You're probably already asking what tithing has to do with same-sex attraction. I love relating SSA to seemingly unrelated topics, because then it grabs others' attention and forces them to think outside the box a bit. To rule out a few things, however, let me just start with the first point. We all know that paying tithing requires faith, not money, because faith is what makes it happen. Because faith is such a broad term and because I am saving such a discussion about faith and SSA for later, I am focusing on other areas in which tithing is correlated. In addition, tithing commonly refers back to perfect obedience. I legitimately laugh at this, because perfect obedience and same-sex attraction certainly do not mix. Moving on, then, let's press forward into the actual topics at hand.
To start, think to yourself how many times you've heard the net income vs. gross income debate about paying tithing in the Church. The Church, though it has not come out with some formal declaration about tithing, has surprisingly provided some amazing clarifications about how we pay tithing. Elder John A.Widtsoe once remarked, "...Tithing means one-tenth of a person’s income, interest, or increase. The
merchant should pay tithing upon the net income of his business, the
farmer upon the net income of his farming operations; the wage earner or
salaried man upon the wage or salary earned by him. Out of the
remaining nine-tenths he pays his current expenses … etc... Tithing should be given upon the basis of our full earned income." Based on this statement of an apostle, I feel it appropriate to say that we should pay on our net income. Brigham Young also said, "...all there is on this earth that we have in our
possession is the Lord's and he requires one-tenth of this for the building up of His Kingdom." The key phrase is "in our possession". So, we ought to pay on our net income. Now, what link is there between this and SSA?
You see, some people choose to pay gross income and in so doing will often sacrifice more than God is actually requiring of us. Now you can understand why I had to establish my position with the prophets and apostles first- I can't say what God thinks unless it has been revealed. Anyhow, getting back to the principle- how often do SSA members think they have to give more to God than is required of them? For example, some members believe that it's an absolute requirement of God for them to get married in this life. Not true. God expects us to put forward our best efforts in that regard, and for some, that goes as far as making friends with the opposite sex. As a result, members with SSA then take that knowledge into the afterlife where their SSA is resolved. How about with repressing the attractions themselves? Did God ever require of us that we should just push those emotions deep down, to let them fester away? Hardly. In fact, it is my personal opinion that God is opposed to such behavior because it fosters an unstable, volatile internal environment. This, in turn, could potentially lead to acting out in sinful behavior. I believe God is a proponent of expressing those emotions healthily or simply entertaining them with plaintive regard until they leave. Never could I imagine my Heavenly Father expecting me to be passive or passive-aggressive with my feelings, regardless of their potential to lead to sin or not.
Members with SSA make other sacrifices, too, and the list is more extensive than I have time to write about. But I think it best if I cover some of the more common and unhealthy kinds. For instance, some men deprive themselves of physical affection and healthy male friendships. This may be a result of fear for their spiritual welfare, paranoia about increasing SSA feelings, etc. Personally, I have discovered in my life and observed in those around me that if kept within proper spiritual and emotional boundaries, healthy touch and friendships actually serve as a healing, stabilizing catalyst in the journey with these attractions. The former First Presidency (with President Hinckley) counseled, "Good friendships can and should be formed at every age", and this is true. Friends create a marvelous connection by which we can draw closer to God, feel His love, bask in the joy of life, and more. Friendship is a gift from God. Physical affection, too, is something that Christ exemplified His entire life, particularly with John the Beloved and His other apostles. And two of His beloved sons, David and Jonathan, enjoyed a very beautiful, sacred friendship in which they were physically affectionate as well. Please, brothers and sisters, do not sacrifice beauty for ashes in the journey of SSA. I know that God is willing to take our ashes and transform them into spiritual diamonds for all to see.
