"S" is For Happiness-Part 3

As I have watched brooks flowing or fountains trickling, my mind has relaxed and I oftentimes have wondered how many people just stop.  Instead of bustling about, worrying and hurrying in all the complexities of life, and thinking about what should happen and must happen, how many people really just stop?  Today, reader, I contemplate concerning you, a stranger out there somewhere.  Have you given yourself permission today to smell the flowers, breathe in the fresh air of the evening night, or look up at the twinkling stars?  Or better yet, have you made time for your passions and interests you love?

A man or woman who takes time for meditation, exercise, healthy eating, relaxation, recreation, and overall happiness increases happiness by balance.  An overall balance of mind, body, and spirit creates a state of general wellness, leading to one feeling good overall.  And of course, when one is in a state of health, that usually equals a happiness-of a sort, anyway. The question then, is, what pulls you back to a state of balance and peace?  Or, as I would say for the sake of writing this blog, what draws you into a state of serenity?

Many people find serenity through accepting what they can change and letting go of what they cannot, and discerning between the two through God's wisdom (see the Serenity Prayer, as published by Alcoholics Anonymous). Others, through spending time with those they love and leaving the troubles of the world at the door of a loved one's home.  Sometimes individuals discover this mindset through focusing on the many, many blessings they are grateful for and setting goals for things they desire to be grateful for.  I find, personally, that a medley of all these things and perhaps some other ones you formulate will lead to a sense of personal peace in the temporal affairs of life.  Spiritually speaking, it goes without saying that our Savior is indeed the Prince of Peace and will administer to us in our needs and desires before Him as we submit to His loving and perfect will.

How does this relate to SSA though?  It seems so often to me that members of the Church (myself included)  who struggle with same-sex attraction are constantly looking at what "should" happen with marriage, family, attraction to the opposite sex, and so forth. We get involved in co-dependent relationships, melodramatic fighting, and contentious entanglements either online, over the phone, via texting, or whatever other form of modern communication.  We sometimes do not take care of ourselves-spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically. Is it healthy?  No. This is not the case with SSA people all the time, or maybe not even the majority.  However, I have seen it often enough around me to see that within my own sphere of influence, it has become a problem.  We all just need to relax, enjoy God's blessings, and be patient with ourselves as we progress into eternal life.  Life works out, adversity goes into remission, and God always loves us no matter what.  No matter what goes wrong, Christ can make it right as long as we are making ourselves right with Him in the pathway of an actively working disciple.  That means as long as we are progressing, Christ is on our side to strengthen, comfort, guide, and love us back into His arms and the arms of our loving Father in Heaven.  

I know that as we live with a mindset of simplicity, service, and serenity, our happiness will increase and we can find  ways to continue coping successfully with same-sex attraction.  The heavens are not too high, because God is down here carrying us up there one step at a time through His Atoning sacrifice, priesthood leadership, friends, family, good organizations like North Star International, well-known examples of good men like Ty Mansfield and Josh Weed (and their wives), and more.  We have so much going for us, that even in our darkest moments, hope still shines brightly.  I firmly believe the statement our beloved prophet made, when he declared, "Your future is as bright as your faith."  If we, as members of the Church seeking to live chaste, pure, and faithful lives can just be a little better today than we were yesterday, that future will be bright because our faith will be increasingly brighter by the day.  I hope each of us can strengthen our faith by living simply, serving people, and serenely gliding through every day with the Spirit in our hearts. 

-Spencer

"S" is for Happiness: Part 2

Of all the activities that can stir both impassioned displeasure and rich fulfillment, I believe this to exist at the forefront.  The individual engaged thus goes out into the unpleasant, inconvenient, depressing, and generally negative world of another individual, healing the wounds inflicted by Nature, life, or others nearby, and providing solace to the one damaged. Sometimes, one feels as though they might well as tie their arm to the back of the railway train and let it slowly drag them across the tracks, for it would take up the same amount of time.  However, on the opposite side, in a noble and charitable spirit, the person involved with this act also wipes away the flowing tears, embraces weary limbs, and sometimes carries a brother/sister onto higher ground, figuratively speaking.  How interesting, I have discovered, that people often discover and dig out the greatest strength, which they have unconsciously buried the deepest as well, when serving others with a genuinely charitable heart.

