Our Joy, Our Choice

"Many people die with their music still in them.  Why is this so?  Too often it is because they are getting ready to live.  Before they know it, time runs out."  This quote, expressed by Oliver Wendell Holmes, shows the sad end of those who do not claim joy as theirs to choose.  I wonder if you, reader, are experiencing such a mentality in your own life.  Certainly your pathway might prove easier if you simply allow life's swift river to carry you wherever it will, or as they say, if you "go with the flow".  In all bluntness, however, permitting someone or something to dictate your life for you really does not fit in with our Heavenly Father's plan.  Elder Bednar expressed it this way in his talk, 'And Nothing Shall Offend Them',

"In the grand division of all of God’s creations, there are things to act and things to be acted upon (see 2 Nephi 2:13–14). As sons and daughters of our Heavenly Father, we have been blessed with the gift of moral agency, the capacity for independent action and choice. Endowed with agency, you and I are agents, and we primarily are to act and not just be acted upon."

Jesus taught, "...and your joy no man taketh from you" (John 16:22).  If that is the case, and Elder Bednar has taught what he has as a servant of God, then having joy in our lives must be a choice we have. Employing all of our abilities to seek after gratitude, love, praise towards God, and more will all cultivate a spirit of joy. Even in cases of mental illness, I believe it is difficult to find one who cannot beat depression with dogged persistence and assistance from others to live a healthy lifestyle.  Exercise, writing down 15-20 things one can be grateful for, going and doing favorite activities, believing in oneself, prayer, priesthood blessings, and making positive affirmation statements all help.  Let me expound on a couple of them.

Gratitude, above all, manifests to God that we are determined to "be of good cheer" and to "be content with whatsoever the Lord hath allotted unto (us)", because it shows Him that we are receiving what He is giving us with a spirit of cheerfulness and humility.  Gratitude is so much more than merely expressing thanks when it is necessary or compulsory to do so; one who truly has incorporated gratitude into their lives is grateful for everything his Lord has given him-down to the life he enjoys when he wakes and the air he breathes.  Being grateful means you are glad to have the services that come from bills, that you are glad for the parts of your body that are healthy when you are experiencing sickness, that you are glad you are uninjured when you walk away from a car accident.  It means you are glad to still have your job even though you may walk in late after a hectic drive to work, or that you are glad to have children even though they can be rebellious and just downright nasty sometimes.  Gratitude endures and sees potential for better in the now, not in the future. If you truly love your life, or are grateful for it as I would say, it is in the now, not later.  And if you constantly express gratitude for what you experience now, including moments of simple joy up to the greater joys in life, you will find that God blesses you with more.  As Alma taught, "For what ye shall send out into this world shall return to you again...".  If you send out gratitude, more things will manifest into your life to be grateful for.  It is one of the universal laws of heaven.

Believing in yourself is the other key element to choosing joy over negative feelings.  Because we are all spirit children of our Heavenly Father, Satan's goal is thus:  "He seeketh that all men might be miserable like unto himself" (2nd Nephi 2:27).  But because we have bodies, he may bruise our heel but we can crush his head through the power of Jesus Christ and His Atonement.  Paul and Gabriel (Noah) both taught that we can do anything with the power of Christ at our side.  And as long as we have a broken heart and a contrite spirit (which essentially means a willingness to do whatever God asks), that power is with us.  Believe in yourself, because nobody can believe in you quite the same as you do.  Others may tell you or I may tell you how you can "best" go about believing in yourself, but the real truth is that you know such a thing best, though others help you discover it.  You can choose joy...it's simply there for you to grab. :)

