs, one does not sometimes see how dealing with the sins associated with SSA (pornography, fornication, masturbation, sensual acting out, etc) can be overcome in simple ways. For you, reader, if you are experiencing this, I express my deepest empathy and compassion, for I have been in that dark abyss of hopelessness, despair, loss of desire to live, and all the rest of it. That is what hell truly feels like, and I understand insofar as our experiences merge in terms of spiritual darkness, because I also know they diverge regarding your personal life experiences. Know that you are a child of your Father in Heaven, know that He is watching over you and loves you, and the lies that Satan whispers that you are too far gone, too unclean, that you "want it anyway", addicted beyond redemption of any means available, etc. are all lies. The Atonement of Jesus Christ is not shortened, that it cannot save. It claimed all of humankind, including and especially you. Those are who He came for, as He said, "The whole need no physician, but they that are sick." All of us are "sick" in one way or another, most certainly with spiritual illnesses related to the universal Fall of Adam. Having said this then, I know that there are ways to teach the body how to biochemically and spiritually become pure and chaste through actively fighting for it. Sins, depending on how much of a habit or an addiction (yes, there is a difference between the two) they are, will take less or more time to fade with effort, but Christ can root them out as the Master Gardener of our souls, just as my father would root out weeds in his beloved garden. A garden will not be cleared all at once, but I have faith in the words of a prophet when he said, "...by small and simple means are great things brought to pass".
Small and simple means, through applying the Atonement in requests of prayer, can give both strength and, according to the will of God, deliverance from the struggles associated with SSA by simplifying our perspective and clarifying our lives. Whether those oppositions are of self-esteem, doubts regarding family, sins, mental illness, etc., I know we can overcome by using the Atonement. Christ, in His wisdom, leads me out of overwhelm, pessimism, discouragement, and other self-destructive mindsets, and into those that are edifying and lead to simple thinking. Such a state of mind, led by the Spirit/conscience, is one that you tune yourself into and go with. If you feel that you need sleep earlier in the nighttime, if you desire more sex in your marriage with your husband/wife, if you need additional recreation, and so on, that is your mind and/or body speaking to you. It is also God speaking to you through His love and light. Listen. A simple life focuses on balance in all things, while aligning oneself to the will of the Father. I have personally experienced the greatest happiness as I have done not only what is for me, but what God sees is for me, too. S is indeed for happiness then, because simplicity is all about and all for happiness. How fitting, then, that an artist should say that simplicity is the ultimate sophistication, for we reach our highest pinnacle when we can balance things continually, moving forward serenely and focusing on the now.
8.06.2013
What Way, Now? Oh, THAT Way...
What Way, Now? Oh, THAT Way...
As I recently celebrated my birthday with friends, with one getting hit in the head with a volleyball, others bringing smiley face, rainbow cupcakes, and still others presenting me with decorative gifts, my thoughts turned to my birth. Interesting turn of events within my thoughts, but there you are. As I pondered on my birth, I wondered why so many people believe that SSA individuals are "born that way", or that God made them that way. For such a celestial, sacred creation of life, it seems blasphemous to suggest that God would simply hand us attractions at a time in life where we just are supposed to cope without any sort of guidance or direction. I wish to submit a few suggestions on what I feel people are confused about regarding perceptions on being "born that way", but as a 3-part blog. Here is Part 1:
People confuse "born that way" and "being born with inclinations".
When someone indicates they were born with same-sex attraction, it does not cohere with the statements of scripture and of General Authorities. In Genesis it reads, "So God created man in His own image, in the image of God created he him, male and female created he them" (Genesis 1:27). The literal translation of the word "image" in this context is a reference to God's physical and spiritual body, meaning more than just we look like He does in human form. It means we all have a body like God-but in an imperfect form, due to Adam's transgression and the resultant Fall of Adam. We also have a spiritual body like God's, which is responsible for the inner conflict SSA individuals feel between the attraction and wanting to act in lust. Because of this eternal truth, it is a mistake to believe that we can be born with something that is both physically and spiritually contrary to our purpose of becoming like God through the Atonement in mortality, as a condition. Being born with homosexual tendencies, on the note of it being a purported "condition" we are born with, contradicts the essential doctrine that men can improve upon behavior in this life. If you say you are born with it, such a statement can easily give way to a license to state that you can sin because there's nothing you can do about it. As a comparison, I was born with two mental illnesses, as noted in one of my previous posts. However, that does not excuse sinful or unjust behavior. I still have to repent and change my ways when I sin against others or against God in my weaknesses. Similarly, one may try to justify their behavior by saying they are "born that way". Such a statement can be made in the meaning of one being born with inclinations that develop later through biological and environmental circumstances. However, for the purpose of banishing all excuse and self-justification, I have separated the two definitions.