Interestingly, as I type these words, I am not doing it to bolster my own strength in a "selfless" act of selfishness, as some may believe is possible.  Rather, I take great pleasure in the thought of providing hope for the individual who is suffering, lonely, unhappy, underneath the burden of sin, etc.  Moving forward, when I speak of service, I am not at all speaking of the generalized idea of doing something for someone else.  Rather, service should be, by definition, a specific, individualized approach to meet a person's needs and desires at the present moment.  Perhaps this is why Christ expressed the thought, "If a man compel thee to go with him a mile, go with him twain (two)."  Not just because we should go the extra mile, but we should double our efforts to meeting desires, not just needs. That scripture could also correctly mean that when we do not desire to give service, we give it anyway because it will bless the other person and in so doing, God will strengthen and bless us for our integrity.

Peculiar, perhaps, that one should think of giving service at an inconvenient time as being a matter of integrity.  But as I recall, whenever Jesus healed people, He was amid a multitude of people, cast aside all thought of reputation when eating among "publicans and sinners", ignored societal rules/norms of ostracism when He healed lepers outside Jerusalem, and so forth.  The life of service Jesus gave was not one of convenient service, as indicated by Elder Holland in the beautiful talk, "The Inconvenient Messiah".  Service should always be a matter of charity and doing it purely for the joy it brings, not in self-seeking, self-righteousness, or any other form of pride.  That includes serving people to make friends, to appear as a "good person" in the eyes of your bishop or ward, to establish some kind of reputation, or serving people on conditions such as them being your friends, being "normal", or whatever else.

Corn does not grow on trees and berries do not grow on grape vines, and so it is with service.  The motives must be entirely pure, and offered to others as such.  Charity is the lifeblood, essence, and purpose behind service.  Without it, service either becomes mediocre or corrupted somehow.  As a Latter-Day Saint, I would daresay this is the reason why Paul and Moroni both declared that without charity, man is nothing, because our entire existence here centers on charity-the pure love of Christ.  Nothing we do here, not our ordinances, priesthood, the Book of Mormon, etc. would have any validity at all if we didn't engage ourselves in their restorative influences with a spirit of charity.  It was this way with the Pharisees whom Jesus condemned because they were hypocrites.  Their hearts were "full of dead men's bones and all manner of uncleanness", and yet they kept the Mosaic law more perfectly than anyone.  Why then, were they hypocritical?  Because of the lack of love within.

Going back to the restorative influences of the Church, though, charity enlivens them for this reason.  In the last days, Jesus prophesied that because iniquity shall abound, the love of men shall wax cold.  And charity, though it is on a higher level than such love, influences people to love on a somewhat lower level of friendship and acceptance.  Now, what is the reason for the lack of love?  Iniquity, or, translated differently, could read "lawlessness".  Pride, in other words, being the root of all desire to have no laws from God and consequently commit sin, is the opposite of charity-not hatred.  Think of it. God is love, by what we know from what revelation is.  What is Satan, though...what is his purpose?  Jesus told us in 3rd Nephi 11:29, "For verily, verily I say unto you, he that hath the spirit of contention is not of me, but is of the devil, who is the father of contention, and he stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another."  His purpose is contention, and from Proverbs we read, "Only by pride cometh contention."  (Proverbs 13:10).  How did Satan become who he is?  By pride.  So, in other words, service must be done in charity, so that we can become as our Father in Heaven, and subject ourselves to His loving influence.

I personally can bear my testimony on the power of service.  When you help others, when you are getting outside yourself and helping people feel good, you feel good and attract good to you. Serving for the joy of it blesses me far more than when I set out with selfish motives because of an attitude of self-importance, arrogance, self-pity, unrighteous judgment, or whatever the case may be.  Joy in service comes to those who seek it out for that purpose.  I am reminded of the words of our prophet when he said, in essence, "Those who live to serve others blossom and grow, while those who live to serve themselves shrivel up and die unto themselves."  Love comes when we give it, not when we are constantly seeking it, because any blessing we obtain comes when we have first used our divine free agency to give first.  As a favorite quote of mine declares, "Love without any thought of reward, and your life will never be the same again".     

