Rainbow + Toxic = ????

In recent interactions with friends, family, and others, it has come to my attention that I haven't yet addressed this topic.  Everyone comes across it at some point in life, to be honest - not just LGBT+ Mormons, but every single person reading this.  Due to its negativity, though, I have avoided writing about it.  However, I understand that some of you could benefit from the meager tools and knowledge I am about to offer you, so I have chosen to put this out there in hopes you will be able to identify and root out this issue - the issue of toxic people.  

Why would we benefit, though?  Because same-sex, platonic friendships are crucial for LGBT Mormons in living a Christ-centered, joyful life, as they meet essential needs both emotional and mental in nature.  Now let me be clear, this post does not dance around this topic by discussing people who annoy you, have occasional outbursts of temper, infrequently manipulate you or others, or anything like that.  This post is addressing the behavior of people who are consistently manipulative, negative, attention-seeking, and that sort of thing.  So on that lovely note, let's get started! :)

What is a toxic person?  Simply put, a toxic person is defined as "someone whose behavior and/or relationship with you is toxic, due to being deeply wounded and as of yet unable to take responsibility for said wounding, as well their feelings, needs, and problems in life."  So, the next question would be, what does this unaddressed wounding look like?  Here are some signs that you've got a toxic person on your hands:

• You’re emotionally affected by their drama
• You dread (or fear) being around them
• You’re exhausted or you feel angry while you’re with them or after your interaction
• You feel bad or ashamed about yourself
• You’re stuck in a cycle of trying to rescue, fix or care for them.

Also....

• The other person doesn’t respect the word “No” as a complete sentence
• When you’re with them, you feel like you’re “walking on eggshells”
• You ignore your own values
• You emotionally “check out”
• You feel like you’re being controlled, or you’re being overly controlling.

The next question is, of course, how do you handle toxic people and thereby cultivate positive, healthy friendships?

A few ideas include:

1.  Set limits with complainers by asking them (repeatedly, if necessary) how they plan on resolving their problems.  Picture such people doing something you find repulsive while complaining.  You'd distance yourself, right?  So, act accordingly when encountering these sorts of people.

2.  Stand your ground when necessary with toxic behavior, like in cases of personal insults. Otherwise, do NOT engage in the negativity. Keep doing what you're doing, and eventually those toxic people will let you be. 

3.  Keep in touch with your emotions, so that you can know when it's appropriate to respond to toxic behavior. This prevents you from blowing up or otherwise giving the toxic person what they want.

4.  Respond to facts of situations - not emotional chaos.  For example. if a toxic person blames you for his/her poor work performance or something, respond logically, not emotionally.  Think of them as a patient and you as a therapist - distanced emotionally, responding intellectually.  ;)

5.  Set AND enforce boundaries.  If you have asked a toxic person to stop sitting by you during lunch break, enforce it!  If you have ended a conversation and the toxic person tries to restart it, enforce that boundary!!  Wherever possible, set these boundaries in advance instead of once problems have 

started.  Toxic people thrive off of people who do not set and enforce healthy, necessary boundaries.

6.  Find a way to be happy for you that does not fundamentally involve others.  Toxic people often seek happiness by looking for attention, searching for approval from others, and trying to find ways to win admiration from people.  If your happiness is independent of your experience with people, handling toxic people will be WAY easier.  

7.  Remember that being nice doesn't mean being a doormat.  Toxic people will want 2nd, 3rd, and 20th chances... but they are not entitled to them!  You are not a doormat for them to wipe their negativity all over like dirty mud and snow!!  Have some self-respect, and choose to not engage in friendship with such people after getting burned by them.  You're worth that.  

All of this may seem strangely unrelated to the LGBT Mormon experience, but I promise you, it is 100% related.  Being in the unique position we are in, we have to get our emotional & mental needs met somehow, without depriving ourselves.  The only consistently effective way that accomplishes this without guilt, shame, and the like, is healthy, emotionally intimate same-sex friendship. 

Therefore, to be successful in our journey of following Christ, cultivating ground for healthy same-sex friendship is essential.  And so, preventing toxicity in friendship must be a priority for each of us! Do not think that such people are just meant to be "put up with" or whatever.  You can find healthy, intimate same-sex friendships, and get your needs met without enduring a bunch of drama, guilt-tripping, manipulating, etc, etc.  As I am fond of quoting to my friends and family, "A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity."  (Proverbs 17:17)  Love you guys!  Until my next post... :) :) :)

Grateful to be Gay

I haven't been grateful to be gay for very long.  You see, I used to regard it as a curse of some kind, and an inconvenience at best.  With my religious beliefs and spiritual path I am trying to follow, being gay did not fit into my plans.  Nevertheless, at one point I gave up and just decided to live my sexuality out loud.  After all, that's what society preaches overall, right?  "Be true to yourself", "Don't deny who you 'really are' ", "Don't lie to yourself", etc.  These messages seemed to bore into my skull over and over again, until I believed they were true.  I rebelled against my religious convictions and spiritual path, and for a time, it gave me a lot of pleasure.  I'm not trying to be crude here; I'm trying to be open and honest about where I've come from.  

LGBT+ people in the Church and outside it don't just figure things out one day.  It's a painful, tedious, and long process.  Anyway, sometime into this rebellious phase, I figured out that I wasn't finding happiness in this path, either.  In fact, I felt worse off than when I started.  It was tarnishing my relationships with family, from lack of trust caused by late night sexual escapades, and my friendships, due to me getting addicted and sexually objectifying them.  What's more, I put myself through a vicious cycle of anxiety and gratification, as I would take risks of contracting venereal disease or being injured by perfect strangers.  But then, I'd get the sex I wanted, so I wouldn't care for some time.  Furthermore, the guilt I experienced repeatedly from violating my deepest convictions tortured me.  I was spinning further and further downward in a darkness of depression, self-loathing, sin, and worse.  When I got disfellowshipped from the Church, it just made things worse.  It didn't stop anything, though, since I was basically numb spiritually - or at least, becoming that way.

Stuck between a rock and a hard place, - not knowing what was fulfilling, since I'd tried religious devotion and messing around - I did not know what to do.  After some serious contemplation, I figured that I was at least happier when involved with the Church, so I'd try that again.  I got back in good standing again (meaning I reversed my disfellowshipped status), and decided to pursue spirituality until I figured something out that would work.  Some would call this decision foolish, because it led to several years of flip-flopping back and forth between an openly gay lifestyle and religious devotion.  Yet, I knew deep down what I wanted - to stay in the Church. So through a combination of personal resilience, stubbornness, and the grace of God, I found my way bit by bit. Then, because of a combination of apathy, complacency, lack of conversion after repentance, and not listening to priesthood leaders, I slipped again a few times and was disfellowshipped again.  But still, I knew I wanted to stay with the Church, so I repented and this time I was wise about it.  