My Contribution as a Crazy SSA Guy... :D

As many of you are aware, since my teenage years I have dealt with and successfully overcome most of the effects resulting from Asperger's Syndrome and Bipolar Affective Disorder.  Asperger's Syndrome creates a struggle primarily with social skills, which can exacerbate the problems that one already deals with socially because of their feelings for the same sex.  One may already feel as though things are awkward, difficult, heartbreaking, etc. because of their attractions, let alone having a mental illness that complicates things further.  I also would understand if individuals looked at their present situation as one of being shut out from others, even when they come together in a group such as Evergreen or Northstar.  It can become very difficult for them to associate with, relate to, or gain support from such organizational members.  To you individuals, please know you are never, ever alone.  More likely than not you hear this in context of people saying God is always there for you.  Yes, indeed, this is true-always remember that.  However, also remember that I am here for anyone who cannot seem to relate to others, who feels "on the outside", or whose heart breaks because all they want is to do what is right, and yet without social support cannot muster up courage to do so yet.  I am here for you, and my words right now come straight from the compassion of my heart.  You need to understand that though you may read these words as a perfect stranger, you and I are brothers (or brother and sister) by virtue of being children of God.  I see potential in you, like every other individual, and if you called upon me for assistance I would be very grateful and willing to help in any way possible.  Just remember, that you can find ways to attract more love and acceptance into your life.  Try these things for 2-3 weeks, and see what happens:

1.  Give thanks to God every day for every social blessing you have (family, any friends, smiles, laughter, fun, parties, etc.)

2.  If you see someone enjoying friendship, choose to feel happy on purpose for those people!  They are enjoying something beautiful, and if you are happy for them, you will find that it buoys you up and makes your personality more magnetic.  

3.  Love people just for the joy of loving them, and always leave it at that.  Just love purely and with eyes that see the goodness in the other individual you love.  

4.  Focus your efforts on listening and making others feel important.  They will appreciate it.  

As you practice these things, the 3rd suggestion is particularly important because unless you give love first you cannot receive it.  And love is never something that allows for expectation of reward.  Simply give, and you will discover the truthfulness of Christ's words that say, "it is more blessed to give than to receive".  We are more blessed (which, by literal translation, means "happy") when we are directing our primary focus outward, not inward.  

To my bipolar brothers and sisters, I honor you as well for keeping your covenants, and striving to do even better than you already are, doubtlessly.  I can understand that bipolar, with its "delightful" episodes, can create a choice point at which you either redirect energy to prevent episodes or in worse scenarios, you don't have much of a choice.  I would encourage you to read the talk, "Toward a Theory of Human Agency" by Allen E. Bergin, a brilliant LDS psychologist.  He speaks of how our freedom to exercise agency can decrease and increase, because of the weaknesses of the flesh.  And he explains in detail the various factors of our lives that affect our agency, and how it ties into basic gospel principles.  Perhaps this would help those trying to figure out their mental illness or those trying to understand it.  Needless to say though, I completely understand that such things are very real, they hurt, they drive us mad (that can be an understatement), and occasionally we do things that we later regret because of them, due to no fault on our part.  Don't worry-if you can't quite seem to "get a grip" sometimes, it's not because you're broken.  It is because other people want to fix something that is different in its function.  It still gets the job done, though perhaps more slowly, less efficiently, or maybe just in an unusual way.  What matters though, is that your persona is unique and you still do the right things, just with scattered idiosyncrasies.  We all have our strange little things we do...don't worry about it.  Relax, accept yourself, love the fun and weird things within you, and you will find peace.  And people will encircle you in arms of love as you do.  I would recommend the same things as above, with the added advice of listening to your body.   Sleep enough, take time out to relax, eat right, exercise, and just live the Word of Wisdom.  You deserve it, and you need it.  And when you really are worn out with all the various stresses of the day, or maybe you got done with a bipolar episode and things are messy, remember the Atonement (that goes for you Asperger's people too).  The Atonement heals the heart, strengthens the soul, and gives life to the weary.  You can make it if you believe.  

In conclusion, I would encourage you to seek out Christ whenever you cannot seem to find relief.  Though friends, family, priesthood leaders, and other individuals really help us quite wonderfully, I know He is the Master Healer.  You need not be "worthy" or "qualified" of that atoning blood.  Were it so, none of us would need it because we could be perfect and whole ourselves.  But since we cannot, and we need Christ to justify our spirits and bind up our wounds, He has provided the means through prayer whereby we can call down the empowering grace of God to cleanse and strengthen our spirits.  I testify of this truth, for I have experienced it many times.  Pray for angels to attend you, do genealogy to strengthen bonds with ancestors from the past, immerse yourself in the scriptures, and cast aside all silly notions that the world teaches regarding your self-worth or contribution to Zion.  You can make it.  Just believe Christ when He says you can...even if you can only desire to believe, let it grow until you do believe.  You are a child of your Heavenly Father, and you will find peace.  I know this, and I know my Savior lives.  May your coming days be happy.  :)