President Spencer W. Kimball made the following statement when writing about those who attempt to excuse acting out on same-sex attraction by stating the following, "Next in seriousness to nonrecognition of the sin is the attempt to justify oneself in this perversion. Many have been misinformed that they are powerless in the matter, not responsible for the tendency, and that 'God made them that way'. This is untrue as any of the other diabolical lies Satan has concocted. It is blasphemy. Man is made in the image of God. Does the pervert think God to be 'that way'? To the weaklings who argue this way, James answers: 'Blessed is the man that endureth (i.e., resisteth) temptation; for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life, which the Lord hath promised to all them that love him. Let no man say when he is tempted, I am tempted of God: for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth he any man: But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed. Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death. Do not err, my beloved brethren. (James 1:12-16). Sometimes not heavenly but earthly parents get the blame. Granted that certain conditions make is easier for one to become a pervert, the second Article of Faith teaches that a man will be punished for his own sins. He can, if normal, rise above the frustrations of childhood and stand on his own feet. A man may rationalize and excuse himself till the groove is so deep he cannot get out without great difficulty. But temptations come to all people." (The Miracle of Forgiveness, pp. 85-86).
Differences?
Now, moving on to what the difference is between simply being born that way, and being born with such inclinations. One difference I see, besides God not tempting us or sending us a condition that is immovable through the Atonement (emotionally speaking, not attraction-wise), is that of acting and not passively being acted upon. In 2nd Nephi 2:27, we read, "Wherefore, men are free according to the flesh; and all things are given them which are expedient unto man. And they are free to choose liberty and eternal life, through the Great Mediator of all men, or captivity and death, according to the captivity and power of the devil; for he seeketh that all men might be miserable like unto himself." Also, we read in verse 14, "And now, my sons, I speak unto you these things for your profit and for your learning, for there is a God, and he hath created all things, both the heavens and the earth, and all things that in them are, both things to act and things to be acted upon." Based on verse 14, (and personally supplementing it with verse 27) I would support what Elder Bednar said, that we all must choose to act rather than being acted upon. This gospel is a gospel of action. To say that SSA happens to you without purpose and simply as a random act of creation through God and/or our mortal parents is blasphemous, and contrary to the Plan of Salvation. All things we endure, resist, seek after, etc. in the gospel of Christ point towards gaining exaltation through the atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ. We choose to follow Him, not let life happen to us and choose to follow Him through life happening to us. The Saints of God make life happen and push through trials that do happen as a result of chance-the trials that serve to refine us and draw us nearer to Him. And if life is happening, it is because we are out there in it, like a person who chooses to walk out in a rainstorm to their car to drive to their destination because they simply must. Though the rains of attraction, discouragement, fear, doubt, pain, heartache, loneliness, shame, guilt, hopelessness, sorrow, or whatever may fall, SSA members of the Church climb into the Savior's arms, where He carries us home to our destination, and makes far more out of us than we could possibly dream of.
Another misconception I see which can show a difference between my two definitions is that of biology. Research, in recent years, has indicated that some genetics may predispose a person towards having same-sex attraction. However, it should be noted that this research says "may predispose (key word, may), and that other research has indicated that such genetics do not necessarily mean that people will be attracted to the same sex. Essentially what they have found is something that may create more of a favorable circumstance for one to develop such attractions. But depending on situations like abuse, pornography exposure, molestation, lack of male/female role models (especially in parents or other caretakers), personality traits, and so on, one may or may not develop same-sex attraction. So many variables exist that they can only pin it down so much, that "point" being a potential, not certain chance of developing said attractions. I would not hesitate to say either that genetics can actually differ in how much they influence the human body and brain because of their expression, meaning that they might flare up more or less, depending on many various influences of environment and general bodily processes.
Furthermore, I feel that people define emotional connection and lust as the same thing sometimes, which is not only dangerous but also gives people the thought of their SSA originating with birth, which I am here establishing does not happen. Those mindsets, when confused, create a thought process of not being able to help what one feels, either because of innocence of age or because of overpowering feelings of lust at an age where capability to cope with lust is limited. Thankfully, as one matures and grows older, he/she can realize and comprehend that such a confusion was not rooted in reality and can return to the truth of how things really were. Unless, of course, their situation differed somehow. Really, that is up to the individual. And of course, more can (and probably will, in the future) be said, but this suffices for now, at least by my writings.
So,what way are we born? As children of God, heirs with Christ, and capable of progression in this life and individual perfection in the next, of being as God is in the world to come. Is sexuality really a way to define who we are, or perhaps is it something deeper that sexuality only springs out of like the leaves on the branches of a tree trunk? I believe it is the latter. We do not know the meaning of all things, as Nephi explained to the angel who appeared to him, but we do know God loves us. And because God loves us, He created us in His image and all we are and can do reflects who He is in the divine mirror of truth. We are His, and He is ours.