The other insight I have gained from tithing comes from us all paying different amounts of tithing. The incomes of a single working mother vs. a CEO in the Church are going to be vastly different, but neither is greater in the Lord's eyes. What matters to Him is how the gift is given, not how large the gift is. As the scriptures say, "God loveth a cheerful giver." Now, how about us? Do we judge ourselves by "how much" we can offer up before the altar of the Lord, how well we're doing, the amount of progress with repentance we're making, and so on? Or do we judge ourselves by how our heart is changing day to day, the motives that push us to serve and love our Savior and our fellow brothers and sisters, and more? God is not so much interested in how much we give, although He is glad we have much to contribute, I'm sure. Rather, I believe with all my heart that if we offer up what we can in our journey, doing what we can to draw nearer to the Lord, He will receive our offering with joy and a blessing upon our heads. We can give so much from day to day...and sometimes what we can give will differ on a day-to-day basis. But thank goodness the same God who said we would be judged according to our works also said that we should only think about today. One day at a time, we can make today a heavenly day- and give God our offering.
5.18.2014
5.10.2014
Cultural Mormonism and Being Gay
Part of me really questioned writing this post, because I'm certain it will annoy some people. Then the other side of me pushed back, for I know that regardless of what I write, it cannot possibly please everyone. I write for personal expression & insight, selfless service, and to strengthen my conversion to Christ-not for popularity. Naturally, I love reaching a large audience-but I would rather touch a few individuals on a personal level than gain a generic, watered-down audience. That being said, let's discuss cultural Mormonism and how sometimes affects Latter-Day Saints when a gay Latter-Day Saint is in their midst. What I will say about others' negative behavior, as a sort of disclaimer here, is not always true- in fact, many times it is not. However, for the benefit of both parties, I want to lay down what I have observed as a Latter-Day Saint.
To start, what is "cultural Mormonism"? It is the social culture in the Church that is sometimes mistaken for doctrine and unfortunately will often promote un-Christlike behaviors such as gossiping, unrighteous judging, excluding eccentric individuals, and so on. To say the least, it is not something I ever recommend embracing, because much of it drives away the Spirit. And when you mix gay people into the picture... well, it turns into something that is downright ugly sometimes. Now, don't get me wrong here. My intent is to provide a positive, uplifting experience by writing this. I have seen many members treat gay individuals with great respect, love, acceptance, and compassion. Today, though, it's time to expose cultural Mormonism for what it really is, and encourage gay Latter-Day Saints in their faithfulness.
To begin, I noted that cultural Mormonism is sometimes mistaken for doctrine. Some examples include: Young LDS men and women should be married by their mid to late twenties, caffeine violates the Word of Wisdom, words of General Authorities are always the word of God, expressing frustration or negativity towards someone in church (even if it's assertive) is bad, and so forth. Not a single one of these is true, because they are all contingent on opinion-including the words of General Authorities, meaning that an opinion of a General Authority does not constitute doctrine (D&C 68:4). This can be spiritually detrimental for gay LDS individuals, because how do they feel if people are constantly pressuring them to get married and have children if that's not what they desire, or if members are pushing them to date? Is it sinful or even erroneous for an individual to not desire marriage and family or a dating life, due to their sexuality? Some members certainly seem to act like it- but nobody in authority, including the Savior, has condemned this. Indeed, Elder Hales once remarked in a CES fireside that those who do not get married in this life at no fault of their own will have a chance for marriage in eternity. And the Strength of Youth pamphlet comments that some people date because they have no desire to do so, confirming that this is normal and okay. Some wonderful Latter-Day Saints I know of didn't get married until their late thirties, or still haven't married in their forties, and I know several individuals who are still dating into their thirties. Celestial dating and marriage happen on the Lord's time; earthly dating and marriage in mortals' time.
What of the General Authorities' words always being doctrine? That is hardly true, although I am a firm believer that their words are almost always doctrine. The reason that they cannot always speak doctrine is because they are imperfect, as President Uchtdorf recently stated in General Conference. And sometimes, being human, they also sometimes give opinions that are not sufficiently backed up by scripture. President Harold B. Lee once stated that if we are to discern whether their words are opinion or not, we are to look to the scriptures. If the scriptures back the General Authority's words, then they are the word of God. Sometimes, however, a well-intentioned General Authority could give an opinion about same-sex attraction that isn't doctrinally sound-for example, that same-sex attraction is meant to be overcome through the Atonement of Christ in every case. They also might say other opinions, like it is an active choice, that it comes from parental influence, etc. But none of these statements can be backed by the scriptures-indeed, the scriptures will contradict each one if you search thoroughly enough. I would strongly recommend handling anything you regard as "doctrine" with tact, love, compassion, and open-mindedness around gay LDS individuals, because you might have an opinion rather than some doctrine. And from personal experience, I can tell you the last thing a member with same-sex attraction wants or needs is something more to increase the challenge of enduring faithfully and joyously in their journey.