"S" is For Happiness: Part 1

Aside from the atrociously incorrect usage of English above, at least now you are reading. :) Within the conflicts of SSA, unfortunate as they are, I often have found myself over-complicating matters and focusing outward excessively to the point of not taking care of personal desires and needs.  I found myself being truly within the statement of Elder Holland when he said, "Of all the commandments Latter-Day Saints are guilty of breaking, I would suppose that the commandment to 'Be of good cheer' is probably the most broken".  As I reflected on this statement, it has occurred to me that I have found happiness as a Latter-Day Saint, that "good cheer" Christ and His servants have spoken of when I have lived the gospel in particular ways.  Not necessarily focusing on the particulars of rules and regulations, but rather dumbing it down a little for myself and making things easier to understand.  Because rules and regulations have to do with obligation, rather than love, I prefer to live the gospel according to principle, because it shows a true love for God and His truths as found in the gospel. Below I have listed a few principles I believe in pursuing as a Latter-Day Saint, because I know that obedience is about learning heaven-not earning it (D&C 78:7).

First Principle:  Simplicity

"Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication"- Leonardo Da Vinci

In the daily labors of life, I delight in bringing simplicity to me in every way possible.  Some object to this, because supposedly it "won't work and brings more work", their way "already works", or another self-invented excuse. Christ had something to say on this: "...take no thought for the morrow, for the morrow shall take thought unto the things of itself", meaning we would just deal with today as it is, not as it was or will be, just as it is.  An ancient proverb states that yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift-that is why they call it the present.  Yet how often are we worrying about the wrappings and their colors, the bow and how it is tied, who tied it, why that gift was given to us, whether we like it or not, etc.?  I have so often done this myself before with the "gifts" of love others give me, metaphorically speaking, only to look back and ponder about just receiving the gift and rejoicing in it.  A true artist of simplicity can approach the world with childlike eyes, and through the power of love and God's guidance, create a delicate, yet firmly placed world wherein things fall into place in a gloriously serene and joyful manner.  And when we truly choose to receive a gift in simplicity, the gift of life becomes more readily accessible because we obtain clarity on where all the gifts are, how they operate, why we love them, and so forth. 

For those who are pushing through the opposition of same-sex attraction, I understand as one of you that simplicity is not always easy, and may seem well near impossible.  It does not feel simple for me, personally, when I desire to have marriage but I do not desire the means necessary for marriage, such as dating, relationships, and friendships with women.  Nor does it feel easy when I am having one of those days where I feel unattractive to the opposite sex, whether that is in body or in spirit, or when I am doubting the promises of the Lord given to me regarding marriage in this life.  However, I have come to understand that in those moments where I am feeling such negativity, it is not my true inner self speaking.  The voices of Satan and his angels can imitate ours with such accuracy that we often will give into their deceptive persuasions.  As such, the wisdom of God tells me, through the Spirit, that in such moments I must learn to call upon God for grace in prayer, and ask for His help.  And whatever method of help He chooses to send me, I must recognize that it is wisdom in God and is sent in His infinite omniscience and omnipotence.  For those of you who are somewhat like the man who cried out to Christ, saying, "Lord, I believe-help thou mine unbelief", I would echo the words of Alma when he said, "But behold, if ye will awake and arouse your faculties, even to an experiment upon my words, and exercise a particle of faith, yea, even if ye can no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a portion of my words." (Alma 32:27).  Let even a desire work within you, and nurture it carefully through staying close to the light-things that are good according to your conscience, and I promise you will, after a time, begin seeing the fruits of that light (see verses 28-32).

Regarding additional spiritual affairs, one does not sometimes see how dealing with the sins associated with SSA (pornography, fornication, masturbation, sensual acting out, etc) can be overcome in simple ways. For you, reader, if you are experiencing this, I express my deepest empathy and compassion, for I have been in that dark abyss of hopelessness, despair, loss of desire to live, and all the rest of it.  That is what hell truly feels like, and I understand insofar as our experiences merge in terms of spiritual darkness, because I also know they diverge regarding your personal life experiences.  Know that you are a child of your Father in Heaven, know that He is watching over you and loves you, and the lies that Satan whispers that you are too far gone, too unclean, that you "want it anyway", addicted beyond redemption of any means available, etc. are all lies.  The Atonement of Jesus Christ is not shortened, that it cannot save.  It claimed all of humankind, including and especially you.  Those are who He came for, as He said, "The whole need no physician, but they that are sick."  All of us are "sick" in one way or another, most certainly with spiritual illnesses related to the universal Fall of Adam.  Having said this then, I know that there are ways to teach the body how to biochemically and spiritually become pure and chaste through actively fighting for it.  Sins, depending on how much of a habit or an addiction (yes, there is a difference between the two) they are, will take less or more time to fade with effort, but Christ can root them out as the Master Gardener of our souls, just as my father would root out weeds in his beloved garden.  A garden will not be cleared all at once, but I have faith in the words of a prophet when he said, "...by small and simple means are great things brought to pass".