I did everything this time around that I hadn't done before - cultivating conversion, following priesthood leaders' counsel, etc, etc.  And, as part of maintaining lasting commitment to Jesus Christ,  I learned how to better form intimate male friendships, what it really meant for me to have good mental health, and how I can successfully navigate goals for both mixed-orientation marriage & active involvement with the Church. It was like building a house with bricks - with a few rainbow ones thrown in here and there. ;)  For the sake of writing space, I haven't included a lot of details - such information would fill up several posts.  But, to add some emotional depth, let me just say a few things here.  I have experienced heartbreaking rejection, harsh judgment, betrayal, terrible gossip, and worse, often because of my sexuality.  For example, if you read a bit further back in my posts, you'll see the trial I endured with the Ogden LDS Institute.  I have also put up with homophobia from "friends" of mine, who I ended up cutting out of my life.  Beyond that, I've also struggled in varying degrees on my own, sometimes severely, other times somewhat, and often times not at all.  I have dealt with doubts about marriage, sexual intimacy, children, my general testimony, and worse - like thoughts of suicide in the distant past.  Some of this even occurred long after I felt I had come to a place of peace with being gay and faithfully Mormon.  In short, nobody is immune...but everyone can find lasting peace.

Essentially, I have been journeying through a long, hard road with this, just like all of my other brothers and sisters in the same journey.  What I have learned, however, has greatly blessed me and I am truly thankful to my Heavenly Father for allowing me to pass through this trial, aided by His grace.



A few things I have learned are:

-  Love matters, more than anything or anyone else.  And I can say this truthfully and accurately, because God is Love (1st John 4:8).

-  Get to know those who are different than you, and then consciously choose beforehand to accept them regardless of what they tell you or how they act.  This one is difficult, one I'm still working on considerably.

- The Atonement of Jesus Christ cannot change me being gay, but it certainly can cleanse me of any sin, and strengthen me under any burden.  It can also change my heart overall, so I act on my sexuality in a Christ-centered way.  This includes lifting up and encouraging those who feel lost and scared about being LGBT+ in a Church with a sometimes less-than-accepting culture, teaching others by example how to love with God's love consistently, and showing everyone - men especially, in fact - that emotional intimacy with men is a God-ordained, beautiful journey.

Besides all these lessons and truths I have learned, there are many more besides.  I have often observed friends of mine, or even strangers who grow bitter, angry, resentful, sad, depressed, and worse simply because they feel as though God has consigned them to wander in some endless, impossible maze of pain and confusion.  I empathize SO, SO much with all of these people.  I truly do, because I have been there in the depths of it and frequently revisited it.  In fact, I did just yesterday, if I'm truly to be honest in my writings.  

And yet, I am still so grateful to be gay, because of how much I have been able to draw upon the Atonement of Christ, thus enabling Him to transform my weakness into strength (Ether 12:27).  I testify that His grace IS sufficient, my brothers and sisters. If you feel far from the light emanating from your Savior, Jesus Christ, don't despair.  Take heart, and know that some of the most noble of souls have risen from the depths of sin, mental illness, depression, despair, and countless other obstacles.  Indeed, I would venture to say that such opposition is the platform on which great people of our Church and our world have always stood.

I'd like to close with this empowering quote, which sums up what I am trying to communicate about being grateful to be gay, a beautiful rainbow child of our Father-God:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Until next time, my reader-friends.  I love you!!! Thanks for reading. :) :) :)

His Name Left to Chance

I have sometimes stopped to consider what a gamble faith and subsequent discipleship to Christ really are.  If you think about it, we give up a great deal as followers of Jesus Christ.  Favorite vices, social comfort zones at church and elsewhere, personal income, the human need to understand things now, and so forth.  If we, as LGBT+ Mormons (or others), are giving up these things and more, to what end and purpose do we sacrifice and work?  Why do we persevere and endure, amid so much opposition and mockery?  I ask these questions as more than rhetorical questions, intended to push us into self-examination.  If one does not know his/her reasons for following Christ, the journey will inevitably collapse and burn in flames.  You cannot get somewhere without having a strong, resilient reason for doing so.  Whether you're a famous mountaineer scaling up Everest, a new entrepreneur blazing a new trail in business, or a rainbow-hearted Mormon striving to find peace, answers, and acceptance, you must have vision!  Today, I wish to explore a few principles that relate to having this inner vision required for discipleship.  Let's start with a scripture:

"For I am God, and mine arm is not shortened; and I will show miracles, signs, and wonders, unto all those who believe on my name." (D&C 35:8)

What does it mean to believe on His name?  To me, one way of accurately interpreting this scripture is that you literally place your faith on the name of Jesus Christ.  Another way to say this is that His name is the only name, of the billions out there, that you rely upon and trust in. I've also mentioned the "gamble" interpretation of this earlier, because in a way we do gamble our hopes, dreams, desires, etc with God when we decide to follow His Son.  Or at least, in our perception it is a gamble, because there is no sure knowledge that things will work out. Yet, faith feels enough - at its best, that is - like a sure knowledge that we can rest in it, usually.  Speaking of things working out, the Lord gives a marvelous promise here - that He will show "miracles, signs, and wonders" to those who believe on His name.   

I look at those three words, and I have had what I believe to be an accurate insight.  These are three categories of how the intervening hand of God looks in our everyday lives.  First and most well-known are miracles.  These are when His power moves in such a powerful, visible way that only the most ignorant and spiritually blind refuse to acknowledge their reality.  We all have heard stories of miracles, I am sure, so they don't require much explanation.  Second are signs, which are not quite miraculous but nevertheless should get our attention that God is looking out for us.  Some examples might include when that certain, distressing situation worked out just in time, or when God revealed Himself to you in church or General Conference in a way that definitely was not a coincidence. Rather than a hit over the head with a stick, as miracles do, signs are more of a sharp poke from God saying, "See?  I still love you and want to help you!"  Finally, wonders are aptly named because they make you wonder in awe at God's power to make life more full and rich, with love, joy, temporal abundance, and more.  I like to think of these as a reassuring pat on the back from God, just to quietly let me know  He is still here for me, with perfect love and watchfulness.