What about cultural Mormonism sometimes promoting the un-Christlike behavior I mentioned? How does that come about? What I have often observed is that younger members, and sometimes older ones, will stay in their own personal cliques. Anything new and strange threatens the comfort and security of those cliques, and so people reject or otherwise persecute individuals for fear of change & eccentricity, and because of pride. It also could potentially arise from fear of what others may think of them if they chose to befriend someone different, and from personal insecurities, low self-esteem, narrow-mindedness, and countless other sources. The key question is, though, is it edifying-that is, does it draw other children of God closer to their Heavenly Father? In this month's CES fireside, Elder Ballard supported this path of edifying others with same-sex attraction, telling us that regardless of their lifestyle, we should treat them with love and respect. In the true gospel of Jesus Christ, which is the real reason we attend church (versus cultural Mormonism), we believe in loving others even as we love ourselves. Whatever we do to others, we do the Savior. If I were to meet the Savior, I would want Him to look upon me with love and confidence because I chose to speak well of His children and judge them righteously. That is what I hope we all strive to live by-the loving spirit in the gospel of Jesus Christ.
My dear brothers and sisters, I want to end with a beautifully insightful quote written by Brad Wilcox. He wrote, "Some Latter-day Saints go through all the right motions without feeling any of the emotions. They settle for rule following instead of religion, for obedience and sacrifice instead of consecration, for testimony instead of conversion, and for cultural Mormonism instead of the soul-transforming fullness of the gospel of Jesus Christ. It is time for a little zeal with our knowledge." Isn't today the best day to start really living our religion, consecrating our efforts, working towards conversion, and embracing the 'soul-transforming fullness of the gospel of Jesus Christ'? At the very heart of this gospel is the pure love of Christ, because the center of all we believe, teach, and live for is the beautiful, sacred Atonement. How then, could we ever consider ourselves His followers unless we choose His teachings over the opinions of men, and start loving all of God's children equally? Everyone is a child of God, and God loves them all equally. Surely, then, following Him means we must do the same. I hope and pray we all will. Let's start loving everyone, because that is what the gospel of Jesus Christ is all about. I love you all...have a beautiful day.
To start, what is "cultural Mormonism"? It is the social culture in the Church that is sometimes mistaken for doctrine and unfortunately will often promote un-Christlike behaviors such as gossiping, unrighteous judging, excluding eccentric individuals, and so on. To say the least, it is not something I ever recommend embracing, because much of it drives away the Spirit. And when you mix gay people into the picture... well, it turns into something that is downright ugly sometimes. Now, don't get me wrong here. My intent is to provide a positive, uplifting experience by writing this. I have seen many members treat gay individuals with great respect, love, acceptance, and compassion. Today, though, it's time to expose cultural Mormonism for what it really is, and encourage gay Latter-Day Saints in their faithfulness.
To begin, I noted that cultural Mormonism is sometimes mistaken for doctrine. Some examples include: Young LDS men and women should be married by their mid to late twenties, caffeine violates the Word of Wisdom, words of General Authorities are always the word of God, expressing frustration or negativity towards someone in church (even if it's assertive) is bad, and so forth. Not a single one of these is true, because they are all contingent on opinion-including the words of General Authorities, meaning that an opinion of a General Authority does not constitute doctrine (D&C 68:4). This can be spiritually detrimental for gay LDS individuals, because how do they feel if people are constantly pressuring them to get married and have children if that's not what they desire, or if members are pushing them to date? Is it sinful or even erroneous for an individual to not desire marriage and family or a dating life, due to their sexuality? Some members certainly seem to act like it- but nobody in authority, including the Savior, has condemned this. Indeed, Elder Hales once remarked in a CES fireside that those who do not get married in this life at no fault of their own will have a chance for marriage in eternity. And the Strength of Youth pamphlet comments that some people date because they have no desire to do so, confirming that this is normal and okay. Some wonderful Latter-Day Saints I know of didn't get married until their late thirties, or still haven't married in their forties, and I know several individuals who are still dating into their thirties. Celestial dating and marriage happen on the Lord's time; earthly dating and marriage in mortals' time.
