Alternative Gay Pride

Thank you for taking a few moments to read my blog today.  In this post, I wish to discuss gay pride in a very different context than that we are usually used to hearing.  It is others' business if they choose to go participate in flaunting their sexuality in parades and such, but I choose not to do so because I do not believe God approves of such behavior.  I believe this because we all are spirit children of our Heavenly Father, and we are far more than our sexuality.  However, in a world where sexuality is waved around on an advertised banner (which, in this case, is rainbow-colored), and hardly regarded with respect or sanctity, I know it is our place as disciples of Christ to show others a different way.  God's way never has been flashy, conceited, morally relativistic, or otherwise varying from the path of righteousness.  His way is simple- it is Christ.  And our Savior is humble, selfless, morally black and white, and perfect in the path of righteousness.  So, how can we shine as members of the Church while experiencing same-sex attraction? 

In the Sermon on the Mount, Christ gives us the answer.  "Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father which is in heaven." (Matthew 5:16)  Three essential principles exist here when it comes to setting an example out there.  First, our light and our light alone must be what shines.  When we allow our light to shine before the Lord, it acts as a beautiful light for others to follow in spiritual darkness.  For those who are willing to surrender their spiritual deafness, blindness, lameness, etc., the example of a righteous disciple leads into eternal life.  Naturally, that light will not always be well-received, for as the Savior taught, "If ye were of the world, the world would love his own: but because ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hateth you." (John 15:19)  Faithful members can take comfort in this scripture, as I do though, which declares, "We know that we have passed from death unto life, because we love the brethren. He that loveth not his brother abideth in death.  Whosoever hateth his brother is a murderer: and ye know that no murderer hath eternal life abiding in him.  Hereby perceive we the love of God, because he laid down his life for us: and we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren."  (1st John 3:14-16)  In essence, as we love the brethren (speaking of General Authorities) and the children of God around us, worldly people will hate us and God will continue loving us.

Second, the result of our light shining is that others will see our good works.  What good does this do for someone experiencing SSA and faithfully living church standards?  It leads others into the light and gives them inexpressible hope, because they know they're not alone.  Satan would have us believe that our example doesn't make a difference, but we make a difference whether the fruits of our work are seen or not.  Some people plant seeds, some people water them, some pull weeds, some stand guard at the garden gates, and others simply point out the beauty of the trees and their fruit.  It just depends on where you are in the beautiful journey to the destination of personal peace and same-sex attraction.  That personal peace is what everyone so desperately seeks in the Church, and some do not find it for many different reasons.  Primarily, though, it is because such people forget who they are and why they're here.  People say we're here to become like our Heavenly Father, but they misinterpret that statement.  The scriptures give insight in Abraham, where it declares, "And we will prove them herewith, to see if they will do all things whatsoever the Lord their God shall command them;  And they who keep their first estate shall be added upon; and they who keep not their first estate shall not have glory in the same kingdom with those who keep their first estate; and they who keep their second estate shall have glory added upon their heads for ever and ever." (Abraham 3:25-26).  

Essentially, when we do whatever the Lord wants, we get eternal life.  That doesn't mean we have to be perfect, in fact, the Lord never has asked individual perfection of us.  He merely asks that we rely on His Atonement, while making and keeping sacred covenants.  His grace is what saves and exalts us; we merely let others see our good works so that they can witness how good works change us into Christlike beings.  As a result of them witnessing that, the witness begins to grow in their hearts, leading them to glorify our Father in Heaven.  This holds true not only in this life, as members with same-sex attraction find friends, receive comforting revelation and direction, and so forth, but it also holds true in the next life when such attractions will fall away, as promised by Elder Holland.  Then those surrounding us with same-sex attraction will have even greater cause to glorify our Father in Heaven, because they will inherit all He has, partly due to our example and leading them in the ways of righteousness.  The Voices of Hope project is a perfect example of this, in which people write essays and/or testify of Christ on video, speaking truth and love regarding how it is possible through the Savior to live a faithful life, while experiencing SSA.  

It is a beautiful truth that our example can be such a marvelous example of "pride", in the sense of confidence towards our God.  As it says in Doctrine and Covenants, "...Let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly, then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God....the Holy Ghost shall be thy constant companion." (D&C 121:45, 46).  We are proud to be His disciples with pure thoughts, confidently walking on the pathway of righteousness in His presence and loving others by the guidance of the Holy Ghost.  This kind of figurative "pride" blesses others, quietly, anonymously, and without show or flashy flaunting.  It is the Lord's way of teaching, the way of teaching which is embodied in the statement, "Preach the gospel, and when necessary, use words."  Let's preach the gospel that way, and show others alternative gay pride.  After all, the Lord did speak of it 2,000 years ago on a rocky hill.  We can spread it everywhere today.  Until next time, my friends.  Love you all! 