More profound, even, than this is that Christ prefaces this promise with an assertion of His identity and supreme power as our Creator.  He declares, "I am God, and mine arm is not shortened."  Isaiah, speaking for Christ, similarly wrote, " Is my hand shortened at all, that it cannot redeem? or have I no power to deliver?" (Isaiah 50:2), and later answers that question in agreement with the above scripture, saying, "Behold, the Lord’s hand is not shortened, that it cannot save; neither his ear heavy, that it cannot hear." (Isaiah 59:1)  Why, though, is it so "deep" that Christ has here told us He is God, and that His arm is not shortened?  

I would say it's because He is stating something we all know, or have been taught in the Church - that our Savior is all-powerful, and is who the scriptures testify He is, that is, the Messiah.  Later in this same D&C passage, though, Christ delves into faith, and a promise contingent on having that faith. In believing on the name of Christ, we also know from the teachings of the scriptures that His name is the only way by which we can gain salvation (see Mosiah 4:6-8).  Additionally, according to this scripture, this salvation is the only kind of salvation there is for us.  We cannot invent any other valid salvation or conditions to obtain it, other than what the scriptures testify of.  This is why the virtue of faith is one of the most preached and thus emphasized truths in all the standard works.  It is essential to knowing, or at least hoping, that Christ can reach out with His power - that His hand is not shortened, or His ear impeded in hearing our cries to Him.  

Further down in the D&C passage, we read, "But without faith shall not anything be shown forth except desolations upon Babylon."  To me, this is a warning from Christ illustrating the consequences we will faith if we allow our faith to greatly dwindle or die.  The less faith we have, the further away from Christ we drift.  And the further away from Him we drift, the more we are entangled in these "desolations upon Babylon", which is a fancy way of saying, "suffering from being worldly".  I am reminded of the vision of the Iron Rod, in which some were drowned in the depths of sin, while others were lost, "wandering in strange roads" (1st Nephi 8:32).  

These conclusions I am drawing remind me of Hebrews 11:6, which plainly says, "But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him."  If I, as a gay Mormon man, want God to provide me with a joyful, authentic way of living the gospel, while also celebrating my sexuality, then I must believe He exists, that He will give me what I desire if I diligently seek Him, and that He will intervene in my life in various degrees.  What I cannot do is leave the name of Christ to chance in my life, that I will hopefully encounter Him  here and there, and turn to Him mostly when I am in some kind of trouble or difficulty.   This holy name left to chance, the only name by which we gain salvation in this life and in the next, cannot possibly serve me in my journey of discipleship.  It is internalizing this holy name of Jesus Christ with purpose that infuses the process of coming unto Him with rich meaning. Until my next post... love you guys! :) 

It Came Not Into His Heart

In Jeremiah 7:31, the Lord is giving a specific example of idolatrous behavior in ancient Israel, when it had fallen away from the covenants of the temple and such.  At the end of the verse, the Lord makes a very interesting statement about that behavior:

"...which I commanded them not, neither came it into my heart."

As though to leave them without excuse in their sinfulness, Christ made sure to say that He had no part whatsoever in their sinfulness.  This also exposed, at His word, the entire burden of accountability resting on ancient Israel, due to the misuse of their agency.  James offered the same commentary, with further expounding:

"13 Let no man say when he is tempted, I am tempted of God: for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth he any man:

14 But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed.

15 Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death.

16 Do not err, my beloved brethren."  (James 1:13-16)

So...how does this relate to same-sex attraction and being a Latter-Day Saint?  Or, being an ally of, priesthood leader over, or family to LGBT+ individuals in the Church?  Everything.  You see, I have wanted to post about this subject for quite some time now, in a very direct but also respectful way.  And, at the direction of the Spirit, it would seem that this is the best topic for me to write to my readers about at this time.  

Some LGBT+ Mormon members are entertaining a notion that, if rooted and grounded in truthful reality, would be immensely easier than the present path we are called to tread, as faithful disciples of Christ.  To clarify, there are those among us who suppose that they are given leave by God to transgress the commandments - to enter into a romantic relationship with/marry someone of the same sex, or to have sexual relations with the same.  This can also apply to lusting after those of the same sex, indulging in vulgar language and behavior with other LGBT+ individuals, and so forth.  Now, before I delve into the meat of this post, let me clarify:  I am not judging, condemning, criticizing, or otherwise targeting such individuals, or their families, friends, or priesthood leaders.  Far from it.  I am merely making observations of doctrine and true principles, as supported by the constituted General Authorities of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, and most importantly, the word of God itself.  I make it a point to support my posts via authoritative sources, rather than emotional rambling, personal bias, or inconclusive speculation.  And, I also make it a point to write out my posts in a spirit of love, through the direction of the Holy Spirit.  That being cleared out of the way, then...

I'd like to begin the "meat" of my post with a quote from Elder Dallin H. Oaks of the Twelve, from a 2010 October General Conference address entitled, "Two Lines of Communication":  

"We cannot communicate reliably through the direct, personal line if we are disobedient to or out of harmony with the priesthood line. The Lord has declared that “the powers of heaven cannot be controlled nor handled only upon the principles of righteousness” (D&C 121:36). Unfortunately, it is common for persons who are violating God’s commandments or disobedient to the counsel of their priesthood leaders to declare that God has revealed to them that they are excused from obeying some commandment or from following some counsel. Such persons may be receiving revelation or inspiration, but it is not from the source they suppose. The devil is the father of lies, and he is ever anxious to frustrate the work of God by his clever imitations."

What truths and doctrine does this teach?  First, it teaches that God has called priesthood leaders for a sacred purpose, one of which is to foresee spiritual danger and communicate that to us in the form of revelation, warnings against sin and error, and other ways.  Through the Holy Priesthood, they can quite literally view the future, and give us direction that keeps us safe.  Furthermore, regarding such counsel that the Brethren and other servants of the Lord consistently preach, I have always seen that counsel being rooted in the word of God.  It testifies of and backs up what all these servants of God are preaching and teaching to us.  We have more than two or three witnesses whereby "everything may be established", as Isaiah taught.  

We have dozens of witnesses, all of whom are filled with the love of God, seeking only our eternal welfare as sons and daughters of our Heavenly Father and Mother.  Second, this teaching from an apostle of the Lord shows us that, in order to have reliable personal revelation, we must obey the commandments of God and the counsel of our constituted priesthood leaders.  Third, if we are disobedient, this teachings manifests the danger in doing so, because it can lead to false revelation from Satan.  It may offend some, but as Jacob taught in 2nd Nephi 9:40, "I know that the words of truth are hard against all uncleanness; but the righteous fear them not, for they love the truth and are not shaken."  If we are truly striving to be open to the Spirit, with a commitment to follow through with its direction, we will not fear the truth and so avoid it.