What of the General Authorities' words always being doctrine? That is hardly true, although I am a firm believer that their words are almost always doctrine. The reason that they cannot always speak doctrine is because they are imperfect, as President Uchtdorf recently stated in General Conference. And sometimes, being human, they also sometimes give opinions that are not sufficiently backed up by scripture. President Harold B. Lee once stated that if we are to discern whether their words are opinion or not, we are to look to the scriptures. If the scriptures back the General Authority's words, then they are the word of God. Sometimes, however, a well-intentioned General Authority could give an opinion about same-sex attraction that isn't doctrinally sound-for example, that same-sex attraction is meant to be overcome through the Atonement of Christ in every case. They also might say other opinions, like it is an active choice, that it comes from parental influence, etc. But none of these statements can be backed by the scriptures-indeed, the scriptures will contradict each one if you search thoroughly enough. I would strongly recommend handling anything you regard as "doctrine" with tact, love, compassion, and open-mindedness around gay LDS individuals, because you might have an opinion rather than some doctrine. And from personal experience, I can tell you the last thing a member with same-sex attraction wants or needs is something more to increase the challenge of enduring faithfully and joyously in their journey.
What about cultural Mormonism sometimes promoting the un-Christlike behavior I mentioned? How does that come about? What I have often observed is that younger members, and sometimes older ones, will stay in their own personal cliques. Anything new and strange threatens the comfort and security of those cliques, and so people reject or otherwise persecute individuals for fear of change & eccentricity, and because of pride. It also could potentially arise from fear of what others may think of them if they chose to befriend someone different, and from personal insecurities, low self-esteem, narrow-mindedness, and countless other sources. The key question is, though, is it edifying-that is, does it draw other children of God closer to their Heavenly Father? In this month's CES fireside, Elder Ballard supported this path of edifying others with same-sex attraction, telling us that regardless of their lifestyle, we should treat them with love and respect. In the true gospel of Jesus Christ, which is the real reason we attend church (versus cultural Mormonism), we believe in loving others even as we love ourselves. Whatever we do to others, we do the Savior. If I were to meet the Savior, I would want Him to look upon me with love and confidence because I chose to speak well of His children and judge them righteously. That is what I hope we all strive to live by-the loving spirit in the gospel of Jesus Christ.
My dear brothers and sisters, I want to end with a beautifully insightful quote written by Brad Wilcox. He wrote, "Some Latter-day Saints go through all the right motions without feeling any of the emotions. They settle for rule following instead of religion, for obedience and sacrifice instead of consecration, for testimony instead of conversion, and for cultural Mormonism instead of the soul-transforming fullness of the gospel of Jesus Christ. It is time for a little zeal with our knowledge." Isn't today the best day to start really living our religion, consecrating our efforts, working towards conversion, and embracing the 'soul-transforming fullness of the gospel of Jesus Christ'? At the very heart of this gospel is the pure love of Christ, because the center of all we believe, teach, and live for is the beautiful, sacred Atonement. How then, could we ever consider ourselves His followers unless we choose His teachings over the opinions of men, and start loving all of God's children equally? Everyone is a child of God, and God loves them all equally. Surely, then, following Him means we must do the same. I hope and pray we all will. Let's start loving everyone, because that is what the gospel of Jesus Christ is all about. I love you all...have a beautiful day.
