In Love, Loving, and Chemical Romance

By today's societal standards, David and Jonathan once experienced a relationship of being in love and one of homosexuality, at that.  If one examines 1st Samuel 18-2nd Samuel 1, however, they will find the truth that David and Jonathan based their friendship on a covenant of peace, friendship, and brotherly love.  I have often found, in my various dealings with SSA and non-SSA members, that confusion exists as to whether two members of the same sex can fall in love.  Let us start by exploring the love that existed between these two brethren of the holy priesthood of God, or, if you are non-religious, from the perspective of two friends.

David, up until later in his life, was "a man after the Lord's own heart" (1st Samuel 13:14).  Jonathan was the son of a king, and, from the readings of the Bible, must have been a loving, protective, and warrior-spirited man.  When he saw David coming back from the war with the Philistines and told King Saul (Jonathan's father) who he was and what he done to Goliath, the scriptures say that "the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul." (1st Samuel 18:1) In other words, Jonathan loved David not just because of David's apparent warrior spirit.  Jonathan loved David primarily for his spirituality and conversion to Christ that resulted in him going forth into battle.  At this time, they made a covenant of peace, friendship, and brotherly love, in which each of them promised to do whatever the other desired-this being in righteousness, of course.  Sometimes, you will hear in modern times of friends "being there for each other no matter what" or "being another brother/sister".  I believe that these statements equate to such a mutual promise between these two brothers in Christ, although I am of the opinion that they based their promise on their faith, hope, and charity as disciples of the Master.  Throughout their friendship, Jonathan protected David in brotherly love because his father, King Saul, sought David's life nine times out of cruelly motivated envy.  In addition, Jonathan comforted him because the situation with the king required that they mutually test the king's disposition towards David.  Though accused of being treacherous to the king after refusing to deliver up the innocent David to be killed, Jonathan still maintained the integrity of his covenant to his brother in Christ and saw him through to safety even until the point at which David left the kingdom to protect his own life.  Many years later, when learning of Jonathan's passing, he declared, "thy love to me was wonderful, surpassing the love of women." (2nd Samuel 1:26).

To those active and faithful, such a scripture may appear disconcerting at first.  However, after a closer examination at the Hebrew translation, the word "love" refers back to the essence of a covenant, because covenants are often made in love-if not at least respect.  At their best, as was the case with David and Jonathan, people make covenants with either each other or to God in love because of a mutual feeling of love and a desire to edify and bless.  Returning to the scripture, then, the correct interpretation would state that David's feelings of love in his covenant with Jonathan, specifically, were greater than the love of women, generally, because his wife, Michal, showed less loyalty to their marriage covenant than Jonathan did to their covenant of brotherly love.  You, reader, may be questioning how all this relates to same-sex attraction, but keep reading-I promise we are arriving there.

Oftentimes in a mutual agreement, whether expressed or unexpressed, SSA individuals confuse being "in love" with "loving".  Let us explore this for a moment, and please, open up your mind so that I may use my time wisely in writing this.  When someone states they are "in love", what they really mean is they have chosen the appropriate steps (getting to know someone, dating, enjoying their talents, etc.) and eventually coming to love that person as a whole.  I disagree with the shortcut phrase of "falling in love" because people make it sound like an accident that they had no control over, or that they had a limited amount of choice in. Now, I understand that most people say this as a shortened way of saying all that mouthful of words above. I get that, totally.  But in this context, SSA individuals say they are "falling in love" as though their moral, God-given agency somehow is taken from them and they cannot help but feeling "in love".  Let us not confuse SSA chemical romance with the initial heterosexual state of being in love, because the brain is quite capable of making one feel good during hugs, cuddling, kissing, and other passionate activities I shall not mention here.  That does not constitute true love of any sort, whether of the initial "in love" feeling that explodes and starts a heterosexual relationship or the quieter kind that sustains marriage.