And so, when it comes to refraining from same-sex dating and courtship, same-sex marriage, sexual relations with the same sex, and so forth, we can choose to self-justify by claiming to have "spiritual experiences" or by citing the misguidance of a well-intending priesthood leader.  That is one choice.  Or, we can choose the blessed assurance of peace only the Spirit can bring, as we strive to be obedient and humble ourselves before God, to accept His counsel through priesthood leaders and to be obedient to His commandments.  Getting caught up in the so-called "impossible standards of the Church", twisting the history of the Church to justify false personal revelation, and so on does not serve any of us.  

Sometimes, we require added perspective or an entire perspective shift.  For example, if your concern is lifelong celibacy, perhaps you should reframe your concern to ask if there is another viable way your emotional and sexual needs can be met, in abundance.  I can attest to the power of emotional intimacy with men to manage both sexual and emotional needs for intimacy with guys.  I find this is a pretty universal solution, if you open up to trying it for a lengthy period of time, to validate if it works for you or not.  As for having a companion, that is what having a circle of very close friends is for.  Surprisingly, if you study where romance and friendship share common ground, you'll discover that they share almost all ground together, except for a few key differences.

What else can you discover, in giving up this false form of personal revelation that doesn't serve you? You can relinquish sinful behavior, and instead embrace virtuous behavior.  This, in turn, will open up other blessings, such as the sacrament, access to the temple, ability to exercise the priesthood, power to influence others by your goodness, and more.  You will, in other words, utilize your agency to where God can give you strength when you're not getting your emotional and sexual needs met sufficiently.  And, you won't have to feel out of place, filled with shame, awkward, or whatever other negative feeling you feel as you are drawing closer in your relationship with Christ.  

You will find Him embracing you where you are now in your journey with your sexuality, and with that love will come an openness to His counsel.  The Lord will guide you into building up a life where you can experience joy in keeping His commandments as taught by His servants, and simultaneous authenticity in embracing your sexual orientation.  Christ knows EVERYTHING you feel, experience, think, do, and otherwise undergo.  He knows, because He suffered the Atonement on your behalf personally.  Alma taught, "he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities." (Alma 7:12)  This means that Christ knows, in the context of having a physical body with its appetites, desires, and passions, how to run to our aid (succor us) and thereby offer us perspective, comfort, and healing.  

Giving heed to this false form of personal revelation, to use a Christmas analogy for the season, is like having an ugly, bent over, gnarled, and gross tree, like one that has bird poop, nests, tree sap, feathers, etc all over in it.  Yet, somehow we insist that this is what we want - that there is a certain "rustic" appeal to having such a repulsive tree.  Our vision, somehow, has been corrupted by personal bias and outside persuasion, perhaps.  Yet, Christ stands right by you, offering an absolutely STUNNING Christmas tree - one frosted over with real icicles, covered artfully in gold glitter, draped with tinsel and glimmering snowflakes, and perfectly decorated with all manner of bejeweled, shimmering ornaments.  

It would capture the admiration of any passerby, yet He offers it to you, freely for your taking.  No conditions, no terms, nothing.  Just a gorgeous tree for you to take, while He takes your ragged, disgusting one away from you.  Then, as though you've never seen a real Christmas tree in your life, you take it in admiring wonder and the blessings before mentioned become yours, in time. You absolutely cannot fix your tree you have, which represents your fallen mortal nature and your futile efforts to be "true to you" in the context of an earthly label of sexuality.  But your Savior and Friend, Jesus Christ, can give you the real deal, the joy only He can offer, which comes by hearkening to His words over enough time to "prove (Him) herewith, if (He) will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it." (Malachi 3:10)

I testify of our Savior's infinite power to change us, by empowering us through His infinitely resilient grace to reach within and start living in His higher way.  I testify that His Atonement is specific to YOU as His son or daughter, and that if you were the only one who needed that Atonement, He would have been bled in Gethsemane, been whipped by Roman soldiers, allowed Himself to be crowned with thorns, permitted the Roman soldiers to nail Him to a cross, carried it for miles to Calvary, died after hours of suffering there, and been resurrected the 3rd day.  Just for you, I know He would have done that, were it necessary.  And, because He suffered intensely beyond mortal comprehension for you personally and individually as His son or daughter, He knows how to show you how to live the gospel, through personal revelation that comes via the Holy Spirit.  I love you, dear friends.  Until next time... 

Love is Love - Even the Unorthodox

Writing mostly to the parents, church leaders, friends, and family of LGBT+ Mormons, I wish to say something:  You probably do not understand whatsoever the concept I am about to discuss.  However, I hope to explain it all in a way that clarifies any odd or complex points.  To begin, it becomes very plain to anyone who knows our beliefs that a few distinct options - with sub-options, I might add - are available to those who choose to remain faithful to the teachings of Christ, in our church.  Most people group them under these three categories:

1.  Stay active in the LDS Church, while remaining sexually celibate for life as a single person.
2.  Live as a typical LGBT+ person would, leaving the LDS Church and choosing which beliefs to keep, if any.
3.  Stay active in the LDS Church, but marry someone of the opposite sex in order to fulfill the human need for sex.

If we were to really average out the answers of, say, 1,000 people, I believe we wouldn't have option #3 much in the picture, if at all.  Perhaps a small amount of individuals would present marriage to the opposite sex as a viable option, but it has been my experience as a gay Mormon man that most reject this option, also known as mixed-orientation marriage, as "dishonest to your fiance", "betrayal", "lying to yourself", and so on.  To expand others' understanding who are not a part of the LGBT+ Mormon or non-Mormon community, however, I wish to elaborate further on the concept of an LGBT+ individual marrying someone of the opposite sex.  Many misunderstand this idea a great deal, and I wish to clear up any confusion insofar as possible.

Regardless of whether you are Mormon or not, please enter into a hypothetical reality with me for a moment. Imagine that you have entered into a religion several years ago, one which you love because of the joy and fellowship with others it brings into your life.  It also guides your actions in a way that ultimately leads to your personal fulfillment.  So, you stay actively involved the more part of your life as a dedicated member of this particular religion.  Presently, the religion teaches that romance, sex, and marriage with anyone of the same sex are forbidden, since God's plan centers around traditional marriage and family.  As you grow older, however, you realize that you are not attracted to the opposite sex at all, despite your plans for love, marriage, and children.  In fact, you realize you are gay.  But, since your love and devotion to God run deep through this religious and its practices, you decide to find a way to happily stay in it.  Notwithstanding your pain from feeling isolated, different, misunderstood, and duty-bound to "fix" this problem, eventually you discover that same-sex friendships provide much of what you desire.  It doesn't meet every single need, but at the same time it doesn't create a very wide gap between your desires and actual fulfillment of them.  Rather, it is a small enough gap to where you still are getting your needs met as an ordinary human.