5.03.2014
Self-Positivity; Children of Light
Oftentimes in my past, whenever I would make a mistake or sin, I would beat myself up mercilessly with negative self-talk, self-hating, and other horrible methods. When people say we're our own worst critics, they're right-and I took it up to the next level. My closest friends can attest to this. There came a time, however, when all of this changed. You see, I cope with Bipolar Disorder and Asperger's Syndrome, neither of which have very pleasant side effects when you mix them together, and mingle them with socialization. Though I have learned that people, by nature, tend to tolerate differences and extend lots of compassion, they still have their limits when it comes to mental illness. And after several years of dealing with people rejecting me or, at best, politely retreating from me because of my struggles with mental, I grew weary of it. My level of joy had crashed and burned to zero because I thought my self-worth and self-confidence depended to some degree on the opinions of others. How wrong I was! After thinking it through, and having to be reminded a few times that others don't define me, I finally started implementing that truth into my life. Others did not define me then and do not now, because it is my divine identity as a son of God that defines me. What gives me true joy is the relationship that I enjoy with God the Father and my Savior, Jesus Christ as a result of being a son of God.
I cannot fully express to you the power that this handed to me once I completely and totally understood with my heart-not just with my head-that I was a beloved son of God, and that was the only place from which I could derive true joy. God had lifted a weight from my soul, and I started laughing and smiling like I had not done in years. The fear, shame, doubt, pessimism, and other negativity that had bogged me down from others dissipated, replaced with a reassuring conviction that through Christ, I could continue finding happiness in everyday life. It also started to change how I viewed my journey with same-sex attraction. You see, people were only too eager and excited to point out which direction I should take with it. Some suggested having "fun" with it, and going out to pursue a sexually oriented lifestyle. Others advised that I should be "true to myself", settle down with another man, and maybe raise some adopted or surrogate children. And still others argued that I should leave the Church altogether, because of its standards, doctrine, behavior in the public sector, and other supposedly justifiable reasons. So many voices were clamoring tell me how to live my life, just as they do to all of us whenever we undertake to accomplish something great. I can testify, however, that because I knew who I truly was in God's eyes, those voices became whispers, and whispers became silence. His voice, the voice of my Shepherd, became the one voice I listened to.
In your journey, it would not be surprising to look over its contents and discover someone or something opposed to the path you are taking. However fierce, however subtle, those influences exist for every Church member who walks through life having SSA. I have witnessed the difference in those who fix their eyes on the Savior, listening to His voice and remembering what defines them and gives them joy. They stay on the path proscribed and revealed by the apostles and prophets of God, they humbly listen to and follow the Spirit's direction, and the will of God supersedes their earthly and spiritual desires. People who allow themselves to give heed to those pointing and mocking in the great and spacious building fall away, as Nephi saw in the vision of the tree of life (1st Nephi 8:34). Each day, I know we can choose to listen to Christ's words about us and for us. What He declares about us is that we are His, and that He loves us no matter what. Christ has said that we are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, and able to triumph over Satan through the Atonement's infinite power. What He speaks for us are the commandments, the beautiful words given through ancient and modern-day scripture-including the words of His servants. Whatever our circumstances-past, present, or future, I know that we can always follow those words because God will always make a way for us to do so if we step forward with faith. It is always possible.
Furthermore, in this often challenging and even grueling journey, I have seen it is absolutely essential that I embrace and focus on my strengths, spiritual gifts, and talents. God has given me those for a reason, one of which is to overcome my weaknesses. Because I regard SSA as a weakness, in the sense of giving me a greater inclination to and capacity for lust, I focus on incorporating as many of my good characteristics into it as possible. Amazingly, I have seen those positive personal aspects transform areas of my SSA into assets that bless both my life and others' lives. In contrast, however, when I choose to center my focus on what I am not doing right, or what I'm not good at, my spirituality and devotion to God decline dramatically. This happens because I am not centering my thoughts on what I want or what I have, but rather the lack of goodness in my life. A mindset of self-positivity, or encouraging myself to be more optimistic, creates a closer relationship to God and has greatly empowered me to live the gospel of Christ when it's been most difficult. The times I've slipped have been the times of self-negativity-when I focused on my lack of good works I was accomplishing.
Brothers and sisters, listen to the Spirit and let Him guide you towards the redemptive power of loving yourself as a child of God. I promise you, it is worth your effort and you will see a beautiful difference with time. Your joy does not ever, ever, ever have to depend on someone else-not in the least degree. You can choose every single day to look in the mirror and love what you see, regardless of the sins you've committed or the foolish mistakes you've made. We are all children of light, capable of dreaming bigger and better things than the humdrum of daily life. Drawing upon the wisdom of Joseph Campbell, I urge you to follow your bliss in Christ. What do you love doing that is wholesome? Which pure and good person do you love being with? Seek after those passions and people, following the gospel's teachings, and I know that your journey with SSA will be that much sweeter. Have a beautiful day!