Furthermore, I feel that people define emotional connection and lust as the same thing sometimes, which is not only dangerous but also gives people the thought of their SSA originating with birth, which I am here establishing does not happen. Those mindsets, when confused, create a thought process of not being able to help what one feels, either because of innocence of age or because of overpowering feelings of lust at an age where capability to cope with lust is limited. Thankfully, as one matures and grows older, he/she can realize and comprehend that such a confusion was not rooted in reality and can return to the truth of how things really were. Unless, of course, their situation differed somehow. Really, that is up to the individual. And of course, more can (and probably will, in the future) be said, but this suffices for now, at least by my writings.
So,what way are we born? As children of God, heirs with Christ, and capable of progression in this life and individual perfection in the next, of being as God is in the world to come. Is sexuality really a way to define who we are, or perhaps is it something deeper that sexuality only springs out of like the leaves on the branches of a tree trunk? I believe it is the latter. We do not know the meaning of all things, as Nephi explained to the angel who appeared to him, but we do know God loves us. And because God loves us, He created us in His image and all we are and can do reflects who He is in the divine mirror of truth. We are His, and He is ours.
7.17.2013
Our Joy, Our Choice
"Many people die with their music still in them. Why is this so? Too often it is because they are getting ready to live. Before they know it, time runs out." This quote, expressed by Oliver Wendell Holmes, shows the sad end of those who do not claim joy as theirs to choose. I wonder if you, reader, are experiencing such a mentality in your own life. Certainly your pathway might prove easier if you simply allow life's swift river to carry you wherever it will, or as they say, if you "go with the flow". In all bluntness, however, permitting someone or something to dictate your life for you really does not fit in with our Heavenly Father's plan. Elder Bednar expressed it this way in his talk, 'And Nothing Shall Offend Them',
"In the grand division of all of God’s creations, there
are things to act and things to be acted upon (see 2 Nephi
2:13–14). As sons and daughters of our Heavenly Father, we have been
blessed with the gift of moral agency, the capacity for independent action and
choice. Endowed with agency, you and I are agents, and we primarily are to act
and not just be acted upon."
Jesus taught, "...and your joy no man taketh from you" (John 16:22). If that is the case, and Elder Bednar has taught what he has as a servant of God, then having joy in our lives must be a choice we have. Employing all of our abilities to seek after gratitude, love, praise towards God, and more will all cultivate a spirit of joy. Even in cases of mental illness, I believe it is difficult to find one who cannot beat depression with dogged persistence and assistance from others to live a healthy lifestyle. Exercise, writing down 15-20 things one can be grateful for, going and doing favorite activities, believing in oneself, prayer, priesthood blessings, and making positive affirmation statements all help. Let me expound on a couple of them.
Gratitude, above all, manifests to God that we are determined to "be of good cheer" and to "be content with whatsoever the Lord hath allotted unto (us)", because it shows Him that we are receiving what He is giving us with a spirit of cheerfulness and humility. Gratitude is so much more than merely expressing thanks when it is necessary or compulsory to do so; one who truly has incorporated gratitude into their lives is grateful for everything his Lord has given him-down to the life he enjoys when he wakes and the air he breathes. Being grateful means you are glad to have the services that come from bills, that you are glad for the parts of your body that are healthy when you are experiencing sickness, that you are glad you are uninjured when you walk away from a car accident. It means you are glad to still have your job even though you may walk in late after a hectic drive to work, or that you are glad to have children even though they can be rebellious and just downright nasty sometimes. Gratitude endures and sees potential for better in the now, not in the future. If you truly love your life, or are grateful for it as I would say, it is in the now, not later. And if you constantly express gratitude for what you experience now, including moments of simple joy up to the greater joys in life, you will find that God blesses you with more. As Alma taught, "For what ye shall send out into this world shall return to you again...". If you send out gratitude, more things will manifest into your life to be grateful for. It is one of the universal laws of heaven.