If you are seeking the thrill of SSA chemical romance, you'll find it-that's how dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, and other minor chemicals feel, both in the mind and the heart as a direct emotional result of the mental processes that occur. But what you shall also discover as a discerning tool on whether something is a chemical romance or not is that it will simply leave you craving more, psychologically and sometimes even physiologically.  You see, chemical romances have a way of giving you a sort of "high" at first-in the same way that porn, drugs, and other spiritually forbidden practices do, albeit in a much more addictive manner. Afterwards, though, you have a sort of "crash" and crave the person when they are absent-reminds you of the song, "Your Love is My Drug", does it not?

But let us not confuse SSA chemical romances with "being in love", as though we cannot help it-for that contradicts the God-given truths of agency and accountability.  The state of being "in love", I should clarify, is here defined as a heterosexual attraction and choice as further described above. I am particularly fond of C.S. Lewis' statement on that, from the very applicable viewpoint of heterosexuality:  "Another notion we get from novels and plays that 'falling in love' is something quite irresistible; something that just happens to one, like measels...But I am inclined to think that that these irresistible passions are much rarer in real life than in books, at any rate when one is grown up.  When we meet someone who is beautiful and clever and sympathetic, of course we ought, in one sense, to admire and love these good qualities.  But is it not very largely in our own choice whether this love shall, or shall not, turn into what we call 'being in love'? No doubt, if our minds are full of novels and plays and sentimental songs, and our bodies full of alcohol, we shall turn any love we feel into that kind of love: just as if you have a rut in your path all the rainwater will run into that rut, and if you wear blue spectacles everything you see will turn blue. But that will be our own fault." (C.S. Lewis: The Complete Signature Classics, Mere Christianity, 64).

Whatever one holds in their mind about the other individual, will change their perspective and thus their thoughts and emotions as a result.  If you define a person by their physical appearance, so-called sexual abilities, or other methods that are meaningless in the eternal scheme of things, of course the perspective will feel biased towards being in love.  Perhaps it would be worth it, in the presence of accepting but faithful Latter-Day Saints, to be affectionate with the individual you may be questioning (or to observe the relationship you are concerned about).  The presence of others accomplishes the purpose of upholding moral standards at all times.  If you can then, for 4-5 days, go without any communication at all and remain as you were before-just the normal you-then you can know it is the 3rd subject we have yet to briefly discuss. I also would recommend praying to God for wisdom and seeking out said wisdom from the holy scriptures.

Before I briefly cover the topic of loving, I want to point something out to you.  Two of the previous topics I have covered in intertwined discussion both possess qualities of  emotional, human belief-not faith in Christ. Unless placed in the context of heterosexuality, neither of them lead to edifying and uplifting influences, whether of people, media, situations, or whatever.  Think about that for a minute-what good examples can you provide of SSA chemical romance or people who are SSA and claim to be in love?  Are they in good places, spiritually speaking?  What would Christ say about the spiritual and religious standing of those voicing their perceptions of same-sex attraction in those two contexts, I wonder?  Such questions, in my opinion, seem to expose the truth of how SSA truly works in regards to chemical romances and, from my perspective, false claims of being "in love" with the same sex, which arise from confusion about what I am about to now speak on.  Individuals who have not fully accepted their SSA experience frustration, many different types of confusion, shame, guilt, and so on.  A great deal of us who have experienced SSA, if not all of us, know this.  Often, I have seen those feelings negatively affect each relationship in a person's life who has not yet arrived in a peaceful place regarding his/her attractions towards the same sex.  More specifically, people will mistakenly believe that feeling any sort of SSA attraction or pull to the same sex-including friendship-is bad and therefore is to be avoided, or it requires those feelings being repressed or reined in to some degree or another.