At some point, as all your straight friends are getting married, you realize that you want to fall in love, too.  The desire for that for someone of the same sex is very real, and yet you also desire to have your own children.  Or, you want to share a spiritual & emotional connection with someone of the opposite.  Whatever the reason, it certainly doesn't strike you as frivolous, even though it seems that marrying someone of the opposite sex is completely impossible.  After all, what Mormon person wants to marry someone who isn't straight?  It violates social and religious norms, not to mention it sparks fear in the heart of virtually anyone who entertains that possibility.  And yet, you have deeply loved and continually dedicated yourself to this religious path before now.  There are many reasons to stop, and although some of them are almost good enough, yet none of them seem to be justified.  So, you pursue an opposite sex marriage in the way any other heterosexual person would - dating and courtship.  Now, let's exit this hypothetical reality.

Most individuals reject this option on the premise of lying to oneself or future spouse, being brainwashed by religious authorities, and so forth.  And yet, while such people typically utilize the phrase, "Love is love", I have spotted a gaping, even hypocritical hole in their mantra.  If love is love, why cannot a mixed-orientation marriage also be love?  Our society too often defines love on the basis of sexual attraction - in essence, who you want to shove your genitals into.  Is that really what we have sunk to, my dear readers...defining love primarily by what we want to physically do with each other?  There are so many other measuring sticks to define true love by!  I prefer the measuring sticks of intellectual, emotional, mental, spiritual, and social attraction, to be honest.  They actually can measure true love because they are true standards!  What keeps people together in difficult times isn't sex.  It's the meaningful, deep, abiding qualities of the other lover that bind them together even in hard times.  I should be very sorry indeed to find out that my beloved only wanted me because I was physically attractive or sexually talented.  Some might smile or laugh at this, but I really would reject someone if I discovered such an awful thing.  Why?  Because I'd save myself heartbreak from the inevitable destruction of our relationship soon to come.

That being said, then, why can't mixed-orientation marriages have true love?  Truth is, there isn't a reason.  Then people will make counterarguments, such as:

- Your spouse will cheat on you, because eventually they won't be able to resist their sexuality.
- Even if you could make it work, there's no way you'll have a fulfilling sex life.
- Your spouse won't truly appreciate your body, whether in or out of the bedroom.
-Etc, etc, etc.

And yet, I know many couples who are in a mixed-orientation marriage.  Is it hard?  Yes, it can be very hard at times!!  But, through open lines of communication, a sense of humor about one being LGBT+, and open-mindedness to alternative sexual advances, moves, mindsets, etc, these couples enjoy very healthy sexual lives together.  The LGBT+ spouse can also compliment aesthetic beauty they see in their significant other, and the other can learn to love such expressions of attraction, while valuing them as equally meaningful as any other spouse's compliments.  Furthermore, questions of fidelity can be settled by our answer to the question that love is love anywhere, even in the most unexpected of places.  If that LGBT+ spouse truly loves his/her partner, the temptation to cheat will lessen tremendously.  Combined with open lines of communication and ongoing attempts at romance, that temptation lessens even more.  Indeed, many of these couples I know spend time with and talk to other mixed-orientation couples, even to the point of having bi-annual conferences to strengthen their marriages!  Much goes on behind the scenes with mixed-orientation marriages that we do not understand or even know about.  Thus, many judge and criticize - some even while proclaiming love can exist in unusual and unexpected circumstances.

To conclude, my friends, there are some things I yet do not fully understand about mixed-orientation marriage.  But since I wish to pursue that for the honorable intention of raising a family I created, I can confidently assert myself in the face of opposition, and tell the haters to (in the words of a friend) back off.  Please validate the choices of all LGBT+ people, regardless of which of those three options above they've decided on.  That includes those who decide to date, court, and marry those of the opposite sex.  If we truly wish to uphold the true phrase, "Love is Love", then we must hold ourselves to that declaration and validate love, wherever it may choose to appear.  Until next time, beloved readers...

The Visibly Invisible Letter of "LGBT+"

For the past few years, I have only focused on heterosexual and homosexual experiences, offering my personal insights regarding them, especially in relation to living the teachings of the LDS Church.  Recently, however, I attended an international conference for people of many different kinds of sexual orientation, and I have realized that I need to offer insight to these people as well.  So, for a while, I am going to alternate between the two groups I have passed over - family, friends, and church leaders of LGBT+ Mormons, and church members who experience sexuality types other than heterosexual or homosexual.  Today's post will focus entirely on bisexuality.

It is an unfortunate truth that because we often view sexuality as binary, that is, gay or straight, we forget that people experience a tremendously varying spectrum of sexual orientation.  You, my dear reader, have probably never even heard of some of them before.  While being sensitive to those who are non-religious, I will also bear my witness of truth and bring these different forms of sexual orientation to the light, so that my readers may be both sensitive and helpful to those around them.  Bisexuality calls for these two strengths anew.  The question is, what is bisexuality?  To start let's define what it is not. It is not someone who is equally attracted to both genders, first of all.  That is a very common and, for bisexuals, a very frustrating misconception.  Someone who identifies as bisexual may drift in attraction towards their same gender one day, and then not too much later, float back to more dominant opposite-sex attraction.  Please do not make the naive mistake of supposing that bisexual people like both genders equally.  An excellent way to understand this would be to mentally separate their attraction to men and women, and then regard them as independent of one another, fluctuating as they will.  This leads into my next point.  Bisexual individuals are not going around having lots of sex, "because they want to" or "because they can".  It's not about having "the best of both worlds", honestly.  It just means their attractions can go one way or another, and if that happens to lead to sex it doesn't mean someone is bisexual purely for, or because of, the indulgence of sex.

For those who consider themselves "straight as an arrow" or "gay as the day is long", sometimes they will accuse a bisexual person of being indecisive, inexperienced with sex, or whatever other nonsense some people come up with.  I've got to to tell you - for years, psychologists, sociologists, and other mental health professionals have studied sexual orientation.  And the general consensus in this highly educated community is that sexuality is very fluid for many, and a least a little for some.  Thus, if someone is declaring they are attracted to both genders, in whatever way, it simply means their heart and brain are telling them, "Hey, this and this is appealing about both men and women, more for one and less for another, at this time."  Though some may remain in a consistent place with how their orientation operates for a while, many others do not have that experience.  It shifts in who and even what captivates their attractions and differing forms of attention.  This orientation exists, people.  It doesn't result from some simplistic source; it's a complex reality that has emerged over time for most people.  Please, have the respect to validate a person's sexual orientation as real and valuable, even if it doesn't make a ton of sense to you at this present time.  It is equally as unfair for someone to question your sexual orientation as it is for you to question theirs.  You'd likely say if someone challenged your orientation, "Who are they to do this?  They don't know my mind and heart well enough to judge!" If you could see yourself reacting in a similar way to this statement, please give others the same respect and dignity you yourself would demand of others.



