"...the Messiah should be made manifest unto them in the latter days, in the spirit of power, unto the bringing of them out of darkness unto light—yea, out of hidden darkness and out of captivity unto freedom." (2nd Nephi 3:5, emphasis added, see also JST Genesis 50:25)
What kind of "hidden darkness" do you harbor away from God & the Savior? I think we all withhold some emotional distress, favorite sin, or even heartwrenching pain that we believe we can "handle" on our own, among other things. Through pride, general stubbornness, and the like, each of us has decided to bear our own burdens - at least in part. Something feels more gratifying, I think, about "handling things" ourselves. Rather than draw upon an outside power (such as grace), we choose to rely on our own strength. And consequently, we get the notion that we've accomplished something entirely by ourselves, or at least mostly. Really, though, it is God's grace that gives us power to breathe, move, think, or act in any fashion (see Mosiah 4:21, Mosiah 2:21). So, we cannot really say anything of ourselves by way of self-sufficiency or strength or know-how. Behind the scenes, invisible to the eyes of man, God orchestrates the experience of our lives, while somehow still yielding over our free will to us without any degree of withholding.
Power definitely exists in realizing this truth. If we truly comprehend that our Heavenly Father and Savior, Jesus Christ are both intensely invested in our day-to-day living, while still honoring our freedom of choice, it opens our eyes to how much they trust us. They must deeply and intimately value the gift of agency to humankind, because they could effortlessly redirect the foolish and sinful acts we commit in ways that would be forceful rather than loving. I believe our Father and our Savior both redirect our actions sometimes without violating our agency, but in a spirit of love. This doesn't violate agency, but rather goes completely along with whatever the individual is choosing. For example, God might present a different option than alcohol to the raging alcoholic, such as communicating to them the option of a support group, or perhaps leading them into the path of an abstinent, virtuous new friend. This relates back to my thought process here because it doesn't make sense to choose our darkness over God, simply to fall back on ourselves for strength, comfort, clarity, etc. We only are falling for the illusion that we are somehow emotionally and spiritually self-sufficient, when really our Father gives us the grace to exist in the first place - much less endure the terrible, consuming darkness we all deal with at times. He trusts us with the free will we have, to choose Him and His light & goodness. In return, we can trust Him - that He knows how to lead us in the ultimately most joyful, healing path, a path that empowers us rather than requiring us to search endlessly with our limited knowledge and emotional resources. Such trust, as in any relationship, needs time and consistency to develop. But I have faith that a perfect God, who isn't bound by time and who is unfailingly consistent in all things, will see us through this process of developing trust.
Tentatively stepping into this initially uncertain process of developing trust with our Heavenly Father then, we are definitely justified in proving His words against His actions - while maintaining an eternal perspective, of course. It is entirely and abominably unfair to God to measure His faithfulness by mortal measuring sticks. He isn't mortal, and He doesn't work in our time or our way (Isaiah 55:8-9). God is a glorified being, perfect in every imaginable and unimaginable way, beyond our comprehension in majesty, beauty, love, might, power, and dominion. And therefore we cannot thrust our finite mortal expectations upon Him, because they are repelled by the aforementioned, glorious characteristics of His person. Your Father and my Father love us, individually and intimately, in ways we do not yet understand completely. And therefore, approaching Him must be done in that similar spirit of perfect comradery, fellowship, and love - insofar as we are able, being imperfect humans. Therefore, I feel it's appropriate to ask our Father questions, to be uncertain about developing that trusting relationship with Him at first. I strongly believe that Heavenly Father would rather have us seeking after truth and righteousness in Him, while being uncertain and filled with questions, than to simply disbelieve in and discard what He has spoken concerning having a relationship with Him and His Son. In other words, our Father would rather have us stumbling in the general right direction towards His light, shrouded in total darkness, than to just turn away because it's too difficult to follow or "not believable enough".
All this being said, it doesn't seem right to me that our Father in Heaven would want us to just cast aside all our hidden darkness in one fell swoop. He's not like that. I happen to know a gentle, loving, compassionate Father-God who, although perfect in His justice, also pours out His mercy abundantly upon His beloved children. He WANTS to understand you! He WANTS to heal your pain!! And He WANTS to give you answers!!! Our Father-God is NOT some being either drowsy on His far-away throne or smiling with cruel amusement at our sufferings and confusion! No! He loves us, and He conscientiously, meticulously, and deeply lives so that we can return home and become like Him!! I know that. I have felt His love cleanse me from my hidden darkness, removing piece by piece each festering pocket of emotional pain and cleansing out those spiritually infected wounds of sin. And that is how our Savior will work on you - piece by piece, step by step, until bit by bit those hidden darknesses have yielded to His love and light. Being an LGBT Mormon sucks sometimes, I'll give anyone that. And that is a horribly inadequate understatement. It doesn't lend hardly anything to the multi-faceted, complex nature of this experience we are enduring, as children of our Father-God. But isn't it better to take that first step towards His love? Isn't it SO much more healing and fulfilling to relinquish that inner pride, breathe, and say, "You know, Heavenly Father, I don't really trust you all that much. But I've seen what you've done for others, and maybe even me. So, I'll take a chance...for You." I testify, my friends, that our Heavenly Father and Savior are truly our Advocates and Healers. Any pain brought by their direction is temporary in the eternal scheme of things. Conversely, Satan cannot offer that promise, and I also testify that he WANTS you to sit in shame, self-doubt, self-pity, disbelief, discouragement, and all those other unnecessary, gross-feeling emotions and thoughts. You have SO much greater potential than that!!! I testify that as you turn to your Savior, Jesus Christ, He can expose your hidden darkness to His light and love, and envelop you in His embrace. I know that is true, deep within my heart. Until next time, my lovely readers... <3 <3 <3