However, I would merely point in the direction of some scriptures, one of which states, "And that which doth not edify is not of God, and is darkness." (D&C 50:23)  If something does not edify, which means to invite the Spirit of God and subsequently build your relationship with Jesus Christ, then it is from Satan.  Period. We all know what is right and wrong, because the scriptures tell us that all men have the Spirit of Christ that tells them good from evil (Moroni 7:16-18).  When in a friendship with someone of the same sex, and you are listening to the lie Satan is whispering that you are falling in love with them, consider where that leads. Does it lead to eternal marriage, to being a single parent with adopted children, or does it invite the Spirit? One cannot think to aim for possible marriage and potential family when falling in love, by true definition, means to love someone of the opposite sex, and hopefully marry them according to the circumstances of life and the righteous desires of the heart.  Or, if neither of those are personal goals, then one cannot expect to live the gospel faithfully while following after personal lusts, passions, or other pursuits that put something before the Lord.  If you are experiencing love for someone, and you are truly loving them, then view them as they really are-a child of God. The other aspects of a person, in an eternal sense, really do not matter. What matters is they are a child of God, and your role is loving him or her.  As Paul said, charity "suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself (does not show off), is not puffed up, doth not behave itself unseemly (Greek translation: indecently), seeketh not her own (does not give with a thought of a reward), is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Charity never faileth..." (1st Corinthians 13:4-8). If your friendship arises out of charity (which originates from striving to follow Christ, according to Moroni), then you are set.  If not, then maybe it is time for you to re-examine that friendship.

Discerning between heterosexual feelings of being "in love", SSA chemical romance, and loving both sexes is essential to loving purely and meaningfully.  As each of us arrives at a peaceful place with our SSA, it is my hope that we can choose to live gospel principles, and ultimately, live as our Savior would have us live. There's no need to feel ashamed, guilty, or scared of a emotionally deep and intimate friendship with someone of the same sex, especially if you are a guy. Society may state that certain types of affections are supposedly gay or inappropriate, but members of the Church understand that our standards are often regarded as strange or unacceptable. So let others keep telling us what love is-we'll let the negativity fade into the background and love with the Spirit as our guide.

God and Individualized Service

When at the Last Supper with His apostles, Jesus Christ knelt before each of them and washed their feet. The significance of such an act, it being the last act of intimate love between the Savior and His apostles before His crucifixion, remains deeply in my mind.  Apparently, charitable service was one of the last messages the Savior wanted to leave us with before He departed the earth.  Other acts of service resound deeply with my heart, however, especially the Lord's ministry to the sick, afflicted, blind, deaf, and so forth. As Alma prophesied, "And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and sicknesses of his people." (Alma 7:11, see also v.12-13)  The Savior performed various acts of service to demonstrate what we, as mortals, can aspire to, and performed the ultimate act of service to illustrate what we can ultimately become as Gods and Goddesses of love ourselves (see Romans 8:14-19).

How, then, can the Savior love us each personally and individually?  Because the Savior suffered the Atonement, He comprehends with perfect understanding, depth, and wisdom each of our trials and how to administer to us accordingly.  His service to us, in my mind, can come in several ways, though.  One way that I have found is that the Savior sends us angels to lift us up.  Christ has given that promise to the Saints, and He has also promised that we can ask for what we desire in prayer and He will give it unto us.  They will show themselves unto each of us, if we have strong faith and a firm mind in every form of godliness (Moroni 7:30).  And angels do not always have to be glorified, immortal beings-they can also be people in this life such as friends, family, teachers, priesthood leaders, and other amazing individuals in life.  As I recall Elder Holland testifying at a fireside I once attended, "I have seen angels whose feet have not left the ground." Some people, though not gifted in spectacular or showy ways, possess the marvelous gift of selfless service, which, in the eternal scheme of things, will make just as much of a difference as other more public gifts.

The Savior also loves us on an intimate level by conversing with us in prayer.  When Nephi spoke of prayer, he said that he was "speaking with the Lord", not to the Lord.  The Savior loves to communicate with us in a very healing and peaceable sort of way, one that comforts, sustains, instructs, lovingly chastens, and guides in perfection.  Once we finish praying with God, we go to study the scriptures, because Elder Hales once stated, "When we want to talk with God, we pray.  When we want to hear His voice, we study the scriptures."  The scriptures, then, also provide another method by which the Savior serves us personally.  He has spoken unto His chosen servants, and inspired various individuals to bring the scriptures forth, that we might have personal revelation in all things.  As Nephi once stated, "The words of Christ will tell you all things what ye should do."  If Christ has spoken enough for us to know all things that we should do, then I believe it is an excellent idea to turn to the scriptures first whenever a problem arises.  I also believe this shows us how much Christ is willing to guide us along by helping us keep such scriptures in mind, and by speaking those words aloud to ourselves sometimes when life really starts growing difficult.