Small and simple means, through applying the Atonement in requests of prayer, can give both strength and, according to the will of God, deliverance from the struggles associated with SSA by simplifying our perspective and clarifying our lives. Whether those oppositions are of self-esteem, doubts regarding family, sins, mental illness, etc., I know we can overcome by using the Atonement.  Christ, in His wisdom, leads me out of overwhelm, pessimism, discouragement, and other self-destructive mindsets, and into those that are edifying and lead to simple thinking.  Such a state of mind, led by the Spirit/conscience, is one that you tune yourself into and go with.  If you feel that you need sleep earlier in the nighttime, if you desire more sex in your marriage with your husband/wife, if you need additional recreation, and so on, that is your mind and/or body speaking to you. It is also God speaking to you through His love and light.  Listen.  A simple life focuses on balance in all things, while aligning oneself to the will of the Father.  I have personally experienced the greatest happiness as I have done not only what is for me, but what God sees is for me, too.  S is indeed for happiness then, because simplicity is all about and all for happiness.  How fitting, then, that an artist should say that simplicity is the ultimate sophistication, for we reach our highest pinnacle when we can balance things continually, moving forward serenely and focusing on the now.

What Way, Now? Oh, THAT Way...

What Way, Now?  Oh, THAT Way... 

As I recently celebrated my birthday with friends, with one getting hit in the head with a volleyball, others bringing smiley face, rainbow cupcakes, and still others presenting me with decorative gifts, my thoughts turned to my birth.  Interesting turn of events within my thoughts, but there you are.  As I pondered on my birth, I wondered why so many people believe that SSA individuals are "born that way", or that God made them that way.  For such a celestial, sacred creation of life, it seems blasphemous to suggest that God would simply hand us attractions at a time in life where we just are supposed to cope without any sort of guidance or direction.  I wish to submit a few suggestions on what I feel people are confused about regarding perceptions on being "born that way", but as a 3-part blog.  Here is Part 1:  

People confuse "born that way" and "being born with inclinations".  

When someone indicates they were born with same-sex attraction, it does not cohere with the statements of scripture and of General Authorities.  In Genesis it reads, "So God created man in His own image, in the image of God created he him, male and female created he them" (Genesis 1:27).  The literal translation of the word "image" in this context is a reference to God's physical and spiritual body, meaning more than just we look like He does in human form.  It means we all have a body like God-but in an imperfect form, due to Adam's transgression and the resultant Fall of Adam.  We also have a spiritual body like God's, which is responsible for the inner conflict SSA individuals feel between the attraction and wanting to act in lust. Because of this eternal truth, it is a mistake to believe that we can be born with something that is both physically and spiritually contrary to our purpose of becoming like God through the Atonement in mortality, as a condition. Being born with homosexual tendencies, on the note of it being a purported "condition" we are born with, contradicts the essential doctrine that men can improve upon behavior in this life.  If you say you are born with it, such a statement can easily give way to a license to state that you can sin because there's nothing you can do about it.  As a comparison, I was born with two mental illnesses, as noted in one of my previous posts.  However, that does not excuse sinful or unjust behavior.  I still have to repent and change my ways when I sin against others or against God in my weaknesses.  Similarly, one may try to justify their behavior by saying they are "born that way".  Such a statement can be made in the meaning of one being born with inclinations that develop later through biological and environmental circumstances.  However, for the purpose of banishing all excuse and self-justification, I have separated the two definitions.  

President Spencer W. Kimball made the following statement when writing about those who attempt to excuse acting out on same-sex attraction by stating the following, "Next in seriousness to nonrecognition of the sin is the attempt to justify oneself in this perversion.  Many have been misinformed that they are powerless in the matter, not responsible for the tendency, and that 'God made them that way'. This is untrue as any of the other diabolical lies Satan has concocted.  It is blasphemy.  Man is made in the image of God. Does the pervert think God to be 'that way'?  To the weaklings who argue this way, James answers: 'Blessed is the man that endureth (i.e., resisteth) temptation; for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life, which the Lord hath promised to all them that love him.  Let no man say when he is tempted, I am tempted of God:  for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth he any man:  But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed.  Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin:  and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death.  Do not err, my beloved brethren.  (James 1:12-16).  Sometimes not heavenly but earthly parents get the blame.  Granted that certain conditions make is easier for one to become a pervert, the second Article of Faith teaches that a man will be punished for his own sins.  He can, if normal, rise above the frustrations of childhood and stand on his own feet.  A man may rationalize and excuse himself till the groove is so deep he cannot get out without great difficulty.  But temptations come to all people." (The Miracle of Forgiveness, pp. 85-86).