In reference to the gospel, then, now that we've defined bisexuality, I wish to make a persuasive case for devotion to Christ.  With such a limited space, it is difficult to do, but I'll do my best.  Indeed we may be sure that, as with all sexual orientation beyond heterosexuality, being faithful and enduring to the end seem like an impossible dream.  Let's be honest - our inherent sexual and emotional desires crowd out any "arbitrary" religion or spiritual path that tells us we cannot fulfill our deep desires for a same-sex relationship or marriage, and sexual intimacy with another of our sex.  It baffles those outside such religious and spiritual paths to suppose that there could be any other options than these aforementioned.  But, drawing upon my limited comprehension of bisexuality, I can offer at least one profound suggestion that most certainly could change this so-called religious drudgery into Christ-centered joy and freedom.  If one were to devote time to studying the common traits of romantic and platonic (friendship) love, they would be astounded. Why?  Because, excepting a few key differences, amorous relationships and friendships share most of their qualities.  This can point us to the direction of choosing close, emotionally intimate friendships with those around us, versus following after sexual intimacy and committed relationships with those of the same sex. At first blush, it may seem we are getting less than we deserve in the experience of love and life.  However, I have chosen to view this from more of a bird's-eye view, and I have come to joyfully accept this as an alternative path, not an inferior one in fulfillment.  Some people I have told all this to have looked at me as though I am crazy, and perhaps understandably so.  To those who haven't plumbed the depths of what it means to choose a different love for a lifetime though, I cannot fault them for severely questioning my choice.  The question is, how does that work in reference to bisexuality, and what makes it a viable possibility?  I believe that the sure handful of choices are:  emotional vulnerability, prayer, faith in the ludicrous, and open-mindedness.

An attitude of choosing emotional vulnerability throws open the doors for potential emotional intimacy.  It shows others, in many cases, that you are willing to trust them with your heart.  This typically moves people to compassion, and if they feel you share common interests and/or see common truth, it is quite likely they will choose that same risk as you are.  What follows after is a beautiful manifestation of closeness and love, as time carries on.  This process, more than anything I think, holds the key to showing us what God is capable of if we let Him work in our lives.  Speaking of which, prayer and faith in the ludicrous are the bridge that will lead you there and keep you on the right road.  Pray as a son or daughter to a loving God, as a friend of His and not regarding Him as some far-away, ominously magnificent, stern Being.  He is your Father, and Christ, your older brother.  Speak with them as such, for they dearly love you.  And when the Spirit from these two magnificent, glorified Beings directs you to speak to some random person on the train, or engage in conversation with a homeless person, or maybe even strike up a friendship with that "weirdo" in your office, have courage enough to believe in the crazy and even the seemingly impossible.  These kind of close friendships may come from anywhere and at any time, so open your heart and your mind to the possibility of insane beginnings of connection.  We do not see the big picture, but God does... and to show us this, I believe He tells us to do things far out of our comfort zone, that push the limits of what we consider to be commonplace or "normal".

Finally, be open-minded. This doesn't mean, be cool with unrighteous and sinful activities, behavior, friends, etc.  No, it means to leave the doors of your mind open to new possibilities and new truths you haven't yet explored.  Sometimes, God best reaches us through unfamiliar channels, ones which are virtuous and good indeed, but that we haven't had the opportunity or courage enough to investigate.  For example, I never supposed before that my straight friends would be willing to cuddle, hold hands, or even kiss... and yet, I believed this because of cultural norms.  Men did all of these things as recent as the late 40's in America, and we are returning to that same norm yet again, with how our society is shifting.  But, God told me through His Spirit to open myself up to these things, making sure to keep my thoughts and intentions pure.  I did take His counsel entirely, including His caution of purifying my mind and heart beforehand.  And I'll tell you, some of my most beautiful experiences of physical affection and brotherly love have resulted directly from these experiences.  I have not been so open about them until now, but I feel to share it because I think it will encourage people of diverse sexual orientation to reach out with open-mindedness to experience the beauty God has tenderly placed in relationships, for us to joyfully discover.  Regarding those who are bisexual, it may be wise to seek out close, loving friendships with both genders, so that you can meet your emotional needs with both.

Bisexuality is not an invisible letter in the LGBT+ spectrum, nor is it something that has to force anyone in the common direction of society.  If you are bisexual, and want to live the gospel of Jesus Christ, I testify to you that it is possible.  I am not bisexual, but I have many friends who are, and as members of the Church they choose to live a faithful life in Christ.  I also testify that you are not alone in this journey, that Christ does not expect you to simply abandon all hope of love and fulfillment with those whom you are attracted to.  Through Him, a way consistent with His teachings can be made, one which will abundantly minister to your personal needs as His brother or sister.  He is on a dirt-floor, eye-to-eye level with you, walking with, talking with, and suffering with you, not being some floaty, above the sky dude who just says, "Good luck!  Hope you figure it out..."  I know our Savior is a man of battle, a man of compassion, a man of personal, tender healing, and a man of comradery and brotherhood.  He will not leave us, nor forsake us, and anything we are now enduring that seems to suggest or even scream otherwise simply is a foreordained trial for our individualized benefit.  We are His children, and nothing will separate us from His love.  Until next time, you guys...

A Few Words To The Straight Guys ;)

Typically, my audience of choice speaks to the general public, or LGBT+ Mormons, their friends, and their families.  But, the Spirit whispered to me it was time to speak to a different and very specific audience - heterosexual men, or "straight guys".  Although I've touched on many of the principles soon to be discussed, it has only been in passing...a sort of brief glance at these little truths here and there that I have found to be significant.  But, I have never previous gathered them together, for either lack of thought or lack of divine direction.  Today, though, I know it is what Heavenly Father would have me speak about, to use my voice for this subject so frequently discussed among LGBT+ Mormon men.  To begin...