Finally, Jesus serves us in love individually by providing tender mercies to us throughout each day.  Whether it is a kind word, some quality time, a gift, hugs from people, or a thoughtful act, those all can touch our hearts as we look for those little presents from Him each and every day.  Christ also provides tender mercies when we are stressed out, temporally struggling, spiritually aching or falling short, and more.  I have personally experienced comfort, direct knowledge on how to resolve or at least soften stress, mercy when I most definitely deserved a chastening hand or punishment, and more.  The Lord has, as David once expressed in Psalms 117, turned each wilderness in my life into a garden of Eden, and transformed every desert into a flowing river to quench my thirst.

 And all this, in summary, applies to SSA because the Lord knows how to love us regardless of our inner conflicts, pains, oppositions, dysfunctional relationships, doubts, fears, concerns, and all the rest we deal with and attempt to resolve.  Each of us, I know, turns to Jesus Christ because we look up with tear-filled, hopeful eyes to heaven, asking God to assist us in our progress towards the upward trail to heaven.  The mountain of the Lord is a temple all the way up-not just a temple at the top, but I wonder sometimes how many of us pause to see the many individual gifts God gives to us on the way.  Every little rose, every scent upon the air, every sound of flowing streams, each touch of pine needles and earth and every insight we find along the way-those are His gifts to us.  And I know with all my heart that God loves us in every way-all we have to do is live with gratitude and love in our hearts, expressing it through virtuous living as we know through the Spirit to be right.  As John once expressed, I share the sentiment, "We love Him, because He first loved us."  May we all continue in that lifestyle, and receive the mercy of God's individual, perfect love.

God's Word

While pausing to reflect on the words of Jesus Christ, did you ever stop and think that perhaps His lips spoke words directly to you, as His child-not just to those who were around Him?  I believe that as an all-loving, all-knowing God, the Lord knew that all His children would desire to hear His words.  As an avid reader of the scriptures, I always strive to study out the words of Christ as though He is talking to me directly.  And when I do this, I discern and feel the love of God more clearly, deeply, and meaningfully than at any other time.  Think about it-when you read a book that captures your attention and stirs your imagination, does that speak to your mind and heart?  How about a textbook about a subject you can hardly stand, filled with boring facts and seemingly useless information?  In comparison, the words of Christ as contained in the standard works can transform into actual building blocks for our friendship and relationship with Him.  Or, they can simply sit dully as words on a page to simply be mindlessly absorbed by our eyes. We choose how to study out the words of our Savior, and how we will learn from them.

But the Savior does not simply cease to speak through the scriptures.  We can open up our ears to hear Him through different ways.  As the Lord said, "Whether by mine own voice or by the voice of my servants, it is the same."  So often, we interpret this scripture to mean that God is speaking of the apostles and prophets, which correctly points us in a good direction.  Indeed, the prophets and apostles have given us many, many good words of sound wisdom and counsel from heaven.  That is why we read their words often in the Church magazines and publications, and listen to them at General Conference.  We understand that their words are constantly in tune with the Spirit, and therefore obey their words as prophets, seers, and revelators, of whom the Book of Mormon teaches that they can reveal things past, present, and future, and bring hidden things to light.  However, they are not the only servants of God in our lives who abide within the Spirit's influence.  Usually, at least one if not both of our parents can guide us through the Spirit, having the stewardship to receive revelation on our behalf, to help us in our journey toward exaltation.  The relationship we establish with our parents can provide deep, rich understanding, wisdom, and comfort in the joys and sorrows of mortality.  I personally believe that holding onto that relationship blesses all who desire to feel the Savior's love, for He has commissioned our parents with a divine purpose to provide, preside, protect, and nurture us as His children and their earthly children.  They truly are stewards over our way back home to Heavenly Father and our Savior, Jesus Christ.