Differences?

Now, moving on to what the difference is between simply being born that way, and being born with such inclinations.  One difference I see, besides God not tempting us or sending us a condition that is immovable through the Atonement (emotionally speaking, not attraction-wise), is that of acting and not passively being acted upon.  In 2nd Nephi 2:27, we read, "Wherefore, men are free according to the flesh; and all things are given them which are expedient unto man.  And they are free to choose liberty and eternal life, through the Great Mediator of all men, or captivity and death, according to the captivity and power of the devil; for he seeketh that all men might be miserable like unto himself."  Also, we read in verse 14, "And now, my sons, I speak unto you these things for your profit and for your learning, for there is a God, and he hath created all things, both the heavens and the earth, and all things that in them are, both things to act and things to be acted upon."  Based on verse 14, (and personally supplementing it with verse 27) I would support what Elder Bednar said, that we all must choose to act rather than being acted upon.  This gospel is a gospel of action.  To say that SSA happens to you without purpose and simply as a random act of creation through God and/or our mortal parents is blasphemous, and contrary to the Plan of Salvation.  All things we endure, resist, seek after, etc. in the gospel of Christ point towards gaining exaltation through the atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ.  We choose to follow Him, not let life happen to us and choose to follow Him through life happening to us.  The Saints of God make life happen and push through trials that do happen as a result of chance-the trials that serve to refine us and draw us nearer to Him.  And if life is happening, it is because we are out there in it, like a person who chooses to walk out in a rainstorm to their car to drive to their destination because they simply must.  Though the rains of attraction, discouragement, fear, doubt, pain, heartache, loneliness, shame, guilt, hopelessness, sorrow, or whatever may fall, SSA members of the Church climb into the Savior's arms, where He carries us home to our destination, and makes far more out of us than we could possibly dream of.  

Another misconception I see which can show a difference between my two definitions is that of biology. Research, in recent years, has indicated that some genetics may predispose a person towards having same-sex attraction.  However, it should be noted that this research says "may predispose (key word, may), and that other research has indicated that such genetics do not necessarily mean that people will be attracted to the same sex.  Essentially what they have found is something that may create more of a favorable circumstance for one to develop such attractions.  But depending on situations like abuse, pornography exposure, molestation, lack of male/female role models (especially in parents or other caretakers), personality traits, and so on, one may or may not develop same-sex attraction.  So many variables exist that they can only pin it down so much, that "point" being a potential, not certain chance of developing said attractions.  I would not hesitate to say either that genetics can actually differ in how much they influence the human body and brain because of their expression, meaning that they might flare up more or less, depending on many various influences of environment and general bodily processes.

Furthermore, I feel that people define emotional connection and lust as the same thing sometimes, which is not only dangerous but also gives people the thought of their SSA originating with birth, which I am here establishing does not happen.  Those mindsets, when confused, create a thought process of not being able to help what one feels, either because of innocence of age or because of overpowering feelings of lust at an age where capability to cope with lust is limited.  Thankfully, as one matures and grows older, he/she can realize and comprehend that such a confusion was not rooted in reality and can return to the truth of how things really were.  Unless, of course, their situation differed somehow.  Really, that is up to the individual. And of course, more can (and probably will, in the future) be said, but this suffices for now, at least by my writings.

So,what way are we born?  As children of God, heirs with Christ, and capable of progression in this life and individual perfection in the next, of being as God is in the world to come.  Is sexuality really a way to define who we are, or perhaps is it something deeper that sexuality only springs out of like the leaves on the branches of a tree trunk?  I believe it is the latter.  We do not know the meaning of all things, as Nephi explained to the angel who appeared to him, but we do know God loves us.  And because God loves us, He created us in His image and all we are and can do reflects who He is in the divine mirror of truth.  We are His, and He is ours.