Believing in yourself is the other key element to choosing joy over negative feelings. Because we are all spirit children of our Heavenly Father, Satan's goal is thus: "He seeketh that all men might be miserable like unto himself" (2nd Nephi 2:27). But because we have bodies, he may bruise our heel but we can crush his head through the power of Jesus Christ and His Atonement. Paul and Gabriel (Noah) both taught that we can do anything with the power of Christ at our side. And as long as we have a broken heart and a contrite spirit (which essentially means a willingness to do whatever God asks), that power is with us. Believe in yourself, because nobody can believe in you quite the same as you do. Others may tell you or I may tell you how you can "best" go about believing in yourself, but the real truth is that you know such a thing best, though others help you discover it. You can choose joy...it's simply there for you to grab. :)
7.01.2013
My Contribution as a Crazy SSA Guy... :D
As many of you are aware, since my teenage years I have dealt with and successfully overcome most of the effects resulting from Asperger's Syndrome and Bipolar Affective Disorder. Asperger's Syndrome creates a struggle primarily with social skills, which can exacerbate the problems that one already deals with socially because of their feelings for the same sex. One may already feel as though things are awkward, difficult, heartbreaking, etc. because of their attractions, let alone having a mental illness that complicates things further. I also would understand if individuals looked at their present situation as one of being shut out from others, even when they come together in a group such as Evergreen or Northstar. It can become very difficult for them to associate with, relate to, or gain support from such organizational members. To you individuals, please know you are never, ever alone. More likely than not you hear this in context of people saying God is always there for you. Yes, indeed, this is true-always remember that. However, also remember that I am here for anyone who cannot seem to relate to others, who feels "on the outside", or whose heart breaks because all they want is to do what is right, and yet without social support cannot muster up courage to do so yet. I am here for you, and my words right now come straight from the compassion of my heart. You need to understand that though you may read these words as a perfect stranger, you and I are brothers (or brother and sister) by virtue of being children of God. I see potential in you, like every other individual, and if you called upon me for assistance I would be very grateful and willing to help in any way possible. Just remember, that you can find ways to attract more love and acceptance into your life. Try these things for 2-3 weeks, and see what happens:
1. Give thanks to God every day for every social blessing you have (family, any friends, smiles, laughter, fun, parties, etc.)
2. If you see someone enjoying friendship, choose to feel happy on purpose for those people! They are enjoying something beautiful, and if you are happy for them, you will find that it buoys you up and makes your personality more magnetic.
3. Love people just for the joy of loving them, and always leave it at that. Just love purely and with eyes that see the goodness in the other individual you love.
4. Focus your efforts on listening and making others feel important. They will appreciate it.
As you practice these things, the 3rd suggestion is particularly important because unless you give love first you cannot receive it. And love is never something that allows for expectation of reward. Simply give, and you will discover the truthfulness of Christ's words that say, "it is more blessed to give than to receive". We are more blessed (which, by literal translation, means "happy") when we are directing our primary focus outward, not inward.
To my bipolar brothers and sisters, I honor you as well for keeping your covenants, and striving to do even better than you already are, doubtlessly. I can understand that bipolar, with its "delightful" episodes, can create a choice point at which you either redirect energy to prevent episodes or in worse scenarios, you don't have much of a choice. I would encourage you to read the talk, "Toward a Theory of Human Agency" by Allen E. Bergin, a brilliant LDS psychologist. He speaks of how our freedom to exercise agency can decrease and increase, because of the weaknesses of the flesh. And he explains in detail the various factors of our lives that affect our agency, and how it ties into basic gospel principles. Perhaps this would help those trying to figure out their mental illness or those trying to understand it. Needless to say though, I completely understand that such things are very real, they hurt, they drive us mad (that can be an understatement), and occasionally we do things that we later regret because of them, due to no fault on our part. Don't worry-if you can't quite seem to "get a grip" sometimes, it's not because you're broken. It is because other people want to fix something that is different in its function. It still gets the job done, though perhaps more slowly, less efficiently, or maybe just in an unusual way. What matters though, is that your persona is unique and you still do the right things, just with scattered idiosyncrasies. We all have our strange little things we do...don't worry about it. Relax, accept yourself, love the fun and weird things within you, and you will find peace. And people will encircle you in arms of love as you do. I would recommend the same things as above, with the added advice of listening to your body. Sleep enough, take time out to relax, eat right, exercise, and just live the Word of Wisdom. You deserve it, and you need it. And when you really are worn out with all the various stresses of the day, or maybe you got done with a bipolar episode and things are messy, remember the Atonement (that goes for you Asperger's people too). The Atonement heals the heart, strengthens the soul, and gives life to the weary. You can make it if you believe.
In conclusion, I would encourage you to seek out Christ whenever you cannot seem to find relief. Though friends, family, priesthood leaders, and other individuals really help us quite wonderfully, I know He is the Master Healer. You need not be "worthy" or "qualified" of that atoning blood. Were it so, none of us would need it because we could be perfect and whole ourselves. But since we cannot, and we need Christ to justify our spirits and bind up our wounds, He has provided the means through prayer whereby we can call down the empowering grace of God to cleanse and strengthen our spirits. I testify of this truth, for I have experienced it many times. Pray for angels to attend you, do genealogy to strengthen bonds with ancestors from the past, immerse yourself in the scriptures, and cast aside all silly notions that the world teaches regarding your self-worth or contribution to Zion. You can make it. Just believe Christ when He says you can...even if you can only desire to believe, let it grow until you do believe. You are a child of your Heavenly Father, and you will find peace. I know this, and I know my Savior lives. May your coming days be happy. :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)