Also, I believe the Savior speaks to us through friendship.  The beautiful story of David and Jonathan in the scriptures exemplifies the healthy and sacred nature of male relationships, as does the relationship the Lord had with the early apostles, and the brotherhood shared by brethren in the priesthood throughout Church history.  Naturally, of course, such principles can be applied in the case of women as well.  Such examples of righteous individuals, with the Lord being involved, show that friendship does indeed grow out of the charity the gospel cultivates, and this is why the scriptures do not really need to point out the details of friendship.  It comes naturally as members live the gospel, and the Spirit guides that beautiful bond with a perfect light of purity and virtue.  Often, I have felt the Spirit and my Savior's love in the arms of my straight and SSA friends, during the wonderfully uplifting times we share together, at North Star firesides, and other places. Truly we are told by God that we are loved through the blessing of having friends.

And of course, more could be said about how God's love is spoken to us, literally.  Music, of course, in all its beauty, majesty, and splendor, can certainly speak deeply to the soul and leave indelible messages upon the human heart.  Inspired literature and poetry, with all of its thought-provoking, soul-stirring messages, most certainly reaches out to us and lets us know that God is there for us and is mindful of us in all seasons of our discipleship.  Anything and everything that involves the human voice can speak God's love to us, for as President Uchtdorf once so beautifully stated, we are His hands.  And as we are His hands, we can speak God's love to others. Keep pondering on how God speaks in love to you, and how (if applicable) it helps you and/or a loved one with SSA.  I testify that God loves us in word, for He "doeth not anything save it be for the benefit of the world".    More on this subject soon...  : )

God Speaks Love

You, as the reader, probably have either come to know or have heard in passing what "love languages" are. The literary work of Dr. Chapman, a famous psychologist, has made this famous-essentially saying that we all give and receive love by "speaking love" in five different ways-physical touch, quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, and service.  So far, you and I have discovered that Christ speaks two of the five love languages-quality time and physical touch.  I think it exciting and fantastic to explore such a different perspective on how Christ loves us.  That being said, let us explore another significant love language in which our Savior is personal and intimate in the way He shows us His perfect love.

Speaking in the Sermon on the Mount to His children, Jesus said, "If ye then...know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father in Heaven give good things to them that ask of him?" (Matthew 7:11).  He also stated through the apostle James, "Every good gift and perfect gift cometh down from the Father of lights..." (James 1:17).  Since God is merciful and kind to all His children, I know that He gives everybody talents to bless the lives of others.  History will attest to this, as well as the current society we live in.  Many good people bless the lives of others through their talents in their professions, hobbies, volunteerism, and so forth.  I believe this comes as a result of God's desire for good to spread forth in the earth in any way possible.  Also, our Heavenly Father blesses people with tender mercies-those little interventions in the seemingly insignificant daily struggles we all have.  Whether that means helping us to get off work early on a rough day, receive that pay raise, hear a nice, uplifting song, pass by children laughing and playing, or whatever, God always finds a way to tell us He loves us.  In my lifetime, doubtlessly I have knowingly and unknowingly benefited from the tender mercies of the Lord, in as great number as the creations that have existed within my lifelong environment.  Such an insight has recently led me to embrace the spirit of gratitude, which in turn has blessed me-since "he that receiveth all things with thankfulness shall be made glorious, and the things of this earth shall be added unto him an hundredfold, yea, more." (D&C 78:19).  I testify that gratitude most certainly is essential when God blesses us in these two ways.

Even more blessings can flow into our lives as members of the true and living Church. This happens when we choose God over personal desires, passions, and lusts.  Our Father in Heaven has promised the gifts of the Spirit to those who are faithful, which include:  Testimony, believing on the testimony of others, prophecy, tongues, interpretation of tongues, healing, visions, ministering of angels and ministering spirits, faith to be healed, and more.  Is this not a wonderfully glorious promise of revelations, comfort from God's presence, inspiration, healing, and better things still to come?  Is it not absolutely wonderful that we can claim such things, by repenting and coming unto Christ?  And since God requires our progress, those who are diligent and faithful in keeping God's commandments are able to lay hold upon the gifts of the Spirit.  As this wonderful verse states, "...they are given for the benefit of those who love me and keep all my commandments, and him that seeketh so to do..." (D&C 46:9, emphasis added).  Even if we are struggling, if our hearts are right before our Father in Heaven and we are actively engaged in the repentance process, He will send these gifts to us in love and mercy.

