Beauty in Heartache

Heartache happens to all of us.  In life, I cannot avoid the possibility of it, because others say unkind words, trials arise, life happens, and other situations occur that try my faith, hope, and optimism towards the light God has given me.  I have often wondered, though, what beauty I can find in every heartache, including my SSA.  Honestly, when I have chosen to change my perspective, life changes with it.  Experience has provided me with plenty of witnesses to prove this point.  The question is then, which beautiful aspects of same-sex attraction can I focus on during difficult times? I would like to explore just a few.

To begin with, because I have same-sex attraction I feel more inclined to act emotionally sensitive to the needs and desires of others.  Since I have revelation from God promising that I shall someday find a wife, I have foreseen such a personality characteristic as an asset to my future marriage and romance we will share together.  Women love romance, they love individualized attention, and they appreciate men who can tune in to their emotions while giving them validation-instead of attempting to always fix matters, as some men do.  I view my SSA as an asset in that regard, because when my wife is having a rough time, desires personalized attention, or even just wants to be intimate, I will have an added measure of understanding towards her.  That being said, not just my wife can benefit from such a gift.  I also have used that gift to assist others around me, by speaking the right words they need to hear and offering wisdom that illuminates their pathway back to God.  My friends, family, and even perfect strangers at times have all received blessings because I chose to let the Spirit work through me as an instrument in the Lord's hands.  And we all can do that...I am not special nor different by any means in that regard.  You, dear reader, may certainly increase your worthiness towards God and thus create a state of holiness about you in which you are more than capable of discerning others' needs.

Moving on, SSA has also opened up more genuine and deep communion with God.  I have learned that in order to gain His favor, light, and understanding, I must rely solely on the grace of God and that will flow into my life.  Jesus Christ suffered for my sins, and as I continually pursue a relationship with Him, I feel His guidance and reassurance that I can live the commandments, find peace amid the oppositions of others to my "old-fashioned" gay lifestyle, and understand that somehow God can help me find love.  In addition, I have seen that, on my journey with SSA, my relationship with Christ establishes my joy, and others who I relate to only add to that joy.  His opinion of me is really what matters, and as other people see me as He does, I come to have friendships with them as well.

Although I have sometimes desired to act out sexually or romantically with another man, I choose not to because of that relationship with Christ.  And that, though it is a heartache, teaches me that true love must really be something wonderful if God is expecting me to sacrifice so much for it.  The Lord, from my witness and experience, never has put me through anything that did not turn out to bless me richly later.  And so, I have found greater faith in my Savior and an elevated sense of hope in romantic and true love between myself and a virtuous woman.  Truly, the lack of sexual objectification present in my desires towards women has proved a marvelous blessing.  Most, if not all respectable women would agree with me when I state that they would rather date, court, and marry a man who views their inner and outer beauty, not just their outer beauty as a gratification for sexual desire.  I have gained a deeper respect for the virtue and role of women as I have pondered on how I may best prepare myself for the woman I desire.

Other areas of SSA exist that truly break the heart.  However, I fully and firmly believe that I can find joy amid pain, and beauty within heartache.  As Isaiah prophesied, the purpose of the Savior is to "To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning...", among other things.  I know that we all can choose to see heartache as beautiful, because our learning, our healing, our greatest wisdom and insights, and our greatest blessings arise out of mourning and the ashes from the flagrant fires of adversity's destruction.  Our beauty comes in knowing that, after looking into the starry sky during our darkest nights, the dawn of heaven will burst forth in comfort and abundance.