To my straight guy friends out there, or just you general heterosexual dudes, read on intently for a moment.  Stick with me for a couple paragraphs, because I'm painting a picture here for all of you. ;) Let's consider a hypothetical circumstance together, which would never happen in all of eternity because of the unchangeable nature of God.  Say that one day, the Church announces you are only allowed to date, steady date, marry, and have sex with other men.  You are now forbidden to engage in anything but friendship with women, no matter what the circumstances.  Allow that to sink in for a little while, both in your mind and in your heart.  Consider the consequences of such a decision in your life, how you would feel, and what it would mean for your church membership. Perhaps you are asking yourself how you could even begin to consider marriage to a woman, and telling yourself that now your dreams for a traditional family are completely shattered.  Maybe you'd even begin to question the 1st Presidency and Quorum of the 12 Apostles, asking if they actually are speaking with God and receiving genuine revelation for the Church.  Indeed, you might even begin to experience anger, guilt, shame, confusion, despair, depression, and other notably negative emotions.  Now, return to reality, where you are blessed by your sexual orientation.  You don't have these challenges looming in your face every day, relentlessly demanding your attention and almost stealing away your faith in Jesus Christ.  But, us LGBT+ Mormons do.

Turn again to your imagination, and take yet another journey with me.  Imagine that you have just met some really cool dude.  You like him a lot, feel like you have a good deal in common, and think it would be amazing to get to know him better as a friend.  So, you approach him wherever it is you met, be it school, work, Institute class, whatever.  It's always at least a bit unsettling to be emotionally vulnerable like that and put yourself out there, but you shrug your doubts and fears off because after all, he's just a guy, right?  You start talking to this cool guy you'd like to be friends with, and halfway through the conversation, he kinda interrupts you and says, "No offense, but I don't really make friends with guys who wear Converse shoes.  It feels like they are making some kind of romantic or sexual advance on me."  You stare at him, and then laugh because you think it's a joke.  But he's like, "No dude, I'm not kidding.  Thanks for the offer, but I'll see you later, k?  Bye." And he walks off, leaving you there in total bewilderment.  "What kind of guy judges someone by the brand of their shoes?" you ask yourself.  And so, with disappointment and probably at least a bit of hurt, you also walk off, not understanding what shoes have to do with brotherly love and bro bonding.  All you wanted was another guy to hang with, to be "one of the boys"...why does this ridiculous standard matter so much?



In all reality, these bizarre, hypothetical situations do offer practical application in both understanding and genuinely loving your LGBT+ Mormon/non-Mormon brothers as Christ would love them.  Most especially, those men who identify as gay or bisexual.  Let me explain.  In the first example, this was to shift your viewpoint to understand from a personal level how it feels every day for gay (and possible bi) Mormon dudes like myself.  All those possible scenarios, doubts, feelings, frustrations, etc are real challenges I have struggled with either on difficult occasions like the policy change, or every day as a natural consequence to my chosen path of discipleship.  And, as you can well imagine, that isn't a comprehensive list.  If you know a gay or bi dude who has left the Church, or is leaving the Church, or even is just voicing frustrations, they should sound familiar if you re-read my words and return to that vivid, uncharted place of your whole world being turned upside-down.  It is not wise, nor is it charitable, to tell LGBT+ guys in or out of the Church that God will "fix" their sexuality, that marriage can help with it, or any of those other falsehoods Satan spreads among us.  If you truly would lead your LGBT+ Mormon/non-Mormon friends and family back to Christ, study out in your heart and mind how to best show them charity each and every day.  I have heard it said bluntly and truthfully that people will gather to where they feel they are loved the most.  If someone comes out to you, seeks your advice, or desires your friendship, extend God's love every time, without fail.

Speaking of friendship, let's address that point real quick.  A pair of shoes worn or not worn would be a terribly judgmental and ludicrous way to filter out potential friends in your life.  Similarly, the sexual identity of "straight" does not need to be some all-determining factor in whether someone is your friend.  And, from a more subtle viewpoint, nor does it need to be cause for withholding love or one-on-one quality time from a guy who is gay, bisexual, or whatever.  Guys sometimes fear us gay and bisexual men because of "getting hit on", or "possibly being seduced".  Or, it could be that they fear the opinions of others far too much, thinking that maybe their other straight friends will question their sexuality just because of spending time with a gay or bisexual man.  Surprisingly, guys, almost all LGBT+ guys will respect your orientation as a heterosexual because they know as intelligent beings that you're not going to swing another way.  Not to mention, we respect your "straight-ness" because we understand that (if we were going to) there'd be no chance of anything happening, either sexually or romantically.  Guys, we are friends with lesbians and know them well.  That's like us being overly sensitive and/or protective, because we are watching for a time when you'll hit on and/or seduce one of our lesbian friends.  That's ridiculous, isn't it?  Furthermore, most of us are decent people who wouldn't dare to be so disrespectful and out of line.  Again, you don't do that with lesbians if you know their orientation.  Why would we do it with you, knowing your orientation?  That's beyond rude.  It's appalling.

And speaking to withholding love or quality time, some guys of mine have feared that if they hug me or give me a quick massage, it'll be arousing or cause inner conflict.  Let me share something.  Even if a man is gay or bisexual, and is out there doing all kinds of crazy stuff with men, that doesn't necessarily mean that your touch will somehow arouse him, or shake up his feelings.  He might have a partner or husband already, he might not be attracted to you, and the list goes on.  In my case, where I am abstaining from romance and sex with men, that is coming from a different angle.  You see, I choose that path and as a result, I have emotional needs of closeness and physical affection with other men, in pure ways.  So, I seek that out with other guys to meet my needs and avoid any kind of slip-up with a new gay dating life or sexual immorality.  In essence, if you are comfortable being touchy-feely with your straight bros, you should with an LGBT+ Mormon guy like me or my friends.  In giving that, you actually help lessen the power of homosexual lust and other temptations we experience daily.  This is because you are, in that small time, meeting those essential needs your rainbow friend has for male love and acceptance.  You're helping him be faithful, in your way.  And there's not much that needs to be said for spending one-on-one time with him, because all these same principles apply.  Surely your spirit led you to this man in part because you believed him to be of good moral character.  An unexpected coming out the closet should not change that, if you're choosing love.

Guys, love your brothers as Christ loves you.  He doesn't see your sexual orientation or any of your particular thorns in the flesh, for that matter.  He sees you as His sons, capable of so much more than what you are presently doing.  Live up to that potential in this beautiful experience with  your brothers, and help them live up to their potential with the perfect love of our Savior, Jesus Christ.  John the Beloved urged us to "try the spirits", and I have no doubt that almost every gay, bisexual, transgender, etc man you run into will pleasantly and joyfully surprise you with the beauty of their spirits.  Try the spirits of your rainbow brothers, and learn of them.  Love them, even as your Elder Brother loves you, and learn something from what you have once feared, but now want to become acquainted with.  It's a different world, but I promise it's a decision you'll not regret.  Until next time...love you, my brothers.