Next time, I will explore a bit more on the next love language or two.  But, in the meantime, consider how you are loved personally and intimately by your Father in Heaven and your Savior, Jesus Christ.  Think on the many little things they do to help you grow and to help your days go by in peace and joy. And when you really have a few minutes, I would urge you to write down in a journal how you feel about the Savior's tender mercies in your life, and how it relates to you as a child of God.  The blessing of knowing how deeply and individually the Savior loves you will prove to be an invaluable treasure as you go through trials now, or approach the inevitable tempests of life yet to come.  Until next time...

-Spencer

Friends with Christ, Imperfect Mortals

"Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you," said Christ, as He spoke to His apostles. What an amazing statement!  If you and I do whatever the Lord commands us to, then we are counted as His friends.  Does this mean we are perfect?  Quite the contrary.  Although the Lord commanded us to be perfect, (referencing the famous scripture in the Sermon on the Mount) He knew that even the strongest of the righteous would sometimes fall.  But, as one of our beloved General Authorities expressed, our Father in Heaven does not scold His children for falling down as they are progressively walking towards Him.  Rather, He is pleased with the progress we make and encourages us to do better while hoping that we are gentle with ourselves in how we are doing.  Some feel that perfection is necessary to be blameless (justified and sanctified) before God, but I take courage in the following words of Peter, "Wherefore, beloved, seeing as ye look for such things (speaking of the 2nd coming), be diligent that ye may be found of Him in peace, without spot, and blameless.  And account (Greek translation: count, regard) that the long-suffering of our Lord is salvation..." (2nd Peter 3:14-15).  As we are diligent in giving heed to the commandments of God, His friendship is a result of that.

As part of that beautiful friendship, we also can feel the literal arms of Christ encircling us in love.  This promise is given in Doctrine and Covenants 6:20, which states, "Be faithful and diligent in keeping my commandments, and I will encircle thee in the arms of my love." Stephen A. Cramer once said that the adversary may want us to feel like this is not a literal promise, but based upon the scriptures, he believes it is. Lehi also expressed a similar thought when he said, "...I have beheld His glory, and am encircled about eternally in the arms of His love."  (2nd Nephi 1:15).  To feel the embrace of Christ may come in times of great sorrow, loneliness, and pain, but I also feel that it can wrap us gently in love and happiness during our times of joy and gratitude.  It is His way of reminding us in love that we are blessed by His hand, and through the tender mercies that He gives.  

"I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you," said Christ, also speaking to His apostles.  Our Savior spends time with us when we desire it of Him, and also when it is necessary.  Not to say that it could not be one or the other, in fact, I believe it sometimes is.  So often, we wonder where the Lord is, when all we have to do is sit quietly, look around, ponder on our blessings, and listen.  Soon, we will feel or hear Him whispering to us, "Child, I am here. Can you feel me near you?"  I know that my Savior has been there to either rejoice with me in my joys, or to grieve with me in my sorrows.  When I have opened up my spiritual eyes, ears, and heart, I have seen my Savior in the world around me, with the birds singing, the sun shining, the rain falling, the lightning flashing, a gentle or fierce wind blowing, rivers running, children laughing and playing, music from the heavens sounding in the air, and more.  We can be in the presence of God whenever we desire.  The scriptures testify He is "in the midst of all things" (D&C 88:13) and the Lord Himself testified, "But behold, verily, verily, I say unto you, that mine eyes are upon you. I am in your midst and ye cannot see me." (D&C 38:7).  And so, since Christ is in our midst, we will never be alone, but as He comes to us, our comfort will increase and our joy in equal measure to it.  I will write more at a future time, but I feel this is a good, warm, and comfortable place for us to stop.