"Love...As Thyself"

When you see the scripture, "Love thy neighbor as thyself", I'd imagine your first thought would turn to serving others, and admirably so.  If you look at it from a perspective of loving others as yourself, just with that little emphasis you discover an important mindset.  Your love for yourself should equal how you love others.  For some this may mean loving others more, for others, it may mean bringing themselves out of a low self-esteem, a poor self-image, and self-deprecation.  I wish to focus on the latter, and show how loving yourself as you would a good friend directly relates to the journey of same-sex attraction.

What are your thoughts regarding the phrase, "Be gentle with yourself", I wonder?  Because in all honesty, that is the mindset that will carry out the principle of loving yourself.  Some people may think of a gentleness with self in terms of the physical-taking a nap, resting up, etc.  Others may view it emotionally.  For example, you may relax through recreation, uplift yourself through positive self-affirmations, and so on.  How about when you are called upon by God to shoulder a heavy burden, a confusing/conflicting experience, or other oppositional circumstance?  I personally believe that sometimes, in my life, I've expected far too much of myself instead of allowing myself that gentle state of simply existing and communing with God.  Though I've often devoted myself to the service of others while experiencing same-sex attraction, those feelings still hold sway over me.  I can selflessly focus on others all I want, but they will still be there.  In my experience, it has been quite a journey to just be okay in the moment of everything, including unwanted, confusing, or even just annoying attractions to other men.  I would like to share how I've learned to let go of harsh treatment with myself, and instead given way for the healing of self-acceptance.  Everyone's journey with same-sex attraction varies, but we all work under the direction of the same gospel principles, and will all end up exalted if we stay on the beaten path to God.  Mine centers on one principle.

In recent weeks, I've had trials pile up on me as I have submitted myself wholly to Christ to maintain my worthiness of a temple recommend.  Old addictions, reminders of really old sins, unkind individuals, work stress , discouragement, loneliness, social rejection, and worse plagued me for 3 months.  Finally, when I had my nervous breakdown due to all the stress, I ended up having a dark evening where I lost nearly all my desire to live and hope for life.  I wrote a large suicide note on Facebook, contacted my friends and family and told them goodbye...all of it.  However, my mother persisted until finally she got a hold of me.  As we talked on the phone, I sobbed my heart out and tears poured down my face, totally breaking down emotionally.  Such is what happens when you bottle up intense emotion and just square your shoulders to the task, without ever stopping to take care of yourself and return to balance of mind, body, and spirit.

With a soul filled with gratitude, however, I watched as miracles happened.  My mother was going to pick me up, since I had calmed down quite a lot.  However, the police came to pick me up 10 minutes before she did, and I did not know who had called them.  Nobody knew where I was, and I'd checked my environment to be sure nobody knew.  Furthermore, when the police came to take me to the psychiatric ward, they informed me of the Facebook post and texts they'd seen.  How I ended up getting picked up, I still cannot say-except maybe that God was watching over me.  Other things happened too.  An eligibility specialist came to me at the hospital, and as we talked she found out I qualified for Medicaid, told me she'd file all the paperwork, and that as a result, my hospital bill and outpatient mental health services would be paid for entirely.  She further referred me to a company who has a 97% success rate in filing disability claims, where I filed an application.  Plus, I received other temporal assistance and income through a benefit of my work that kicks in when you become emotionally incapacitated like me.  Best of all, however, they figured out what was going on in my brain and I've been emotionally stable and truly, consistently happy for the first time in years.  What a gift.  I've been seeking that for what feels like forever.

Although God's children may experience exceptions due to a restriction of freedom (i.e., mental illness or learning disability), joy is typically a choice.  This results from our capacity to find happy events, people, circumstances, and so on even when life hands us the severest of trials.  When I've centered my thoughts around gratitude, it has relaxed me and pointed my path towards love for God, myself, and others.  The self is the most notable of them, since love of self rests at the core of gentleness with self.  Think of your gentleness with a baby niece or nephew.  It arises out of your love for him or her as an innocent, beautiful bundle of life.  That same sort of emotion, though more well-developed and internalized, has come about I've allowed my mind, heart, soul, and body to be okay with being loved.  That proved to be a life-changing mindset, for as I have loved myself, I've loved God more and opened myself up to Him.  I literally have fallen into the arms of my Savior after that, trusting in Him and knowing that "all things work together for the good of them that love God".  Anyone who reads this can walk in that same pathway of peace, for being gentle with yourself as you experience same-sex attraction will be a rod to hold onto, no matter what you feel, say, think, or do.  We all are progressing and learning.  Love yourself, and the world will follow after.  Until next time!  I love you all...