I cannot fully express to you the power that this handed to me once I completely and totally understood with my heart-not just with my head-that I was a beloved son of God, and that was the only place from which I could derive true joy. God had lifted a weight from my soul, and I started laughing and smiling like I had not done in years. The fear, shame, doubt, pessimism, and other negativity that had bogged me down from others dissipated, replaced with a reassuring conviction that through Christ, I could continue finding happiness in everyday life. It also started to change how I viewed my journey with same-sex attraction. You see, people were only too eager and excited to point out which direction I should take with it. Some suggested having "fun" with it, and going out to pursue a sexually oriented lifestyle. Others advised that I should be "true to myself", settle down with another man, and maybe raise some adopted or surrogate children. And still others argued that I should leave the Church altogether, because of its standards, doctrine, behavior in the public sector, and other supposedly justifiable reasons. So many voices were clamoring tell me how to live my life, just as they do to all of us whenever we undertake to accomplish something great. I can testify, however, that because I knew who I truly was in God's eyes, those voices became whispers, and whispers became silence. His voice, the voice of my Shepherd, became the one voice I listened to.
In your journey, it would not be surprising to look over its contents and discover someone or something opposed to the path you are taking. However fierce, however subtle, those influences exist for every Church member who walks through life having SSA. I have witnessed the difference in those who fix their eyes on the Savior, listening to His voice and remembering what defines them and gives them joy. They stay on the path proscribed and revealed by the apostles and prophets of God, they humbly listen to and follow the Spirit's direction, and the will of God supersedes their earthly and spiritual desires. People who allow themselves to give heed to those pointing and mocking in the great and spacious building fall away, as Nephi saw in the vision of the tree of life (1st Nephi 8:34). Each day, I know we can choose to listen to Christ's words about us and for us. What He declares about us is that we are His, and that He loves us no matter what. Christ has said that we are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, and able to triumph over Satan through the Atonement's infinite power. What He speaks for us are the commandments, the beautiful words given through ancient and modern-day scripture-including the words of His servants. Whatever our circumstances-past, present, or future, I know that we can always follow those words because God will always make a way for us to do so if we step forward with faith. It is always possible.
Furthermore, in this often challenging and even grueling journey, I have seen it is absolutely essential that I embrace and focus on my strengths, spiritual gifts, and talents. God has given me those for a reason, one of which is to overcome my weaknesses. Because I regard SSA as a weakness, in the sense of giving me a greater inclination to and capacity for lust, I focus on incorporating as many of my good characteristics into it as possible. Amazingly, I have seen those positive personal aspects transform areas of my SSA into assets that bless both my life and others' lives. In contrast, however, when I choose to center my focus on what I am not doing right, or what I'm not good at, my spirituality and devotion to God decline dramatically. This happens because I am not centering my thoughts on what I want or what I have, but rather the lack of goodness in my life. A mindset of self-positivity, or encouraging myself to be more optimistic, creates a closer relationship to God and has greatly empowered me to live the gospel of Christ when it's been most difficult. The times I've slipped have been the times of self-negativity-when I focused on my lack of good works I was accomplishing.
Brothers and sisters, listen to the Spirit and let Him guide you towards the redemptive power of loving yourself as a child of God. I promise you, it is worth your effort and you will see a beautiful difference with time. Your joy does not ever, ever, ever have to depend on someone else-not in the least degree. You can choose every single day to look in the mirror and love what you see, regardless of the sins you've committed or the foolish mistakes you've made. We are all children of light, capable of dreaming bigger and better things than the humdrum of daily life. Drawing upon the wisdom of Joseph Campbell, I urge you to follow your bliss in Christ. What do you love doing that is wholesome? Which pure and good person do you love being with? Seek after those passions and people, following the gospel's teachings, and I know that your journey with SSA will be that much sweeter. Have a beautiful day!
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