Addiction and You (or Me)

Most of my readers probably do not think of me as one who would struggle with addiction, partly because I have maintained a reputation for integrity in the gospel and my life in general.  However, if any of you have struggled with addiction or currently are struggling, you know that addiction frequently requires the addict to live a double life.  In the past, I have lived with addiction while attempting to maintain the "ideal image" for someone in their late teens to their early twenties.  I would like to think I lived most of the commandments back then, however, that would not be an honest statement.  My obedience, due to the Spirit leaving me most of the time, decreased and pretty much everything in my life suffered as a result.  Sometimes, we do not realize how much we depend on the Lord until He withdraws His strength due to our sinfulness and refusal to repent.  After practically drowning in a tidal wave of sin (some of which I would rather not write about, because it is done now), I realized that rebellion against God does not equal happiness.  Imagine that.  Alma taught the same principle hundreds of years ago, and I never fully realized how true his statement "wickedness never was happiness" really was until I laid hold on the full blessings of the Atonement of Jesus Christ.  But some invaluable things I did learn about addiction were these:

1.  Once you are addicted, you cannot "just stop" by willpower or any other means that people often tout.  The very definition of addiction states that one has gradually lost their freedom to choose by giving into incorrect, morally deficient choices.  Christ is the ONLY way out, because as He once said, "I am the way, the truth, and the life.  No man cometh unto the Father, but by me."

2.  Addiction includes two core elements:  the physical and the spiritual.  In any type of addiction, the behavior(s) one acts out on create neural pathways in the brain that connect to the pleasure centers in the brain.  Sexual addictions, in particular, have often been compared by leading professionals to severe drug addictions.  Therefore, the one coping with addiction must learn how to break biochemical chains of addiction as well as spiritual chains.  The spiritual chains are broken by working with priesthood leadership, attending a gospel-based addiction recovery program, and establishing healthy habits that deepen one's relationship with God.

3.  When assisting a person with an addiction, do not criticize, blame, find fault, judge, or otherwise bring down the individual through thought, emotion, words, or actions.  Such negativity will worsen the problem.  Instead, a spirit of charity will love the person back into the kingdom of God when they are ready and on the Lord's timetable.  Also, emphasize in equal balance both the physical and spiritual elements of addiction.  People oftentimes do not realize that you have to treat the full disease, both of body and of spirit.  Be a healer in both areas, as much as lies within your power without controlling or "fixing" the individual.  Love is not "knowing what is best", thinking you are right and they are wrong, etc.  Love is accepting them as a child of God and accentuating their potential by believing in a bright future for them, and rejoicing in current progress and righteousness.

4.  If you are the individual desiring to overcome addiction, utilize every resource at your fingertips and make sure you have a network of loving, supportive people around you who are unafraid to tell you how it is in regards to your overall progress.  They can provide accountability and shed light on potential resolutions in a gentle but firm way.  Stay close to your Father in Heaven and your Savior, because they love you always, even if it feels like sometimes they are distant or whatnot.  They know you individually and so personally you can hardly comprehend it (or myself, for that matter).  If you are not already in it, use the Church's 12-step addiction recovery program.  If that does not resound with you well at first, try the Sons of Helaman program out in Farmington, Utah.  It is for men and women from adolescent to senior ages, and they have options of in-group, texting (which provides anonymity), and email support.  I personally overcame two very difficult addictions through this program, one of which I struggled with for about 10 years.

In any case, all of us live with various thorns in the flesh because of the Fall.  But overcoming sin is part of the Plan, and such sin can turn from sin into strength.  What used to be your captivity (or a loved one's) can transform into a spiritual asset that will empower them to free others, so that they can soar into the starlit sky and into the arms of a loving God, bringing those people with them.  That is the beauty of our Savior's Atonement...it works in even the most desperate of situations, healing our relationship with Him, others, and within ourselves.  I love the Lord for bringing me to higher ground, and for teaching me to trust in and rely on  Him.  Without Jesus Christ, I would be lost.  But now that I have Him with me, I know with all my heart that I can find peace, healing, and comfort in His loving arms.  You, my friend, can as well.  Believe Christ and believe in Him when you hear of His mighty power to heal and cleanse.  He can, "for with God, nothing shall be impossible" (Luke 1:37).  