The Hidden Healings of Jesus Christ

The Old Testament, boring as it may seem to some, actually holds some magnificent insights to gospel truths, as my last post witnesses.  Again I have discovered something worth posting about, in the book of Hosea.  I loved much of what I studied there, but one scripture jumped out at me in particular significance for you, my readers.  And, by extension, for myself, since I identify as gay and thereby am part of the LGBT+ community.  Before I begin expounding on my thoughts, though, I also would like to emphasize that anyone can draw meaning from my posts here, as I often draw my inspiration from the word of God, a universally applicable source.  Furthermore, I search for ideas in the arena of common humanity, where instead of expressing eloquent, snobbishly intellectual thought, I just ask myself, "What do people of diverse sexuality and backgrounds share in common?" Thus, anyone can delve into my posts and find at least a little something to take home or share with someone.

In my daily scripture study, I search for thoughts to write down that are usually for myself, but sometimes are musings upon the human experience.  A few days ago, I stumbled across this beautiful gem:

"I taught Ephraim also to go, taking them by their arms; but they knew not that I healed them." (Hosea 11:3)

In context, this scripture partly illustrates how Christ has taken care of Israel since it began, and speaks of how Christ knew they were surrounded by idolatry.  But, to spiritually preserve them, He taught (or revealed to) the tribe of Ephraim to go, or flee.  To accomplish this, He also took them by the arms, like a father guiding a blindfolded child by the forearms.  But unlike the child who obviously knows it's their father leading them, Israel did not know that Christ had healed them by leading them away from idolatry.  They were not aware of His power, hand, personal touch, etc.  If you study the Old Testament extensively enough, you'll realize the truthfulness of what I'm explaining.  By this time, they were steadily heading into apostasy, notwithstanding all that Jesus had done for them in directing their steps towards salvation and abundant life.  It's sad to read, and causes us to sometimes become angry and ask, "Why?  Why did they do this?!  The Lord is there, but you're not getting it."  I have been guilty of this, both with reading the apostasy of Israel and of the Nephites.  I think sometimes it reflects how I've spoken to myself in the past...

Yet, how much different are we, my rainbow-hearted friends and fellow children of God?  True, we are not forging idols from silver and gold, nor are we building up lavish altars to place them upon. But I believe that if we look through modern eyes, we may find valuable insight from these scriptural accounts.  Now, before you stop reading, know that I am not about to preach a sermon on figurative idolatry, as in condemning the evils of placing things before Christ and whatnot.  My thoughts are heading elsewhere, so stick with me for a little longer.  To continue, let's break this scripture down into chunks.  The first phrase states, "I taught Ephraim to go," but instead of "Ephraim" insert your name there.  Has Christ taught you to "go" or, flee, in the face of certain dangers to your spirituality, testimony, conversion, etc (all of which are different things)?  Indeed He has, through the prophet, apostles, other servants of the Lord, the Proclamation, friends, family, relatives, church members, and more.  I am not making the asinine assumption that just because you're surrounded by lots of virtue, that automatically plants a knowledge and dedication to truth inside your heart.  We all have our struggles, and for some, they struggle with believing in and/or trusting the priesthood, dysfunctional families, a lack of Christlike friends, or whatever else.  My point in listing those things is to handpick one, two, or whatever number of examples to show that you've felt the guiding hands of Jesus Christ, enough to see then or now it was Him there.  But, I do recognize some are not as fortunate as others to have felt that abundant outpouring of typical Mormon support.  That ties into my later thoughts.

Next, we read the phrase, "Taking them by their arms".  What an intimate, beautiful statement.  Most certainly I can view this from my earlier example of a father guiding his child while grasping their forearms.  But, I personally choose to see it more intimately.  I see the Savior, in my life, coming close up to me almost chest to chest, firmly but lovingly grasping me by the shoulders and quietly telling me the best places to step.  He doesn't tell me where to step, but the best places to step.  And when I want to cry and stop for a little bit, I really do believe that Christ stops with me, lets me rest me head on His chest and cry for a while.  And He holds me, too, until I'm just strong enough to keep moving forward.  I think that sometimes, as LGBT+ people or families and friends of the same, we suppose that the Savior our Church teaches and preaches about isn't this same person, the divine but infinitely tender and compassionate One who deeply understands our pains.  Sometimes, I have seen myself and others proclaiming that the Law of Chastity, The Family: A Proclamation to the World, the Church's social stance on LGBT+ issues and more are the Lord telling us what to do.  I don't believe that, not anymore.  I look at an all-loving, all-knowing Savior who is also perfectly filled with justice, and, while balancing mercy and justice, issues commandments that reveal the best pathway for everyone.  While it is true that not everyone executes the gospel in the same way, the faithful still obey God within the Spirit's directions.  There's not justifying of this or excusing of that.  If something has been spoken as sinful, it remains as such.  Justifying oneself is always indicative that deep down, you know it's wrong.  Thus, I see no long-term purpose in breaking the commandments and disobeying the counsel of God's servants.  I see the greatest joy in letting my Savior guide me with that beautiful intimacy and close love in mind.  That is why I love Him more than any other man.

Now, for the most important piece and to tie it all together: "But they knew not that I had healed them."  Hosea could have said, "that He had healed them" or "that the Lord had healed them".  But, Christ spoke out in first person to emphasize the personal relationship there, which Israel was no longer aware of.  In our time, with so many voices telling LGBT+ Mormons or other Christians how to live, it is often difficult to discern which are speaking truth.  But, if we simplify the messages of those voices, it becomes much easier to wade through all the confusion and into spiritual clarity. Moroni and many others in the Bible taught that if something persuades us to love and serve God, and to do good, it comes from God.  It's that simple.  Now, it's true we have people who have taught us where the danger is, and a loving Savior who takes us close and shows us the best stepping stones.  But for anyone, including those who lack resources and/or struggle with faith, I believe that it's still possible to move forward successfully in our conversion to Jesus Christ.  We just have to look each day, in small and simple things, how Christ is healing our lives - including by giving us hard things to handle.  For it is only by passing through mortal hell with grace that we can finally place our hand into His and walk peacefully & joyfully into the celestial kingdom.  A deep, intimate, and love-filled relationship with Jesus Christ will teach us where to go and where to step, but not in a way that steals our individuality.  I believe that He rejoices in how I presently express my sexuality, because I do it with cleanliness and humor at the same time.  I honestly believe that Jesus laughs at some of the things I say about being a gay man, and smiles at my quirky way of doing things in it all.  But more than anything, I know He loves me and is well-pleased because I strive to follow Him.  All we gotta do is try to be a little better each day, my friends.  That's all He wants, for us to come home again.  Until next time...  Love you guys!