Life Changes...And Moves On

People have probably anticipated something grandiose, melodramatic, or perhaps even something that displays inner conflict.  In posting my very first post about this, I want to apologize in advance (somewhat sarcastically) to those who are expecting anything more than plain, simple truth.  At this point in my life, I have realized that God's opinion of me, and not the opinions of others, is what really matters in daily life and in the eternal scheme of things.  So, if you are expecting something that stirs conflict or is "controversial", I would say sorry, but I'm not sorry for revealing the truth.   Its propensity to be a reflection of my eternal potential, or to set the flames of gossip ablaze will depend largely on the character, integrity, and charitable nature of the reader, I suppose.  Enough said about that...moving on.

Under normal circumstances, and in any other time of my life, I would never reveal such sensitive and personal information.  But because the Lord has told me to reveal my story, for reasons yet unknown to me (which will be made known later, I'm sure), I have chosen to obey and trust in His mighty power to preserve both my heart and the integrity of my reputation among those who love me.  For, as Proverbs has stated, "A friend loveth at all times, and a brother (or sister, of course) is born for adversity."  I am confident, then, that the statement of a favorite childhood author, Dr. Suess, holds true:  "Be yourself, and those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."  Most of you, I'm certain, will fall into the latter category.  As for the few who choose to gossip, judge unrighteously, etc. I resoundingly say to you that your opinions matter no more to me than the wind that blows past my face, though I always love you as children of God.  

Since by now, reader, you probably are dying to read what I really have to say, here it is.  From the early ages of adolescence, I have struggled against feelings of same-sex attraction.  Yes, I am attracted to women, but since God has allowed this struggle to be a part of my life, I have had to learn how to cope with it in a healthy and gospel-centered manner.  Many of the principles taught by Elder Oaks in his talk (Same-Gender Attraction, 1995) have helped me to remain strong  in the recent past, including that we are defined by our divine identity, that people who struggle with SSA (same-sex attraction) are able to marry in this life if the Lord wills it, and they can enjoy the same blessings of the gospel that regular church members do (see "Helping Those with Same-Gender Attraction by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland).  I have learned through the sacred revelations of the Lord, fortunately, that I will have the blessing of a temple marriage and children in this life.  This also has been an anchor to me as I have coped with the hardships associated with this.  I know that everything will work out largely because of that.  

In addition, my knowledge of the healing and strengthening power of the Lord's Atonement has been nothing short of priceless and glorious.  I have come to know the truth that He truly has "descended below all things" and understands every single affliction and pain that we, as His children, suffer.  I also have come to know through His tender mercies and love that experiencing SSA is never a sin, because to say this would be equivalent to saying that being tempted is a sin.  We all experience the effects of the Fall, and SSA is no different than the rest of the passions and lusts that mankind encounters.  Indeed, I would go boldly as far as saying that it is absolutely the same as one who has heterosexual attraction and deals with issues of overpowering attractions to them that must be held in.  Faithful members of the Church everywhere are called upon to live the law of chastity, no matter what their attraction classification is-heterosexual or same-sex.  And it is just as difficult for the man struggling with issues of overwhelming attractions to women as the man struggling with overwhelming attractions to men.  

Having said all that, I am grateful to have friends who stand by me no matter what happens, and as true friends, love "at all times" and "are born for adversity", as I previously quoted from Proverbs.  I am grateful for a Savior who understands my pains and afflictions, and who is my constant North Star when nobody else is there.  He stands by me, always.  For those of you having these same struggles, I extend my compassion, friendship, and love of God within my heart to you, and say with all the feeling in my heart that I know our Savior lives and loves you, no matter what.  You are not dirty, broken, sinful, or anything like that.  You are a child of God, as am I.  We are all children of our Father in Heaven, and I know this.  May this blog, as it continues in its progress, bless many lives and be a strengthening power to many.